mental note to self: when some one tells you that "You won't understand", more likely than not, you will not understand his/her situation completely. So just accept it graciously and acknowledge the fact that you are not all knowing/knowledgeable and listen to what the other party has to say.

I know that I have always made this mistake when some one wishes to talk about their difficulties with me. I think I am the sort who jumps to conclusion to quickly: You are too emotional, you are too indecisive, you do not know what to do with your life, etc etc. But isn't that usually how pple feel when they are lost in the first place. Even if they knew they are indecisive or emotional, what good will it do to point it out to them at that time?

Especially towards people who find it difficult to share their feelings in the first place, my "know it all" tone/attitude will actually scare them back into their shell, comfort zone, pretending everything is okie.

It doesn't help that I like to share my experience. To me, sharing about a similar experience that I have gone through, lets that person know that I am on his/her side. That I know how it feels like. However, to most of the people, they don't want to hear about me and my stories. They are there to share their stories, their experience, their dilemma. My sharing becomes "stealing of the lime light" or some sort. Those who are better friends retreat into their listening friend mode while those are less understanding think I am an arrogant and selfish basta*d (which is probably true to some extent).

Tonight is not that night that I feel ashamed of myself. I have come to realise something about myself that is not entirely good for myself (if I wanna keep my friends) or my closed ones. I would like to do better :) I would like to be a better person, if not in other aspects, the least I can do is be a more approachable friend.

Of course there will definitely be times when I continue be a self absorbed as*, but probably to those whom I cannot be bothered to find it within me to be the bigger person :)

Ahhh.. The power of self-awareness and autonomy :)

the morning of father's day (actually the afternoon, cos i woke up pretty late), my Dad peeled mangosteen for me :) I came out of the shower, and he simply told me to sit down at the dining table while he peeled the purple fruit for me :) :) :)

Having heard how people around me have less than perfect relationship with their fathers, I am really grateful, on this day, for my daddy :) He has his flaws, definitely, but he dotes on me undoubtedly.

I guess I am really glad that I didn't sneak out yesterday and cause every one to worry :) It will probably be something that I feel bad for for a good long while, but it is better than having to regret for the rest of my life if something had happened.

I know I have to be resting, to stay at home and sit around, take my meds. But I am only asking to attend half of my good friend's wedding dinner tonight, is that too much? I won't be eating any thing, I won't be moving around unnecessarily. I will take care of myself when I'm there.

ARGH. I am so frustrated. It is not as if I want to go out to have fun and neglecting my body. I really want to be there to witness my friend's wedding. How can all of you just shut me up like that? Forcing me to stay at home?

Now all I can do is sit at home and blog about it. It has been a long long while since I have to ask pple for permission to go out. and the rejection is utmost annoying.

Halfway through my second doze of laxative (actually, just a mouth of it) and I am toying with the idea of throwing all of it away. Absolutely disgusting trying to down it and not to mention the after-effects of it.

As much as I would like to be cool about the whole thing, telling others that there is no need to visit me, that it is a small procedure, I am actually afraid of it. I have no idea what to expect of it, the entire experience is new and I am glad my dear boy will be taking a day off just to be beside my bed when I wake up.

I'm sure it is not going to look pretty like in the movies. I am going to feel groggy, thirsty, look like crap and be in pain (and probably be a pain). Am trying hard not to think about it and just take a step at a time. What's got to be done, will have to be done.

At the same time, I am going to miss out on all the action of a good friend's wedding, while the entire gang goes gaga over the big occasion. I might even have to miss the wedding dinner and the stay in 1degree15, the staycation with the gang and their families :( The entire idea of missing the whole thing just makes me feel really disappointed, like a little girl being trapped at home because of the rain! Boo!@

That little girl aside, I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow and I should be back by Friday! If any thing should happen to me, I hope the banks waive all my debts to them... ;p

WR

The Climb - Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Whoa a oh oh

Dedicated to every one and any one - living their life today, making a difference, striving to become stronger, better than yesterday. Keep going!!! :)

Haven't blog here for the longest time... I have finally started on my adulthood for about 3 months.. Started working full time, learning how to sustain on my own, how to stand on my own two feet. Cross roads, split seconds decisions which may actually affect the rest of my life.

