Guys, have your gal ever asked you whether she can go clubbing with some other guy friend(s) and you always wondered how to reply? If you say you wont like it, she says you are possessive, selfish, MCP.. If you say go ahead, she say you don't love her enough, don't care about her, etc.. If you ask whether she wants to go, she'll just throw the question back at you, "if you let me go den i go.. " but of cos, you know it is not true.. This is the trick question of the week, Just like the infamous "am i Fat?" question...
hahaha As a girl, what would i want to hear my bf say (disclaimer: I am not in anyway responsible if any reader try this out and results vary..)
If this is a clubbing trip i really wanna go, i'd get angry if he says no. If this is a clubbing trip i really dun wanna go (e.g. some boring stuff), i'd be happy if he says no.. So Really, there isn't an always right answer with me.
The guy might ask "So you must first know when do u really wanna go?"
And seriously speaking, half the time i don't know whether i wish to go or not...
and the guy thinks "So how am i suppose to know if you don't?"
"So you have to know me better than I do."
Hmmm I wonder will there ever be such a person in this world, who knows me so well, that no matter what i say, he knows what i am thinking. Will there ever be a person that pays so much attention to me that i don't even have to tell him how i feel, he can respond..
My mood changes so fast i can hardly keep up.. One moment i can survive so well alone, next moment i feel lonely. one moment i am enjoying someone's company, the next i'll just wish i wasn't there. One moment I'd think i've found the one, the next moment he is just like any other..
To have a good grasp of who i am, that person must really put some effort into knowing me..
I've met this person before, someone who really had chemistry with me. When i'm a kid, he entertained me.. When i'm a thinking adult, he talked to me like an equal. He was always able to match me at my level, a seemingly seamless, perfect combination, something that i'll probably never find in my life. Never..
少，你说的天长地久，对我而言
早已不存在。
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
LOL... night time is always emo time. It is 12.22am over here.. i'm online, listening to "Stick with you" by pussycat dolls.. What better song to get emo to?
nothing much to write about... Tired.. Sleepy.. Refuse to go to sleep, refuse to let another day pass by just like that.. Haven done much.
I need to do something about my life, i need to feel that i'm still in control. Need to decide to do something. And i know what i am supposed to do.
Love doesn't conquer all, don't you all understand that by now?? I see people rushing to the door of getting into relationships and i smiled. I wonder if they know what they are getting into..
My fren asked me why the pessimism? I asked why not? LIfe itself is pessimistic. It is like a terminal disease, once you have it, you eventually die..
How i wish i can dig my heart and conscience out too, and bury it in an island? Forget about it and lead my life without them.. How many people have done it? I don't know, i just wish i can too..
*weak smile*
I'd live on because i have to.
nothing much to write about... Tired.. Sleepy.. Refuse to go to sleep, refuse to let another day pass by just like that.. Haven done much.
I need to do something about my life, i need to feel that i'm still in control. Need to decide to do something. And i know what i am supposed to do.
Love doesn't conquer all, don't you all understand that by now?? I see people rushing to the door of getting into relationships and i smiled. I wonder if they know what they are getting into..
My fren asked me why the pessimism? I asked why not? LIfe itself is pessimistic. It is like a terminal disease, once you have it, you eventually die..
How i wish i can dig my heart and conscience out too, and bury it in an island? Forget about it and lead my life without them.. How many people have done it? I don't know, i just wish i can too..
*weak smile*
I'd live on because i have to.
Monday, September 25, 2006
hwahahahaha i had no time yesterday to write my gym record for yesterday (24/09)
Well Instead of 20 mins i jogged 30 mins.. 8.8 for first 2 laps den 9 for the rest of the time.. managed to go for 4.6 in 30 mins.. I tot that was pretty good for me wahhaha..
