"After all these years, I have hardly seen YJC shine, but I guess it's>the cohort that they have been getting..however having said that 20>years is a long time to remain in a rut.. for me the best years would>have definitely been the late eighties when they had some really awesome>teachers who did wonders for the school, now however, it has gone>quiet..whatever name we come up with would have to reflect the>achievements of the past 20 years...hence I find it difficult to come up>with any..."
this is from the YJC alumni email - by a guy who graduated in 1990. And there was a really angry reply to this - which i totally like.. because she stood up for the school, when i merely dismissed this guy's comments as trying to say something when he really has nothing to say.

Anyhow, i replied both emails.

"To everyone out there,Cynism cannot get you anywhere, if you want a change in your alma mater such that you can, one day, be proud to tell people you are from YJC, it has to start from you. "

Haven they heard of the famous phrase "ask not what the country can do for you, but what you can do for your country"?
i have my reasons to hate the school as well, i have my own bad experience with the teachers as well, i even have a black mark in YJ. But i cannot offset that with the things that i've learn from school, mostly out of classrooms.
Someone once said to me,
"Do you know what are the things that students remember the most after they graduate? it's not the math tutorial, the econs essays, not the lectures. Instead, they remember how the stay till late in the evening to paint a banner for the fun fair the next day, they remember how they design the cafe in school, they remember having a lesson in the park, in the field, they rem the competitions they had to participate in..."
What do i rem?
I rem my bad CIP trip to china
I rem my Sarawak trip
I rem talking rubbish to my tutors during class and haunting them after school.
I rem the pats on my back during my j2 year by my j1 computing teacher.
I rem the ever changing library that is always super cold.
I rem neva getting my econ's teacher after school.
I rem goin to the discipline master's office and get a scolding.
I rem grumbling about stupid dialogue sessions which i totally condemn cos all they do is justify what they do.

and the list goes on.

No many good memories, i admit.
but i post a question to those who hate themselves for having been in YJ:
What is more precious than be the people who build up that spirit in the school?

what is your role if you're in a school with a long established school spirit? You're a merely a participant, yes you may feel proud, but one day if your school fall into the dumps? are you sure you'll stand by your school?
We build up the spirit, we start the fire burning, we are the ones that see the scale rise from 0 to something. I am sure we can stand by the school if ever anything happens to it.

What do you get out of complaining about having to come to yj and say that it has done you no good, causing you to drop out of JC or not achieving during A levels?
How much effort have you put in yourself? I did well not because i relied on class tutorials, i've spent evenings in school haunting my poor tutors down. I cried in my tuition centre for not knowing how to do my math paper. I have put in enough effort and even if i did not do well, i cannot fault my teachers for it.

why can't people understand that?

i couldn't write this in my email because it would be too personal and subjective. i jus hope people can take responsibility of their lives, just like i'm trying to do with my life.

you are in the dumps because you don't wanna help yourself.

i guess this much i can help my school because i can't really turn up too often nowadays...
trust me when i say that i have my fair share of hating the school, but it wasn't their fault.

Cheers

Wenrong

Then again.. a phase kept repeating in my mind
..... anyone is dispensible - no one is indispensible ... ReMeMbEr?...

This is from my sister's blog..
i remember i've said this before, to the man that i guess i'll never want to see again.. telling him that leaving to japan with his girlfren (then) should be a good choice if he really loved her.. and that it wasn't his fault he wasn't ard when i was goin thru a break up..

Because no one can be there for anyone forever..

yet, in a way, everyone hopes that there's someone there for them 24-7. That they will have someone to fall back upon, to turn to for advice, to have a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to share your joy.. Someone special.. Specially there for you, that he or she is that special someone that exists to complement your existence..

i guess it's highly cynical to say that that is just made-belief - that a person, a special someone is on earth destined to be your partner, your other half.
somehow i can agree with the cynical view. how can you say that there's a person that is specially destined to be with you when you talk about accomodation, acceptance in a relationship, about external pressure? Love has proven to be secondary to alot of things, love does not conquer all.
If he or she is the special someone, why isn't he or she made jus right to complement my character, my background, my beliefs?

