Me. Myself & i

I don't have to be a mother to understand how a mother cares. All the while I have a great relationship with my parents, always the favourite child (as I want to think), always the smart one, the one who brings the laughter at dinner tables... I love my parents. very much.

But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.

I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...

I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.

I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.

At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.

Cheers,
WR