Den did weights for my arms.. wahhahaha small small weights nia.. 2 kg and 1 kg.. While i was doing the repetitive workout, did what i always do when i'm alone - looked around.. There were 3 girls in the gym who were carrying 6 kg with both hands.. Don't really know what are they training for.. Nearly all the other girls were accompanied by their bfs. Is this a new trend? Gf accompanying their bf to gym or bf drag gf along.. just like how girls used to drag guys along to shopping? :p But the girlfriends don't look very interested.. Doesn't that dampen the guys' mood? Hmmmzz.. No comments..
Den my thighs.. Nothing much to write about thigh work out as well wahhaha
Den i had a tough time doing my sit ups because the last time i was there, i was 'tricked' into doing inclined sit ups not knowing the seat was inclined. So i did 15 X 3... It was really bad when i tried to do it yesterday.. but i still managed a 10X3 ...
K that was my gym workout.. I guess it is very diff to keep a record since i always do the same thing. WHAhahaha except that it hurts today more than the last time...
Well, that's the end of the boring part. Here's the interesting part of my blog entry.. My pervertic neighbour(s) saga..
I have a couple of crazy neighbours, one staying a floor above us and other on 12th floor. Everything started when the 12th floor neighbour started to put their clothes out in the middle of the night without first machine-drying them.. So the excessive water would be dripping on other's, all those directly below this particular crazy family.
It is without a doubt that 11th floor got angry and so like all good singaporean who dun take law into their own hands, they complained to the Town Council. But to no avail. then some how or rather, the two families ended up in court, 11th floor lost the suit.
Any normal person would have stopped while they are ahead, but upon winning, 12th floor din stop.. Instead, they starting to pour waste water/water for mopping/rubbish water down that stretch of window every night.. (one may wonder where they get such water everday, beats me, not the topic of this paper)
This is the part where i get angry.. I mean seriously, if it is just between the two of you, den go settle it somewhere. Fight it out, either one of you get killed, end of story. Why, OH WHyyyyy must an innocent third party like ourselves suffer at the same time? Doesn't he/she know that by pouring that water down that windown, it actually goes all de way and not just stop at 11th floor?
And the best part is, this is not just it.. They even throw rubbish at our corridor, leftovers, ashes, meleon seeds shell... For what purpose i simply have no idea. Either one of them is trying to malign the other or they just want more people to join in the fun..
It is not just the physical clearing of the rubbish, cleaning of the window that is stressful. It is the nagging of my mother that is killing me. It is the feeling that they are doing all these and i have no idea what to do to stop them. It is the feeling of anger that why are they implicating us? It gets to me, and it gets to me real bad. What is wrong with this peoplE? Can't they think straight? Don't they have any other things to do? Don't they have any sane person in the family that can stop them from doing such things? I don't understand at all. When you come home at the end of the day, you still have to be pissed off with such things, how would you feel? I mean i don't mind never knowing my neighbour for as long as i stay here, i'd rather never have to say hi until the day that i die. I don't need to talk to them. Are these people so bored at home that they must do such a thing to get their neighbours talking to them? Even quarrelling is a form of communication to them now.. That no one is giving them attention, therefore they need such attention from people staying around them? HELLO?????
I'll be watching. i'll be watching my corridor closely at night.. If they ever, ever get caught by me, they'll wish that they never had such stupid thoughts in the first place...
Well Instead of 20 mins i jogged 30 mins.. 8.8 for first 2 laps den 9 for the rest of the time.. managed to go for 4.6 in 30 mins.. I tot that was pretty good for me wahhaha..
Den did weights for my arms.. wahhahaha small small weights nia.. 2 kg and 1 kg.. While i was doing the repetitive workout, did what i always do when i'm alone - looked around.. There were 3 girls in the gym who were carrying 6 kg with both hands.. Don't really know what are they training for.. Nearly all the other girls were accompanied by their bfs. Is this a new trend? Gf accompanying their bf to gym or bf drag gf along.. just like how girls used to drag guys along to shopping? :p But the girlfriends don't look very interested.. Doesn't that dampen the guys' mood? Hmmmzz.. No comments..
