my new resolution for this holiday, other than my tuition plan-
i wanna learn how to draw cartoons and make cartoons on the computer!!!
i got a great story plot to put into cartoons..
hahaha

might just turn out to be another dream left behind.
;P

Another week - and temporary freedom!!!

muahaha

wenrong

只能抱着你
作词：光良 / 作词：瑞业 / 男声：光良
好想这样抱着你，我知道你有些在意。
给他伤了心，才想到可以找你。
好想这样抱着你，我知道你现在伤心，
想有人陪你，只是如此而已。

你知道，我明了。抱着你，我（你）的泪，却为他而掉。
你知道，我明了，抱着你，温习拥抱。
你知道，我明了，抱着你，我的心有些动摇。
你有的好，他做不到（他有的好　我做不到）。
还想他（也许他），可能等我回家（等你回家），
在我们（你们）相识的楼下。
还想他（也许他），可能拨我电话（拨你电话）留话。
还爱他（你爱他），我从没怀疑过（没怀疑过），
今晚心底的挣札，我不说你明白吗？

只能这样抱着你，我知道你有些在意，
给他伤了心，才想到可以找你。
只能这样抱着你，我知道你现在伤心，
想有人陪你，只是如此而已。

rahh...

handed up my written assignment yesterday, rather, sent it to paul to hand up for me. i overslept and missed the ride.. this is what happens when you write it till 340am in the morning, you cannot wake up at 630am to go to school.

sigh...
i need to focus...
i need to study..
why am i not studying?
i cannot find the zest that i had in jc..
i hate this feeling.
damn it.


i am goin to study.
i hereby promise myself to study hard for another 3 weeks.
and then i can rot for 3 months.
;p

did i mention i lost my smart card pin?
how am i goin to do my student survey!?
arghhhhhhh

-mindless ranting-


wenrong.

SIAN,
i actually hate my piece, trying to ask my smart frens to read it for me, whether it make sense to them.
but i hate my piece.
There's inertia to change it.. i'm really reluctant.. i slept upon it (a phrase used by my legal writing tutor). but decided i still do not wish to change anything, as much as i feel it is superficial.. hahaha
because i really don't understand why i disagree with the proposed reforms.. i cannot elaborate properly.
Where is Pardeep? (yes, i say i'll mention u) He is on his way to school. According to him, he is losing sanity.. hahaha shan't poke fun at him here.. i dunwan to lost a fren, or an arm..

yawnnnn
idiotic unger (nope, not uncle, his name is roberto mangabeira UNGER), Gordon, peter gabel.. oh which reminds me.. i haven quote gabel..

i'm too free lah
got "chased away" by paul on Msn.. Cos i was irritating him.. disturbing his writer's inspiration.. rahhhhh
no one wants to talk to me, because everyone is busy with their essay.. why cant i stay more focUZ..
cos i don't use "focus daily"
hahaha
i shall shoot myself for saying that...

outta here

hope i get tuition fees tonite
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
HOPE

did i mention, i wanna go KTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don u hear?

ha ha ha

please, just let me rant before i start writing my legal theory paper which is due tml at 12 noon..
current status - 0 words.

I want to complain! i raised the suggestion of the next alumni tea with the yj-alumni, only one person volunteered to help organise it. If that's not enough, the co-ordinator did not even mention it in his reply. Am i barking up the wrong tree? should i continue to make effort in this forum? or should i jus give it all up? I mean, as much as I want to do this as well for SN, they really don't lack of people enthu enough to do it. i have half the mind to go on with the soccer charity myself.
I don't think I should get so worked up over this as well, after all, i've graduated and no longer has anything to do with the school anymore (as most people put it). I've gotten my 'A's, that's it, move on. But at the back of my mind, something seems to be telling me to do something for the school.
it is frustrating because, we all know they only want the alumni to contribute by giving donations.
it is frustrating because, the alumni itself is passive.
it is frustrating because, the school isn't recognising your effort.
it is frustrating because, you feel so pointless, like throwing ur suggestions into the sea..
it is frustrating because, no one seems to have faith in the organization, and the people have proved them to be right.

it's pissing me off.

perhaps i can just give it all up.

my effort for the yj alumni, for the yj forum, my wish to become a teacher, my hope for the education system, my dream to volunteer, my change in character, the change in way of communication..
it's scary, the resemblence.
i try very hard to dismiss it.

I noe i'm this far away from the required chrisma because i've yet to derived the desired results from the effort i've put in.

It's disheartening to look at the result of the poll, the confidence level of the alumni, the response from the alumni. when your enthusiasm is met with a bucket of cold water..

at the back of my head, my fear has always been that some people might bring up the past, the history. That people may and perhaps will always view my enthusiasm with suspicion, that there is some motive behind it.. maybe i am afraid he think so. Mayb i'm afraid that i have to face something that i know i wish will never have to, but back of my mind know that it is inevitable..

i'm frustrated.

now is not the time to be.

i've got bigger things to worry about, like my future, like a typical NUS undergrad, i've got my exams to worry about.

so much for current affairs, tonight the other side of the gemini speaks..

