Just 6 months ago, where was I, How did i feel?
Did i know that i will be here and now and feeling this way?
Significantly different. I'm returning back to the person i used to be. Everything that I have learnt and equipped myself with, I have left them somewhere along the way.
This is my life. This is about me.
I am trying. Trying very hard to make things work.
But at the back of my mind, the thought that you are never mine to begin with is still lurking.
:D
But at the same time, I am slowing re-collecting what I have picked up along my way in life.
If i fall again this time, i'll just have to pick myself up again tml. Because no one will take care of you like yourself :D
Cheers.
WR
Thursday, March 27, 2008
OneRepublic
Stop and Stare
This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Whoa!!!
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?
Stop and Stare
This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now,
I'm a run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out, and I'm standing down.
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
But I've become what I can't be
Whoa!!!
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone get scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺。
Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. The person who is in the pink of health right beside you now may be diagnosed with some nasty disease tomorrow. You cannot prevent it from happening, all you can do is come to terms with it. This is a fact of life and one of the sufferings in life.
As we grow older and sickness starts to plague the people around us, especially the ones we love, helplessness starts to overwhelm us. Looking around, I realised how insignificant and fragile our lives are and how fast time can zip pass us.
No one can escape the cycle of life. When it applies to our own individual life, it is easy to come to terms with. If I have to die, then so be it. The pain only really hit us when it is time for our love ones to leave us. When there is nothing we can do about it except wait for it to take place and after that, slowly transit into a life without that person.
It is easy to say "then treasure the people around you now" but how many people can actually consistently do so? And how many people can apply this principle to every single person in his/her life? What is defined as 'treasuring'? Why do people have to wait till his/her someone is on the verge of leaving before treasuring him/her? What do people eventually forget the pain?
I'm not emo and i am not referring to any one in my family in particular. Just some thoughts about how my parents are growing older by the day and how my grandfather's health has deteriorated over the years... These are inevitable and it has dawn upon me that these are things that i eventually have to come to terms with. Through this, I hope people around me also start to realise that the state of things is not permanent. Things change, for better or for worse. Always equip yourself with a positive outlook that enable you to deal with these changes :D And you will definitely live a more fulfilled life.
Cheers!
Love,
WR
Life can be so unpredictable sometimes. The person who is in the pink of health right beside you now may be diagnosed with some nasty disease tomorrow. You cannot prevent it from happening, all you can do is come to terms with it. This is a fact of life and one of the sufferings in life.
As we grow older and sickness starts to plague the people around us, especially the ones we love, helplessness starts to overwhelm us. Looking around, I realised how insignificant and fragile our lives are and how fast time can zip pass us.
No one can escape the cycle of life. When it applies to our own individual life, it is easy to come to terms with. If I have to die, then so be it. The pain only really hit us when it is time for our love ones to leave us. When there is nothing we can do about it except wait for it to take place and after that, slowly transit into a life without that person.
It is easy to say "then treasure the people around you now" but how many people can actually consistently do so? And how many people can apply this principle to every single person in his/her life? What is defined as 'treasuring'? Why do people have to wait till his/her someone is on the verge of leaving before treasuring him/her? What do people eventually forget the pain?
I'm not emo and i am not referring to any one in my family in particular. Just some thoughts about how my parents are growing older by the day and how my grandfather's health has deteriorated over the years... These are inevitable and it has dawn upon me that these are things that i eventually have to come to terms with. Through this, I hope people around me also start to realise that the state of things is not permanent. Things change, for better or for worse. Always equip yourself with a positive outlook that enable you to deal with these changes :D And you will definitely live a more fulfilled life.
Cheers!
Love,
WR
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sometimes i just think that everyone wants a piece of me... Not literally. When i make someone happy, i upset someone else. The relationship is not directly causal, but the implication of me doing one thing sometimes means i'll make someone else unhappy. Someone who is important to me.
I think if it happens so much to me, i must be the problem.
Why the problem? Because my time is so limited, and i cannot make everyone happy. So i have to choose.
The question is how do i go about choosing?
How then can i balance?
I don't like to do the balancing act.
I don't like to be restricted. To be questioned. To have people breathing down my neck, asking me where did i go, what time did i come home, even if they are my parents.
It is difficult.
What you do is never enough. You can do your best, yet, they can still find a problem with u.
