Me. Myself & i

It's new year, din really feel like it.. it doesn't feel like it..
it has been raining since the tsunami, death toll still rising, i'm still messed up.. there's nothin to be happy about this new year..
i can only console myself that, perhaps things can only get better from here.. perhaps..

i have a feeling he's leaving me as well.. i cant blame him.. i carry too much past with me, it's not fair to make him share the load with me.. it really has nothing to do with him.. why should he suffer with me?
i tried to walk of the shadow cast by the past.. just when i tot i was making progress, i lost the voice guiding me...

i told him it's tough for me cos of my past, he thinks i've yet to let go.. i really dun wanna cry like i did ...u tear even when u take the bus..
i guess he jus thinks that i'm being difficult..

perhaps i should let it go... i dun think it's fair to burden him like dat.. i notice the tone of frustration in his voice today.. the kind that you have when you stop loving someone.. i guess it's better to let it go now, than when he tells me he doesn't love me anymore.. than we argue till the point of no return.. frustration..
you should be with someone happier, purer, less angry.. together, both of you can see a beautiful future, be optimistic about things.. you were right, you shouldn't spend time analysing things.. life is too short to think about so many things.. i guess it's too late for me to be happier, purer, less angry.. it's not that i refuse to do it.. some things aft you experience it, your perspective of life changes.. i'm healing but after you understand certain things, learn certain things, it's not possible to unlearn it.. it's jus like newton found out about gravity, thereof people cannot deny it's existence anymore...

you should be happy. you shouldn't be made to go through this.. i'm sorry for the unhappiness i brought to your life.. i guess the happiness wasn't meant for me..

it's a new year..
it's a new beginning..
how come everything seems to be ending?

i din ask for much....

wr