Thursday, August 28, 2008
Can you handle?
I haven't reflected on my life for a while now, probably because I do not have a need to write journals for grades now. Another excuse is probably the lack of time. Being in a relationship for me seems to mean that I have lesser time on my own.. It is always a rush to something else, thinking about how to organise my week according to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Since school has started, it has also been about the next tutorial, rushing for the next deadline and what not. When they all come together, it just seems like I don't have space to breathe and time for any thing else, especially myself.
I believe in self-reflection. Because only when you reflect about your actions, your present stage in life, your choices, your beliefs - only then you will understand yourself more, thus allowing the people around you to understand you better. Only when you know what you have, will you understand what you want to achieve. Then there can be goals and room for improvement. Only then will you have a big picture in mind to work towards.
I've conveniently stopped doing that for the longest time.
I've forgotten the bliss of being alone. Having breathing space and spending time doing nothing.
My life has been occupied by endless silly endeavours online, reading blogs, surfing net, msn-ing.. counterproductive things which ought not take up my time to do my tutorials.
I used to tell people that time is always enough, depending on how you use it. The people who complain they do not have enough time, are the ones who do not use it efficiently. Now I have become one of them. The lack of discipline is actually a necessary consequence of lack of self-reflection.
Most importantly, sitting alone to reflect helps me ponder about where I want to go in life. What I want to do with my life. It gives meaning to what I wish to do. It reminds me what is important in my life and why so. Thus, giving me the motivation to do them.
I haven't reflected on my life for a while now, probably because I do not have a need to write journals for grades now. Another excuse is probably the lack of time. Being in a relationship for me seems to mean that I have lesser time on my own.. It is always a rush to something else, thinking about how to organise my week according to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Since school has started, it has also been about the next tutorial, rushing for the next deadline and what not. When they all come together, it just seems like I don't have space to breathe and time for any thing else, especially myself.
I believe in self-reflection. Because only when you reflect about your actions, your present stage in life, your choices, your beliefs - only then you will understand yourself more, thus allowing the people around you to understand you better. Only when you know what you have, will you understand what you want to achieve. Then there can be goals and room for improvement. Only then will you have a big picture in mind to work towards.
I've conveniently stopped doing that for the longest time.
I've forgotten the bliss of being alone. Having breathing space and spending time doing nothing.
My life has been occupied by endless silly endeavours online, reading blogs, surfing net, msn-ing.. counterproductive things which ought not take up my time to do my tutorials.
I used to tell people that time is always enough, depending on how you use it. The people who complain they do not have enough time, are the ones who do not use it efficiently. Now I have become one of them. The lack of discipline is actually a necessary consequence of lack of self-reflection.
Most importantly, sitting alone to reflect helps me ponder about where I want to go in life. What I want to do with my life. It gives meaning to what I wish to do. It reminds me what is important in my life and why so. Thus, giving me the motivation to do them.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I don't have to be a mother to understand how a mother cares. All the while I have a great relationship with my parents, always the favourite child (as I want to think), always the smart one, the one who brings the laughter at dinner tables... I love my parents. very much.
But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.
I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...
I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.
I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.
At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.
Cheers,
WR
But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.
I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...
I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.
I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.
At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.
Cheers,
WR
Sunday, June 22, 2008
A brand new beginning.
After a few weeks at work, I have come to realise that the dynamics of working life is much more than just work itself. The work, it seems to me, is the smallest denomination and the most straight forward aspect of working. Instead, the other things such as human relations that take up more time. Balancing between being an efficient worker and a sociable colleague can be really difficult at times.
This new beginning is daunting, less exciting than I have imagined it to be. I have to admit that I am already fearing what is to come. At one point in time, I was unsure of the future, that I even have a future to speak of. In that short period of time, I let the fear consumed me, losing all perspective and composure. The problem, no doubt was a small one, was sufficient to throw me off course. The fear that I have created for myself, was extremely out of proportion. I was a victim of my own pessimistic imagination, once again.
Also within that short period of time, I managed to recover. I am fortunate enough to have many rational and experience people by my side. People who are patient enough to listen to my minute problems and give me rational advices. I am thankful that my lack of confidence in my ability was compensated by their faith in me; that my pessimism was always met with their rationalising of my situation. No doubt I cannot always rely on them, but I know there are people who will have my back when I fall at times.