Had a couple of rough weeks with my boyfriend, was on the verge of breaking up. i'm glad that's out of the way right now.. will it be peace all the way now? i wonder..

i talked about my dreams and my dilemma.. on one hand, i wish to be volunteer, to be a teacher, to give back to society.. on the other, i really wanna make lotsa money, bring my parents travelling, drive a nice car.. yes, the twins bickering in my head.. I know that i'll definitely be happier being a giver.. but i don't wanna be sloggin my life away.. hence i said i wanted to give myself 3 years working as a professional before deciding if i really wanted to be a teacher. I told him if i was really miserable, i would then go into teaching.. He said why be miserable first den, when you can go and teach directly?
first, because unless you were miserable before, you cannot appreciate the kind of happiness you can derive from something else. Unless you were miserable before, you cannot understand how much better of you are subsequently. Being there and knowing what it is, are completely different.
second, if you had been a professional, your words carry weight in the school. You move up faster. "How high do you want to climb?" When people listen to me, when i can introduce new things into the school without much effort..i did not want to be some normal teacher who takes instructions from the school and then carry them out.. That will totally defeat the purpose of me wanting to become a teacher. I wanna inject new life to current lessons, i wanna make education a different experience for the kids, i want to change their lives. He then say that being a normal teacher can be happy too, raising his mum as an eg. An alarm sounded in my head, i steered the conversation away.. i totally respect teachers and what they do, by saying i wish to do things differently does not mean they are not doin a good job. Since we were talking about his mother's occupation, i tot i better avoid goin further before i go into the danger zone again..
Sigh, which made me realise one thing.. He doesnt really understand my dream, he doesn't really understand me enough in that sense... I've always told him how i wanted to help the students, the things i would do if i had a class, my tution kids.. but he doesn't get it... He doesn't understand why am i doing all these things, just like my sister who said she will never take up a teaching role unless lecturing in university.
i dont even know if i will end up teaching, but somehow, i am very uncomfortable to be together with someone who can tell me i can be happy being a normal teacher. Totally missing the point of why i want to be a teacher. It's like he tripped an alarm and it hasn't stop sounding since just now..
The impact was reinforced, when he dropped me at the bus stop without seeing me up, when i had 2 textbooks, a pullover, a laptop, a bag and a packet of rice to bring upstairs.. I know he has a headache, i know it is troublesome to park the car, i know i shouldn't expect so much.. but i'm a girl after all... Even if all he did was asked if he had to see me up, i would have ask him to go home and rest instead, gladly.. yes, hypocritical, superficial if he all he wanted to do was pretend he cared.. but the sad fact is, women are this gullible, women are suckers for these acts, trust me.. All you have to do, is look really beaten, with innocent eyes, say "darling, do you need me to help you with those and see u up? My headach is slightly better now, dun worry bout me." and the girl will ask you to drive home carefully with her textbooks falling all over. yes, the power of words...
However, i know that if i told him that, he'll ask me "you really want me to say that when i don't mean it? why are u always expecting me to be someone else?" He doesn't understand that there is no someone else that i want him to be, that is a kind of communication between couples, between two individual human beings who see each other almost half a day, everyday. Such act leads to a win win situation, the girl gets the emotional satisfaction, the guy gets to go home and sleep. what could be better? It only takes a few more words on the guy's part, and the girl to be a girl, that's IT.

Just read my fren's blog, trying to move on from her break up.. Like all girls who got a bastard as boyfriend or ex-bf, left hurt and trying hard to move on, losing her identity.. Grabbing on to her religion like a floating piece of wood in the vast open sea.. I'm sick of hearing the same old story repeating itself... i donno how to comfort her, because just not too long ago, i was in her position. Losing myself, whinning day and night, crying like a baby... walking in the shadow of my previous relationship, seems like i'll never walk out of it..
i just wish she can be strong so that she can stand up again. No one can help her but herself.. she's right about one thing, things will never be the same again.

Why?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People exercise restraint on themselves.
alot of things i yearn to do, wish to think of, hope i can have.
I have to stop my thoughts, not even actions.
That is what being an adult is about rite?

When you were young, the adults stop you from doing this and that, you wish you'd grow up faster.
When you are an adult, you have all the freedom to do things now. But u realised that many things you weren't allowed to do when you were young, usually you don't do them as adults, because you now exercise self restraint.

The same restrictions, jus in different forms.

Wat is freedom?

I hate people.

just sent another email to the mailing list of yj alumni
i proposed an idea of soccer charity to the school, the school started a poll on the idea.
That shows how much faith the school has of the student body. It is undeniably pragmatic to gauge the participation level, but it's really demoralising to start things on such low level of faith..
And even more disappointing, is the fact that less than 10% of people voted and the deadline is either tml or the day after tml. They are just proving the school right, that it was right to speculate the level of participation, that yjcians, past or present, are an indifferent bunch.
There's no room for improvement given such frame that we are being put into, there cannot be a breakthrough.

if they weren't for the idea, it is understandable. i mean everyone is entitled to their view and if the idea of soccer charity does not appeal to them, den very well, go to the poll to say "no, i do not wish to join".
However, the main problem is the indifference embedded among the alumni and students alike. They sit around and wait for things to happen, if it so happens, yay good for us. If it doesn't, well it's like dat.
I post them a question "if you cannot even afford that, then why did you subscribe to the mails?"
I'm not expecting everyone to come up with a brilliant idea overnight and cry "we love yj". Not even my level of participation, ie writing proposal and participating in discussion. But at least when someone shows the initiatives, agree or disagree. It's as easy as nodding or shaking the head. if 90% of the people did not vote, i don't see the point of the mailing list at all. What is the point of keeping 180 people updated about things they cannot be bothered with?

maybe i'm over reacting, but it's simply disappointing to see this.