I know and I try and i want to be a good daughter, niece, gf, friend, etc. But i guess i am just trying to hard to please everyone. I need to learn how to let go. I need to learn to draw a line. To know when is it that i have done enough and let nature takes its course.
KW told me "remember u told me before that one person can only do so much"
I can only do so much. I felt that i can make a difference by communicating, by telling them how i feel, what i am doing. I am still going to try, but this time, i'm going to do as much as i can. I am not going to be bogged down if they cannot understand .. Because i tried.
I just have to remember that i've tried my best. If things don't work out, they don't.
WR
I think if it happens so much to me, i must be the problem.
Why the problem? Because my time is so limited, and i cannot make everyone happy. So i have to choose.
The question is how do i go about choosing?
How then can i balance?
I don't like to do the balancing act.
I don't like to be restricted. To be questioned. To have people breathing down my neck, asking me where did i go, what time did i come home, even if they are my parents.
It is difficult.
What you do is never enough. You can do your best, yet, they can still find a problem with u.
I know and I try and i want to be a good daughter, niece, gf, friend, etc. But i guess i am just trying to hard to please everyone. I need to learn how to let go. I need to learn to draw a line. To know when is it that i have done enough and let nature takes its course.
KW told me "remember u told me before that one person can only do so much"
I can only do so much. I felt that i can make a difference by communicating, by telling them how i feel, what i am doing. I am still going to try, but this time, i'm going to do as much as i can. I am not going to be bogged down if they cannot understand .. Because i tried.
I just have to remember that i've tried my best. If things don't work out, they don't.
WR
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Emotions,
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
It makes the world so complicated.
It can make partners so loving, yet so fill with jealousy at the same time.
It can make simply friendship look so sinister.
It can make something so innocent so difficult to fulfill.
I was faced with a dilemma. I used to believe that I should fight for my rights in a relationship. If I believe I had every right to meet my friends, I will do it. It is up to my partner to deal with whatever insecurities that he has.
I believed in honesty. Telling my partner whatever I come across, I feel. I want to let him know what i want to do, who i am going out with, etc.
I have been told the stupidity of such unlimited frankness, i have been warned.
But I always believe that together, a couple should be able to work together, to stay together, to trust each other, even with all the available information.
But emotions. Emotions for each other often make them irrational..
haiz
I dunno what to say.
Friday, November 23, 2007
http://mylittlenewhope2.blogspot.com/
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Well, according to my fren, A true story that took place in Singapore.
To me, it is another true story happening in Singapore.
It is really sad, emotional and difficult. From the entries, she is an elequoent lady who is really pleasant looking. In fact, I'd say she is quite pretty. I cannot imagine a man, who has such a blissful and happy family, would want to throw it all away.
For love?
That he no longer loves the wife at home carrying his child? That he no longer feels like being at her beck and call because she is now pregnant and tempremental? That he no longer wishes to be in her company because she stays at home, contented with her happy family life?
That this other lady in the picture is more compatible with him? Because they are in the same field, they share the same interest, perhaps in travelling?
Yes, undoubtly, Love works in the most mysterious way. No one knows when it is going to spring on you. You can be married and you still feel the affection for someone else.
But, Marriage is more than love. More than just the feeling of affection. It is the past, present and future that the couple has built together andwill continue doing so. It is the memories that two people have accumulated. It is built up of the difficult and mandane times, while together they savour the good times...
It is not the mere affection, mere periodical matching of character. Affection will wear off, similarities in character will change eventually, they are not static..
Though like jye said, we don't know the full story, we have got to be objective.
可是很难不心疼那还没出世的小孩
她是那么的无辜
That no matter how objective you are, a woman carrying a child to full term alone without her husband is a difficult task.
The decision to have the child was made together... The decision to end the marriage was taken unilaterally...
To the Mommy,
You have to be strong for your child. What has passed cannot be change. May evil not befall on him, to let him know that you can be stronger without him. That you will do better without him. May he live with his conscience for a good long while. And you shall move on, without hatred. Because he is no longer worthy to occupy your thoughts any more.
Cheers,
WR
Thursday, November 15, 2007
well, it has been a long long while since i posted anything here. My banking law paper is approaching, my sister's wedding is coming up, there is a new addition to my already very big extended family and most importantly, i am attached.