At this beginning, I am learning how to stand up on my own two feet. I am learning how to deal with seemingly impossible problems (which I create in my mind). I am learning how to balance the different forces in my life. It is just like a baby learning how to stand. I know and I believe that eventually I will get the hang of it. But before that can happen, I'm glad I have the hands to hold me, to break my fall before I hit the ground hard.
I am especially thankful, because these are people whom I can speak freely to. These are people whom I know will treat me with sincerity.
At this juncture, the beginning of another phase in my life, I have to start planning for my life ahead. Gone are the days when my life plan was in academic years; my goals were to attend lectures and number of distinctions at the end of that year. Now is the time when I decide when my next period of assessment will be; the standard of success, etc.
Where do I see myself in 5 yrs? Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs?
A big picture approach, a birds' eye view of things to help me manage all my aspects in life. It is time I sit myself down to map it out.
To my love ones:
Please stay strong for me and with me because I need your support for my decisions. I promise to make all reasonable efforts to make rational decisions. Please continue to believe in me.
Rise to greatness and awesome-ness.
After a few weeks at work, I have come to realise that the dynamics of working life is much more than just work itself. The work, it seems to me, is the smallest denomination and the most straight forward aspect of working. Instead, the other things such as human relations that take up more time. Balancing between being an efficient worker and a sociable colleague can be really difficult at times.
This new beginning is daunting, less exciting than I have imagined it to be. I have to admit that I am already fearing what is to come. At one point in time, I was unsure of the future, that I even have a future to speak of. In that short period of time, I let the fear consumed me, losing all perspective and composure. The problem, no doubt was a small one, was sufficient to throw me off course. The fear that I have created for myself, was extremely out of proportion. I was a victim of my own pessimistic imagination, once again.
Also within that short period of time, I managed to recover. I am fortunate enough to have many rational and experience people by my side. People who are patient enough to listen to my minute problems and give me rational advices. I am thankful that my lack of confidence in my ability was compensated by their faith in me; that my pessimism was always met with their rationalising of my situation. No doubt I cannot always rely on them, but I know there are people who will have my back when I fall at times.
At this beginning, I am learning how to stand up on my own two feet. I am learning how to deal with seemingly impossible problems (which I create in my mind). I am learning how to balance the different forces in my life. It is just like a baby learning how to stand. I know and I believe that eventually I will get the hang of it. But before that can happen, I'm glad I have the hands to hold me, to break my fall before I hit the ground hard.
I am especially thankful, because these are people whom I can speak freely to. These are people whom I know will treat me with sincerity.
At this juncture, the beginning of another phase in my life, I have to start planning for my life ahead. Gone are the days when my life plan was in academic years; my goals were to attend lectures and number of distinctions at the end of that year. Now is the time when I decide when my next period of assessment will be; the standard of success, etc.
Where do I see myself in 5 yrs? Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs?
A big picture approach, a birds' eye view of things to help me manage all my aspects in life. It is time I sit myself down to map it out.
To my love ones:
Please stay strong for me and with me because I need your support for my decisions. I promise to make all reasonable efforts to make rational decisions. Please continue to believe in me.
Rise to greatness and awesome-ness.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Last lap of my academic career, about a month before my exam for this semester end... Then i'll be moving on to the next phase in my life.
Looking back at the 4 years, what have I gained as a person, as a student, as a daughter, as a friend?
It is that time again to take stock of what I have done, what I haven't done, what I could have improved on and what I have done well... And I asked myself, was I conscious for the most part of it? Was i aware of what I was doing for the last 4 years? Have I chosen my path purposefully or was the path choosing me all the while?
I'm proud to say that for the later part of my 4 years, I begin to see the purpose of me being in law school. I have chosen my path purposefully for the large part of it. And I believe I'm still moving in the direction I want to.
I'm very proud to say that even though i may not be the most enlightened person, I have came a long way from what i used to be. There are definitely room for improvement, but I am glad with myself. From a person who had no confidence in her future career, i've pushed on and found the light at the end of the tunnel. I've persevered and found my niche.
That being said, I could never have done without the encouragement, putting down, etc of the people around me. The people who walked me through the difficult times, who guided me through the learning process, the people who put me down so that I can stand up stronger, the people who try to take away my success, the people who were happy for my success...