numbness sets in..
wat is it like to fall in love again? to find that a certain person did not reply my msg and fret over it? to feel sad jus because he did not reply me? to go out of your way just to make him happy, so that you'll derive happiness from that? to have someone else's interests before yours? to be prepared to give everything you have, just so that you believe "this is it, this is my destination"? to hold on patiently, waiting for him to just realise how much you love him? to make things that are totally impractical and takes up space, knowing that he'll appreciate it and not treat it as rubbish? to spend a bomb on fone bill because you msg him the min you wake up, right before you sleep and punctuate your day with stupid msges that ranges from "hey i'm on my way to school" to "hey, i'm having lunch now, rem to eat" as if a grown man has no idea wat is hunger? To say things that are totally obvious but jus show that you care? to sit and stare at each other and think that tt's the best thing that can happen to you?

basically, things that you do, to expose urself to possible risks of getting hurt.
things that you warn urself not to do, keep away from, just so that history doesn't repeats itself..

i cry for myself, my tears to pity myself. because of the kind of person i've become.. it's not that i cannot love.. the thoughts have influence the actions.. that perhaps certain things are just not worth brooding over..
if he doesn't call, i'll jus do my things.. the kind of anger, the degree of rejection that i used to feel is significantly lesser.. to the point i start to question, then is this love?
the first reaction to his lack of response is still anger, rejection - but my head starts to take over.. i walk away, i stop myself from getting angry. sometimes it jus feels like being indifferent..

erjie: you said that i was trapped in the past, unsure of the future..

Trapped in the past? i'm not sure. because i dun really think about him, when i do, i jus push the idea away. he still comes to mind once in a while.. i still wish to msg him, but i dun anymore. i guess this is when people say you get used to the pain after some time - instead of time healing you. you think of him often enough such that now, in a lesser frequency, i consider myself on the road of recovery? i tell myself i dunwan to know what you're doing, what's happening at your end, don't wanna know how you're coping.. ironically, when i think of all these, ain't i thinking of the very same things i tell myself not to?

actually today's entry is about nothing. sorry for spending your time reading nothing..
i just feel... mixed up..
i feel suppressed, always stopping myself from feeling some emotions before i do.. i want to be able to wail, to laugh out loud, to think of things that i want to think, to miss a person i want to miss, to hate, to love, to be the young bold me again..

to wail, to laugh -about wat?
to think of things that i wanna think about - wat exactly do you wanna think about?
to miss a person that i want to miss - what good does it do to you?
to hate, to love - where does that bring you...
young bold me-once you have crossed the threshold, you'll never find the old you again, no matter how hard you try..

oh dear oh dear...
i'm reading blogs instead of writing my presentation for tml which has to last for 4 mins.
hahaha
i'm screwed..
i think more than screwed..

my uncle in law's nick on msn - Take 100% responsibility of your life..

it's so tough, i seems to lost all the zest i had in jc..
always thinking about weird things, i cant concentrate like i used to.. i jus have this feeling i cant compare with my cohort anymore... yes, on top of that, i just cannot work hard, somehow.

where can i find that zest again?

haha
i just came across the blog that cause me my misery last year... apparent she did quite well for her A's, congrats man.. with her cynicism, she should go into mass com, my little advice while she ponders where to go.. DUN LET ME SEE YOU IN NUS... yes i mean it.. dun even step into Arts and Soci. i cant even rem your name, one qi.. so frens of one qi, if you happen to see my blog and know that your fren whose name has a qi and has been causing alot of trouble with her supposedly innocent and trying to be cynical blog - yup, tell her to go ntu mass com.
oh yah, while i browsed through her blog, saw that she went to do relieve teaching at some school, apparently a famous one. WHICH of cos, did not escape her clutches (of cynicism). Yes, our dear fren described the school as "a school that looks like all the other schools where parents sell their house at negative value, to move into the 1km radius and wail like when they are in a funeral during the balloting session" well, and she effectively poke fun at the sch as well as parents in sg..
good thing she's only relieving, i cant imagine how will her students turn out under the guidance of such cynical creature. yes, creature.
and it's not as if her criticisms are any good. for one, they're not funny. Two, they're disgusting. three, they're the most not original things that people have said before. she's what we youngsters call "lao chu nu"
i couldn't bear to read any more of her blog, jus in case i decided to email her to tick her off, or rather piss her off.
arghhHHHHhhh !!!!

k enough of anger... now some sanity
one private number called last night, but i was sleeping.. wonder who is it.

and i wonder when am i goin to start practicing for my presentation tml..