Den my thighs.. Nothing much to write about thigh work out as well wahhaha
Den i had a tough time doing my sit ups because the last time i was there, i was 'tricked' into doing inclined sit ups not knowing the seat was inclined. So i did 15 X 3... It was really bad when i tried to do it yesterday.. but i still managed a 10X3 ...
K that was my gym workout.. I guess it is very diff to keep a record since i always do the same thing. WHAhahaha except that it hurts today more than the last time...
Well, that's the end of the boring part. Here's the interesting part of my blog entry.. My pervertic neighbour(s) saga..
I have a couple of crazy neighbours, one staying a floor above us and other on 12th floor. Everything started when the 12th floor neighbour started to put their clothes out in the middle of the night without first machine-drying them.. So the excessive water would be dripping on other's, all those directly below this particular crazy family.
It is without a doubt that 11th floor got angry and so like all good singaporean who dun take law into their own hands, they complained to the Town Council. But to no avail. then some how or rather, the two families ended up in court, 11th floor lost the suit.
Any normal person would have stopped while they are ahead, but upon winning, 12th floor din stop.. Instead, they starting to pour waste water/water for mopping/rubbish water down that stretch of window every night.. (one may wonder where they get such water everday, beats me, not the topic of this paper)
This is the part where i get angry.. I mean seriously, if it is just between the two of you, den go settle it somewhere. Fight it out, either one of you get killed, end of story. Why, OH WHyyyyy must an innocent third party like ourselves suffer at the same time? Doesn't he/she know that by pouring that water down that windown, it actually goes all de way and not just stop at 11th floor?
And the best part is, this is not just it.. They even throw rubbish at our corridor, leftovers, ashes, meleon seeds shell... For what purpose i simply have no idea. Either one of them is trying to malign the other or they just want more people to join in the fun..
It is not just the physical clearing of the rubbish, cleaning of the window that is stressful. It is the nagging of my mother that is killing me. It is the feeling that they are doing all these and i have no idea what to do to stop them. It is the feeling of anger that why are they implicating us? It gets to me, and it gets to me real bad. What is wrong with this peoplE? Can't they think straight? Don't they have any other things to do? Don't they have any sane person in the family that can stop them from doing such things? I don't understand at all. When you come home at the end of the day, you still have to be pissed off with such things, how would you feel? I mean i don't mind never knowing my neighbour for as long as i stay here, i'd rather never have to say hi until the day that i die. I don't need to talk to them. Are these people so bored at home that they must do such a thing to get their neighbours talking to them? Even quarrelling is a form of communication to them now.. That no one is giving them attention, therefore they need such attention from people staying around them? HELLO?????
I'll be watching. i'll be watching my corridor closely at night.. If they ever, ever get caught by me, they'll wish that they never had such stupid thoughts in the first place...
Saturday, September 23, 2006
well well well, i guess i got a little too emo on my last entry.. today i promise a more chirpy me... After that entry, i had fever the next day. Depression and lack of sleep and sleeping in a cold room on the floor, not a good mix at all. Please don't try it at home.
Had a little time to myself yesterday after my tuition. Made a few plans but din work out, so i went to the gym myself at 845pm. To many guys out there, it might seem as normal as breathing. But i guess the female population won't agree with that. Whenever i told people i watch movies alone, swim alone, etc, i have only one respond "Wah! You go alone ah?? Not weird meh?" Is it suppose to feel weird? I'm not too sure.. I guess it is too difficult to arrange for a troop of people to march to the gym, swimming pool and what not. You have people who ask "who's going", people telling you "don't want lah, we go ... instead", people saying "too far".. everything except an immediate "Ok! Time and place". And all these gets to me, actually spoils my mood to do what i set out to do. Moreover, when you do these things, you don't really interact with your friends whether they are there or not.. Lastly, it is because i don't do these things on a very regular basis, only when i have some time to spare away from my relationship commitment, used to be such. So it is more difficult to find people, because the timing might be weird, or too impromptu for anyone to be able to fit it into their schedule.. Therefore i don't even bother..