I am grateful. For I would not be who I am without each and every little contribution that they have made towards my journey, both good and bad.
From here, with the right values and perspective in life, I will continue to move on. I have entered law school, feeling broken and down because I have ceded control of my life to external factors. I will continue my journey knowing without attributing my emotions to external actions. I choose to believe that the 4 years of law school has made me wiser, more intelligent and more aware of myself. I want to believe that from this point onwards, I am better equipped when I face challenges.
Cheers!
WR
Looking back at the 4 years, what have I gained as a person, as a student, as a daughter, as a friend?
It is that time again to take stock of what I have done, what I haven't done, what I could have improved on and what I have done well... And I asked myself, was I conscious for the most part of it? Was i aware of what I was doing for the last 4 years? Have I chosen my path purposefully or was the path choosing me all the while?
I'm proud to say that for the later part of my 4 years, I begin to see the purpose of me being in law school. I have chosen my path purposefully for the large part of it. And I believe I'm still moving in the direction I want to.
I'm very proud to say that even though i may not be the most enlightened person, I have came a long way from what i used to be. There are definitely room for improvement, but I am glad with myself. From a person who had no confidence in her future career, i've pushed on and found the light at the end of the tunnel. I've persevered and found my niche.
That being said, I could never have done without the encouragement, putting down, etc of the people around me. The people who walked me through the difficult times, who guided me through the learning process, the people who put me down so that I can stand up stronger, the people who try to take away my success, the people who were happy for my success...
I am grateful. For I would not be who I am without each and every little contribution that they have made towards my journey, both good and bad.
From here, with the right values and perspective in life, I will continue to move on. I have entered law school, feeling broken and down because I have ceded control of my life to external factors. I will continue my journey knowing without attributing my emotions to external actions. I choose to believe that the 4 years of law school has made me wiser, more intelligent and more aware of myself. I want to believe that from this point onwards, I am better equipped when I face challenges.
Cheers!
WR
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Just 6 months ago, where was I, How did i feel?
Did i know that i will be here and now and feeling this way?
Significantly different. I'm returning back to the person i used to be. Everything that I have learnt and equipped myself with, I have left them somewhere along the way.
This is my life. This is about me.
I am trying. Trying very hard to make things work.
But at the back of my mind, the thought that you are never mine to begin with is still lurking.
:D
But at the same time, I am slowing re-collecting what I have picked up along my way in life.
If i fall again this time, i'll just have to pick myself up again tml. Because no one will take care of you like yourself :D
Cheers.
WR
Did i know that i will be here and now and feeling this way?
Significantly different. I'm returning back to the person i used to be. Everything that I have learnt and equipped myself with, I have left them somewhere along the way.
This is my life. This is about me.
I am trying. Trying very hard to make things work.
But at the back of my mind, the thought that you are never mine to begin with is still lurking.
:D
But at the same time, I am slowing re-collecting what I have picked up along my way in life.
If i fall again this time, i'll just have to pick myself up again tml. Because no one will take care of you like yourself :D
Cheers.
WR
OneRepublic
Stop and Stare
This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Whoa!!!
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?
Stop and Stare
This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Whoa!!!
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺。
Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. The person who is in the pink of health right beside you now may be diagnosed with some nasty disease tomorrow. You cannot prevent it from happening, all you can do is come to terms with it. This is a fact of life and one of the sufferings in life.
As we grow older and sickness starts to plague the people around us, especially the ones we love, helplessness starts to overwhelm us. Looking around, I realised how insignificant and fragile our lives are and how fast time can zip pass us.
No one can escape the cycle of life. When it applies to our own individual life, it is easy to come to terms with. If I have to die, then so be it. The pain only really hit us when it is time for our love ones to leave us. When there is nothing we can do about it except wait for it to take place and after that, slowly transit into a life without that person.
It is easy to say "then treasure the people around you now" but how many people can actually consistently do so? And how many people can apply this principle to every single person in his/her life? What is defined as 'treasuring'? Why do people have to wait till his/her someone is on the verge of leaving before treasuring him/her? What do people eventually forget the pain?
I'm not emo and i am not referring to any one in my family in particular. Just some thoughts about how my parents are growing older by the day and how my grandfather's health has deteriorated over the years... These are inevitable and it has dawn upon me that these are things that i eventually have to come to terms with. Through this, I hope people around me also start to realise that the state of things is not permanent. Things change, for better or for worse. Always equip yourself with a positive outlook that enable you to deal with these changes :D And you will definitely live a more fulfilled life.
