Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Climb - Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Whoa a oh oh
Dedicated to every one and any one - living their life today, making a difference, striving to become stronger, better than yesterday. Keep going!!! :)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Haven't blog here for the longest time... I have finally started on my adulthood for about 3 months.. Started working full time, learning how to sustain on my own, how to stand on my own two feet. Cross roads, split seconds decisions which may actually affect the rest of my life.
So many people, trying to give you so many different advices.. At the same time, not everyone is advising you for your interests.. You never know when some of them have a stake in the entire issue.. Life no longer is one dimension, there are so many perspectives to it.
I was definitely not naive before this. However, having to deal with this day after day can be tiring. It is no longer listening to it on a narrative basis, instead, experiencing it first hand, dealing with it face to face. There is no pause button, and to seek for advice at that moment.
Then again, a wrong choice simply means you have to become wiser the next time; at the same time, a seemingly correct choice doesn't necessarily mean only good consequences flow from it.
It has only been three months. I always thought i belonged to the game, I was told I had the EQ to survive in the real world; the ability to connect with people. Having that alone is not enough. A little distrust can do some good. Some perseverance and determination.. The ability to pretend every thing is fine.
I never thought I am a principled person. but i find it hard to pretend to respect a person whom i've already lost my respect for.
I always thought I am very forgiving.. yet I realised i write people off with just one instance.
Everyday, I'm learning more and more about myself. Just three months, how much have i gathered?
There are so many things that are innate in me. There are so much more that I can learn. I have to tell myself there is no limit to how much i can learn.
Everyday it is a battle. Battle within myself. To do this or that? Is this me? or do I want to become like that? Will this route be the better option? Is it really better for me to change?
Morphing. Transforming. I know I am going through a state of change.
But is stronger necessarily means better? What is better? Better future? More lasting?
It is very easy to get lost out there. Not in terms of sexual morality.. But in terms of principles. Your set of principles is constantly being challenged. Your set of ideas is constantly being compared against others. When do you decide to discard one of yours in exchange for one of the norms? Should you be doing that in the first place?
在外面的花花世界，很容易迷失自己
要记住自己是谁，根本不简单。
要有一定的意志力和自信，
还要对自己的肯定。
Only one with a strong sense of security and assurance can breeze through that concrete jungle unscathed.
Now more than ever, I need constant self-reflection.. Now more than ever, I need to know what I want out of my life.
So many people, trying to give you so many different advices.. At the same time, not everyone is advising you for your interests.. You never know when some of them have a stake in the entire issue.. Life no longer is one dimension, there are so many perspectives to it.
I was definitely not naive before this. However, having to deal with this day after day can be tiring. It is no longer listening to it on a narrative basis, instead, experiencing it first hand, dealing with it face to face. There is no pause button, and to seek for advice at that moment.
Then again, a wrong choice simply means you have to become wiser the next time; at the same time, a seemingly correct choice doesn't necessarily mean only good consequences flow from it.
It has only been three months. I always thought i belonged to the game, I was told I had the EQ to survive in the real world; the ability to connect with people. Having that alone is not enough. A little distrust can do some good. Some perseverance and determination.. The ability to pretend every thing is fine.
I never thought I am a principled person. but i find it hard to pretend to respect a person whom i've already lost my respect for.
I always thought I am very forgiving.. yet I realised i write people off with just one instance.
Everyday, I'm learning more and more about myself. Just three months, how much have i gathered?
There are so many things that are innate in me. There are so much more that I can learn. I have to tell myself there is no limit to how much i can learn.
Everyday it is a battle. Battle within myself. To do this or that? Is this me? or do I want to become like that? Will this route be the better option? Is it really better for me to change?
Morphing. Transforming. I know I am going through a state of change.
But is stronger necessarily means better? What is better? Better future? More lasting?
It is very easy to get lost out there. Not in terms of sexual morality.. But in terms of principles. Your set of principles is constantly being challenged. Your set of ideas is constantly being compared against others. When do you decide to discard one of yours in exchange for one of the norms? Should you be doing that in the first place?