Relationship bring with it certain obligations for me.. I realised that i tend to give my other half all the priority in the world when it comes to my schedule. So much so that my plans would be subjected to his. And if he doesn't do much, we'll end up seeing each other for long period everyday, which i can assure you, isn't healthy at all. Hence i'm still getting used to managing my schedule according to my own likings.. Not because a certain him is not free, therefore i go dinner with my friend. Not because he is free, therefore my schedule shld be freed up for him.. This is call "losing yourself in a relationship".. That is one of the reason why people break up..
You no longer recognize yourself as an individual, don't have your own style, your own diary, your own friends, your own time, etc.. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to become that person you love. It might sound obvious, but it is a mistake that most people make at the start of the relationship.. and then it becomes too late to turn back..
Anyway, i've made a promise to myself, to start myself off, i'll go to gym regularly.. 3 times a week minimum. And to keep a record of it in my blog such that i'll be disciplined about it. :D
Gym(22/09/06)
i did 20 mins of jogging - i always just press the quick start because i have no idea how to work the machine (i'm refraining from calling the machine stupid because i guess it is me who is dumb...) so it will be a 20 min jog. whahah but i try to increase the speed.. started to 8.5 then 8.8 after 2 laps. Den at 17 min i increased to 9.5 because i wanted to complete 3k in 20min.. But din work even when i added to 10.5 for last 2 mins. 2.97km.. Damn, till my next session.
(this is not a primary schl mathematic question btw)
Den i asked the instructor how do i slim down my arms (bye bye bye-bye-arms)
He taught me the correct way to use weights, the exercises that work different muscles in my arm.. So i did my 3 reps of 14 (he told me to start with 14!!) for each hand and each muscle. wahahhahaha
And then to my thighs (Bye bye billard table legs)
Mr Instructor showed me how to use the 3 machines for thigh.. First was for the front thigh (the name has proven too difficult for my non-sports trained brain), second was the the back of it.. and...For the last machine, when i asked him which part of musle is the machine training, he very humourously replied "leg lah"...Make me look like idiot but since he had taught me some stuff, i shld respect him. And also because he is pretty old.(Not typo, No comma, i don't mean pretty as in good looking) Anw, did my 3 reps on the machines as well..
Then i did some sit ups and i left!!!! whahaha all that took about 1hr+++ and cost me $3.50. Normal price is $2.50 per entry, but i forgot to bring towel.. so i had to buy it at 1 buck!! Nice blue towel thou :D Good buy!!! muahaha
Oh did i mention, mr funny instructor suggested i go back 3 times a week. hahah he is really very nice but don't really know how to relate to people. Doesn't know how to be friendly because always avoiding eye contact if he is standing around doing nothing just to avoid saying hi or something. Very awkward character but nice. whahaha
Next session: Sunday 24/09/06 - before or after my tuition..
Had a little time to myself yesterday after my tuition. Made a few plans but din work out, so i went to the gym myself at 845pm. To many guys out there, it might seem as normal as breathing. But i guess the female population won't agree with that. Whenever i told people i watch movies alone, swim alone, etc, i have only one respond "Wah! You go alone ah?? Not weird meh?" Is it suppose to feel weird? I'm not too sure.. I guess it is too difficult to arrange for a troop of people to march to the gym, swimming pool and what not. You have people who ask "who's going", people telling you "don't want lah, we go ... instead", people saying "too far".. everything except an immediate "Ok! Time and place". And all these gets to me, actually spoils my mood to do what i set out to do. Moreover, when you do these things, you don't really interact with your friends whether they are there or not.. Lastly, it is because i don't do these things on a very regular basis, only when i have some time to spare away from my relationship commitment, used to be such. So it is more difficult to find people, because the timing might be weird, or too impromptu for anyone to be able to fit it into their schedule.. Therefore i don't even bother..
