Me. Myself & i

heYzz
again it's been some time since i blog
hardly have time for myself nowadays
it's jus sch, bf, law club, tutorials, sleep (hardlY)
i really dunnoe what is happening in my life, the sem is ending and i have no idea what am i doing everday.
it's really mundane.
i'll run to catch a ride from my bf's dad's car, will say hi to the mum, super tired, falls asleep in the car, mayb can sustain awhile and read some newspaper. get to sch about half an hour earlier and go to eat breakfast, may drink coffee or apple juice. then have lecture, go eat lunch, do some reading, talk some crap, take care of my law club stuff... goin home, sometmes with tuition...

i'm losing it. losing direction, where am i goin with this?
it is a serious qn, definitely not becos of pms.
i'm force by myself to do somethings that i really do not like, becos it is inevitable in life. but is this rite?
choices,
it's true that in every situation there's definitely choices. and in everything that you do, it's your choice. However, have anyone wondered that some options are as good as having no choice at all? i mean as an outsider you can say "it's ultimately up to you rite?" but if you had the same considerations as the one making the choice, would you still be able to say the same time. If everything is up to my choice, my likings, my priorities, then there'll never be problem in choosing. It's a matter of how selfish you wanna be, it is a matter of how inconsiderate you can make yourself to be, it is a matter of how self centred you are. I am not saying i'm all noble, always taking other's into considerations first before i make my decisions, but my upbringing is such that i do factor other's feelings into my considerations, jus a matter of degree.

well, for the benefit of those who are still reading, it is about my eca, law club. i've some serious problems with people and the way they work in there. from the beginning the leader has made me lost my faith in her being a good leader, not by the way she speaks, nor because of the way she carry herself. perhaps i'm over sensitive, but it is through sutle actions that shows that she has not put herself into the mindset that she is a leader of a group. i cant deny that she has the capabilities, confidence to take up the post, but has she put herself in that position?it's totally different to say that i want to be a leader and to really do it. to take care of the well being of the group. it's a very small incident, however, it's always the small things that count to me.

i have a vp that always wants things her way, suppose to take care of discipline in the club, did her job and really lose me as well. i mean we're all adults, i agree what we've did is off point and wrong. but com'on, do you really want to say this in the club meetings, how will the person feel? surely there are some better ways to communitcate than publicly point it out? when i say she always wants things her way, i don't think she does it on purpose, she jus haven realised what she is doing. I'm sure she has the club's interests at heart, but when people offer their point of view and most people agree with it, i think we jus have to live with it. That is the meaning of tyranny of majority, and at 19 years old, been through council, she seems to have yet to pick up that point in life.

Thirdly, i have this feeling that the group (i wont call it a team as yet) still cant handle problems in a matured way. if you haf a problem with me, look me up, talk to me, we settle it in a matured way. if you keep talking about it during meeting, whether is it hinting or being sacarstic, will jus make things worse. Morever, sacarsm will not bring the group anywhere, what is important is that now we're all in this. what i do might not make ur job more easy, but we work a way out, meet each other halfway. Know what is the problem of your member and address it, don't hint, or call a meeting to talk about things and end up only addressing to that particular member in the club. You're not helping, jus pushing to member away. such things are really delicate human relations issues that are important in a club, unless they learn it themselves. Of cos i can bring it up to them, it'll just look like i'm complaining and everything will be superficial and not be a lesson learnt, not from the bottom of their heart.

i've talked about this with many people, many times. As usual, typical gemini cant make up her mind, after talking to so many people, hearing so many different sides of viewpoint, the more i cant make up my mind, as usual. Anyway, made up my mind to pull through it for a year after talking to a fren. Really put things into perspective after talking to him. Life is never goin to be goin my way, instead of finding an easier way out, might as well brave through it and find yourself a better person at the end of it. Turning around and walk away is so easy, but am i goin to gain anything out of it? as much as i hate to admit it, it doesn't.

i nid to catch up with my work.
the amount of time spent studying few weeks before did not pay off. i got a b- for my first torts test. as in it is not the amount of time you spent studying, it is how you present your ans, how you argue your point and the way you use ur cases. it's all so easy to say, sit there and you wont know what to do. i dont even deserve a low b. that is the painful part. not to mention i was following lectures then, now i really have no idea what is happening in lectures and have yet to be preparing for lectures. been tryin to revise but have been repeating certain stuff that has yet to set in my mind. it is really messed up plus all the tutorials that we have to prepare for. i'm really up to the top...

well, i think i'll stop here, actually wanted to talk about something else, maybe later after my mugging.

cheers