So many people, trying to give you so many different advices.. At the same time, not everyone is advising you for your interests.. You never know when some of them have a stake in the entire issue.. Life no longer is one dimension, there are so many perspectives to it.

I was definitely not naive before this. However, having to deal with this day after day can be tiring. It is no longer listening to it on a narrative basis, instead, experiencing it first hand, dealing with it face to face. There is no pause button, and to seek for advice at that moment.

Then again, a wrong choice simply means you have to become wiser the next time; at the same time, a seemingly correct choice doesn't necessarily mean only good consequences flow from it.

It has only been three months. I always thought i belonged to the game, I was told I had the EQ to survive in the real world; the ability to connect with people. Having that alone is not enough. A little distrust can do some good. Some perseverance and determination.. The ability to pretend every thing is fine.

I never thought I am a principled person. but i find it hard to pretend to respect a person whom i've already lost my respect for.

I always thought I am very forgiving.. yet I realised i write people off with just one instance.

Everyday, I'm learning more and more about myself. Just three months, how much have i gathered?

There are so many things that are innate in me. There are so much more that I can learn. I have to tell myself there is no limit to how much i can learn.

Everyday it is a battle. Battle within myself. To do this or that? Is this me? or do I want to become like that? Will this route be the better option? Is it really better for me to change?

Morphing. Transforming. I know I am going through a state of change.

But is stronger necessarily means better? What is better? Better future? More lasting?

It is very easy to get lost out there. Not in terms of sexual morality.. But in terms of principles. Your set of principles is constantly being challenged. Your set of ideas is constantly being compared against others. When do you decide to discard one of yours in exchange for one of the norms? Should you be doing that in the first place?

在外面的花花世界，很容易迷失自己
要记住自己是谁，根本不简单。
要有一定的意志力和自信，
还要对自己的肯定。

Only one with a strong sense of security and assurance can breeze through that concrete jungle unscathed.

Now more than ever, I need constant self-reflection.. Now more than ever, I need to know what I want out of my life.

What better way to sit down and reflect on your life during a chinese new year long weekend?

This new year, there is so much to think about...

WR

WR's statistics for xmas:

SPent 33 hrs in office for 2 days;
Apologised to 8 ppl within 12 hours..

I'm damn frustrated.

:)

But no one will understand right?

Unfortunately, I really need to blog today before starting my work.

The objective of the whole post is to ease my state of upset-ness since last night and to prevent me from telling that culprit off face to face, which might escalate matters.

I/We have stood by the ringside to watch the entire mess unfold before our eyes. Not one time have we stepped in to try to mediate because:

1) Since we do not know any thing, we didn't want to make things worse as u will say that we are taking sides.

2) I personally saw the entire episode as an attention grabbing stunt. (Yes, and i'm actually wasting my time now to provide that space on my blog) and

3) We are in no position to mediate a quarrel between the two of you.

So we have very intentionally left things alone as they were, not wanting to be involved.

When asked why you didn't let us know what happened, I appreciate the same courtesy - to leave us out of the picture. Instead, you went ranting on how bad we are as friends, not allowing you to grow, too protective...

Excuse them for being good friends, or trying to be there for you as friends. (I have never tried being there for you before, pls don't waste my time)

Please forgive them for trying to render you advice which you do not appreciate because they are not things you wish to hear. Have we ONCE force it down your throat? They are not judgmental. I AM. I distant myself from you when you don't listen. THAT IS JUDGMENTAL.

They are the idiots who are always there for you even if you do stupid things, listening to your whining, hoping things will turn out better for you, hoping one day you will GROW UP!