Cheers!
Love,
WR
Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. The person who is in the pink of health right beside you now may be diagnosed with some nasty disease tomorrow. You cannot prevent it from happening, all you can do is come to terms with it. This is a fact of life and one of the sufferings in life.
As we grow older and sickness starts to plague the people around us, especially the ones we love, helplessness starts to overwhelm us. Looking around, I realised how insignificant and fragile our lives are and how fast time can zip pass us.
No one can escape the cycle of life. When it applies to our own individual life, it is easy to come to terms with. If I have to die, then so be it. The pain only really hit us when it is time for our love ones to leave us. When there is nothing we can do about it except wait for it to take place and after that, slowly transit into a life without that person.
It is easy to say "then treasure the people around you now" but how many people can actually consistently do so? And how many people can apply this principle to every single person in his/her life? What is defined as 'treasuring'? Why do people have to wait till his/her someone is on the verge of leaving before treasuring him/her? What do people eventually forget the pain?
I'm not emo and i am not referring to any one in my family in particular. Just some thoughts about how my parents are growing older by the day and how my grandfather's health has deteriorated over the years... These are inevitable and it has dawn upon me that these are things that i eventually have to come to terms with. Through this, I hope people around me also start to realise that the state of things is not permanent. Things change, for better or for worse. Always equip yourself with a positive outlook that enable you to deal with these changes :D And you will definitely live a more fulfilled life.
Cheers!
Love,
WR
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sometimes i just think that everyone wants a piece of me... Not literally. When i make someone happy, i upset someone else. The relationship is not directly causal, but the implication of me doing one thing sometimes means i'll make someone else unhappy. Someone who is important to me.
I think if it happens so much to me, i must be the problem.
Why the problem? Because my time is so limited, and i cannot make everyone happy. So i have to choose.
The question is how do i go about choosing?
How then can i balance?
I don't like to do the balancing act.
I don't like to be restricted. To be questioned. To have people breathing down my neck, asking me where did i go, what time did i come home, even if they are my parents.
It is difficult.
What you do is never enough. You can do your best, yet, they can still find a problem with u.
I know and I try and i want to be a good daughter, niece, gf, friend, etc. But i guess i am just trying to hard to please everyone. I need to learn how to let go. I need to learn to draw a line. To know when is it that i have done enough and let nature takes its course.
KW told me "remember u told me before that one person can only do so much"
I can only do so much. I felt that i can make a difference by communicating, by telling them how i feel, what i am doing. I am still going to try, but this time, i'm going to do as much as i can. I am not going to be bogged down if they cannot understand .. Because i tried.
I just have to remember that i've tried my best. If things don't work out, they don't.
WR
I think if it happens so much to me, i must be the problem.
Why the problem? Because my time is so limited, and i cannot make everyone happy. So i have to choose.
The question is how do i go about choosing?
How then can i balance?
I don't like to do the balancing act.
I don't like to be restricted. To be questioned. To have people breathing down my neck, asking me where did i go, what time did i come home, even if they are my parents.
It is difficult.
What you do is never enough. You can do your best, yet, they can still find a problem with u.
I know and I try and i want to be a good daughter, niece, gf, friend, etc. But i guess i am just trying to hard to please everyone. I need to learn how to let go. I need to learn to draw a line. To know when is it that i have done enough and let nature takes its course.
KW told me "remember u told me before that one person can only do so much"
I can only do so much. I felt that i can make a difference by communicating, by telling them how i feel, what i am doing. I am still going to try, but this time, i'm going to do as much as i can. I am not going to be bogged down if they cannot understand .. Because i tried.
I just have to remember that i've tried my best. If things don't work out, they don't.
WR
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Emotions,
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
Friday, November 23, 2007
http://mylittlenewhope2.blogspot.com/
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Thursday, November 15, 2007
well, it has been a long long while since i posted anything here. My banking law paper is approaching, my sister's wedding is coming up, there is a new addition to my already very big extended family and most importantly, i am attached.
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Friday, November 02, 2007
Somewhere Only We Know
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Friday, September 28, 2007
"She wanted me to tell you that had love been enough, she will be right here with you..."
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
numbness :D
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
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