在外面的花花世界，很容易迷失自己
要记住自己是谁，根本不简单。
要有一定的意志力和自信，
还要对自己的肯定。
Only one with a strong sense of security and assurance can breeze through that concrete jungle unscathed.
Now more than ever, I need constant self-reflection.. Now more than ever, I need to know what I want out of my life.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Unfortunately, I really need to blog today before starting my work.
The objective of the whole post is to ease my state of upset-ness since last night and to prevent me from telling that culprit off face to face, which might escalate matters.
I/We have stood by the ringside to watch the entire mess unfold before our eyes. Not one time have we stepped in to try to mediate because:
1) Since we do not know any thing, we didn't want to make things worse as u will say that we are taking sides.
2) I personally saw the entire episode as an attention grabbing stunt. (Yes, and i'm actually wasting my time now to provide that space on my blog) and
3) We are in no position to mediate a quarrel between the two of you.
So we have very intentionally left things alone as they were, not wanting to be involved.
When asked why you didn't let us know what happened, I appreciate the same courtesy - to leave us out of the picture. Instead, you went ranting on how bad we are as friends, not allowing you to grow, too protective...
Excuse them for being good friends, or trying to be there for you as friends. (I have never tried being there for you before, pls don't waste my time)
Please forgive them for trying to render you advice which you do not appreciate because they are not things you wish to hear. Have we ONCE force it down your throat? They are not judgmental. I AM. I distant myself from you when you don't listen. THAT IS JUDGMENTAL.
They are the idiots who are always there for you even if you do stupid things, listening to your whining, hoping things will turn out better for you, hoping one day you will GROW UP!
For goodness sake, please don't try to give me that rubbish about having to bump ur head to grow up. WHen you bump ur head, other people have sleepless nights. How do u deal with ur emotional trauma? By imposing more trauma on other people. If you are so hardy, if everyone can trust you for picking urself up, would they even bother to prevent you from falling? PLEASE ASK URSELF THOSE QUESTIONS!
Their advices stem from their concern for your well-being. If you do not appreciate it, fine, but please do make unwarranted comments like we are being over protective.
If we don't care about how u lead ur life, we won't bother.
If we Dont care about how ur life turns out, we wont bother.
This is very disappointing. Throughout our years of knowing each other, time and again you have done something lydat. But this is going to top it all. They've always told me that we have to accept our friends for who they are, accept the good and the bad. I didn't have a come-back to that. Now I do. I can't believe they have taken so much from you over the past years and this is what they get at the end of it all.
I am still not involving myself in the original quarrel. But please think through what you want to say before churning this kind of rubbish out. Don't say things u will regret later just because you are being defensive.
If you ever have the luck to chance upon this, I am not sorry for what I've said. If you had said the same rubbish to my face, this is what I would have said to you in urs.
The objective of the whole post is to ease my state of upset-ness since last night and to prevent me from telling that culprit off face to face, which might escalate matters.
I/We have stood by the ringside to watch the entire mess unfold before our eyes. Not one time have we stepped in to try to mediate because:
1) Since we do not know any thing, we didn't want to make things worse as u will say that we are taking sides.
2) I personally saw the entire episode as an attention grabbing stunt. (Yes, and i'm actually wasting my time now to provide that space on my blog) and
3) We are in no position to mediate a quarrel between the two of you.
So we have very intentionally left things alone as they were, not wanting to be involved.
When asked why you didn't let us know what happened, I appreciate the same courtesy - to leave us out of the picture. Instead, you went ranting on how bad we are as friends, not allowing you to grow, too protective...
Excuse them for being good friends, or trying to be there for you as friends. (I have never tried being there for you before, pls don't waste my time)
Please forgive them for trying to render you advice which you do not appreciate because they are not things you wish to hear. Have we ONCE force it down your throat? They are not judgmental. I AM. I distant myself from you when you don't listen. THAT IS JUDGMENTAL.
They are the idiots who are always there for you even if you do stupid things, listening to your whining, hoping things will turn out better for you, hoping one day you will GROW UP!
For goodness sake, please don't try to give me that rubbish about having to bump ur head to grow up. WHen you bump ur head, other people have sleepless nights. How do u deal with ur emotional trauma? By imposing more trauma on other people. If you are so hardy, if everyone can trust you for picking urself up, would they even bother to prevent you from falling? PLEASE ASK URSELF THOSE QUESTIONS!
Their advices stem from their concern for your well-being. If you do not appreciate it, fine, but please do make unwarranted comments like we are being over protective.
If we don't care about how u lead ur life, we won't bother.
If we Dont care about how ur life turns out, we wont bother.
This is very disappointing. Throughout our years of knowing each other, time and again you have done something lydat. But this is going to top it all. They've always told me that we have to accept our friends for who they are, accept the good and the bad. I didn't have a come-back to that. Now I do. I can't believe they have taken so much from you over the past years and this is what they get at the end of it all.
I am still not involving myself in the original quarrel. But please think through what you want to say before churning this kind of rubbish out. Don't say things u will regret later just because you are being defensive.
If you ever have the luck to chance upon this, I am not sorry for what I've said. If you had said the same rubbish to my face, this is what I would have said to you in urs.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
执著=烦恼
当你对某一件事，一个人，一种感觉有执著，就会去追求。
因为要得到，所以有烦恼。
因为得不到，所以有烦恼。
在追求的过程， 需要处心积虑，需要步步为营，需要勾心斗角，而烦恼，而作出违背良心，违背意愿的事。
在得不到的时候， 生气，沮丧，一蹶不振。然后报复，怪别人，或更努力的去争取。
执著因为‘我’在为‘我’自己奋斗。因为‘我‘需要为自己打算，不可以被别人欺负。因为‘我’要成功，要出人头地。
何谓‘我’？
何谓‘出人头地'?
何谓‘成功’？
有了‘我’，所以自私，所以输不起，所以给不起。
有了‘我’，所以就有相对的‘你’，而当‘我’的习惯与‘你’的有所出入，有不同，‘我们’又执著与自己的习惯，就有烦恼，有争吵，又不愉快。
几时‘我’才会明白，没有‘我’，不要执著，不要烦恼？
当你对某一件事，一个人，一种感觉有执著，就会去追求。
因为要得到，所以有烦恼。
因为得不到，所以有烦恼。
在追求的过程， 需要处心积虑，需要步步为营，需要勾心斗角，而烦恼，而作出违背良心，违背意愿的事。
在得不到的时候， 生气，沮丧，一蹶不振。然后报复，怪别人，或更努力的去争取。
执著因为‘我’在为‘我’自己奋斗。因为‘我‘需要为自己打算，不可以被别人欺负。因为‘我’要成功，要出人头地。
何谓‘我’？
何谓‘出人头地'?
何谓‘成功’？
有了‘我’，所以自私，所以输不起，所以给不起。
有了‘我’，所以就有相对的‘你’，而当‘我’的习惯与‘你’的有所出入，有不同，‘我们’又执著与自己的习惯，就有烦恼，有争吵，又不愉快。
几时‘我’才会明白，没有‘我’，不要执著，不要烦恼？
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Last lap of my PLC, 2 weeks to the exams, I have another 5 modules to cover.
Got to pace myself for this last bit, not going to let my previous efforts go to waste :)
I need to set my priorities straight, now, next year and in the next 5 years. Going into the working world soon, need to seriously weigh the important things in my life.
Cheers,
WR
Got to pace myself for this last bit, not going to let my previous efforts go to waste :)
I need to set my priorities straight, now, next year and in the next 5 years. Going into the working world soon, need to seriously weigh the important things in my life.
Cheers,
WR
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Ever thought about having a choice about your family members? I'm sure everyone had, at one point in their lives, but how many out there would have chosen otherwise? Who would you have preferred as your family?
I love my family, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles from maternal side. Given a choice, I wouldn't have exchange any one of them for anyone else. They make my life unique, my experiences and shaped my outlook in life. These people are ever giving, supportive and everything you need when you are depressed.
No, I do not have a perfect family. I have my fair share of frustrations with them, sometimes they care too much, sometimes i just do not have time to deal with so many people at home...
But that is family for you. They are people whom you have to go through ups and downs with, they are people whom you cannot choose, you have to live with, can never separate the bond between. You have to find a way to accept them, deal with them and even tolerate them if necessary. That is family.
I'm really grateful that I have a wholesome family. My parents didn't have time for us when we were younger, but because of my materal aunts and uncles, we grew up proper and well. We were lucky. Until today, the intricacies of the family web continues to grow but one principle remains, I will do what I can for the people I love. That is the beauty of these people around me, they use actions to show their love for one another but never ask for any thing in return.
Before any one thinks that this can never happen to them, why can't their parents/relatives/brothers/sisters be like that, that individual need to understand that the basic fundamentals of that is to ask what you can give to your family first. Ask what can you do to better the relationships amongst your immediate family members, to have them in your considerations when you make your decisions. As to whether they reciprocate, it will take time.
Perhaps all these are rosy pictures that I have paint for myself. Maybe you would think that a person like me has never seen the world, never experience what a lousy family member can do to one.
Well, at the end of the day, all I can say is that it is your perspectives, your decisions, your actions that you can control. If you are constantly looking to make someone else to do what you expect him/her to, life is going to tough on you.
Sometimes life makes you experience something over and over again to make sure you learn the lesson :) If that something bad keeps occurring to you, perhaps it is time you learn to do it a different way?
WR
I love my family, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles from maternal side. Given a choice, I wouldn't have exchange any one of them for anyone else. They make my life unique, my experiences and shaped my outlook in life. These people are ever giving, supportive and everything you need when you are depressed.
No, I do not have a perfect family. I have my fair share of frustrations with them, sometimes they care too much, sometimes i just do not have time to deal with so many people at home...
But that is family for you. They are people whom you have to go through ups and downs with, they are people whom you cannot choose, you have to live with, can never separate the bond between. You have to find a way to accept them, deal with them and even tolerate them if necessary. That is family.
I'm really grateful that I have a wholesome family. My parents didn't have time for us when we were younger, but because of my materal aunts and uncles, we grew up proper and well. We were lucky. Until today, the intricacies of the family web continues to grow but one principle remains, I will do what I can for the people I love. That is the beauty of these people around me, they use actions to show their love for one another but never ask for any thing in return.
Before any one thinks that this can never happen to them, why can't their parents/relatives/brothers/sisters be like that, that individual need to understand that the basic fundamentals of that is to ask what you can give to your family first. Ask what can you do to better the relationships amongst your immediate family members, to have them in your considerations when you make your decisions. As to whether they reciprocate, it will take time.
Perhaps all these are rosy pictures that I have paint for myself. Maybe you would think that a person like me has never seen the world, never experience what a lousy family member can do to one.
Well, at the end of the day, all I can say is that it is your perspectives, your decisions, your actions that you can control. If you are constantly looking to make someone else to do what you expect him/her to, life is going to tough on you.
Sometimes life makes you experience something over and over again to make sure you learn the lesson :) If that something bad keeps occurring to you, perhaps it is time you learn to do it a different way?
WR
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Somethings I realised I have to re-learn them so many times. It is not good enough to just learn it once and get it etched in my head. Perhaps then, the lesson was not learnt through experience.
Life isn't easy. I find myself reverting back to my old self over and over again. The needy and probably insecured person. I'm pretty sure the problem lies with me, because it is only me that I can change.
Also, the procrastinator strikes again! It is 1 month to my exams and I'm still at sea about my work. I think I've taken the procrastination up another level all together.
Family is fine, both parents are sick though, pains here and there. I hope i can do whatever that is within my means to make them happy at this age. Brought them to have sushi on monday in the name of my younger sister's birthday. Cost me quite a bit (relative to my allowance) but I could see my dad was very happy about the whole experience. He is always lamenting how we are all grown up and leaving the home, leaving the two of them. I just hope he understands that even if we are grown up and married off someday, we will still take care of him :)
Actually, Life has been good to me, still. I have food when I'm hungry, I have sufficient money to spend without having to ask from my parents, although still can't afford to give them money. Unless and until I fail my PLC which is not an option, everything else can be taken care of.
Friends. I have a few that i keep in my heart, knowing I care about them. At this stage, i guess there is little to ask without risking like you're probing. Unless they are willing to share their lives with you. I don't call people who are unable to open up to me as superficial friends, some people just can't. Until they feel the need to do it, I know I'll be there :)
Life isn't easy. I find myself reverting back to my old self over and over again. The needy and probably insecured person. I'm pretty sure the problem lies with me, because it is only me that I can change.
Also, the procrastinator strikes again! It is 1 month to my exams and I'm still at sea about my work. I think I've taken the procrastination up another level all together.
Family is fine, both parents are sick though, pains here and there. I hope i can do whatever that is within my means to make them happy at this age. Brought them to have sushi on monday in the name of my younger sister's birthday. Cost me quite a bit (relative to my allowance) but I could see my dad was very happy about the whole experience. He is always lamenting how we are all grown up and leaving the home, leaving the two of them. I just hope he understands that even if we are grown up and married off someday, we will still take care of him :)
Actually, Life has been good to me, still. I have food when I'm hungry, I have sufficient money to spend without having to ask from my parents, although still can't afford to give them money. Unless and until I fail my PLC which is not an option, everything else can be taken care of.
Friends. I have a few that i keep in my heart, knowing I care about them. At this stage, i guess there is little to ask without risking like you're probing. Unless they are willing to share their lives with you. I don't call people who are unable to open up to me as superficial friends, some people just can't. Until they feel the need to do it, I know I'll be there :)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Haven't been blogging for a long long long time :)
Life has been pretty good for me, nothing much to complain about. Relative to a lot of people out there, I should feel lucky :) Even though i still whine at times, I know I've got to be grateful for what I have :p
Also partly a reason that I haven't been blogging is the fact that I think I really can't be bothered about those 'big headline news' out there. I used to be really angsty and have an opinion about pretty much everything. Now I still do have my opinions, just don't feel the need to let people know it any more. Though my love ones will beg to differ on this. (they are the honoured ones who get to hear me speak :p)
Adopting a really 'live and let live' approach to the people around me. Seriously, however they want to live their lives and make decision shouldn't affect me :)
A primary school teacher with tattoos, post bikini pictures on the www and get wasted in pubs and clubs - this type of news used to get me blogging a whole lot. Although I still think about it, I stop wanting to tell pple how I feel about it on www.
Probably because I have grown out of the phase, or even the need to tell people i have an opinion. Most importantly, I no longer need to constantly write out what I think and substantiate it just so I know and remember who i am.
Although i like to revisit my blog to remind myself how angsty i used to be :)
Cheers,
WR
Life has been pretty good for me, nothing much to complain about. Relative to a lot of people out there, I should feel lucky :) Even though i still whine at times, I know I've got to be grateful for what I have :p
Also partly a reason that I haven't been blogging is the fact that I think I really can't be bothered about those 'big headline news' out there. I used to be really angsty and have an opinion about pretty much everything. Now I still do have my opinions, just don't feel the need to let people know it any more. Though my love ones will beg to differ on this. (they are the honoured ones who get to hear me speak :p)
Adopting a really 'live and let live' approach to the people around me. Seriously, however they want to live their lives and make decision shouldn't affect me :)
A primary school teacher with tattoos, post bikini pictures on the www and get wasted in pubs and clubs - this type of news used to get me blogging a whole lot. Although I still think about it, I stop wanting to tell pple how I feel about it on www.
Probably because I have grown out of the phase, or even the need to tell people i have an opinion. Most importantly, I no longer need to constantly write out what I think and substantiate it just so I know and remember who i am.
Although i like to revisit my blog to remind myself how angsty i used to be :)
Cheers,
WR
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Can you handle?
I haven't reflected on my life for a while now, probably because I do not have a need to write journals for grades now. Another excuse is probably the lack of time. Being in a relationship for me seems to mean that I have lesser time on my own.. It is always a rush to something else, thinking about how to organise my week according to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Since school has started, it has also been about the next tutorial, rushing for the next deadline and what not. When they all come together, it just seems like I don't have space to breathe and time for any thing else, especially myself.
I believe in self-reflection. Because only when you reflect about your actions, your present stage in life, your choices, your beliefs - only then you will understand yourself more, thus allowing the people around you to understand you better. Only when you know what you have, will you understand what you want to achieve. Then there can be goals and room for improvement. Only then will you have a big picture in mind to work towards.
I've conveniently stopped doing that for the longest time.
I've forgotten the bliss of being alone. Having breathing space and spending time doing nothing.
My life has been occupied by endless silly endeavours online, reading blogs, surfing net, msn-ing.. counterproductive things which ought not take up my time to do my tutorials.
I used to tell people that time is always enough, depending on how you use it. The people who complain they do not have enough time, are the ones who do not use it efficiently. Now I have become one of them. The lack of discipline is actually a necessary consequence of lack of self-reflection.
Most importantly, sitting alone to reflect helps me ponder about where I want to go in life. What I want to do with my life. It gives meaning to what I wish to do. It reminds me what is important in my life and why so. Thus, giving me the motivation to do them.
I haven't reflected on my life for a while now, probably because I do not have a need to write journals for grades now. Another excuse is probably the lack of time. Being in a relationship for me seems to mean that I have lesser time on my own.. It is always a rush to something else, thinking about how to organise my week according to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Since school has started, it has also been about the next tutorial, rushing for the next deadline and what not. When they all come together, it just seems like I don't have space to breathe and time for any thing else, especially myself.
I believe in self-reflection. Because only when you reflect about your actions, your present stage in life, your choices, your beliefs - only then you will understand yourself more, thus allowing the people around you to understand you better. Only when you know what you have, will you understand what you want to achieve. Then there can be goals and room for improvement. Only then will you have a big picture in mind to work towards.
I've conveniently stopped doing that for the longest time.
I've forgotten the bliss of being alone. Having breathing space and spending time doing nothing.
My life has been occupied by endless silly endeavours online, reading blogs, surfing net, msn-ing.. counterproductive things which ought not take up my time to do my tutorials.
I used to tell people that time is always enough, depending on how you use it. The people who complain they do not have enough time, are the ones who do not use it efficiently. Now I have become one of them. The lack of discipline is actually a necessary consequence of lack of self-reflection.
Most importantly, sitting alone to reflect helps me ponder about where I want to go in life. What I want to do with my life. It gives meaning to what I wish to do. It reminds me what is important in my life and why so. Thus, giving me the motivation to do them.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I don't have to be a mother to understand how a mother cares. All the while I have a great relationship with my parents, always the favourite child (as I want to think), always the smart one, the one who brings the laughter at dinner tables... I love my parents. very much.
But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.
I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...
I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.
I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.
At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.
Cheers,
WR
But it is always precisely so that it hurts even more when you quarrel with them... When you cannot see eye to eye with them on something... When you think that they have misunderstood you... It is more tiring maintaining the all sensible child image than just another child in the household. It is more tiring when you feel that there are greater expectations of you.
I failed to maintain the intricate balance among the 4 important aspects in my life: Family, Friends, Relationship and Work. Even when the balance is tipped slightly, all 4 aspects experience big ripples. For that, I have plenty of excuses - BLE is difficult and demanding, need to network... But cutting all that out, all that is left, is myself to blame. I haven't been able to juggle all these well, wanting everything and not wanting to sacrificing anything. Perhaps it is time to realise that sometimes, somethings gotta give. And acquaint myself with the concept of priority...
I just made my mother a very very sad woman, very sad mother and my dad a very disappointed father. In all frankness, it really sucks. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to tell her calmly why I was so pissed with her comments. I was supposed to be that objective and grown up girl that I have tried to be for the past year or so. I was not supposed to make her cry.
I am really sorry the anger, the angry words/exchange, for making her cry. Most of all, I'm disappointed with myself, my actions for the past few months, my justifications.
At some point, I strayed and got lost. Now I need to get a grip.
Cheers,
WR
Sunday, June 22, 2008
A brand new beginning.