Anyway, i was discussing euthanasia with my little brother. He happened to be online cos he took MC from school today. Apparently i was telling him i could help them with GP (topics, not grammar..) if they needed any help, and he asked me what to tutor for GP. Then initially post him a qn of inter-racial relationship. I wasn't too satisfied with his ans, i have to admit. Then i asked him "what do you think of euthanasia? are you for it or against it?"
These are things that should crop up in your mind as you read the papers, esp the forum where alot of people voice their views. You look at their views and decide whether you agree or disagree with them. Then ask yourself, why do you agree? Why not? Make out an argument of your own.
He was rather interested in the discussion and by the end of it, he decided that GP was fun after all.
More of such discussion should be done in school instead of emphasis on the form of writing an argumentative that they have currently. I suggested that he could initiate such a discussion among a few mature friends and propose to the school for a supervising teacher. At the end of the discussion, a report of the different views can be written and circulate among the larger student population. This can benefit the large group of student body at the same time, impress upon them the need to be aware of their surroundings and current affairs. It will definitely benefit their GP grades and their ability to interlink across discipline..
I need to realise all these ideas, but i noe if i go to teacher, the school won't be too receptive, not to mention it'll take some time for me to become a qualified teacher.

Talking about teaching, brings me to another topic:
Japan has accepted the new syllabus of History textbook As reported by TST 6th april, the new syllabus claim that it was not Japan who started the war and the comfort woman issue was diluted with no mention of the phrase "comfort women".
I am not about to fan anti-japanese emotions here. I think that a country has the sovereignty to teach their younger generation the way they wish it to be. China is also guilty of whitewashing their own history text of cruelty - e.g. Tiananmen Massacre. I believe in every country, a certain level of dilution of facts because: first, the history is written by the victors. in the case of a civil war, the party winning that civil war will choose which version of truth to teach the young. Second, a certain level of white washing is essential to maintain the pride of the nation, the pride of the citizens. For them to be proud to be of their origin. I wish to address the whole of such white washing issue, not particularly on any issue and definitely not taking sides.

What is the basic objective of education?
to prepare the younger generation to contribute to the society, imparting knowledge
The idea of imparting knowledge, has it become a mere passing on of norms within the society? the subjective knowledge from one generation to another, reinforcing the societal norms?

Is education merely for social engineering? that we tell the younger generation "it is a joy to be parent" when we need more babies, "this is the country's glorious past" when we need more patriotism among the people. I tend to believe such alterations, as long as they're not totally untrue, ie teaching young kids smoking is good, or as long as they do not impeach on friendly relations between countries, should be fine.
The former is obvious.
The latter can be a bit controvesial.
Why must an independent country craft their syllabus in order to make another country happy?
Let's take for example Japan's change of syllabus -
as i have learn in my secondary school history lesson, Japan started WWII in the Asian region, this i've checked up in CNN.com in their interview with the late author of The rape of NanKing
http://www.cnn.com/books/news/9905/25/nanking.salon/. Notwithstanding that, there is also the Singapore Museum that told me how Singaporeans suffered under the cruelty of Japan. Hence it is not difficult for us to accept the tragedy that occured in Nanking and Korea. I do not deny that i may be another product of subjectivity of history, however, there are many pictures, accounts of victims that can support this. These aren't things that victors of war make up just to blame another country for starting the war.
The subject of their alterations happened to involve their wrongdoing towards another country. It implies that they do not admit their mistake and their part in the war. It is one thing to say "yes, we started the war, we were wrong, we learn from it, we are strong today." it is another to say that "No, we were defending our rights, we are strong today". Telling a completely different story (note: i did not say "wrong story") is different from omitting the story, departing even further from what the evidences point to.
I am not even proposing to have a full account of what we have learnt on the receiving end of the cruelty. A mention and acknowledgment of these accounts could suffice. It is not the intention to shame the younger generation, to make them feel apologetic towards the other countries. It is to teach the younger generation the mistake that was made in the past and ought not to be repeated once again.
By protecting the people from such knowledge will only harm them, shock them even more when they eventually find out on their own, shame them even more with the full impact of reports from outside the country. With the current trend of globalisation and accessibility of information over the internet, the possibility of that happening is very high.
One can only imagine the growing differences such an act would create, the misguided younger generation, not understanding the anger every has against them.

Someone asked me "So you think we should continuing bashing them with the crimes their fore-fathers committed, make them feel ashamed and continue to make reparations? do you know why Germany started WWII then? it was because they were made to pay so much reparations that they couldn't bear the sufferings."
So what is the solution? To not even tell them what actually happened? This will only tighten the tension between those countries involved and evolve into more complicated misunderstandings eventually. When those misguided generation lead the country, they will not be able to appreciate the situation and in worst case senarios, another war may break out.

A civilised approached ought to be taken..

but den again, does civilised means "he who has the power, has the say"?

Politics, never get involved...

i realised i've got a bad habit, the nearer it is to exams, the more frequently i make entries in my blog.
I wonder if this helps to relieve stress..
But stress is when you are doing work rite? I'm not even doin work..

The price of movie ticket is increasing, and the companies insisted that they did not negotiated the increase. Well, perhaps it just so happened that all three decided that they should increase 50 cents for weekdays and 1 buck on the weekends.
I'm not complaining about the fact that there's a price hike, it is but a vicissitude in life. There's bound to be inflation and its a one way street that the cost of living will move in. Because with an increase in the amount you are paid by your boss, the company can only sustain it by increasing the price of its products. its goin to be an upward spiral.