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Coming to two months now and all I am going to say is that I am currently very happy with the way things are, happy and contented. I sincerely hope that nothing big or drastic will come my way once again, like the last time i felt so blissful, i was hit by a really huge dramatic end to my then relationship.
Perhaps as the years go by, one becomes more aware of what s/he wants because of the experiences s/he goes through. I cannot say that i have seen it all, but I guess i have seen my fair share of what it can be like out there. All i can say is that, being brought up in a simple family, I've always believe that family support is important for one to be successful. And when it comes to family, one must be contented with what s/he has, then it'll be a closely knitted and strong family.
With so many things happening in my family, good and bad, I just feel more and more fortunate to have them as my family members. It can be really difficult to be there for someone unconditionally but my family, esp my aunts and uncles, just manages to. The way they stand by each other is one which I seldom see in other families nowadays, to be available 24-7 to care for them and their spouses, to worry about their health, to take care of them emotionally and offer financial support. These might be obvious when everyone is still living together but not when everyone has already gotten married and moved out.
Of cos such love can have its down side. Over whelming love from your family can cause too much stress. But one has to constantly remind himself/herself not to take his/her family for granted, to accept the love and try his/her best to reciprocate.
I guess i've been spending too much time at home to observe all these...
Back to work.. Shall update again soon...
wr
Friday, November 02, 2007
Somewhere Only We Know
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Friday, September 28, 2007
"She wanted me to tell you that had love been enough, she will be right here with you..."
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
- Grey's Anatomy
Had love been enough... What would you have done differently in your life?
Had love been all that matters, would you still have chosen what you had?
Had love been the be all and end all...
Unfortunately, love isn't and i guess will never be.
Right now, there are more important things for me to do. Call me a coward, I don't have enough faith to take that leap. I tried, and all my worries are starting to materialise.
"You are complicated. And 'complicated' is not what i need in my life now."
I do not want to live in the shadow of your past. It might sound like an excuse for my lack of faith. But they are all factors. I do not want to sit at home, to have to be considerate and leave you alone on 'special days' and experiencing mixed feelings because of you.
I don't want to start thinking about what will happen if all you are looking for is an emotional support throughout this time of pain, difficulty. I do not want to have to worry about you realising I'm not the one but having to stay with me just because I saw you through this.
I do not want to think so much, because thinking so much just means that you are becoming important in my life. Because this means that I will be affected, it will be out of my control.
This is not what i need now.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
numbness :D
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
What you would term as weakness.
I cant feel my brain, i cannot feel my heart. I'm emotionless. This is the perfect state of mind that I'd love to achieve, for a very long time. This entry might not make sense to any of you out there, but i know very well what i'm saying to myself.
I had some to drink. I'm filling my ear drums with really good music. I just came home from mambo night. I ought to be sleeping now.
I have to record this before i ever forget about how i feel right now...
I feel numb.
Numbness in my skull, numbness in my heart.. Actually skull especially. I cannot feel anything. I am enjoying this high.. I hope i never have to feel anything in my heart. I hope i never have to remember anything. I wanna be filled up my the music. I want to absorb everything that i'm listening and forget about how i really feel. I wanna forget that i'm a person. I wanna stop feeling.
It is too hard. It is too difficult. I don't even care who is reading this anymore. I want to forget whatever that i see when i close my eyes.
I want to stop lying to myself.
The day that I got to know you, it is destined that i cannot lead my life like a normal twenty-two year old. I cannot.
I cannot remember how.
But i just am pushing myself to move forward.
To be different
To think differently from who i used to be
To be someone else
To grow up
So many times, i wanted to give up. I told myself i'm just a twenty-two year old. I can afford to be young. I can afford to be naive. I can afford to make mistakes. I can be me.
But i want to become you.
I want to be emotionless. I want to be objective. I want to be carefree. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want any more pain. I know i can make myself be together with someone else.
"love has its limits"
Love has its limits. Love is over-rated.
I am sorry. As much as you try to convince me. At this second, at this minute, at this hour, this me, this person just cannot relate to it. It IS over-rated.
I'm falling.
And this time, there's no one there to catch me. There is no one. Falling into this abyss. I cannot even turn to you. I tried my best to be there for everyone. I want to be perfect. I want to be everyone's pillar. but i find that i cannot even help myself at this moment.
I smiled.