Relationship bring with it certain obligations for me.. I realised that i tend to give my other half all the priority in the world when it comes to my schedule. So much so that my plans would be subjected to his. And if he doesn't do much, we'll end up seeing each other for long period everyday, which i can assure you, isn't healthy at all. Hence i'm still getting used to managing my schedule according to my own likings.. Not because a certain him is not free, therefore i go dinner with my friend. Not because he is free, therefore my schedule shld be freed up for him.. This is call "losing yourself in a relationship".. That is one of the reason why people break up..
You no longer recognize yourself as an individual, don't have your own style, your own diary, your own friends, your own time, etc.. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to become that person you love. It might sound obvious, but it is a mistake that most people make at the start of the relationship.. and then it becomes too late to turn back..
Anyway, i've made a promise to myself, to start myself off, i'll go to gym regularly.. 3 times a week minimum. And to keep a record of it in my blog such that i'll be disciplined about it. :D
Gym(22/09/06)
i did 20 mins of jogging - i always just press the quick start because i have no idea how to work the machine (i'm refraining from calling the machine stupid because i guess it is me who is dumb...) so it will be a 20 min jog. whahah but i try to increase the speed.. started to 8.5 then 8.8 after 2 laps. Den at 17 min i increased to 9.5 because i wanted to complete 3k in 20min.. But din work even when i added to 10.5 for last 2 mins. 2.97km.. Damn, till my next session.
(this is not a primary schl mathematic question btw)
Den i asked the instructor how do i slim down my arms (bye bye bye-bye-arms)
He taught me the correct way to use weights, the exercises that work different muscles in my arm.. So i did my 3 reps of 14 (he told me to start with 14!!) for each hand and each muscle. wahahhahaha
And then to my thighs (Bye bye billard table legs)
Mr Instructor showed me how to use the 3 machines for thigh.. First was for the front thigh (the name has proven too difficult for my non-sports trained brain), second was the the back of it.. and...For the last machine, when i asked him which part of musle is the machine training, he very humourously replied "leg lah"...Make me look like idiot but since he had taught me some stuff, i shld respect him. And also because he is pretty old.(Not typo, No comma, i don't mean pretty as in good looking) Anw, did my 3 reps on the machines as well..
Then i did some sit ups and i left!!!! whahaha all that took about 1hr+++ and cost me $3.50. Normal price is $2.50 per entry, but i forgot to bring towel.. so i had to buy it at 1 buck!! Nice blue towel thou :D Good buy!!! muahaha
Oh did i mention, mr funny instructor suggested i go back 3 times a week. hahah he is really very nice but don't really know how to relate to people. Doesn't know how to be friendly because always avoiding eye contact if he is standing around doing nothing just to avoid saying hi or something. Very awkward character but nice. whahaha
Next session: Sunday 24/09/06 - before or after my tuition..
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Some time for myself.. Emo is the word of the day.. I have been pretty emo for the past two days. For those of you who have no idea, emo means emotional.. Don and Damien came up with it.. haha Used to call Don - Emo Don.. Like a japanese delicacy.. But be warned that it isn't pleasant when donnie is emo.. wahahha.. It is never a good thing when someone is emo..
Talking about them just brings back so much memories.. I've known them for almost three years now.. We shared our most embarrassing moments, they had been there for my worst times, whether they know i'm going thru such a time or not.. They were there to laugh at me, laugh with me, taught me some really good lessons.. Took care of me, worried about me.. We've been through some of the craziest times i've ever had in my life.. The little girl in the group, whom they have no idea why on earth am i mixing with old men like them..
