In need to rant, but i've still got tons of readings before me, all of them to be done by tml's seminar. Not to mention i have friends coming over at after 12 noon.
My day yesterday was entirely ruin by a morning call. By a certain somebody. For the rest of the day, seems like fate has it that we have to quarrel for the rest of the day, incidents peppered throughout the day, escalating the tension. Neither of us has given in.
I know that, like many times before this, we cant see each other's point of view. I do not know what is he so insistent about certain things and he doesn't know why i do what i did.
Expectations. I almost neva lost my temper with my friends anymore, but i lose it with him many times. Maybe the frequency of seeing each other is a factor. I don't have much time for friends after dividing it between him, family and studies. My friends don't have much time for me either.
I have no solution to reconciling our differences. From the start, we don't have much in common. I did mention what i expect of this relationship, of a partner that i need (instead of want).
Being 20 going to 21, i have to look further. I've got my share of family responsibilities when i graduate and more. Already in debts before i work, my parents, my spinster aunt who has been taking care of us... Right now, i have my studies to worry about. I cannot handle someone who adds on to that.
I cannot keep worrying bout what my family thinks each time you do the things you do. I tried my best the make things easier for you, you think i'm forcing you. Can you even see my effort because i cant seems to sense urs?
Each time i feel i'm angry for a legitimate reason, you'll say things like "you din do this other thing either" so what? we're quits? why cant you address what i said den we can move on to 'this other thing'? Cant you see that this is not a math problem, you can't solve it by bringing something else up?
My love -
I told you before i neva show my love just by telling you i love you everyday. It is something more than that. Seeing you have trouble with getting to know my family, i try to make things easier for you. You have some problem with calling my grandma, i tried to cover up for you. Your fam needs something done, i'm ard to run the errand. You like to watch soccer, i learnt to watch. U're stressed, i tried to understand; You don't like people to force you to do things, i take things slow.
I have my times too i know, i can be very difficult. And i appreciate you for that.
I cannot tell you how to mix with people, how to handle real life problems.
He is a prince, living in the castle. Behind those walls, everyone is friendly, sincere, truthful and polite. The prince goes out once in a while, but the contact between him and the others outside is superficial. He thinks the world is beautiful like the world in his castle. He study many things, learned and well mannered.
He is one thing short of being perfect. Since young, people knew him naturally. People smile at him naturally. People around him loved him naturally.
As long as he lives in the castle, it is no use explaining how he need to learn how to make friends. Because there isn't such a need. As long as he stays there, he has no worries about handling commoners.
Monday, January 30, 2006
"The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose."
From the movie - Matchpoint
A wonderful movie that used the ordinary to show us the extraordinary. In the short 2 hours, the life of a social climbing ex-pro tennis player, Chris Wilton, unfolded before us. From a humble background, he went to London to teach tennis at an exclusive country club. His life took a better turn when he got to know Tom Hewett, son of a wealthy businessman(and many more turns afterwards). Tom's sister, who took a liking to Chris immediately. Things became complicated, when Chris met Tom's fiance, Nola Rice, a sexy American actress...
At a glance, this might seem to be a sleezy movie, where the lead male actor got into an affair, tried something extreme to end it. A typical you-take-a-wrong-step-in-life-you're-done-for-it kind of movie. But the beautiful twist at the end of the story, which incredibly impressed the theme of the whole movie, will at once change your perception of the movie.
The quality, the pace, the story were very well put together. A common thread ran throughout the movie: Tennis and Opera.
Personally, i particularly liked the part when Chris was facing his conscience. When he told himself that he had to push the guilt over before he was consumed by it. The two 'spirits' that embodied his conscience. This part was pretty redundant but the things that Chris said was cynical yet true.
From the movie - Matchpoint
A wonderful movie that used the ordinary to show us the extraordinary. In the short 2 hours, the life of a social climbing ex-pro tennis player, Chris Wilton, unfolded before us. From a humble background, he went to London to teach tennis at an exclusive country club. His life took a better turn when he got to know Tom Hewett, son of a wealthy businessman(and many more turns afterwards). Tom's sister, who took a liking to Chris immediately. Things became complicated, when Chris met Tom's fiance, Nola Rice, a sexy American actress...
At a glance, this might seem to be a sleezy movie, where the lead male actor got into an affair, tried something extreme to end it. A typical you-take-a-wrong-step-in-life-you're-done-for-it kind of movie. But the beautiful twist at the end of the story, which incredibly impressed the theme of the whole movie, will at once change your perception of the movie.
