Me. Myself & i

Haven't blog here for the longest time... I have finally started on my adulthood for about 3 months.. Started working full time, learning how to sustain on my own, how to stand on my own two feet. Cross roads, split seconds decisions which may actually affect the rest of my life.

So many people, trying to give you so many different advices.. At the same time, not everyone is advising you for your interests.. You never know when some of them have a stake in the entire issue.. Life no longer is one dimension, there are so many perspectives to it.

I was definitely not naive before this. However, having to deal with this day after day can be tiring. It is no longer listening to it on a narrative basis, instead, experiencing it first hand, dealing with it face to face. There is no pause button, and to seek for advice at that moment.

Then again, a wrong choice simply means you have to become wiser the next time; at the same time, a seemingly correct choice doesn't necessarily mean only good consequences flow from it.

It has only been three months. I always thought i belonged to the game, I was told I had the EQ to survive in the real world; the ability to connect with people. Having that alone is not enough. A little distrust can do some good. Some perseverance and determination.. The ability to pretend every thing is fine.

I never thought I am a principled person. but i find it hard to pretend to respect a person whom i've already lost my respect for.

I always thought I am very forgiving.. yet I realised i write people off with just one instance.

Everyday, I'm learning more and more about myself. Just three months, how much have i gathered?

There are so many things that are innate in me. There are so much more that I can learn. I have to tell myself there is no limit to how much i can learn.

Everyday it is a battle. Battle within myself. To do this or that? Is this me? or do I want to become like that? Will this route be the better option? Is it really better for me to change?

Morphing. Transforming. I know I am going through a state of change.

But is stronger necessarily means better? What is better? Better future? More lasting?

It is very easy to get lost out there. Not in terms of sexual morality.. But in terms of principles. Your set of principles is constantly being challenged. Your set of ideas is constantly being compared against others. When do you decide to discard one of yours in exchange for one of the norms? Should you be doing that in the first place?

在外面的花花世界，很容易迷失自己
要记住自己是谁，根本不简单。
要有一定的意志力和自信，
还要对自己的肯定。

Only one with a strong sense of security and assurance can breeze through that concrete jungle unscathed.

Now more than ever, I need constant self-reflection.. Now more than ever, I need to know what I want out of my life.