Just as i felt i cannot get anymore complicated, cannot be anymore jaded and skeptical.. I now look back and count myself then a happier and simpler girl then... Issues that used to be so clear back then, principles that seems to be so straight forward last time, no longer applies. You try to rationalise, you try to balance it out by doing something else so as not to feel as guilty as u should.. You don't wish to be the 'bad guy', but u are, to any outsider looking at the situation, there isn't a doubt..
So you try ways and means to convince urself, by doing something else, by saying this other thing, you are trying to better the situation. Telling urself with or without ur involvement, things would have turned out this way, in fact worst...
Alvin commented that there is a huge gap between how i act and the kind of things i think about.. In front of them, i always joke and laugh.. I feel happy, at that moment, sincerely happy with the company, with the stupid things that everyone does. But seriously, how much do they really know me? and how much do i know them? Is it better not to know each other so well? Or is it too superficial a friendship?
I guess to anyone reading, you must be thinking that i'm really lost. Lost in life, lost the plot...
Lost because i no longer believe in putting in too much effort.. Everything is temporary, nothing is permanent, friendship, relationship.. Human and human interaction is too difficult to predict.
"the day that i drop a tear for you, is the day that i'll leave you. I assure you this" - wen
Talking about them just brings back so much memories.. I've known them for almost three years now.. We shared our most embarrassing moments, they had been there for my worst times, whether they know i'm going thru such a time or not.. They were there to laugh at me, laugh with me, taught me some really good lessons.. Took care of me, worried about me.. We've been through some of the craziest times i've ever had in my life.. The little girl in the group, whom they have no idea why on earth am i mixing with old men like them..
Just as i felt i cannot get anymore complicated, cannot be anymore jaded and skeptical.. I now look back and count myself then a happier and simpler girl then... Issues that used to be so clear back then, principles that seems to be so straight forward last time, no longer applies. You try to rationalise, you try to balance it out by doing something else so as not to feel as guilty as u should.. You don't wish to be the 'bad guy', but u are, to any outsider looking at the situation, there isn't a doubt..
So you try ways and means to convince urself, by doing something else, by saying this other thing, you are trying to better the situation. Telling urself with or without ur involvement, things would have turned out this way, in fact worst...
Alvin commented that there is a huge gap between how i act and the kind of things i think about.. In front of them, i always joke and laugh.. I feel happy, at that moment, sincerely happy with the company, with the stupid things that everyone does. But seriously, how much do they really know me? and how much do i know them? Is it better not to know each other so well? Or is it too superficial a friendship?
I guess to anyone reading, you must be thinking that i'm really lost. Lost in life, lost the plot...
Lost because i no longer believe in putting in too much effort.. Everything is temporary, nothing is permanent, friendship, relationship.. Human and human interaction is too difficult to predict.
"the day that i drop a tear for you, is the day that i'll leave you. I assure you this" - wen
Friday, September 15, 2006
"You've got to be cruel, to be kind..." - The Hardest thing, 98 degrees.
Finally experience what it really mean after hearing it since my secondary school years..
Typing in the dark in my bedroom, listening to songs.. Perfect for writing a blog but i have no idea what to write. Completely lost the plot in my life, my studies. Don't know what am i doin, losing the discipline to do anything to advance myself.
I have a presentation tomorrow.. I have not read all the cases that we'll use, i don't even know what am i going to say tomorrow.. Partly because we have not assigned the parts. Also because i din do much research on my own.. I can just feel the lack of preparation..
Everything is becoming a toll... Everything else. Pardeep was right, i will never learn independence like that.. Just like learning how to ice-skate but keep on holding on to the side rims..
rahhh i dunnoe wat to say.. sleeping time.. Must sleep from 1 to 6 am den go joggin !!! i wanna be discipline too!!!! :D
wR
Finally experience what it really mean after hearing it since my secondary school years..
Typing in the dark in my bedroom, listening to songs.. Perfect for writing a blog but i have no idea what to write. Completely lost the plot in my life, my studies. Don't know what am i doin, losing the discipline to do anything to advance myself.
