这首歌对我来说并没有多大的意义。。
旋律好听。。 歌词写得不错。。。
‘我爱故我在’ 意思应该是 ‘我因为爱而存在’
"there are somethings you don't want to become" I still remember.
今天的我，又想起过去。
没有用的我，又回到四年前。
但是，现在的我，对过去那个我，只有不耻。
对那个单纯的自己，只有厌恶。
but comparing then and now, who can say which is better? Who is to say that she was worsed off? And who can say that i'm much better off the way i am right now?
She had something that i don't. I believe I'm stronger that her.
But she's part of me.. For better or worse, she'll always be in there, somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough emo-ism for the day...
I've just received call that I'll be interning at Drew and Napier for July. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be in time for their assessment for pupilage recruitment. Hence I still have to go through the interview and hopefully they still have space by then.
Anyhow, even if i don't get my pupilage there, i'll try to do well for my internship for long term. Well, that's all i can do isn't it? To do my best and all else is out of my control.
Things that are out of my control.. Have always been grappling with these 'things'. Because they are out of control, any amount of thoughts and concern can never change anything. Therefore i have to be contented with what i have. Therefore, i have to learn to adapt, to settle. And i have to learn that, no matter how hard i try, there are just these things that are there to make your life more difficult that it already is, more unbearable than it can ever be, more unfair than you can ever imagine. But, remember, that is life. U can tear your hair out, scream your lungs out and cry your heart out, This is life. There are only so much you can do.
Don't let them get to you, enjoy the ride, remember the scenery..
You are the only variable you control.
WR
Friday, March 30, 2007
Good morning, nice weather, great songs on my lappy.. The Friday definitely started out right. Notwithstanding all the assignments deadline nearing, i'm still taking my own sweet time to get things started.
Read many things in the papers, wanted to have a go at some of them but decided not to be so intellectual in today's post. More casual, less intense shall today's post be.
"Boston
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go toBoston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
YeahBoston
Where no one knows my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read my older entries yesterday.. Seen how things have changed over the years yet it seemed like yesterday. I can still feel a little sting of what had happened. I still remember vividly how difficult it was. No matter how many people i talked to, at the end of the day, it was just me and myself, fighting the voice inside me, "what if..."
It is all too recent to be put aside.
This is probably why I simply cannot stomach people ard me doing silly things just to salvage their lost love. Because i see myself in them. That girl who i once was, who could put down everything just for another chance of being with that person, who had so clearly given her up. Knowing fully well the kind of nuisance she was, skewed analysis of every word that he said in her favour, not knowing when to stop.
The bitter taste is still there. And to hear of people doing the same thing, facing the same problem, even if the fact pattern is different, I have little to say. Because no amount of words will suffice. As long as he/she wants to wallow in the hole of false hope and self pity, nothing can save him/her. The harsh reality remains, the other person has left. The more you do right now, the lesser you will be to that person. All i can say is, pack up the little dignity you have left and walk away. Even if there is a little bit of love left in that person, a relationship cannot work if that person has lost his/her respect for you.
先学会爱自己
别人才会知道怎么爱你
Read many things in the papers, wanted to have a go at some of them but decided not to be so intellectual in today's post. More casual, less intense shall today's post be.
"
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah
Where no one knows my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read my older entries yesterday.. Seen how things have changed over the years yet it seemed like yesterday. I can still feel a little sting of what had happened. I still remember vividly how difficult it was. No matter how many people i talked to, at the end of the day, it was just me and myself, fighting the voice inside me, "what if..."
It is all too recent to be put aside.
This is probably why I simply cannot stomach people ard me doing silly things just to salvage their lost love. Because i see myself in them. That girl who i once was, who could put down everything just for another chance of being with that person, who had so clearly given her up. Knowing fully well the kind of nuisance she was, skewed analysis of every word that he said in her favour, not knowing when to stop.
The bitter taste is still there. And to hear of people doing the same thing, facing the same problem, even if the fact pattern is different, I have little to say. Because no amount of words will suffice. As long as he/she wants to wallow in the hole of false hope and self pity, nothing can save him/her. The harsh reality remains, the other person has left. The more you do right now, the lesser you will be to that person. All i can say is, pack up the little dignity you have left and walk away. Even if there is a little bit of love left in that person, a relationship cannot work if that person has lost his/her respect for you.
先学会爱自己
别人才会知道怎么爱你
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Much hype created by my sister. Finally saw it today, the day that it opened. Frankly speaking i was pretty disappointed by it, even though some parts were pretty moving. The story was good, but it could be better put together. The stories weren't linked well, hence it felt like the story was all over the place...
However, the students' stories, their lives touched me. School and education don't mean anything to them. Btween their lives and studies, the choice is clear. What is the point of is, are, was, were when u might just be shot dead the next moment? Then you realised that education can bring u to places, but not when you're dead.
then the line "You cannot teach someone to want education" hit you in your face. You cannot blame Margaret for say that. To her, they are just a bunch of good-for-nothings, don't want anything out of life. They are a bunch of street rats who were forced upon this A-list school, turning it into make shift care centre for problem kids. She has been teaching for a good number of years in this good school to justify her resentment for these kids.
Lack of belief in the kids. Lack of faith in what their profession. The concept that the good and academically inclined students should be given more resources is something I can never agree with. Why do they even teach in the first place? What is the point of education then? Undeniably, there are definitely those who just cannot be bothered to study. But there are students who will put in the effort once you show them you believe in what they are capable of. I have first hand experience to this.
Ms G's divorce in the movie... just shows that no one can be perfect.. That ultimately, time is a limited resource. You spend more time at your job, you'll end up alone. No one can blame her husband for leaving. He didn't marry the TV. Definitely things could have worked out, but she was more sensitive towards her kids' wants and needs instead of noticing her husband's insecurities.
