bad mood. Been a long time since i made any new entries. The day started out pretty well for me. Just hate it when the day ends like dat. Sometimes i really wish i'll be less affected by small little things.
i'm getting on my own nerves. how will i ever be independent like that? I seriously have no idea. I need to freaking rant!!! I have so things i wanna rant about but i do know that there are some things once said cannot be retracted... and i probably dun mean them tml morning. So i guess i shouldn't make anyone angry before i regret.
My laptop is really lagging like mad... Darn. Everything has to go against me at once.

Another day of feeling bottled up. fuming.

Damn f* pissed... When will i wake up from this bad dream?

"Bliss (I Don't Wanna Know)"

(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink
I really couldn't care less what you think
Well I don't have to listen now
Live this day down
If I can't feel a thing
You might as well save your goodbyes
We can give this train wreck one last ride
I'm gonna have to listen now
Live this day down
If I don't make things right
I'll tell you one last time

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)

I woke up with a heartbeat in my head
I reached for the bottle by the bed
I saw your side was not slept in
Cold sheets again
Remind me of what you said
We need to take a break for a while
It's been so long since I smiled
I don't wanna listen now
Live this day down
With you so drunk and high
So I'll say goodbye

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't want to know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
Now I know I can't stay sober
Cause you left me here like this
I don't wanna know
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know

no time to update my blog.. Smile :D

My ideal match:
Your ideal match is flexible, innovative and smart. He's got a robust love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are he hates rules, and doesn't plan on getting old. He's unusually friendly and has a way of earning people's respect wherever he goes.

LOL..

My personality:
You're deeply caring, energetic and filled with ideas. You prefer solitude to chaotic scenes that can seem overstimulating. You're very observant about the environment around you and you put a lot of emphasis on how others view you. You're smart, and shrewd, and have a lot to contribute.

My ideal Mr Right & how he views Sex life:
Your ideal sexual partner thoroughly enjoys sex. For him, sex is a creative way to express himself physically. Seduction in particular, is a big part of what makes sex so enjoyable for him. He has a sex drive that leaves him craving more and more contact. And his confidence in sexual matters makes it all the easier for him to experiment and move towards fulfilling his sexual desires. Orgasm is a welcome pleasure at the end of his sexual experiences. And sharing an emotional connection with his partner during sex -- while it can be nice -- is not his main objective.

hahahahah
THis is funny... Pengz!!! JOke to be kept to myself only :D

hey hey, i dun have much to write.. Just felt like updating my blog.. Not in the mood to talk crap thou... Not in the mood to laugh at someone, or comment on something.. It is the kind of mood whereby i feel in control. Like i'm doing what i like to do, when i want to do it. Funny because i'm not on time for my assignments or revisions... i just hope i can pass this sem..

How ironic.

How can a person feel like she has commitment problem at one moment and the next, she feels like settling down with someone nice? But i guess i've given up on looking for someone nice. Nice = ? Someone who will always give in to me? Someone who is good looking? What?

I guess he should be able to make me laugh any time; really know what he wants; sunshiney; really giving; know when to give me space and have time of his own; teach me and learn with me; so many things that i expect from a guy..
But no guy is perfect yeah? If i want this, i probably cannot expect that. If he is going to be able to make me laugh any time, probably means he will be able to charm any other girl as well...

seriously, which girl doesn't want a r/s that resembles those in stories/fairy tales? But in fiction, there is always an element of hope, it reflects how people wished their r/s would be.. I guess no one would wanna read a love story written by an average guy because there wouldn't be much content except sex, boobs, butts, etc.

Is it ever possible? To meet someone of ur dreams and live happily ever after? 3 years ago i asked this. Now 3 years later, i'm still trying to grapple with it. After several relationships, i just made myself less hopeful, more practical.