I smiled at you
I smiled at her
I smiled at myself in the mirror
I looked into my eyes, i told the girl in the reflection, i am a strong girl. i will live through this. I will move on. I told them, and i told myself, i am not a least bit affected. I love myself too much to let this affect me.
I know that as much as this is difficult, there are some things that i cannot bring myself to do.
I know that once this is publish, many things will never be the same again.
I know that i am very much under the influence of alcohol.
I know that i cannot define this, and there is no need to.
I know that tomorrow morning, i'll very much regret this.
But you know what?
Do note that i'll never regret this.
Do note that i have never once, looked back and regretted what i have done, what i have told you.
So many things, so many images raced through my mind.
I just want to say that
I hate the way that i cannot hate you.
I hate the way that you can make me laugh
I hate the way that you can actually make me forget all those things that you have done/have not done.
I hate the way i cannot just turn around and walk away..
I hate the way that i can see you once i close my eyes as much as i try not to.
I hate the way I use you as motivation when i feel that i cannot move on anymore.
I hate the way you have so much effect on me..
I hate the way i'm so into you, even though you had not done anything.
I really hate you...
I simply hate the way that i'm actually feeling for you.
I hate it.
I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to you who love me. I am not sure what will i feel when i wake up tomorrow but at this hour, my mind is filled with some one who shouldn't be there to begin with. I cannot explain. I cannot understand.
Right now. I am just Me. I want to be naive. I want to be Me. I want to be stubborn. I want to be emotional.
Leave me alone.
Regards,
Drunk Me
PS. WTF.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
objectivity-big picture-stay focus
Constant reflection, self-searching, seeking for the answers.
I want to stay on track... The picture is clear, I know my options. The emotions shouldn't and shall not cloud my judgment now.
I have never been clearer in my life. I wavered for a while. But upon reflection on the events that took place today, a particular event make it clearer than ever.
I will and shall stay focus. It is what that is required of me. I never should have let my resolve waver in the first place. But as shu she said, I still lack the experience. Even though the event today did not affect me, the meaning behind it and its implications i do not wish to be part of. Cause and effect, neither of which i wish to be part of.
I did not feel very strongly about the entire episode. Purely from a third party perspective, analyzing what had transcend. It is so clear from this perspective and I really can get used to being so objective about some things. To extract myself from the situation and think very rationally what has taken place, what are the implications and what role do i play in this...
At this point, I am not sure if i had really became a more rational person or I haven't completely allowed myself to get involved. I'd like to think it is the former. I really hope I will be able to deal with the other issues in my life the same way, distant and objective. Clear and purposeful. Near inhumane but yet, just trying to do the 'right' thing.
Cheers!
WR
Constant reflection, self-searching, seeking for the answers.
I want to stay on track... The picture is clear, I know my options. The emotions shouldn't and shall not cloud my judgment now.
I have never been clearer in my life. I wavered for a while. But upon reflection on the events that took place today, a particular event make it clearer than ever.
I will and shall stay focus. It is what that is required of me. I never should have let my resolve waver in the first place. But as shu she said, I still lack the experience. Even though the event today did not affect me, the meaning behind it and its implications i do not wish to be part of. Cause and effect, neither of which i wish to be part of.
I did not feel very strongly about the entire episode. Purely from a third party perspective, analyzing what had transcend. It is so clear from this perspective and I really can get used to being so objective about some things. To extract myself from the situation and think very rationally what has taken place, what are the implications and what role do i play in this...
At this point, I am not sure if i had really became a more rational person or I haven't completely allowed myself to get involved. I'd like to think it is the former. I really hope I will be able to deal with the other issues in my life the same way, distant and objective. Clear and purposeful. Near inhumane but yet, just trying to do the 'right' thing.
Cheers!
WR
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
路人甲
没事的路人，静悄悄地与你差身而过。。。
This is me, a passerby to most of the people in my life. Going in and out of their lives, for a short while. I can't explain it either... Mayb to them, i'm not the kind of friend for life. Looking back, at different period of my life, a different group of people there in my memories. There doesn't seem to be any similarities, except that I know at some point in time, they'll disappear from my life. There don't need to be any life changing events, not even a quarrel... They slowly 消声匿迹，慢慢的不见了。也没有刻意的闭门不见，就这样，失去联络。
probably it is a problem of mine, ever since i have memories, i knew friends are not forever. As much as I wish to have friends who know every dirty little secret in your life, whom my family members can recognise, who saw me through all the milestones in my life.. But i've always told myself that friends will come and go.. At the end of the day, no one has the obligation to be there for you. Or probably i'm just pre-empting myself from any hurt that might occur in the event something happens. After time, the character was formed.. I moved from group to group, at different times in my life...
