"i kneel before you, not as a prince, but as a man in love.
i'll feel like a king, if you'll be my wife.."

"This is the story of my great great grandmother, the portrait hung in the university until the revolution. By then the truth had been reduced to a fairy tale, and while cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after,
the point, gentlemen, is that they did live."

Thankz Tong, Siok and Sin.
Sin>> funny, but i understood wat u wrote... but the line between being numb and realization is so thin.

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it's jus embarrasing, to be telling the whole world what kind of loser i am. i've seen how people laugh at a person's blog before, just because he's rather naive and innocent (reflected in what he wrote)
if i was reading my blog as someone else, i would tell the author to get a life. Whinning wont get you anywhere, relationship won't bring you bread, love wont guarantee a future. Be pragmatic, that's the way to go, money will make the world go round and hardwork will earn you money. Life is as good being single, if not better...
i guess we're still seeing each other...
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he came over that night, we had a chat... he tot i was feeling down because of my work and my tutor's error, wallowing in self-pity that my tutor's negligence had cost me my days of research.. Even after i told him i came back early because of what he said, he told me i always magnify the negative side of things and refuse to pick myself up..
wat can i say ?

he said we should have our priorities right, conc on our studies.. and that i should go home, take a shower and do my memo.. i replied "bye." and walked straight home without even looking at him..
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matt told me - if you have an issue in the relationship, you guys can either solve it or succumb to it... i guess we've chosen to let our differences devour us, consume the relationship, leaving nothing.
you know what? if i choose to give up, i'm qt sure he'll agree to it. i'm just wondering then what am i holdin on for? although he still has feelings for me, i guess he's too passive. or perhaps i'm not worth asking to stay? or perhaps he has already given up? haha i dunwan to know.
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haha why am i complaining? i jus realised today, that my allowance is enough to support at least 2 people for a month.. there was the special report in TST featuring the poor in singapore.. i think i spend 3 times of wat one of them need to survive on a month, considering the fact that i don't have to pay electricity bill and my fone bill is enough to feed him/her for the month...
And here i am, studying in University, giving tuition, filled stomach, shelter over my head, complaining why is my life so sucky?
i'm disgusted with myself...
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Love can be a many splendid things
joy it brings
dozen roses diamond rings
dreams for sale and fairy tales
it'll make u hear a symphony
and you just want the world to see
but like a drug that makes you blind
it'll fool you everytime

the trouble with love is
it can tear u up inside
make your heart believe a lie
it's stronger than your pride

the trouble with love is
it doesn't care how fast you fall
and you cant refuse the fall
see you got no say at all

now i was once a fool it's true
i play the game by all it's rules
but now my world's a deeper blue
i'm sadder but i'm wiser too

i swore i'll never love again
i swore my heart will never mend
said love wasn't worth the pain
but then i hear it call my name...

the trouble with love is,
it can tear u up inside
make your heard believe a lie
it's stronger than your pride

the trouble with love is
it doesn't care how fast you fall
and you cant refuse the call
see you got no say at all

everytime i turn around,
i think i've got it all figure out.
my heart keeps falling,
and i keep on falling,
over and over again.

the sad story is always the same-
me,
standing in the pouring rain.
it seems no matter wat i do,
it tears my heart in two - the trouble with love is...
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and now, let's concentrate on my work..
it's not so difficult to put ur emotions aside after a while.
i think i'm getting better and better at it.. ever since when was that.. hrmm...
well, love isn't all that bad, it has taught me something after all..
it doesn't pay, jus like crime.

dun give me that shit about "if loving you was wrong i'll neva wanna be right"..
i give you right, left, centre, up side down.

Sick. sick of things happening. Sick of changes, sick of pushing myself, sick of working, sick of love, sick of people, sick of thinking, sick of understanding..
i want to stay on an island.
i want to be alone, with the clear blue sky and deep blue sea.
no expectations, no need for comformity, no love, no hate, no feelings...

i used to wish for something that'll never come back to me..

just give me one day on the island.. then take me away, i'm weak...
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i tried, i really did...
i'll never be good enough for you.

i've always been me, i've never changed.
no one will ever know me, not even niang niang, not even kaiwei..
anyone who can say he or she does, must be lying
cos even i dunnoe who i am.

i tried my best to be the girl you want.. to make you happy..
i gues heaven forbids.
an angel can never be together with a devil.

i swear, i bitch about people, i'm not the kind of angel like ur sister is.
i'll never be that angel.

save ur love for the angel.

i'm no longer pure.

wr

the almighty one had done it again..
but this time, the difference is - i'm giving in.
i've conceded defeat.