"If you cannot take care of urself, den don't go out there and burden someone else"
"Marriage in Singapore, is only for applying HDB flat"
Golden words from my uncle, which i found some truth in. How many couples married because they seriously love each other or is it because of social stigma of staying single? And that partner u chose is probably the guy/girl that happens to be the best in her/his pack?
So i post two questions: (1) Why are u getting married? (2) Why are u marrying him/her?
(1) Possible ans:
a) Get a flat
b) of the age to get married
c) necessary next phase in adulthood
d) I want him/her to belong to me only
e) Shotgun

To me, all these answers are just lame. ..

(2) Possible ans:
a) Man/Woman of my dreams
b) His/Her earnings plus mine can survive the Singapore high cost of living
c) We've been together for 10 years, it is just natural
d) he/she is not too difficult to get along with
e) He/She is the Father/Mother of my child

erm.. What can i say?

I was touched by my friend's love story which i shall share with all of you here, without his permission of cos.. I'll ask him later. If he's pissed den i'll take it down..To protect his identity, i shall call him X...

One day X was out with his gf of a few months.. They were in the MRT, standing near the door... X noticed that a man of mid 40s was staring at them for quite some time, hence he got wary of him... Suddenly, before he could react, the man raised his umbrella to hit the both of them. X, being a very fit young man in his 17/18, was all ready to beat the crap out of that man. As this thought flashed through his mind, he felt his gf hugging him so tight with his hands behind his back. As he struggled to free his hands, the both of them fell onto the floor. Even as they were on the floor, the man did not stop. All this while, X's gf was shielding him from the attack.. A lady of small frame tried to protect him from any injuries...

Before any of u brushed X aside as a coward, i ask u to look at this in another point of view... How much must a lady love this guy, in order for her to protect him at all cost without injuring anyone else but herself? I'm completely impressed beyond words.
How would u, as a guy feel, if your gf does this for you? Would u scold her later for stopping u to retaliate?
Or would u be really thankful that the supreme being sent u an angel. An angel who is willing to sacrifice her body for you, without a second thought.

As a fellow female, i really respect this lady. I respect her ability to love somebody so much, so much more than herself, something which i'll never be able to do. I respect her for asking no returns for what she gives.

And guys, you may lament that how come u never meet such a girl? All ur girl does is to ask for things, want ur concern but give nothing in return... But think again, if ever u meet someone like this lady in question, would you be able to treasure her? To love her like she does to u? To treat her like she deserves?
Or would u take her for granted? Would you think that she'll always be there for you? So u can do anything and everything that u wish?

She is an angel as far as i'm concerned.. dude, u understand?

^satANgel^

exam madness - i finally got my ears pierced after much persuasion and coercion from my friends. LOL... Date to remember - 13/11/06

Back to trade mark and 6 days to hand up my FIP papers. Guess wat? I'm just starting on my TM paper. AHhaha and i'm only half way done with evidence. Good luck gurl..

Another day went by.
Just celebrated one of the PO's birthday at party world. I'm declared broke, lucky i din have to take cab home. Cant wait for sunday to come so i can collect my tuition fee... The feeling of having money to spend again is good. But also means i wont be able to go for my dance class tml.. Cos i dun have money and i dun wanna borrow it. Because it is something i can do without..

Don't mind having something and loving something is very different.. I guess the main problem with me is that most of the things i do, i don't mind doin them, therefore i don't put in everything. And i don't really know what do i love doing.. It is just like he don't mind being together with me but he doesn't love me, just for e.g.

sigh i know i'll miss dancing.. but i really don't know if i shld skip two classes den go for it again.. argh. but not as if i'm doing it very well.

Aiyaz.

this suckz

Waiting for my laptop to finish re-formatting... infested with worms again. I seriously wonder why is it i always get into such a situation when my exams is near. There must be some conspiracy...

Listening to this really... Sweet with sugar, honey, and the likes of CD by my aunt's student.. She just got married, therefore it is really irritatingly sweet. "all Fluffy and pink" is a phrase i learnt just yesterday..

Super sianz. Wasted another day yesterday. I hate myself.