However, this, together with another incident jus last friday, has made me realised that the consumers in singapore are actually very subjected to the power of the big companies. The disparity in bargaining power is just to evident locally.
Just last friday, i went to popular with my sister to buy some printing paper. The one that we used had only one packet left and when my sister picked it up, it was opened before. Being really fussy, my sister decided not to get it. Since she suspected the couple next to us to have opened it, she told me really loudly that "Why is this packet open? I don't want it anymore. How can people just open it like dat? If you don't know what's inside, ask the assistants lah!" Me, being blur, had no idea she was hinting at anything jus told her to let's go since she doesn't wanna buy anymore.
Only later when i ventured back to the same section, i personally saw the couple openning another packet of paper and the shop assistant was less than 3 metres away.
Anyway that's digression, my sister got a sales assistant to confirm if that was the last packet. so our dear popular assistant told my sister
"Oh, why is it open huh? I think it's the last packet, don't have anymore."
that's it, end of story.
i stood behind and uttered really loudly "WOW! That's helpful!"
yes, i'm being anal.
I simply cannot understand wat good is a sales assistant when all they do is tell you- oh, no more stock; this is the last one we have got (take it or leave me alone).
I don't ask much from them, all i'm looking for is - let me check the store room; how bout this other brand, it's really not much a difference; they renew the stocks on monday, perhaps you can drop by again then; let me check with the nearest shop whether there are anymore; let me show you this other design...
Look, i don't want to be told the problem, provide with some solution. The big problem with singapore's service sector is there are too many giant companies that are experiencing diseconomies of scale of LOUSY sales person.
Which brings me back to my point - they are not really making losses like wat we learn in Econs, because we do not have substitutes.
In northpoint, or anywhere near, there are no longer any smaller book shops for us to choose from if we're unhappy with the big names. It's just like if all the cinemas in singapore decide to increase the prices, what are we left with (legally, because my fren mentioned pirated vcds)? and other than going to malaysia to watch movie? We, as consumers, have so little bargaining power, because we cannot punish the big firms by not patronising them for bad service. you can write ten complaint letters to them, all they do is tell their people to be nice. There's no incentive for them to make a change in their training programs - because we still have to rely on these stores for our necessities. It does not make a difference to them whether they have good or bad services.

and i'm disgusted by that.
partly because econs is but based on many assumptions that we make.
i wan to do myself justice by patronizing some other store with another name, not to travel to woodlands to another popular...

anyway my student is here
cont nez time.

actually i've got lot to say the other day, however, no matter how i try, the blogspot just wont let me in. Instead they let my lil brother in. Now i totally have no inspiration, and i can finally get in.. does it mean too many people are blogging?

which brings me to my first point of discussion:
There are so many blogs, will there be regulations for them?
This is not a typical singaporean talking. I see a big problem, where people are writing watever and how ever they wish to, on a very accessible platform, the internet. Within a short period of one week, there were 2 incidents that involved blogs in the small year 1 law community.
one very disturbed guy became more disturbed after his blog add was passed around law school. Everyone knew where he went last friday, wat his mum told him when he got home and who he thinks are his best frens, inside out.. and made fun of him..
from what i heard, he's not exactly the nicest person around. shan't elaborate because it's really none of my business.
well, after he was being disturbed for nearly one semester, he or his frens (we suspect it's him) decided to retaliate. [the hypothetical]-they decided to "borrow" one of the 'jock club' boys' laptop when it was lying around and copied some private pictures. Then "the hypothetical they" sent an email to the whole law school, blackmailing the jock club boys to apologise to him. Otherwise, more private fotos will be published to the whole law school. Attached to the email was topless picture of the guys.
Seriously, why bring the whole law school into your little childish feud with each other? our conclusion, either the jock club thinks they're too low profile and needs to tell the world they're still dominating the law year 1, or the disturbed guy was so disturbed he had to write as a third person in the black-email.
and right after reading the email, i had my criminal law lecture. we were being told about criminal intimidation.. i wonder if black email actually falls into such a catergory. My fren said that unauthorised usage of the laptop can amount to a crime already. One of the smartest things to do as a law student, to break the law...
hahah i jus realised technology has allowed us to progress to black E mail, instead of black mail. Another word added to the dictionary because of the technology.

anyhow, i mentioned there was two incidents yah? another one involved my fren's moots. For everyone who doesn't know what moots are, it's a submission of our case arguments in the moot court. there are 3 judges and you have a partner, both of you will have an opponent each. seriously all you have to tackle is the judges who will ask you question regarding your submissions. There's really not real competition between you and your opponent. Hence i don't really understand the "spark", if you like, between my fren and his opponent for the moots.
His opponent wrote something about his past (true or not true i wont comment) in her blog, and comment how little integrity my fren had, that she was so inspired by what he did to beat him in the moots, that he should be really careful cos she's watching... goodness... rather dramatic.
But the truth is, she mentioned in her first paragraph that she had not investigated the matter. so how much integrity does she really have, by writing something like that without knowing the whole story? Not to mention this person happened to be her opponent in the moots? what motives does she have - i do not wish to explore. i only wish to say, i don't have too good an impression of her after being called a bimbo by her in front of my good frens. and if i may add, then, i had neva talk to her for more than 5 mins before.
somehow, one day she just decided that i was too much an eyesore to be mixing around her boyfren's frens and then called me a bimbo after i point out that she had jus admitted she was indian instead of the eurasian blood that she always claim she had. the things she did was much worst but i decided that has no place in my blog, after wasting so many words on her..

the blog she wrote could have gotten my fren into unnecessary trouble had someone point a public officer to view her site and carry on from there. Of cos, its of remote possibility, but does this justify why my fren has to be subjected to such unnecessary pressure? Undeniably, if one has done nothing wrong, one has nothing to fear. However, had someone decides to look into this, is it fair to my fren, who has done nothing to go through all that again? Anyway, however remote the chance is, it has happened before. And i'm the best person to prove it, those who know my story should know what i'm talking about.

From a long time ago i feel quite strongly about blogs. the reason why i'm still writing it, is mostly because i only write about myself. i don't mind telling you guys how pathetic i am, i try my best not to step on somebody else in order to show off my talent in writing, which coincidentally, is pathetic as well.

