感恩。

这四天感恩有家人的照顾，包括先生的婆婆帮我张罗一餐。

Close of another chapter

Another chapter has ended today. Finally said goodbye to my work place for 3 years and 2 months. Not a long time, not too short either. The departure can accurately be described as bitter-sweet-and-spicy.. Bitter because there was a bigger push factor to leave than there was a pull factor; the sweetness of my co-workers, superiors, admin, friends and their support/love throughout the difficult times; spicy as even on the last day, we had to clash. Events leading up to the departure left me suspicious of my professional abilities. It is very challenging to reassure yourself that you are doing alright when your superior constantly reminds you otherwise, whether such opinion is substantiated or not. As with all experiences, I've learnt something out of this episode - it is that if your superior is "on your side", mistakes can be tolerated, otherwise, any small mistake can be made a grave one. This might come across as a cynical view, and it is probably because I am not able to express it properly. And the more important lesson is how stubborn I am... Stubborn and impulsive at times... Lastly, I need to re-evaluate and reflect on my attitude towards my superiors and people I deal with. My interactions with people at work lack intention, the interactions are very instinctive - I am instinctively very friendly with admin staff, very distant from superiors, etc. I need to put more thought into them and challenge my assumptions in my interaction with others at work. All the best to me :) 不经一事，不长一智。

家家有本难念的经。。。

Family issues are the most difficult, because there is family history, emotional baggages, financial implications and values of individuals. These are elements that are difficult to negotiate on its own, let alone to have them altogether... Usually, "right" or "wrong" is less clear, or may be secondary/peripheral to the actual issues. As such, there is a chinese saying - "清官难断家务事" - it is impossible for one to judge family matters, even for an upright and clear headed judge. Besides, long family history often makes matters more complicated. Grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, reciprocity, gifts, who failed to attend whoever's party, etc, tend to make matters worse. Sadly, many people presume that they can and should interfere with others' businesses, simply on the basis that they are "family" no matter how distant the core families are, causing much unnecessary grief and problems to others. On the flip side, those who are at the receiving end of the "evil treatment" can always turn a deaf ear to the noise. If these people matter, they wouldn't be saying such things, and if they don't, why are you bothered and as a result, hurt the ones who actually matter most, i.e. core family members? Easy to say. Difficult to carry out. I'm glad those who matter to me are above these gossips... :)

Both students commented about the haze today, goes to show how much the haze has affected our lives in this short span of one week. 

For me, the time off from my otherwise packed schedule meant I had time to see my parents. The shortage of masks helped me to appreciate how our family and friends reacted in times of crisis.

On a national level, amidst the complains, there are Singaporeans who have heart, and remember the less fortunate during the hard times. In stark contrast, our law-by-law ministers, ministries who only know how to quote hard facts and stay objective, it seems like they will never learn. Or perhaps, we have chosen and/or trained them to be robots. We have taken the "objective" yardstick too far. So much so that it is difficult for them to deal with organic and living beings, instead, we are merely digits and statistics. To address us, we are fed with more digits, statistics and records, treaties, etc. 

That, I feel, is the disconnect. 

Still learning about giving unsolicited advice to others; letting nature takes its course; and keeping my comments to myself.

Not in a passive manner, i think to be able to let things run the natural course is important. You react only when you are engaged - it is a bit like wing tsun, you only respond when your opponent is within the reacting range and engaged you, ie meeting of hands. And the engagement, should likely be on your terms.

There is no need for me to bounce to the other extreme, in retaliation or what not. I think the only thing I could do, is to put this into practice and be aware everytime I am on the verge of giving any advice.

一代新人换旧人

"Why do you still use a photo of you and your (ex)girlfriend as your screen saver?" I asked nearing the end of our lesson, not bothered if I would hit a healing wound.

"This is my new girlfriend!" the student replied with a smile on his face.

不但感慨＂年轻真好＂，更觉得自己落后，跟不上时代。

Despite my hassling about how heartbroken he was when he last broke up, my old-school advice about not having a relationship until after N-levels, I am happy for him. Because he is a normal teenager, and has moved on from his last experience. There will be many more, I suspect, but that is for us to know and for him to find out.

Another Sunday. 

Me and my yellow submarine...

"Right here, right now. There is no where I'd rather be."

回忆往事，感觉一抹淡淡的微笑浮现在我的脸上。
虽然对未来还没有具体的计划，我有信心能够胜任。
至于现在，
满足，感恩，宁静。

自爱，
家人的支持，和谐的相处
工作稳定，方向锁定。

这些并不是偶然。
活着，就必须学会怎么好好地活着。对自己，对家人，朋友，爱人，其他人。明白自己，明确的价值观，人与人之间的交际。

说简单不简单，说难不难。

继续努力。

＂为什么要与男子争长短？

因为有能力的女生，只会寂寥不会悲惨，只会落寞不怕落魄。＂

亦舒

珍惜。惜福。

幸福

什么是幸福？

能够选择，懂得选择，勇敢去选择

就会有幸福。

Your place in the world isn't subject to their approval.