Oral sex is permitted now with new s 377 but only between Heterosexual. Sorry gays.. But do note that those between homos will not be strictly enforced.. Funny how you have a law and your minister tells you it won't be enforced strictly.. It is just a statement, to tell the public that, our society still doesn't accept such a lifestyle/sexuality/watever u wish to call it.
Well.. No comments. To each his own.

"A collection of soothing love ballads inspired by true love stories, complsed and sung by XXX"
de frigging fluffy music is getting to me. "you're de only one for me...... Magic.oh.its true...."
I must sound really sour right now. hahahah Pardon me, i cannot appreciate this.
No offence, Another time another space i might just love the songs... I might even relate to them. But not right now LOL

Looks like my hubby is ready for more worms. LOL

There are two types of girls which will be surrounded by guys, one is those who are very pretty, demure, guys simply fall in love with and another type, which guys simply treat them like one of the guys.
I am usually surrounded by guys and i'm from the latter group. HAhah No idea whether is this fortunate or not.. Definitely not good when everytime my relationship, my bf ends up treating me like a guy. LOL... But at the same time expects me to be a girl at times.
Qt a complicated concept but simply put: They expect me to be a girlfriend to them, but they'll treat me like i shldn't expect anything from them instead= friends. So when i start sacrificing my time, reshuffling my schedule, help them do things... But he continue to stick to his own schedule, do his own things, only meet me when he is available.. I know i'm doing too much and it is not being appreciated.

I hate it when this happens. Sometimes i seriously wish i can be a guy, not in the sense that i have anything for girls.. But it is when you are with a platonic guy friend, and you get spotted by either of your friends and they give u a funny look. Or you real bf starts to treat u like a good friend instead of a gf. Both situations simply irritates the hell out of me..

But not to say that i have no flaws at all. i expect too much. i need too much attention from my bf because i don't have many platonic friends.. I'm a little schizo and i have no idea what i expect from a relationship. I don't belong to a relationship.

Rah. Yet i cannot be alone. I am unpredictable, and i do things in a very illogical way.. The more i feel for a person, the less i want to care if i feel that my feelings are not reciprocated.. Because i don't want to boost his ego, and put myself down, because i know that way, i'll be taken for granted even more, because i know guys do not appreciate what is easy.

But i guess at the end of the day, the way i carry myself, it is just impossible for guys to treat me like a girl. But partly that is what i want if i'm not interested. Hahaha But i guess that part of me just takes over sometimes, and then..

Sigh. It is killing me. Me myself and I..
i contradict myself so much, that i am starting to get split personality.

I can ignore you at this moment, thinking about all kinds of nasty things so that i can leave. Next moment, i'll just forget about everything that happened and do the same old things again. What does that show???

Rah... I shld shorten whatever pain that i'll feel.

WR

Hee hee nothing much to write today. Read a forum entry from "a parent whose child is unwilling to part with his crocs" about the escalator accidents. Although i have to give her credit for saying that she'll stay vigilant and alert while her child is in crocs, i simply cannot comprehend the paragraph following.. She actually requested the company which made crocs to give some sort of guideline/warning regarding the use of crocs to prevent such accidents. At this point i would just like to call out to all parents, even though there had already been two accidents, i seriously think they are freak accidents. There is no way, as you go down the escalator, the front of your crocs get caught by the edge of the step.. Think about it! but that is if ur child is standing on the steps and not jumping/climing up or down them instead. So please, don't make the crocs company responsible for your child. If i were them, i'll just give out a leash for free with every pair of children crocs i sell. Not for you to use them but to remind you that if you cannot handle ur kid, please put them on a leash - as an insult to you who cannot look after ur own child and be responsible.

Enough about the stupid accident.