I have a presentation tomorrow.. I have not read all the cases that we'll use, i don't even know what am i going to say tomorrow.. Partly because we have not assigned the parts. Also because i din do much research on my own.. I can just feel the lack of preparation..
Everything is becoming a toll... Everything else. Pardeep was right, i will never learn independence like that.. Just like learning how to ice-skate but keep on holding on to the side rims..
rahhh i dunnoe wat to say.. sleeping time.. Must sleep from 1 to 6 am den go joggin !!! i wanna be discipline too!!!! :D
wR
Monday, September 04, 2006
Either the "love" that can conquer all doesn't exists or the concept of "love" doesn't exists... Haha...the past is coming back to haunt me.. Expecting that day to come, when the sky will come crashing down on me again.. The day when guilt will drown me.. That day when i'll be paralysed with the fear of crushing another's life.. The day when i'll come last in someone else's life, and drop the second things aren't right.. The self protection mechanism is already working, i'm backing off.. I cannot afford to wreck another person's life, i cannot afford to be drop again.. Because i already lost a piece of myself the last time, the most important piece in any relationship - faith...
Anyhow, am really disappointed with friendship as well.. the "very onz" friends that i made recently aside, i think about the friends that i made in the past.. I just get so demoralised.. Although i keep telling myself i shouldn't expect too much from others, i should expect more from myself. As long as i'm here for them, i shldn't expect them to do the same..
Mayb it is pms.. But i really feel the pinch.. It is like i've wasted two years of my life in that freaking school.. All the brothers, all the time spent together meant nothing. No bond, no memories... I'm plain dumb, should have known it when none of them turned up at my 21st chalet..
Yesterday while i listen to my fren's recollection of how drunk he was at his 21st bday, i couldn't help but feel jealous.. Jealous not because i didn't get drunk. But his frens told him "if you are drunk, i'll make sure you get home safely".. What about me? I spent my bday telling my frens that no one was staying for my chalet. Almost to the extent of begging people to stay. Crying at the cold storage while preparing for the chalet... Even my godbrother for almost 7 years couldn't make it to my party...
nv been there for them? din do enough? Selfish? Mayb i really din do a good job as a friend.. I guess this kind of experience will stay with you throughout your life, worse than any kind of hurt a break up can bring you.. It is a testimony of your character, the way you do things..
if not for a few really good friends still existing in my life, i guess i really would have given up on the concept of friendship.. Getting more and more deluded by this bond among people... So fragile, so pathetic, so non-existence.
Have i wasted the past 21 years? Is my life only starting now?
Anyhow, am really disappointed with friendship as well.. the "very onz" friends that i made recently aside, i think about the friends that i made in the past.. I just get so demoralised.. Although i keep telling myself i shouldn't expect too much from others, i should expect more from myself. As long as i'm here for them, i shldn't expect them to do the same..
Mayb it is pms.. But i really feel the pinch.. It is like i've wasted two years of my life in that freaking school.. All the brothers, all the time spent together meant nothing. No bond, no memories... I'm plain dumb, should have known it when none of them turned up at my 21st chalet..
Yesterday while i listen to my fren's recollection of how drunk he was at his 21st bday, i couldn't help but feel jealous.. Jealous not because i didn't get drunk. But his frens told him "if you are drunk, i'll make sure you get home safely".. What about me? I spent my bday telling my frens that no one was staying for my chalet. Almost to the extent of begging people to stay. Crying at the cold storage while preparing for the chalet... Even my godbrother for almost 7 years couldn't make it to my party...
nv been there for them? din do enough? Selfish? Mayb i really din do a good job as a friend.. I guess this kind of experience will stay with you throughout your life, worse than any kind of hurt a break up can bring you.. It is a testimony of your character, the way you do things..
if not for a few really good friends still existing in my life, i guess i really would have given up on the concept of friendship.. Getting more and more deluded by this bond among people... So fragile, so pathetic, so non-existence.