Well, i guess such a situation has its pros and cons.. 虽然有时会寂寞，但知道自己够潇洒，放得下。并不是没有付出过，但常常提醒自己不是付出就有回报的。当关系太复杂时，大家渐渐把你的付出当成一种理所当然时，我就会慢慢的退后。。。 总觉得朋友们在一起，不希望有太多复杂的情绪。。人与人之间的复杂交际不应存在与朋友们之间，会很累的。。。
i guess that's why 我一向不会干涉朋友们的私事，要做什么，怎么做，我不想左右。牵涉太多，多管闲事，扰人扰己。and I condone the 'morally wrong' acts that people won't allow their friends to do... That others will usually talk their friends out of.. All i do is to say "this is your choice, you know fully well the consequences and u've gotta bear them in the event they materialised." Definitely not 'correct', not the kind of caring friend that people are looking out for..
But in life there are so many things that aren't black or white.. So many grey areas... What is 'right' is what most people think ought to be done...
My attitude, to most people i guess, is too indifferent, too cold to be considered someone to confine in.. And that's probably why i don't have many female friends.. Because they need someone to feel for them, sometimes even to whine with them.. To tell them that what they are doing is what i'd have done, to tell them that i understand.. But the truth is, I've been through it, and still going through it. Truth is i wish to tell them that U've gotta take care and take charge of your own emotional well being. Truth is you are only as damaged as you see yourself to be. Truth is you can do very well even by yourself, that no one is indispensible in your life. You simply move on.
Don't be mistaken, this isn't exactly an emo entry, not even one to complain about my current well-being. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it allows u to learn the most, to see more than ever. As your friends drift in and out of relationships, you see them come in and out of your life. As their lives take drastic changes, they walk in and out of your life. At that certain point in their lives, I have been there, i played a part or try to do my part to put them back on their feet. After that certain point, 不拖不欠, i don't expect them to be there for me... Or at least i try not to :D
到最后，谁不希望有一群和你走过大半辈子的好朋友？但又有几个人如此幸运？一切随缘，一切知足。
没事的路人，静悄悄地与你差身而过。。。
This is me, a passerby to most of the people in my life. Going in and out of their lives, for a short while. I can't explain it either... Mayb to them, i'm not the kind of friend for life. Looking back, at different period of my life, a different group of people there in my memories. There doesn't seem to be any similarities, except that I know at some point in time, they'll disappear from my life. There don't need to be any life changing events, not even a quarrel... They slowly 消声匿迹，慢慢的不见了。也没有刻意的闭门不见，就这样，失去联络。
probably it is a problem of mine, ever since i have memories, i knew friends are not forever. As much as I wish to have friends who know every dirty little secret in your life, whom my family members can recognise, who saw me through all the milestones in my life.. But i've always told myself that friends will come and go.. At the end of the day, no one has the obligation to be there for you. Or probably i'm just pre-empting myself from any hurt that might occur in the event something happens. After time, the character was formed.. I moved from group to group, at different times in my life...
Well, i guess such a situation has its pros and cons.. 虽然有时会寂寞，但知道自己够潇洒，放得下。并不是没有付出过，但常常提醒自己不是付出就有回报的。当关系太复杂时，大家渐渐把你的付出当成一种理所当然时，我就会慢慢的退后。。。 总觉得朋友们在一起，不希望有太多复杂的情绪。。人与人之间的复杂交际不应存在与朋友们之间，会很累的。。。
i guess that's why 我一向不会干涉朋友们的私事，要做什么，怎么做，我不想左右。牵涉太多，多管闲事，扰人扰己。and I condone the 'morally wrong' acts that people won't allow their friends to do... That others will usually talk their friends out of.. All i do is to say "this is your choice, you know fully well the consequences and u've gotta bear them in the event they materialised." Definitely not 'correct', not the kind of caring friend that people are looking out for..
But in life there are so many things that aren't black or white.. So many grey areas... What is 'right' is what most people think ought to be done...