Going for a meeting later... I hate meetings. You have no idea how much i hate meetings while i sit there and feel like nothing concerns me at all, even though i'm in the committee. IT isn't an act to play cool or wat, i just hate meetings. I guess i'd much rather get instructions, do my own things, den finish up the project. And it is with law students that the meeting sucks more because it can go on for hours if two people cannot see eye to eye.. It is easy to imagine. Which usually ends with a very diplomatic line "it is just a suggestion, it is okie, i'm just saying. But your idea is just fine" Den what ever hell were u arguing for just now? Only after u realised that you have wasted freaking 3 hours before u back down and say that line?
Rah...
And all the things people say behind ur back when you're not there, how they arrow you to do things if you aren't there, how there'll always be this oddball who'll get sort of ostracized but they'll have to act diplomatic in front of that person. In summary, i hate human relations. I used to think i'm very good at them, but when it comes to working human relations, i suck. I'll have a disclaimer str8 ahead, "i don't think you wanna work with me... "
HAhahah K, dat's damn anti-social.

I hate work, hard work. rahh. But it is what makes life meaningful, after u work hard, you enjoy the fruits of ur labour, whatever that may be. Funny how the longer hours u work, the shorter ur free time, you seem to enjoy ur free time much more?
Life and I, we don't seem to agree on a lot of things.

Darn.

WR

well, received comment that my entries are too gloomy and sad. HAha can't really help it if i only write when i'm down yeah?

Anyway have something to write about today which isn't too sad. It is more retarded than sad. I happened to see the news yesternight, reporting about how another toddler got his toe stucked in the escalator... I have no idea how it happened, but instead of feeling sorry for them, i just think it is damn spastic for such a thing to happen. After i read this morning's papers and found out that the other one who lost his toe was wearing crocs, everything just became more retarded to the power of ten.
I really have no hell idea how to get my toe stucked at the bottom of the escalator. Because when i was younger, i will lift my feet away from the steps way before it reaches the end. Even if the toddler's reflexes and coordination isn't quite there, the least the parents could do is to pay attention to the child and carry him up when they realised that he is mesmerised/hypnotised by the yellow lines going into the bottom and disappearing.
But if the parents have problem keeping the child by their side, allowing them to run up and down the escalator and be a nuisance to everyone else, den i'm not sorry to say that the kid deserve a lesson.
And look, shoes are meant to fit. I don't see people going to shops asking for shoes that are one size bigger and walk like clowns down the streets. But that's crocs for you. They are loose and your movement will be slower. Simply disaster waiting to happen.
Now as i'm writing this, i'm sure many parents are throwing their kids' crocs out the window. The same ones who looked so pleased when their children put them on and run around looking like clowns. Parents, i have no idea what is going through ur minds when you bought those things for your children. But let's break it down for you guys. Crocs, as i have heard, may be more hygenic and because doctors wear it in the hospital or something, you may think that it prob is good. Adults, can wear anything that they want, ranging from a top a size too small, a pair of bottom that are two sizes too large and a pair of shoes that is full of holes. They can handle it. They know what to do if something wrong happens, ie, the top burst, they step on their own baggy jeans or the shoe is left behind on the streets. But we're talking about children, below 10 years old.. Granted, children nowadays are way smarter with all the milk powder in the market. But still, they're smart doesn't mean they can coordinate their body well. You don't see the milk powder advertisement with a kid playing basketball like Michael Jordan, do you? The problem is that they think they're smart, they run around and you prob think they're smart too, so you let them run around. So at the end of the day, when something bad like that happens, it is not the shoes, not the jeans not the top, it is YOU! You are responsible for your own child! So please, apply ur mind the next time you buy something for your child. Not just whether he/she will like it or not, whether it will look nice and trendy, it should be safe!!

I think many pairs of small crocs will be on their way to africa... hahaha But i doubt they'll want it.. You cant run in those things. LOL

I need to set my priorities right. 20 odd days to exams.
Good bye ill discipline. Good bye to you. Good bye anime.

I walk in the shadows of your life. It is time i lead my own life under the beautiful sunshine.
I look forward to the day when Things that you say can no longer hurt me. The things that you do no longer affect me. I want to feel nothing for you, no pride, no happiness, no sadness, no loneliness, no pain.

Letting go.