Have i wasted the past 21 years? Is my life only starting now?
hey hey hey!!!! Been a while. Haven have the time to update anything except uploading some pictures that i've taken.. din do much. except going back to adss for teachers day, did some part time work on friday and went to sentosa on saturday.
Teachers day at Adss was pretty fun. Had farewell for one of the practicum teachers at Hans near upp thompson road.. many lame jokes... I can't really remember what transcend that day because i was very very tired throughout the day. Had to give tuition at 7pm that day even! And after which i went to meet them again.. Was pretty drain by the end of the day.. :p Wat's more i couldn't rem most of the things i said hahaha
The part time job was a last min stand in for someone else.. it had a really slow start, 1 hour of briefing... Half an hour of 'waiting for GOH', which in fact was really standing around doing nothing.. Things only started going when public starting streaming in, telling them about the exhibits etc. Actually it was pretty interesting job for me, cos instead of working i was walking around, looking at the exhibits myself, asking plenty of questions, taking a few name cards for myself ;p hahaha The best part was teaching little kids how to make 'book butterfly', some craft work which applies sci knowledge. At the end of which, the butterfly was suppose to 'fly'.. I was surprised at how good the kids were at receiving instructions. words like "loop, put both legs of your metal stick into the straw, pull it out from the other end, etc" Almost all of them can follow my instructions, which of cos made my job easier.. :d on the whole, really enjoyed myself there. I seriously think i cant do a deskbound job.. I need interaction with people..
Went sentosa yesterday.. :p "to see and be seen" according to my law fren. But seriously, i was looking at people all the time, doubt anyone was looking at me thou. LOL Though i couldn't play vball very well, kind of enjoyed the game. I guess i'll have to take it more seriously next time i go. :p got scolded for being nua. hahahahah And i got my islander temp card!!! Heezzz Power.. so people, sentosa anytime!!!
Anyhow, need to go sleep.. gotta wake up early to STUDY TML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn. yes, i am having semester right now... not holidays.... I miss my 3 months holidays...
WR
Teachers day at Adss was pretty fun. Had farewell for one of the practicum teachers at Hans near upp thompson road.. many lame jokes... I can't really remember what transcend that day because i was very very tired throughout the day. Had to give tuition at 7pm that day even! And after which i went to meet them again.. Was pretty drain by the end of the day.. :p Wat's more i couldn't rem most of the things i said hahaha
The part time job was a last min stand in for someone else.. it had a really slow start, 1 hour of briefing... Half an hour of 'waiting for GOH', which in fact was really standing around doing nothing.. Things only started going when public starting streaming in, telling them about the exhibits etc. Actually it was pretty interesting job for me, cos instead of working i was walking around, looking at the exhibits myself, asking plenty of questions, taking a few name cards for myself ;p hahaha The best part was teaching little kids how to make 'book butterfly', some craft work which applies sci knowledge. At the end of which, the butterfly was suppose to 'fly'.. I was surprised at how good the kids were at receiving instructions. words like "loop, put both legs of your metal stick into the straw, pull it out from the other end, etc" Almost all of them can follow my instructions, which of cos made my job easier.. :d on the whole, really enjoyed myself there. I seriously think i cant do a deskbound job.. I need interaction with people..
Went sentosa yesterday.. :p "to see and be seen" according to my law fren. But seriously, i was looking at people all the time, doubt anyone was looking at me thou. LOL Though i couldn't play vball very well, kind of enjoyed the game. I guess i'll have to take it more seriously next time i go. :p got scolded for being nua. hahahahah And i got my islander temp card!!! Heezzz Power.. so people, sentosa anytime!!!
Anyhow, need to go sleep.. gotta wake up early to STUDY TML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn. yes, i am having semester right now... not holidays.... I miss my 3 months holidays...
WR
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