Lessons from the past 8 months.

Last stretch of the marathon or hardly the start, some might say. Looking back at the last 8 months, reflecting on the journey. Pregnancy definitely has some effect on me and made me realised some things about myself. As much as I aspire to show/display self-control, it is easy to do so when things are going well, the conditions favour my choice of "controlling my emotions, controlling my thoughts, controlling my actions". It matters more when the conditions are lacking/not favourable, that I can also display such control - which requires a lot more mindfulness and communication with one-self. Sometimes, it seems almost impossible and it feels unfair that I should control myself (because of whatever reasons) and all hell breaks loose (I mean HELL). Besides blaming on hormones, I can only say that I am only human and strive to do better at the next test. "Seeking balance" is also a recurring theme during this period of time. After reading and listening to advice relating to child birth/rearing, it is still a blur to me what I wish to do. I have a general idea that I wish our child can have a childhood but do not know what exactly I would do for her in this aspect. The only thing that is clear to me, is not to go to the extreme. Be it in preparing for her arrival, thinking about her learning, caring for her... I just hope these things are instinctive and comes naturally once she is here. In any event, we would have to take one-step-a-day, and recognise that it would be impossible to have a 5 year plan like building a corporation. Also, I read a story online about a monk being tasked to wash a Venerable's robes after an all night meditation. The moral of the story is that "doing it is easier than thinking about it" - he was so angry thinking about the amount of work he had to do after an all-night meditation, that he started complaining to the narrator about it. The narrator, who initially wanted to offer an helping hand, told him "doing it is easier than thinking about it" and left. The monk thought about it and went about his chores, returning to the narrator at night to thank him for his advice. This simple story makes so much sense - more often than not, we freak out/get angry/overwhelmed by mammoth tasks and stop doing any thing about the task. Whereas, more often than not, when we start with one small portion of the work, very soon, we find ourselves completing the task eventually. This applies to work and also very much applies to me and the pregnancy/pending delivery/child rearing. The pregnancy thus far has been smooth and the past 8 months could be interpreted as a breeze, save for the current physical difficulties of backache, etc. After attending the ante-natal classes, in particular, the one about delivery, I momentarily freak-out. I panicked because of the potential pain involved, the messiness and how uncomfortable the aftermath might be - I was not sure I can get through that. Borrowing the moral of the earlier story, thinking and worrying about not being able to go through with it wouldn't help me at all... So I had to constantly remind myself to let these thoughts go and accept and adapt to whatever that will come with the situation. Freaking out just robs me of the time to enjoy my journey now, time to prepare mentally and practically for junior. Looks like junior is already teaching me a lot before her arrival :) I only hope I remember the journey and the lessons on this journey as my days become pre-occupied with nappy changing and milk pumping. May 2014 be a great year for one and all.

New Arrival & Self-reflection

Waiting for the arrival of a new member to form a family :) Counting down the last stretch. A whole new phase in life, with new challenges, new joy, new expectations, new responsibilities... Less time, more reflections to be done. Less attention, more people to attend to. As adulthood progresses, time runs out faster than you can blink. I can only imagine what it will be like when the little one comes along :) Also noticed a new dimension to my reflections - compassion, empathy for others, whether it is warranted or not. I started to noticed how "hard logic" I used to be, partly due to my conversations with my younger sister. She makes the kind of judgment, reasoning that I used to say and I realised the element of empathy is sorely lacking. It really takes another person to make you understand yourself better. Empathy - something that is not taught in school, in our system. In fact, most soft skills aren't. Most things that aren't quantifiable have no place in our schools. Unfortunately, without the endorsement from school curriculum, column in our PSLE, O'lvl, A'lvl certificate, we seemed to have forgotten the importance of imparting such skills/values to our next generation. But I digressed. Empathy, makes life more complicated, no longer black/white, even if something is not a logical conclusion, you find yourself being able to sympathize with someone's choice in life. Choice - "We have the freedom to choose, but we cant choose the consequences." In Buddhism, this relates to the concept of Karma. Over the past two days, I've been trying to reconcile what I've seen and my beliefs. Trying to rationalise, and understand actions of others, my possible response and how such response is consistent with my beliefs. If we have faith in the concept of Karma, we would understand and pity those whose acts are not inline with the 5 precepts. But the actual practice of holding yourself back from hurting this people (with words), from letting go of the words they say (even if it is not targetted at myself), requires a lot of restraint and practise; requires a lot of faith in the teachings. One of the first questions I asked myself was, "Are we just going to take it lying down? not retaliate? Not to teach them, let them know how much pain they are causing?" And the communicator in me asked "What is their version of truth? Why is it they see things so differently? What can we understand from their 'accusation'? Is there no way to mediate this and find a common ground?" And the buddhist in me said "Everything is due to cause and effect. To retaliate is to perpetuate the cycle. Try as we might to stay in peace - Buddha said "A gift not accepted, remains with the person bearing the gift." An insult that is not received, will remain with the person who made that comment." In the initial stages, I definitely cannot see how I could sympathise with such characters, who view other's dignity as faeces and their possessions as definition for their lives, to be compassionate towards these people because of the way they lead their lives. Until now, I am still unable to bring myself to dedicate any type of goodwill to them... I'm no saint, and at the most I could do is to save myself and not harbour any hatred towards them. Life offers lessons, we can, through reflection, learn from ourselves.