He stood as a stark contrast to her father, who strongly disapproved of her being a teacher. Though so, he was there to pick up the kids with her for the trip. He showed his support for what she did for the kids. As opposed to the husband who was initially supportive, but found himself further and further from her along the way. He could have been there, to see what she was doing for herself and her students. Instead of feeling short changed in life, he could have felt happy for her. But his male ego stood in the way "But i am not your wife" he said. He couldn't stand being the lesser person in the relationship, unable to fulfill his dream as much as she did. He chose to leave. Her father, instead, admitted his mistake and declared how proud he was that his daughter 'was blessed with a burden'. She had a cause to fulfill.
Funny how i have so much to write when i started out saying i was disappointed.... Must be the afterthoughts...
Hope i din spoil your movie.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
went to credit suisse for internship interview today.. from what i gathered, they were quite impressed with me. Less the fact that i already had prior commitment, i can say that i had pretty high chances of clinching the internship. I told them of my prior commitment and we had a good laugh over it. They wanted me to make a decision then and there but all i could tell them was, "if my saying yes here requires me to go back on my words to them, then my yes here cannot be worth much, right?"
That being said, so much about a company can be seen via an interview. Just like how much an experienced manager can learn about an interviewee in that short hour. Big as they are, successful as they might be, the way they carry themselves in front of outsiders, the way they receive you is full of professionalism. From the reception, until the two executives see you to the elevator.
Even this is a learning experience, no?
Nearing the crossroads of my life. Moving into that phase in life whereby i have to choose where do i want to go from here. A few paths already mapped out in my head. Assuming perfect scenarios, the different future that i see. But now i'm still keeping my options open, i can only decide when i go through my hell internship with the law firm. I'll probably be another digit at the firm, something which i totally cannot come to terms with. However, it is still too early to make any conclusion.
These few months, my learning curve is steep, very. There are really too many things out there to be learn. Things that you cannot learn in the books. Things u have to see and try for yourself. By far, the most that i've learned about relationship, is within this period when i'm single. See how people go about hitting the walls, crying over relationships that shouldn't have taken plc, how guys bark up the wrong tree, how girls go around boasting about their 'conquests', all sorts of power struggle in a relationship...
It'll definitely do my next r/s good, but whether it lasts or not will be another story yeah?
We'll never know. That's the beauty of life.
WR
That being said, so much about a company can be seen via an interview. Just like how much an experienced manager can learn about an interviewee in that short hour. Big as they are, successful as they might be, the way they carry themselves in front of outsiders, the way they receive you is full of professionalism. From the reception, until the two executives see you to the elevator.
Even this is a learning experience, no?
Nearing the crossroads of my life. Moving into that phase in life whereby i have to choose where do i want to go from here. A few paths already mapped out in my head. Assuming perfect scenarios, the different future that i see. But now i'm still keeping my options open, i can only decide when i go through my hell internship with the law firm. I'll probably be another digit at the firm, something which i totally cannot come to terms with. However, it is still too early to make any conclusion.
These few months, my learning curve is steep, very. There are really too many things out there to be learn. Things that you cannot learn in the books. Things u have to see and try for yourself. By far, the most that i've learned about relationship, is within this period when i'm single. See how people go about hitting the walls, crying over relationships that shouldn't have taken plc, how guys bark up the wrong tree, how girls go around boasting about their 'conquests', all sorts of power struggle in a relationship...
It'll definitely do my next r/s good, but whether it lasts or not will be another story yeah?
We'll never know. That's the beauty of life.
WR
Jus a short post before i go back to earning $150 per essay.. I'm fine, as the previous posts might suggest otherwise.. There are things to be done, assignment to complete... Still going about my life as usual. Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my perspective. I guess at the end of the day, of everything i go though, there is something to take away from it. From all these mish-mash, i've seen many things, many people, experience many things, learn much more than what i could have asked for. Through conversation, observation and interaction, it is something you will never be able to achieve in the classroom. The learning curve is exponential.
looking at the near future, there are so many things waiting to be completed.. It is really difficult to imagine if i have someone to answer to, to report my movement, to be committed to. The current lifestyle, althou may seem unorthodox to some, is what i need. Company, not commitment. Frens, not partner.
However, ultimately, i'm still a girl. I would love to have someone to whine to at the end of the day. To feel the sense of belonging. To have a pair of strong arms to receive me when i'm down and out. Even though i'm not entirely on my own yet, I already know what does it mean to fend for myself. How does it feel when u stand out there alone. To belong to myself. To have only myself. This is important for me. To find out who i really am, to know what i really want and who i really want to be with.
I may be infatuated with this person, but with each passing day, i realized that it is more like admiration and respect for an individual. Rest assured that I know fully well what i am doing and that at the end of the day, i'll be responsible to myself.
wr
looking at the near future, there are so many things waiting to be completed.. It is really difficult to imagine if i have someone to answer to, to report my movement, to be committed to. The current lifestyle, althou may seem unorthodox to some, is what i need. Company, not commitment. Frens, not partner.
However, ultimately, i'm still a girl. I would love to have someone to whine to at the end of the day. To feel the sense of belonging. To have a pair of strong arms to receive me when i'm down and out. Even though i'm not entirely on my own yet, I already know what does it mean to fend for myself. How does it feel when u stand out there alone. To belong to myself. To have only myself. This is important for me. To find out who i really am, to know what i really want and who i really want to be with.
I may be infatuated with this person, but with each passing day, i realized that it is more like admiration and respect for an individual. Rest assured that I know fully well what i am doing and that at the end of the day, i'll be responsible to myself.
wr
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