My attitude, to most people i guess, is too indifferent, too cold to be considered someone to confine in.. And that's probably why i don't have many female friends.. Because they need someone to feel for them, sometimes even to whine with them.. To tell them that what they are doing is what i'd have done, to tell them that i understand.. But the truth is, I've been through it, and still going through it. Truth is i wish to tell them that U've gotta take care and take charge of your own emotional well being. Truth is you are only as damaged as you see yourself to be. Truth is you can do very well even by yourself, that no one is indispensible in your life. You simply move on.
Don't be mistaken, this isn't exactly an emo entry, not even one to complain about my current well-being. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it allows u to learn the most, to see more than ever. As your friends drift in and out of relationships, you see them come in and out of your life. As their lives take drastic changes, they walk in and out of your life. At that certain point in their lives, I have been there, i played a part or try to do my part to put them back on their feet. After that certain point, 不拖不欠, i don't expect them to be there for me... Or at least i try not to :D
到最后，谁不希望有一群和你走过大半辈子的好朋友？但又有几个人如此幸运？一切随缘，一切知足。
Thursday, August 16, 2007
这首歌真的好冷门。。。or perhaps i'm not tech-savvy enough. All i managed was a web playing version of it. Sigh... And i uploaded it both on my face book and blog. No idea why it catches my attention so much, probably because it is very soothing and .. touching?
Saw the movie 881 on Tuesday... No expectations at all for this local production. Was very curious because it explored a side of the singaporean scene that I am not exposed to... I was there purely for entertainment. True enough, the show opened with a lot of crappy graphics, budget tech stuff and a hilarious and incredible story line... But it was in its kind of way, very funny. As stupid as the beginning scenes prove themselves to be, i could relate very well to the movie, partly because most of the conversations were in Hokkien and partly because those are scenes so close to home.
The story was a little out the the world, a little immature. But I believe that amidst the seemingly silly plot, was a story of friendship, kinship and love. Using a very silly plot to actually bring out the different aspects of love, the contrast was amazing, the effect was incredible. The outcome was touching. It isn't an out and out art film, out to explore the affections and relationships between people. It is a very simple film, about very simple people, who really love and care for each other. Who really fought for the people they cared for. It is simple, in order to bring out the complexity of relationship.
看完后，我只有感动。
戏中最让我感动的，并不是男女之间的爱情， 而是亲情，母女之间的亲情。。。 我永远会记得那一幕，小木瓜躺在病床上问玲姨为什么她总是面带笑容的。玲姨说“应为你是月亮，大木瓜是星星，我是太阳。我这个太阳要够亮，才能借光给你和大木瓜。。。”
Might not mean anything to anyone out there... But this, to me, is the most touching scene through out the whole movie. No special effects, just a very simple scene between a guardian and ward... The very simple words that were exchanged, brings out more emotions that i have expected..
Saw the movie 881 on Tuesday... No expectations at all for this local production. Was very curious because it explored a side of the singaporean scene that I am not exposed to... I was there purely for entertainment. True enough, the show opened with a lot of crappy graphics, budget tech stuff and a hilarious and incredible story line... But it was in its kind of way, very funny. As stupid as the beginning scenes prove themselves to be, i could relate very well to the movie, partly because most of the conversations were in Hokkien and partly because those are scenes so close to home.
The story was a little out the the world, a little immature. But I believe that amidst the seemingly silly plot, was a story of friendship, kinship and love. Using a very silly plot to actually bring out the different aspects of love, the contrast was amazing, the effect was incredible. The outcome was touching. It isn't an out and out art film, out to explore the affections and relationships between people. It is a very simple film, about very simple people, who really love and care for each other. Who really fought for the people they cared for. It is simple, in order to bring out the complexity of relationship.
看完后，我只有感动。
戏中最让我感动的，并不是男女之间的爱情， 而是亲情，母女之间的亲情。。。 我永远会记得那一幕，小木瓜躺在病床上问玲姨为什么她总是面带笑容的。玲姨说“应为你是月亮，大木瓜是星星，我是太阳。我这个太阳要够亮，才能借光给你和大木瓜。。。”
Might not mean anything to anyone out there... But this, to me, is the most touching scene through out the whole movie. No special effects, just a very simple scene between a guardian and ward... The very simple words that were exchanged, brings out more emotions that i have expected..
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