How should we view blogs?
it seems like a cross between personal and public, the inner part of you that you wan the whole wide world to know. so wat? public-private self?
should people rely on what they read in blogs and dig deeper?
some people claim their blogs are seldom read, but they have neva consider the potential readership out there is... the whole world..
or perhaps they did consider it, and that was the very incentive for them to write..
hahah which reminds me of that entry i wrote long ago..

Well, i just hope to remind everyone blogging that:
yes of cos we all have our right to free speech. But when we exercise this right, we should not and never impeach others' right, privacy. Sure, your blog is somewhere where you talk about things that matter to you, be it personal, be it public, be it political, be it brainless - the last thing we ought to do with our blogs is to attack people personally, to cause someone unnecessary trouble.

If i had to name one reason we do not have total freedom of speech in singapore - this is it. The immaturity still embedded within the society.
Youngsters complain they have no freedom of speech, paternalistic government, strict rules, stifling of creativity...
When one cannot weigh the gravity of what one write in a public viewing platform, regardless of it's nature, how can there be total freedom of speech? especially when much sensitivity is necessary with the different races in singapore?

Which brings me to a second issue: -
Some brilliant bright spark brought up the issue of inter-racial marriages to our Minister of sports and community development. considered as cream of crop, elite of singapore, he posted a question that i wonder if i should admired him for or feel really disappointed..
He asked the mixed blood minister - himself, being really conservative at heart, feels his skin crawling when he sees inter-racial couples, what does the minister make of it?
Admire him -because of his courage and wonder if he had waited all night to grab that chance to humiliate himself.
Feel really disappointed - is this the kind of elite we are cultivating with our education system? the top 20% of youths that we have sieved out, that will be leading our country in a few years to come?

First, what kind of question is that? the trend of globalization seeing an increase in inter-racial marriages, resulting in "diluting of traditions and cultures". globalization itself has saw the changes in traditions and cultures, advancement in technology has done it. Progression of mankind requires us to modify our cultures and traditions to adapt to the modern times. So why the focus on inter-racial marriages? This is not conservative, this guy has seriously narrow perspective.

Second, what does it mean by "making his skin crawl"? seriously, when you address a group of people, you should weigh your words with some consideration. i can only imagine the number of people slapping their forehead when he made that statement. What does the statement show about his feelings towards people of a different race as him? I only hope that he was from a minority that only took away "the formidable skills of taking exams" from our education system, while most of us know what values are.

Third, i'm in a dilemma. The main reason why little people speak up is because we're afraid we sound stupid. By slamming this guy so badly, will only reinforce this fear in people. I wish to clarify that most of the time i admire people to speak up in dialogue sessions, because i'm of the class of people who sit there and blend into the surrounding. However, such insensitive remark should not be condone. People should be encouraged to speak up, and we should all do so, but in a responsible manner. Say it in a responsible, sensitive manner. Only when people show maturity in their speech, can there be more freedom of speech in this multiracial society.

I'm tired, lasy to write.
Yawnz, go sleep
nice conclusion eh?
hahahahaha
:p
cheers

wenrong

"After all these years, I have hardly seen YJC shine, but I guess it's>the cohort that they have been getting..however having said that 20>years is a long time to remain in a rut.. for me the best years would>have definitely been the late eighties when they had some really awesome>teachers who did wonders for the school, now however, it has gone>quiet..whatever name we come up with would have to reflect the>achievements of the past 20 years...hence I find it difficult to come up>with any..."
this is from the YJC alumni email - by a guy who graduated in 1990. And there was a really angry reply to this - which i totally like.. because she stood up for the school, when i merely dismissed this guy's comments as trying to say something when he really has nothing to say.

Anyhow, i replied both emails.

"To everyone out there,Cynism cannot get you anywhere, if you want a change in your alma mater such that you can, one day, be proud to tell people you are from YJC, it has to start from you. "

Haven they heard of the famous phrase "ask not what the country can do for you, but what you can do for your country"?
i have my reasons to hate the school as well, i have my own bad experience with the teachers as well, i even have a black mark in YJ. But i cannot offset that with the things that i've learn from school, mostly out of classrooms.
Someone once said to me,
"Do you know what are the things that students remember the most after they graduate? it's not the math tutorial, the econs essays, not the lectures. Instead, they remember how the stay till late in the evening to paint a banner for the fun fair the next day, they remember how they design the cafe in school, they remember having a lesson in the park, in the field, they rem the competitions they had to participate in..."
What do i rem?
I rem my bad CIP trip to china
I rem my Sarawak trip
I rem talking rubbish to my tutors during class and haunting them after school.
I rem the pats on my back during my j2 year by my j1 computing teacher.
I rem the ever changing library that is always super cold.
I rem neva getting my econ's teacher after school.
I rem goin to the discipline master's office and get a scolding.
I rem grumbling about stupid dialogue sessions which i totally condemn cos all they do is justify what they do.

and the list goes on.

No many good memories, i admit.
but i post a question to those who hate themselves for having been in YJ:
What is more precious than be the people who build up that spirit in the school?

what is your role if you're in a school with a long established school spirit? You're a merely a participant, yes you may feel proud, but one day if your school fall into the dumps? are you sure you'll stand by your school?
We build up the spirit, we start the fire burning, we are the ones that see the scale rise from 0 to something. I am sure we can stand by the school if ever anything happens to it.

What do you get out of complaining about having to come to yj and say that it has done you no good, causing you to drop out of JC or not achieving during A levels?
How much effort have you put in yourself? I did well not because i relied on class tutorials, i've spent evenings in school haunting my poor tutors down. I cried in my tuition centre for not knowing how to do my math paper. I have put in enough effort and even if i did not do well, i cannot fault my teachers for it.

why can't people understand that?

i couldn't write this in my email because it would be too personal and subjective. i jus hope people can take responsibility of their lives, just like i'm trying to do with my life.

you are in the dumps because you don't wanna help yourself.

i guess this much i can help my school because i can't really turn up too often nowadays...
trust me when i say that i have my fair share of hating the school, but it wasn't their fault.