For goodness sake, please don't try to give me that rubbish about having to bump ur head to grow up. WHen you bump ur head, other people have sleepless nights. How do u deal with ur emotional trauma? By imposing more trauma on other people. If you are so hardy, if everyone can trust you for picking urself up, would they even bother to prevent you from falling? PLEASE ASK URSELF THOSE QUESTIONS!

Their advices stem from their concern for your well-being. If you do not appreciate it, fine, but please do make unwarranted comments like we are being over protective.
If we don't care about how u lead ur life, we won't bother.
If we Dont care about how ur life turns out, we wont bother.

This is very disappointing. Throughout our years of knowing each other, time and again you have done something lydat. But this is going to top it all. They've always told me that we have to accept our friends for who they are, accept the good and the bad. I didn't have a come-back to that. Now I do. I can't believe they have taken so much from you over the past years and this is what they get at the end of it all.


I am still not involving myself in the original quarrel. But please think through what you want to say before churning this kind of rubbish out. Don't say things u will regret later just because you are being defensive.

If you ever have the luck to chance upon this, I am not sorry for what I've said. If you had said the same rubbish to my face, this is what I would have said to you in urs.

执著=烦恼

当你对某一件事，一个人，一种感觉有执著，就会去追求。

因为要得到，所以有烦恼。
因为得不到，所以有烦恼。

在追求的过程， 需要处心积虑，需要步步为营，需要勾心斗角，而烦恼，而作出违背良心，违背意愿的事。
在得不到的时候， 生气，沮丧，一蹶不振。然后报复，怪别人，或更努力的去争取。

执著因为‘我’在为‘我’自己奋斗。因为‘我‘需要为自己打算，不可以被别人欺负。因为‘我’要成功，要出人头地。
何谓‘我’？
何谓‘出人头地'?
何谓‘成功’？

有了‘我’，所以自私，所以输不起，所以给不起。

有了‘我’，所以就有相对的‘你’，而当‘我’的习惯与‘你’的有所出入，有不同，‘我们’又执著与自己的习惯，就有烦恼，有争吵，又不愉快。

几时‘我’才会明白，没有‘我’，不要执著，不要烦恼？

Last lap of my PLC, 2 weeks to the exams, I have another 5 modules to cover.

Got to pace myself for this last bit, not going to let my previous efforts go to waste :)

I need to set my priorities straight, now, next year and in the next 5 years. Going into the working world soon, need to seriously weigh the important things in my life.


Cheers,
WR

Ever thought about having a choice about your family members? I'm sure everyone had, at one point in their lives, but how many out there would have chosen otherwise? Who would you have preferred as your family?

I love my family, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles from maternal side. Given a choice, I wouldn't have exchange any one of them for anyone else. They make my life unique, my experiences and shaped my outlook in life. These people are ever giving, supportive and everything you need when you are depressed.

No, I do not have a perfect family. I have my fair share of frustrations with them, sometimes they care too much, sometimes i just do not have time to deal with so many people at home...

But that is family for you. They are people whom you have to go through ups and downs with, they are people whom you cannot choose, you have to live with, can never separate the bond between. You have to find a way to accept them, deal with them and even tolerate them if necessary. That is family.

I'm really grateful that I have a wholesome family. My parents didn't have time for us when we were younger, but because of my materal aunts and uncles, we grew up proper and well. We were lucky. Until today, the intricacies of the family web continues to grow but one principle remains, I will do what I can for the people I love. That is the beauty of these people around me, they use actions to show their love for one another but never ask for any thing in return.

Before any one thinks that this can never happen to them, why can't their parents/relatives/brothers/sisters be like that, that individual need to understand that the basic fundamentals of that is to ask what you can give to your family first. Ask what can you do to better the relationships amongst your immediate family members, to have them in your considerations when you make your decisions. As to whether they reciprocate, it will take time.

Perhaps all these are rosy pictures that I have paint for myself. Maybe you would think that a person like me has never seen the world, never experience what a lousy family member can do to one.