-----------------------------------
Facts of case:
Cinderella and prince charming wishes to have divorce.
yes, there's no such thing as "happily ever after". It was beautiful while it lasted.
The same old story, to fall in love is easy, staying in love is difficult...
Prince Charming can't take Cinderella's habits, Cinderella thinks its difficult to live a royalty's life. As much as Cinderella grew up from a well-to-do family, she had changed after her father's death. Her working as a maid at home calls for the need for a character change.. No longer can she be the lady who has million of people waiting on her, no longer can she live a life that a thousand envy. she has to survive, she has to live like the people ard her do.
Agreeably, it's no excuse.
However, it's a fact.
Prince Charming thinkz that Cinderella has changed, became someone whom he doesn't know at all. How long has he known her? a nite of dance. a glimpse in the day.
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the invisible one is trying to tell me something after 4, no strictly speaking 3 relationships..
the almighty one is telling me that i'm really not suitable for it...

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i swore today, in lecture. really hard, i shocked even my indian fren. i'm not surprise he's shocked.
why did i swear?
they wanted to show a video on law ball, my dear fren had to leave, presumably for something important. i respect them, i sat there, i respect my fren's decision, he really din have to be there.
he apologised when everyone stared at him. my admiration, a person who dares to speaks up in lectures is always under the scrutiny of the public.

the supposedly respectable law ball committee jus replied to my fren "it's ok, you're not in it"

with all the frustration that i've been goin thru since the last week, i had to, i could hold back anymore.

i guess he's embarrassed.
i guess he's shocked.
i guess he's disappointed.

i apologised.
i'm sorry i had to swear in front of him.

He told me "i dun think i know u anymore."

i took a cab home later.

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i really dunnoe how to pick up all these pieces...
pieces are breaking into smaller pieces..

i have an assignment due on sunday, my tutor jus told us yesterday the issue i was working so hard on was a typo.
i have a law club meeting on friday.
i need to do a memo from scratch in 5 days.
I've got criminal law tutorial on Friday, my tutor is Alan Tan.

i dunno where to start.
---------------------------------------------------

i'm all out of love..
not jus thrown out of love, i ran out of it.

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i wasn't feeling well, got better i guess..
nothin much, alot of work waiting to be completed.

Thank you paul, for accompanying me the whole day.
i really nid to learn how not to take things for granted..
i want him to be happy :)
need to regain his faith in me...

people say it's difficult to find the one out of so many zillion people on earth..
i agree..
because it's difficult to find someone who's willing to make sacrifices in order to stay in love with you.
are you willing to be flexible with your belief, to be with her?
are you willing to change your plans?
are you willing to make adjustments to your character, just so that both of you can communicate better?
sacrifices - doesn't mean giving up ur ultimate dream in life, a multi million paying job, or to betray ur frens, family, urself in order to be with your love..
it's the little things that make up ur life, they might not seem impt to you, but they're the first things that will affect your relationships..

if you tried, you failed, you walk away with ur head held high.
painful? yes
road to happiness is never easy, it's path with such painful experiences...
when you find contentment, you will find happiness..

more love, less quarrels.
you dun miss ur water until you lose it..


cheers

wr

It's new year, din really feel like it.. it doesn't feel like it..
it has been raining since the tsunami, death toll still rising, i'm still messed up.. there's nothin to be happy about this new year..
i can only console myself that, perhaps things can only get better from here.. perhaps..

i have a feeling he's leaving me as well.. i cant blame him.. i carry too much past with me, it's not fair to make him share the load with me.. it really has nothing to do with him.. why should he suffer with me?
i tried to walk of the shadow cast by the past.. just when i tot i was making progress, i lost the voice guiding me...

i told him it's tough for me cos of my past, he thinks i've yet to let go.. i really dun wanna cry like i did ...u tear even when u take the bus..
i guess he jus thinks that i'm being difficult..

perhaps i should let it go... i dun think it's fair to burden him like dat.. i notice the tone of frustration in his voice today.. the kind that you have when you stop loving someone.. i guess it's better to let it go now, than when he tells me he doesn't love me anymore.. than we argue till the point of no return.. frustration..
you should be with someone happier, purer, less angry.. together, both of you can see a beautiful future, be optimistic about things.. you were right, you shouldn't spend time analysing things.. life is too short to think about so many things.. i guess it's too late for me to be happier, purer, less angry.. it's not that i refuse to do it.. some things aft you experience it, your perspective of life changes.. i'm healing but after you understand certain things, learn certain things, it's not possible to unlearn it.. it's jus like newton found out about gravity, thereof people cannot deny it's existence anymore...

you should be happy. you shouldn't be made to go through this.. i'm sorry for the unhappiness i brought to your life.. i guess the happiness wasn't meant for me..

it's a new year..
it's a new beginning..
how come everything seems to be ending?

i din ask for much....

wr