The weekend went well, 1st housewarming was smooth ;) I am so lucky to have great friends, family and good hubby.

Keeping in mind the impermanence of everything, I still want to take a moment to be grateful for all things around me.

To seeing beyond self and being compassionate in the coming week.

Wr

:)
Thank all the bodhisattva we met along the way to help us in one way or another.

I really feel very blessed, for everything went smoothly after the crash.

With the great people around me, nothing is impossible. We lived another day.

I came home to extremely warm and welcoming family and friends, so supportive and comforting at the same time.

This life is a truly blessed one. I only hope to spread my bliss to as many people as possible, to show the same compassion to the people around me, to love others as others have shown me love.

There is nothing more I asked for in this life other than to love the people around me.

Thank you.

在家靠父母出外靠朋友。我三生有幸，交到一班比山还可靠的朋友。朋友，谢谢！

Not a rap song person, I really like the chorus of this song though. Had a chance to listen to the lyrics of the rap more carefully while running today. Really meaningful... A person who has not contacted his family for a long time for various reasons, had a messed up life, and is finally going to call home and go home.

It may be a simple action, to pick up the phone and let your family know how you are doing. But some how, some thing is always more important than family.

When all is said and done, they are the only people who will accept you the way you are :)

今天她说以后会想念我。看着她眼里滚动的泪水，我不知所措。安慰的话不知道从何说起。
阿肥说有空多陪陪她，说她常常提起。。
我会常常回去的。。

今天到东海岸去骑脚车，我骑在后面，好庆幸，我有机会陪他们，看着他们健健康康，开开心心的。 他们不停的重复“已经三十年没有骑了！！”

我们不需要等到失去了什么，才能领悟到亲情的重要。 他们辛苦了几十年，才把我们拉拔大。其实，我们现在需要花在他们身上的时间，比他们用在我们身上的，不算多。一顿饭，一起去逛街，随便哈啦聊天南地北。。。就这样。。。

你今天打电话回家了吗?

Ever thought about having a choice about your family members? I'm sure everyone had, at one point in their lives, but how many out there would have chosen otherwise? Who would you have preferred as your family?

I love my family, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles from maternal side. Given a choice, I wouldn't have exchange any one of them for anyone else. They make my life unique, my experiences and shaped my outlook in life. These people are ever giving, supportive and everything you need when you are depressed.

No, I do not have a perfect family. I have my fair share of frustrations with them, sometimes they care too much, sometimes i just do not have time to deal with so many people at home...

But that is family for you. They are people whom you have to go through ups and downs with, they are people whom you cannot choose, you have to live with, can never separate the bond between. You have to find a way to accept them, deal with them and even tolerate them if necessary. That is family.

I'm really grateful that I have a wholesome family. My parents didn't have time for us when we were younger, but because of my materal aunts and uncles, we grew up proper and well. We were lucky. Until today, the intricacies of the family web continues to grow but one principle remains, I will do what I can for the people I love. That is the beauty of these people around me, they use actions to show their love for one another but never ask for any thing in return.

Before any one thinks that this can never happen to them, why can't their parents/relatives/brothers/sisters be like that, that individual need to understand that the basic fundamentals of that is to ask what you can give to your family first. Ask what can you do to better the relationships amongst your immediate family members, to have them in your considerations when you make your decisions. As to whether they reciprocate, it will take time.

Perhaps all these are rosy pictures that I have paint for myself. Maybe you would think that a person like me has never seen the world, never experience what a lousy family member can do to one.

Well, at the end of the day, all I can say is that it is your perspectives, your decisions, your actions that you can control. If you are constantly looking to make someone else to do what you expect him/her to, life is going to tough on you.

Sometimes life makes you experience something over and over again to make sure you learn the lesson :) If that something bad keeps occurring to you, perhaps it is time you learn to do it a different way?

WR