New Arrival & Self-reflection

Waiting for the arrival of a new member to form a family :) Counting down the last stretch. A whole new phase in life, with new challenges, new joy, new expectations, new responsibilities... Less time, more reflections to be done. Less attention, more people to attend to. As adulthood progresses, time runs out faster than you can blink. I can only imagine what it will be like when the little one comes along :) Also noticed a new dimension to my reflections - compassion, empathy for others, whether it is warranted or not. I started to noticed how "hard logic" I used to be, partly due to my conversations with my younger sister. She makes the kind of judgment, reasoning that I used to say and I realised the element of empathy is sorely lacking. It really takes another person to make you understand yourself better. Empathy - something that is not taught in school, in our system. In fact, most soft skills aren't. Most things that aren't quantifiable have no place in our schools. Unfortunately, without the endorsement from school curriculum, column in our PSLE, O'lvl, A'lvl certificate, we seemed to have forgotten the importance of imparting such skills/values to our next generation. But I digressed. Empathy, makes life more complicated, no longer black/white, even if something is not a logical conclusion, you find yourself being able to sympathize with someone's choice in life. Choice - "We have the freedom to choose, but we cant choose the consequences." In Buddhism, this relates to the concept of Karma. Over the past two days, I've been trying to reconcile what I've seen and my beliefs. Trying to rationalise, and understand actions of others, my possible response and how such response is consistent with my beliefs. If we have faith in the concept of Karma, we would understand and pity those whose acts are not inline with the 5 precepts. But the actual practice of holding yourself back from hurting this people (with words), from letting go of the words they say (even if it is not targetted at myself), requires a lot of restraint and practise; requires a lot of faith in the teachings. One of the first questions I asked myself was, "Are we just going to take it lying down? not retaliate? Not to teach them, let them know how much pain they are causing?" And the communicator in me asked "What is their version of truth? Why is it they see things so differently? What can we understand from their 'accusation'? Is there no way to mediate this and find a common ground?" And the buddhist in me said "Everything is due to cause and effect. To retaliate is to perpetuate the cycle. Try as we might to stay in peace - Buddha said "A gift not accepted, remains with the person bearing the gift." An insult that is not received, will remain with the person who made that comment." In the initial stages, I definitely cannot see how I could sympathise with such characters, who view other's dignity as faeces and their possessions as definition for their lives, to be compassionate towards these people because of the way they lead their lives. Until now, I am still unable to bring myself to dedicate any type of goodwill to them... I'm no saint, and at the most I could do is to save myself and not harbour any hatred towards them. Life offers lessons, we can, through reflection, learn from ourselves.

一代新人换旧人

"Why do you still use a photo of you and your (ex)girlfriend as your screen saver?" I asked nearing the end of our lesson, not bothered if I would hit a healing wound.

"This is my new girlfriend!" the student replied with a smile on his face.

不但感慨＂年轻真好＂，更觉得自己落后，跟不上时代。

Despite my hassling about how heartbroken he was when he last broke up, my old-school advice about not having a relationship until after N-levels, I am happy for him. Because he is a normal teenager, and has moved on from his last experience. There will be many more, I suspect, but that is for us to know and for him to find out.

Another Sunday.