highly UNmotivated and totally out of zest..always unhappy.. NO POINT IN LIFE!
shld have slept for another hour had i known i was goin to read blogs..
damn it

i hate people,
mayb i shld start a top ten, no five is enough.. top five hate list...after some serious thinking, i'm only left with top 3...
3)imp - a dog hounding me
2)one qi - triggered my misery
1)Cockroach - cause of my misery (still)
hahahah
look like some song chart suddenly..
and mayb i dun hate people so much after all, since i only have 3 entries and 2 that i reallly reallyy wanna slap.

i need to get in touch with assassins.. hahaha k maybe not to that extent, but are there people to trick other people for a living? like those we see on tv.. jus make their life as miserable as mine.. i jus cant stand it when i'm trying to handle my life with all that sh*t feeling and other people jus go on doing so well... I DUN LIKE THAT!!!!!

well, mayb because other people cant be bother with it anymore?

sigh,
i think i've got permanent headache, and possibly permanent brain damage.. i wake up to a headache everyday, end the day with headache..
i wish i had brain tumour and die - dun let me go through all that therapy.. i wanna keep my hair, yes and lose my life. hahahahah
:p

top ten things i've gotta learn how to do..
1) count my blessings
2) be more independant
3) eat less
4) read more
5) drive
6) dress nicely
7) be nice to people
8) let go of certain things
9) meditate
10) find myself..

"it's precisely because of men like this that i even have a job... HAD a job..."-hitch
yeap, i agree that not all men are jerks. but one jerk in a lady's life is enough to scar her for life. some can't stand up again, man after man, looking for the same feeling.. some become too cold, too defensive, deep inside afraid to fall in love again... but some just accept it as another part in life and move on...
it's easy to fall into the first two categories, two extremes that people take..
sigh.

maybe there's a reason why i sleep so much lately...

wr

One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"

Mr. Singh and Mr. Singh, two friends not noted for their depth of intellectual aptitude, were applying for a visa to visit their relatives in the town of London Transport, England. The first Mr. Singh was interviewed by the officer in charge.
"Well, Mr. Singh, all we need to know is whether you have the mental resources to survive your trip to London", he said, demonstrating his cultural understanding of the applicant. "Let's see, now - if I poke you with this pencil in your left eye, what will happen?
"I'll be blinded in my left eye, sir".
"Very good, Mr. Singh. Now, if I poke you with the pencil in your right eye, what will happen?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."
"Well, Mr. Singh, you've passed with flying colors. Enjoy your trip."
Mr. Singh then rejoined Mr. Singh in the waiting room, and described his experience. "It was being very easy, Mr. Singh. That very nice officer Sahib ask you two questions, and you are answering only "I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir", and then "I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all", and then you are getting the visa straight away."
So the second, and slightly more comprehension-impaired Mr. Singh, went into the interview room. The officer took the same approach: "What would happen if I took these scissors and cut off your left ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir".
"Hmmm. What would happen if I cut off your your right ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."
The officer was a little perplexed by these answers. "Now Mr. Singh, I find your answers very difficult to understand. How could it be that cutting off your ears would have anything to do with your eyesight?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear - I should be explaining myself. If you cut off my left ear, my turban will fall down on the left side and cover my left eye and I'll be blinded in one eye. And then if you cut off my right ear, my turban will also be falling down on the right side and I'll be blinded in my right eye and I won't be able to be seeing anything at all!"
Mr. Singh got his visa.

"in the arms of the angel, fly away from here..."
well, have been rushing assignments ever since last week.. and it'll continue till next week because i have another crim law take home nex week.. yes, it lasts for a week...

i'm preoccupied with myself, yet again.
wanted to blog badly, but i really have no idea wat to write.. perhaps too many things to write, somehow everything jus becomes a mash and you don't know exactly you wanna write..
it jus happens..

i jus saw hitch..
great show.
you always take something out of the movies, even if it's the lousiest show.
and watever you learn, depends on your experience in life. a part of the show will always catch your attention because you can identify with it. Just like songs.. a good reason why people enjoy love songs so much is perhaps they actually sing how the people feel..

"that's what people do rite? take risks. you take the leap, hoping you will can fly... that's what i'm doing now... i'm falling.. and i need you before i can fly."

if only reality are as easy as movies... if only.

"you must have been kissing a fool..."

-wr-

"Kissing A Fool"
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart
People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them S
teal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart
You are farI'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe I'll be strong enough
I don't know where to start
But I'll never find
Peace of mind
While I listen to my heart
People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they willIf you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through
But remember this
Every other kiss
That you'll ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compare with any other
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool