Me. Myself & i

There are two types of girls which will be surrounded by guys, one is those who are very pretty, demure, guys simply fall in love with and another type, which guys simply treat them like one of the guys.
I am usually surrounded by guys and i'm from the latter group. HAhah No idea whether is this fortunate or not.. Definitely not good when everytime my relationship, my bf ends up treating me like a guy. LOL... But at the same time expects me to be a girl at times.
Qt a complicated concept but simply put: They expect me to be a girlfriend to them, but they'll treat me like i shldn't expect anything from them instead= friends. So when i start sacrificing my time, reshuffling my schedule, help them do things... But he continue to stick to his own schedule, do his own things, only meet me when he is available.. I know i'm doing too much and it is not being appreciated.

I hate it when this happens. Sometimes i seriously wish i can be a guy, not in the sense that i have anything for girls.. But it is when you are with a platonic guy friend, and you get spotted by either of your friends and they give u a funny look. Or you real bf starts to treat u like a good friend instead of a gf. Both situations simply irritates the hell out of me..

But not to say that i have no flaws at all. i expect too much. i need too much attention from my bf because i don't have many platonic friends.. I'm a little schizo and i have no idea what i expect from a relationship. I don't belong to a relationship.

Rah. Yet i cannot be alone. I am unpredictable, and i do things in a very illogical way.. The more i feel for a person, the less i want to care if i feel that my feelings are not reciprocated.. Because i don't want to boost his ego, and put myself down, because i know that way, i'll be taken for granted even more, because i know guys do not appreciate what is easy.

But i guess at the end of the day, the way i carry myself, it is just impossible for guys to treat me like a girl. But partly that is what i want if i'm not interested. Hahaha But i guess that part of me just takes over sometimes, and then..

Sigh. It is killing me. Me myself and I..
i contradict myself so much, that i am starting to get split personality.

I can ignore you at this moment, thinking about all kinds of nasty things so that i can leave. Next moment, i'll just forget about everything that happened and do the same old things again. What does that show???

Rah... I shld shorten whatever pain that i'll feel.

WR