Love

Just like that, the journey ended at 13 weeks. I was informed that there is "something very odd" and my gynae delivered the bad news - There was no heartbeat detected. 

It was a routine check up after the cvs procedure, I thought I was there to collect the report. Something wasnt right when the picture of junior 2 hit the ultrasound screen. It was unusually peaceful.

After the initial scan, I cried incontrollably. Cannot described how I felt. Helpless? junior 2 was still so small, and there wasn't any sign.

At the second scan, I couldnt bear watching the screen. I remember the beautiful shape of its head, and the nice body. Head was nicely formed, really round. The first diagnosis of no heartbeat was confirmed.

Remaining time in the clinic was for me too grief, wait for TC and Er Jie to arrive. And for prof to explain what could have happened and what to do next. 

Seeing Lele lifted my spirits and reminded me that I needed to be present for this little girl. Seeing my mother reminded me that the last thing I need to do is to wallow in self pity, or to break my mother's heart. 

Sorry Junior 2 that we are not fated to meet and be family. As your mummy for 13 weeks, I will do my best to accumulate merits for you, in order for you to go a better realm. That's the only thing we can do for you and hope that all will turn out fine for you. Mummy and Daddy are grieving in our hearts, even though we looked like we are not. We will  remember you and keep you in our hearts. May you find peace and metta in your heart wherever you go.