Why accept their frame of the situation, where you are required to play by their rules? You are already accepting their version of the world by doing that.

We all know how this ends, although I always hope my friends are the exceptions, I already know how this will end.

I guess you are right, you've chosen this path, you shall take responsibility of the consequences.

With that, I only hope you will learn to set your boundaries, know when to leave this wreckage behind.

Time to reflect....
是时候自我检讨了。。。

this picture was taken about one year ago. how time flies while change remains constant. 花开花谢。即是定律，也是改变。缘起缘灭，生老病死，都是一样的。 Drama is the theme of this week. I must say I have not taken them as well as I wish I could. Although most of what had happened does not involve me, neither do i feel obliged to do anything, I look on and reflect on how i have changed. I cannot decide whether I am being unfeeling (as usual), putting up a rational front, or hardened by the realities of life or really enlightened and taking things as they come along. Be it seeing the same thing happening to two of my closest friends at two different periods of time; or a repeated story happening to a close relative of mine. Actually, from a different perspective, how poetic all these seem to decide to take place together? 人生，is made up of daily choices you make.天天都在选择中。认识到这点，以这个当做基本概念，就不会事事往个人以外，寻求答案，寻求解脱；就会慢慢学会为自己的所作所为负责任。 Peaceful are those who look inward for answer to their unhappiness, unsatisfied life. 因为花会开，花会谢。假如你依赖花的美丽，你会因为花的改变，而载浮载沉。 朋友，何必如此担心? 会发生的事，没人阻止得了。要帮忙也要当事人觉得有必要。 朋友，希望他会是你的归宿。十几年的友情 朋友不是白当的。记得，有事没事都要跟我们说。。。

Winding down.

挫折不会是你的终点，只要你继续走下去。 There are so many times when I stopped and questioned if I can go on - 马拉松时，体力透支，一边走一边流眼泪的情景还历历在目。大考之前，一边写考卷一边哭的德行我还记得。 Even though these are really minute situations compared to people who had gone through tests of life and death, mean physical hardship, mental tests of unimaginable scales, I can only quote such layman examples. These experiences, coupled with reflections on my life, making them relevant and useful whenever I am faced with challenging situations. Keep on moving on. :) Because we can, and we want to bring improvement to ourselves, people around and the space we live in. Keep going on and on...

在这个网络世界，每个人都想分享自己的故事，却没有几个人停下脚步，分享自己的时间。
沟通的方式多了，联络的时间少了。
停一停，听一听。世界会不一样。

Always seeking external justifications/reasons for mistakes means u will never learn.

Don't know what came over me. The need for recognition, the anger from possible rejection or simply self-destruction/justification to plot my departure or all of the above? I was irrational and unusually hot-headed. What was I trying to prove? That I am not "meek" and that I can stand up for myself? What happened to all the sound advice I used to render with so much confidence to others? I can only say that wisdom still comes with experience and experience is accumulated. I am so greatful and glad that I had people to turn to before I made my subsequent move. Jogging allows me to have a clear mind to process my thoughts. It gives me so much space to calm down and the conversations I had in the afternoon replayed in my mind. At the same time I continued to ask myself, what was my objective in the whole exercise? There are so many possible answers and they could all be my answers. So what now? What I need to do now, is put into practise the advice that I might give to another person who may be in the same position as myself, the most practical one - to play dumb and achieve what you came for as there is no point in fighting head-on. 这个世上没有英雄。你也不是主角。你只是一个过客。 你不需要证明什么。 也不要把大家当成你的敌人，因为世界不是绕着你在转动。 你会把别人的举动，当成对你的威胁，只不过是因为你太看得起你自己。 想一想，如果你的反射性动作时硬碰硬，证明你对自己的执著，对自己的看重，对面子的放不下。冠冕堂皇的说-”这样的人，我不稀罕为他做事“ 只是一种借口，为自己铺后路。这种话，只有有身家有背景的人，才有能力说。没有的话，遇到什么都要当成一种训练，一种磨练。 态度-心态-动作-习惯。 心念会影响全世界，at least 我的世界。。。

数不清的回忆，过去。 现在回头，我看见在不同阶段陪着我的人。你们造就了现在的我。因为有你们，所以有我。 感恩，每个在我生命中留下脚步的有缘人。有深深的脚印，也有蜻蜓点水般的，不着痕迹的。 不管如何，你们让我的生命有高度。 谢谢。