Cheers

Wenrong

Then again.. a phase kept repeating in my mind
..... anyone is dispensible - no one is indispensible ... ReMeMbEr?...

This is from my sister's blog..
i remember i've said this before, to the man that i guess i'll never want to see again.. telling him that leaving to japan with his girlfren (then) should be a good choice if he really loved her.. and that it wasn't his fault he wasn't ard when i was goin thru a break up..

Because no one can be there for anyone forever..

yet, in a way, everyone hopes that there's someone there for them 24-7. That they will have someone to fall back upon, to turn to for advice, to have a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to share your joy.. Someone special.. Specially there for you, that he or she is that special someone that exists to complement your existence..

i guess it's highly cynical to say that that is just made-belief - that a person, a special someone is on earth destined to be your partner, your other half.
somehow i can agree with the cynical view. how can you say that there's a person that is specially destined to be with you when you talk about accomodation, acceptance in a relationship, about external pressure? Love has proven to be secondary to alot of things, love does not conquer all.
If he or she is the special someone, why isn't he or she made jus right to complement my character, my background, my beliefs?

numbness sets in..
wat is it like to fall in love again? to find that a certain person did not reply my msg and fret over it? to feel sad jus because he did not reply me? to go out of your way just to make him happy, so that you'll derive happiness from that? to have someone else's interests before yours? to be prepared to give everything you have, just so that you believe "this is it, this is my destination"? to hold on patiently, waiting for him to just realise how much you love him? to make things that are totally impractical and takes up space, knowing that he'll appreciate it and not treat it as rubbish? to spend a bomb on fone bill because you msg him the min you wake up, right before you sleep and punctuate your day with stupid msges that ranges from "hey i'm on my way to school" to "hey, i'm having lunch now, rem to eat" as if a grown man has no idea wat is hunger? To say things that are totally obvious but jus show that you care? to sit and stare at each other and think that tt's the best thing that can happen to you?

basically, things that you do, to expose urself to possible risks of getting hurt.
things that you warn urself not to do, keep away from, just so that history doesn't repeats itself..

i cry for myself, my tears to pity myself. because of the kind of person i've become.. it's not that i cannot love.. the thoughts have influence the actions.. that perhaps certain things are just not worth brooding over..
if he doesn't call, i'll jus do my things.. the kind of anger, the degree of rejection that i used to feel is significantly lesser.. to the point i start to question, then is this love?
the first reaction to his lack of response is still anger, rejection - but my head starts to take over.. i walk away, i stop myself from getting angry. sometimes it jus feels like being indifferent..

erjie: you said that i was trapped in the past, unsure of the future..

Trapped in the past? i'm not sure. because i dun really think about him, when i do, i jus push the idea away. he still comes to mind once in a while.. i still wish to msg him, but i dun anymore. i guess this is when people say you get used to the pain after some time - instead of time healing you. you think of him often enough such that now, in a lesser frequency, i consider myself on the road of recovery? i tell myself i dunwan to know what you're doing, what's happening at your end, don't wanna know how you're coping.. ironically, when i think of all these, ain't i thinking of the very same things i tell myself not to?

actually today's entry is about nothing. sorry for spending your time reading nothing..
i just feel... mixed up..
i feel suppressed, always stopping myself from feeling some emotions before i do.. i want to be able to wail, to laugh out loud, to think of things that i want to think, to miss a person i want to miss, to hate, to love, to be the young bold me again..

to wail, to laugh -about wat?
to think of things that i wanna think about - wat exactly do you wanna think about?
to miss a person that i want to miss - what good does it do to you?
to hate, to love - where does that bring you...
young bold me-once you have crossed the threshold, you'll never find the old you again, no matter how hard you try..

oh dear oh dear...
i'm reading blogs instead of writing my presentation for tml which has to last for 4 mins.
hahaha
i'm screwed..
i think more than screwed..

my uncle in law's nick on msn - Take 100% responsibility of your life..

it's so tough, i seems to lost all the zest i had in jc..
always thinking about weird things, i cant concentrate like i used to.. i jus have this feeling i cant compare with my cohort anymore... yes, on top of that, i just cannot work hard, somehow.

where can i find that zest again?

haha
i just came across the blog that cause me my misery last year... apparent she did quite well for her A's, congrats man.. with her cynicism, she should go into mass com, my little advice while she ponders where to go.. DUN LET ME SEE YOU IN NUS... yes i mean it.. dun even step into Arts and Soci. i cant even rem your name, one qi.. so frens of one qi, if you happen to see my blog and know that your fren whose name has a qi and has been causing alot of trouble with her supposedly innocent and trying to be cynical blog - yup, tell her to go ntu mass com.
oh yah, while i browsed through her blog, saw that she went to do relieve teaching at some school, apparently a famous one. WHICH of cos, did not escape her clutches (of cynicism). Yes, our dear fren described the school as "a school that looks like all the other schools where parents sell their house at negative value, to move into the 1km radius and wail like when they are in a funeral during the balloting session" well, and she effectively poke fun at the sch as well as parents in sg..
good thing she's only relieving, i cant imagine how will her students turn out under the guidance of such cynical creature. yes, creature.
and it's not as if her criticisms are any good. for one, they're not funny. Two, they're disgusting. three, they're the most not original things that people have said before. she's what we youngsters call "lao chu nu"
i couldn't bear to read any more of her blog, jus in case i decided to email her to tick her off, or rather piss her off.
arghhHHHHhhh !!!!