Well, at the end of the day, all I can say is that it is your perspectives, your decisions, your actions that you can control. If you are constantly looking to make someone else to do what you expect him/her to, life is going to tough on you.

Sometimes life makes you experience something over and over again to make sure you learn the lesson :) If that something bad keeps occurring to you, perhaps it is time you learn to do it a different way?

WR

WEAK AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CANNOT MAKE IT. I CAN'T STAND MYSELF. USELESS BUGGER.
I NEED TO SCOLD SOME SENSE INTO MYSELF.

WTF

努力做好自己的本分， 要能够照顾自己 才能去爱别人。
不会照顾自己的人，只会成为别人的负担。
就算是心甘情愿，也不会长久。
要学着独立，才不会在一切消失后，感到无助。
因为没有人有义务在你的身边照顾你一辈子。

这些道理，好久好久以前我曾经有所领悟。。。后来又渐渐的淡忘。。。
越来越依赖，成了一种习惯， 也成了一种理所当然，让你喘不过气， 让这段感情面对不必要的压力。

是时侯长大了。
以后的事，没人说得准。
只希望一切顺其自然，不必去想太多。。 到最后，是你的就是你的。。 如果不是，也没有必要强留。

每个人都追求幸福，何谓幸福？

温

Somethings I realised I have to re-learn them so many times. It is not good enough to just learn it once and get it etched in my head. Perhaps then, the lesson was not learnt through experience.

Life isn't easy. I find myself reverting back to my old self over and over again. The needy and probably insecured person. I'm pretty sure the problem lies with me, because it is only me that I can change.

Also, the procrastinator strikes again! It is 1 month to my exams and I'm still at sea about my work. I think I've taken the procrastination up another level all together.

Family is fine, both parents are sick though, pains here and there. I hope i can do whatever that is within my means to make them happy at this age. Brought them to have sushi on monday in the name of my younger sister's birthday. Cost me quite a bit (relative to my allowance) but I could see my dad was very happy about the whole experience. He is always lamenting how we are all grown up and leaving the home, leaving the two of them. I just hope he understands that even if we are grown up and married off someday, we will still take care of him :)

Actually, Life has been good to me, still. I have food when I'm hungry, I have sufficient money to spend without having to ask from my parents, although still can't afford to give them money. Unless and until I fail my PLC which is not an option, everything else can be taken care of.

Friends. I have a few that i keep in my heart, knowing I care about them. At this stage, i guess there is little to ask without risking like you're probing. Unless they are willing to share their lives with you. I don't call people who are unable to open up to me as superficial friends, some people just can't. Until they feel the need to do it, I know I'll be there :)

Haven't been blogging for a long long long time :)

Life has been pretty good for me, nothing much to complain about. Relative to a lot of people out there, I should feel lucky :) Even though i still whine at times, I know I've got to be grateful for what I have :p

Also partly a reason that I haven't been blogging is the fact that I think I really can't be bothered about those 'big headline news' out there. I used to be really angsty and have an opinion about pretty much everything. Now I still do have my opinions, just don't feel the need to let people know it any more. Though my love ones will beg to differ on this. (they are the honoured ones who get to hear me speak :p)

Adopting a really 'live and let live' approach to the people around me. Seriously, however they want to live their lives and make decision shouldn't affect me :)

A primary school teacher with tattoos, post bikini pictures on the www and get wasted in pubs and clubs - this type of news used to get me blogging a whole lot. Although I still think about it, I stop wanting to tell pple how I feel about it on www.

Probably because I have grown out of the phase, or even the need to tell people i have an opinion. Most importantly, I no longer need to constantly write out what I think and substantiate it just so I know and remember who i am.

Although i like to revisit my blog to remind myself how angsty i used to be :)

Cheers,
WR

Why do we have people on our Msn that we can't even name who that is?

Why do we have 'friends' on facebook, that we haven't talked to in the past year?

baileys makes everything well and fine :D

我是否还是我？