Me. Myself & i

"She wanted me to tell you that had love been enough, she will be right here with you..."
- Grey's Anatomy

Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?

Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?

Had love been the be all and end all...

Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.

Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.

"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."

I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.

I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.

This is not what i need now.