k enough of anger... now some sanity
one private number called last night, but i was sleeping.. wonder who is it.

and i wonder when am i goin to start practicing for my presentation tml..

highly UNmotivated and totally out of zest..always unhappy.. NO POINT IN LIFE!
shld have slept for another hour had i known i was goin to read blogs..
damn it

i hate people,
mayb i shld start a top ten, no five is enough.. top five hate list...after some serious thinking, i'm only left with top 3...
3)imp - a dog hounding me
2)one qi - triggered my misery
1)Cockroach - cause of my misery (still)
hahahah
look like some song chart suddenly..
and mayb i dun hate people so much after all, since i only have 3 entries and 2 that i reallly reallyy wanna slap.

i need to get in touch with assassins.. hahaha k maybe not to that extent, but are there people to trick other people for a living? like those we see on tv.. jus make their life as miserable as mine.. i jus cant stand it when i'm trying to handle my life with all that sh*t feeling and other people jus go on doing so well... I DUN LIKE THAT!!!!!

well, mayb because other people cant be bother with it anymore?

sigh,
i think i've got permanent headache, and possibly permanent brain damage.. i wake up to a headache everyday, end the day with headache..
i wish i had brain tumour and die - dun let me go through all that therapy.. i wanna keep my hair, yes and lose my life. hahahahah
:p

top ten things i've gotta learn how to do..
1) count my blessings
2) be more independant
3) eat less
4) read more
5) drive
6) dress nicely
7) be nice to people
8) let go of certain things
9) meditate
10) find myself..

"it's precisely because of men like this that i even have a job... HAD a job..."-hitch
yeap, i agree that not all men are jerks. but one jerk in a lady's life is enough to scar her for life. some can't stand up again, man after man, looking for the same feeling.. some become too cold, too defensive, deep inside afraid to fall in love again... but some just accept it as another part in life and move on...
it's easy to fall into the first two categories, two extremes that people take..
sigh.

maybe there's a reason why i sleep so much lately...

wr

One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"

Mr. Singh and Mr. Singh, two friends not noted for their depth of intellectual aptitude, were applying for a visa to visit their relatives in the town of London Transport, England. The first Mr. Singh was interviewed by the officer in charge.
"Well, Mr. Singh, all we need to know is whether you have the mental resources to survive your trip to London", he said, demonstrating his cultural understanding of the applicant. "Let's see, now - if I poke you with this pencil in your left eye, what will happen?
"I'll be blinded in my left eye, sir".
"Very good, Mr. Singh. Now, if I poke you with the pencil in your right eye, what will happen?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."
"Well, Mr. Singh, you've passed with flying colors. Enjoy your trip."
Mr. Singh then rejoined Mr. Singh in the waiting room, and described his experience. "It was being very easy, Mr. Singh. That very nice officer Sahib ask you two questions, and you are answering only "I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir", and then "I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all", and then you are getting the visa straight away."
So the second, and slightly more comprehension-impaired Mr. Singh, went into the interview room. The officer took the same approach: "What would happen if I took these scissors and cut off your left ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir".
"Hmmm. What would happen if I cut off your your right ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."
The officer was a little perplexed by these answers. "Now Mr. Singh, I find your answers very difficult to understand. How could it be that cutting off your ears would have anything to do with your eyesight?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear - I should be explaining myself. If you cut off my left ear, my turban will fall down on the left side and cover my left eye and I'll be blinded in one eye. And then if you cut off my right ear, my turban will also be falling down on the right side and I'll be blinded in my right eye and I won't be able to be seeing anything at all!"
Mr. Singh got his visa.

"in the arms of the angel, fly away from here..."
well, have been rushing assignments ever since last week.. and it'll continue till next week because i have another crim law take home nex week.. yes, it lasts for a week...

i'm preoccupied with myself, yet again.
wanted to blog badly, but i really have no idea wat to write.. perhaps too many things to write, somehow everything jus becomes a mash and you don't know exactly you wanna write..
it jus happens..

i jus saw hitch..
great show.
you always take something out of the movies, even if it's the lousiest show.
and watever you learn, depends on your experience in life. a part of the show will always catch your attention because you can identify with it. Just like songs.. a good reason why people enjoy love songs so much is perhaps they actually sing how the people feel..

"that's what people do rite? take risks. you take the leap, hoping you will can fly... that's what i'm doing now... i'm falling.. and i need you before i can fly."

if only reality are as easy as movies... if only.

"you must have been kissing a fool..."

-wr-

"Kissing A Fool"
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart
People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them S
teal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart
You are farI'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe I'll be strong enough
I don't know where to start
But I'll never find
Peace of mind
While I listen to my heart
People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they willIf you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through
But remember this
Every other kiss
That you'll ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compare with any other
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

well, i wanted to put some pictures up, decided to do it some other day...

i have a confession to make.
i haven been myself these few days. as much as i try to make myself look like i'm in control, i wasn't.. i was overwhelmed by what happened on friday.. a single msg broke down all my defenses, the walls that i carefully built up, making myself believe that i was healing... i was very wrong, i wasn't healing, i was hiding. Like an ostrich with its head in the sand, i tot i would feel better if i hid away..
i thought...
well, no surprise, it didn't work very well. i lost it.. i cant work very well, wasn't really myself, compulsive msging syndrome came back.. i completely, lost all dignity in front of him..
until today, i knew i had to seek help .. when i went to sakae all alone for dinner..