After a few weeks at work, I have come to realise that the dynamics of working life is much more than just work itself. The work, it seems to me, is the smallest denomination and the most straight forward aspect of working. Instead, the other things such as human relations that take up more time. Balancing between being an efficient worker and a sociable colleague can be really difficult at times.
This new beginning is daunting, less exciting than I have imagined it to be. I have to admit that I am already fearing what is to come. At one point in time, I was unsure of the future, that I even have a future to speak of. In that short period of time, I let the fear consumed me, losing all perspective and composure. The problem, no doubt was a small one, was sufficient to throw me off course. The fear that I have created for myself, was extremely out of proportion. I was a victim of my own pessimistic imagination, once again.
Also within that short period of time, I managed to recover. I am fortunate enough to have many rational and experience people by my side. People who are patient enough to listen to my minute problems and give me rational advices. I am thankful that my lack of confidence in my ability was compensated by their faith in me; that my pessimism was always met with their rationalising of my situation. No doubt I cannot always rely on them, but I know there are people who will have my back when I fall at times.
At this beginning, I am learning how to stand up on my own two feet. I am learning how to deal with seemingly impossible problems (which I create in my mind). I am learning how to balance the different forces in my life. It is just like a baby learning how to stand. I know and I believe that eventually I will get the hang of it. But before that can happen, I'm glad I have the hands to hold me, to break my fall before I hit the ground hard.
I am especially thankful, because these are people whom I can speak freely to. These are people whom I know will treat me with sincerity.
At this juncture, the beginning of another phase in my life, I have to start planning for my life ahead. Gone are the days when my life plan was in academic years; my goals were to attend lectures and number of distinctions at the end of that year. Now is the time when I decide when my next period of assessment will be; the standard of success, etc.
Where do I see myself in 5 yrs? Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs?
A big picture approach, a birds' eye view of things to help me manage all my aspects in life. It is time I sit myself down to map it out.
To my love ones:
Please stay strong for me and with me because I need your support for my decisions. I promise to make all reasonable efforts to make rational decisions. Please continue to believe in me.
Rise to greatness and awesome-ness.
After a few weeks at work, I have come to realise that the dynamics of working life is much more than just work itself. The work, it seems to me, is the smallest denomination and the most straight forward aspect of working. Instead, the other things such as human relations that take up more time. Balancing between being an efficient worker and a sociable colleague can be really difficult at times.
This new beginning is daunting, less exciting than I have imagined it to be. I have to admit that I am already fearing what is to come. At one point in time, I was unsure of the future, that I even have a future to speak of. In that short period of time, I let the fear consumed me, losing all perspective and composure. The problem, no doubt was a small one, was sufficient to throw me off course. The fear that I have created for myself, was extremely out of proportion. I was a victim of my own pessimistic imagination, once again.
Also within that short period of time, I managed to recover. I am fortunate enough to have many rational and experience people by my side. People who are patient enough to listen to my minute problems and give me rational advices. I am thankful that my lack of confidence in my ability was compensated by their faith in me; that my pessimism was always met with their rationalising of my situation. No doubt I cannot always rely on them, but I know there are people who will have my back when I fall at times.
At this beginning, I am learning how to stand up on my own two feet. I am learning how to deal with seemingly impossible problems (which I create in my mind). I am learning how to balance the different forces in my life. It is just like a baby learning how to stand. I know and I believe that eventually I will get the hang of it. But before that can happen, I'm glad I have the hands to hold me, to break my fall before I hit the ground hard.
I am especially thankful, because these are people whom I can speak freely to. These are people whom I know will treat me with sincerity.
At this juncture, the beginning of another phase in my life, I have to start planning for my life ahead. Gone are the days when my life plan was in academic years; my goals were to attend lectures and number of distinctions at the end of that year. Now is the time when I decide when my next period of assessment will be; the standard of success, etc.
Where do I see myself in 5 yrs? Where do I want to see myself in 5 yrs?
A big picture approach, a birds' eye view of things to help me manage all my aspects in life. It is time I sit myself down to map it out.
To my love ones:
Please stay strong for me and with me because I need your support for my decisions. I promise to make all reasonable efforts to make rational decisions. Please continue to believe in me.
Rise to greatness and awesome-ness.
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