thank you, kaiwei. For picking up my call so readily, always answering to my calls during my most desperate times.. listen to me cry amidst the stupid jokes i try to crack, in order to mask my desperation.. thank you for walking, taking me through the difficult times, like a trusting candle in a long dark tunnel.. even though you are suppose to be enjoying your break, enjoying the company of your friends.. you were there, right beside me, thou you were as lost as i am... you lend me your support.
girl, you may not see this.. just want to tell you that, you might think that you might never settle down because of your fear.. but you have nothing to fear, you have all the love in the world. There is one person, right there waiting for you.. and in time, that person will walk right up to you, provide you with all the love that you looked so hard for.. and you will love him. Like how you showered your family with your love.. like how u showed me you can love.. girl, being there for me is love. and you are capable of doing it... ;)

Thank you, don..
i'll always remember what you said today..
"Nothing is permanent, we'll just have to do our best to take the best out of it. It is when you try so hard to make it lasts, that you hurt urself.. and possibly hurt the ones that you love.."
Today, you made me realised what it really meant by "if you love a person, you got to set him/her free, and yourself too.." because you added "because that's probably what he needs you to do.."
you forced me to look deep inside me today.. you forced me to admit that after all these while of telling myself - i want to move on... I have yet to set my heart and soul to do it.. Like you say, being willing to move on means a commitment to myself, to walk out of that shadow in whatever sense i deem fit.. it may take a physical act - to delete his number, to avoid places.. and eventually the mind..
you forced me to ask myself what did i want to take out of all that i've done.. you forced me to admit that there was a glimpse of hope that never really went out.. you made me faced the ugly me, the one that was really causing the pain all these while..
"have you given all the love you could when you were with him?" i dare say i did..
you made me realised that everything that i'm giving now, will only cause pain, both to me and him.. a feeble attempt to extend what sweet memories we had..
you made me realised that in an attempt to find the happiness that i once had, i've been inflicting pain upon myself and him..
Don, you might not see this, but you have further affirmed my belief that everything happened for a reason. had i not went to siam that night, i wouldn't have known you guys. although i have heard the things you've said, i haven really KNOW them.. they were merely words until understood.. and you, my fren, made me understand them.
you might think that your whole life is merely to cope with rejection.. but seriously, you are so much more, greater than what you think you are.. your words have woke me up, something many pple have tried but failed.. that is the man that the chicks need to see, the great man inside you, beneath that cheeky cover, a defence that you put up.. perhaps to protect yourself from being hurt.. ;) thank you once again, for reassuring me that you'll be ard when things get tough..

"nothing is permanent"
that's why they say people have a natural tendency to make themselves miserable, and they are very good at it.. because they try so hard to make something temporary lasts, only to be disappointed - because it'll never happen.. nothing is here to stay forever. that's why u feel sad.. then you work so hard to keep it going.. only to find that it's unhappiness you achieve, when you set out to achieve happiness. the kind of happiness that you first tasted when you had what you wanted..

the car that looked like his, driving towards yj today, made me cursed at the big guy up there.. agitated at why he has to put me through things like that, reminding me every chance he has..
i realised something..
that car, only has as much meaning as i attach to it.. originally, it's just a car, a machine, a transport without any emotional value attached to it... i've placed a value on it, because my heart said so.. but basically it's jus a car...
it's difficult to express, i'm not doin a very good job..
but perhaps tt's what they mean by,
originally there was nothing,
so where can the dust reside?
and
it wasn't the leaf moving, but my heart (mind) moving..

when you understand that, memories will be memories. the carpark, the restaurant, the school in your memories, will remain and different from those that you see right in front of you.
because that carpark you see, is just another carpark, really.

cheers.

i'm addicted to writing in my no-one-knows blog..

few updates
1) i'm moulding - my skin is peeling, and i'm not goin out ..
2) i'm not even half way thru my memo.. i'm here typing a blog..
3) pleas, dont worry yourself with who "cockroach" is, definitely not one of you.
4) my week "break" is over soon, and my term starts with a take home ppr.. i just love my life, wat else can i ask for ?
5) i bot a new pair of slippers..
6) my house goin to have air con soon, i'm happy :)
7) i'm meeting my yj pals on saturday!!!! i'm more than happy :))
8) I haven done anyting for law club since sch reopened, they are VERY pissed off with me.. I"M ESCALATED hahahahah
9) i realised that coffee is no longer good.. i think i nid caffeine pure man... hahah extreme extreme...
10) i also realised i'm growing really fat.. and yes, the usual excuse, no time to exercise...
11) i really want a MuVo micro... 512 mb.. any rich guy out there wanna get me a really advance bday gift?

life..
aint it mundane to go thru all these over and over again..

wr

cockroach G! You are so successful at making me hate you. damn you!!!
i'll never be so stupid again...
please get away from me..
as far as you can.. africa, america..

i hate you.

LaSt PiCTure oF tHE daY!! And the most meaning full one.. To the family in this picture, i hereby ask for your permission to post this picture. and if you are in any way offended, please send me an email at wr1779@hotmail.com. i'll take it down.. It is meaningful not only because it is heart warming.. as i understand (i'm sorry i eavesdropped.. really cant help it.. i was all alone!) the mother (lady in red) and granddaughter stays in the states, and they're only back for new year.. initially the kid was tired and lying on the seat, which was very uncomfortable.. her mum din wanna carry her cos her shoulder was too hard for the kid.. the grandma volunteered. there was no sense of awkwardness (if there's such a word) between the grandma and the kid.. and i quote from the mum "you fit just like a jigsaw puzzle.." if that wasn't heart warming enought - before this, the kid jumped up from the seat to give her granny a kiss on the lips.. i simply melted, smiling to myself.. i wonder how often do you see a granddaughter so sweet in singapore.. it left more than a lasting impression, it left me hope and faith in love. there's love actually in the world, it's just not publicise enough.. Have you seen a loving scene that touched you today? share it.. we need more love in the world, less cynism.. :)