The quality, the pace, the story were very well put together. A common thread ran throughout the movie: Tennis and Opera.
Personally, i particularly liked the part when Chris was facing his conscience. When he told himself that he had to push the guilt over before he was consumed by it. The two 'spirits' that embodied his conscience. This part was pretty redundant but the things that Chris said was cynical yet true.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Public law reading has become increasing interesting and depressing at the same time. And i began thinking to myself, what somebody mentioned to me after reading Catherine Lim's article in the Straits times.
He mentioned that Singaporeans aren't being indifferent, just because they choose economy over democracy, doesn't mean that they are reliant on the government. In another words, the people did choose, and they had chosen economic development over individual liberties/political democracy.
i've some problems with that which i couldn't pin point at the time he raised this, i had some time to think it through today. I'd like to raise some questions against this theory.
Again, i wanna clarify that, i have nothing against the government. I enjoy the lovely country that they are running right now, and staying in a constituency that almost always is a walk over. So if i may continue:
First and foremost, the theory that he has proposed is made on the assumption that economic development is mutually exclusive with political democracy.
By political democracy, as i understands it, simply means a levelled playing field for different political parties. Laws that facilitates political pluralism. It doesn't necessary mean that Parliament should consist of different parties, because that is up to the people to elect. But at the very least, give them some breathing space to move. This doesn't necessarily mean chaos or a decline in economic performance. Hence i personally dont think people need to choose economy OVER political democracy, because they can co-exist.
Second, when he said that the people CHOSE economy over political democracy, it is based on the assumption that there was a choice. Economic developments/performance as given and promised by one party, and others by other parties. It is based on the assumption that there IS a choice. I do not have the statistics, if i have to write a paper on this i will find out but there are many walk over constituencies for elections. When an area is a walk over, the incumbent MPs are reinstated on the Nomination Day. An area is a walk over if there are no one contesting for that area. So did the people choose? When no one steps up to challenge, does it mean the people are choosing? or can it mean that people are disillusioned or even cynical about the success rate of challenging?
Third, even if we assume there are choices, we do have opposition MPs like Chiam and Low in the parliament. The theory my friend has suggested is only fair if the choices are informed choices. Shan't elaborate. U can draw ur own conclusion. and i'm not responsible for it.
hai, i decided not to write the last point.
In case i get sued for defamation or arrested by ISA.
It is a depressing day and i wonder if it is because of my readings. How i wish i can type my tutor's academic article here.
I love my country, i respect the government.
At the end of the scrutiny, i can only conclude the power corrupts. Not in the monetary way, but people want to keep the power, retain it, perhaps not for personal gain but for whatever reasons, it cannot be justified. We may have jun zi as our government, what makes these jun zi think that they are the only jun zis or only they can get jun zi?
Risking it,
Wenrong
He mentioned that Singaporeans aren't being indifferent, just because they choose economy over democracy, doesn't mean that they are reliant on the government. In another words, the people did choose, and they had chosen economic development over individual liberties/political democracy.
i've some problems with that which i couldn't pin point at the time he raised this, i had some time to think it through today. I'd like to raise some questions against this theory.
Again, i wanna clarify that, i have nothing against the government. I enjoy the lovely country that they are running right now, and staying in a constituency that almost always is a walk over. So if i may continue:
First and foremost, the theory that he has proposed is made on the assumption that economic development is mutually exclusive with political democracy.
By political democracy, as i understands it, simply means a levelled playing field for different political parties. Laws that facilitates political pluralism. It doesn't necessary mean that Parliament should consist of different parties, because that is up to the people to elect. But at the very least, give them some breathing space to move. This doesn't necessarily mean chaos or a decline in economic performance. Hence i personally dont think people need to choose economy OVER political democracy, because they can co-exist.
Second, when he said that the people CHOSE economy over political democracy, it is based on the assumption that there was a choice. Economic developments/performance as given and promised by one party, and others by other parties. It is based on the assumption that there IS a choice. I do not have the statistics, if i have to write a paper on this i will find out but there are many walk over constituencies for elections. When an area is a walk over, the incumbent MPs are reinstated on the Nomination Day. An area is a walk over if there are no one contesting for that area. So did the people choose? When no one steps up to challenge, does it mean the people are choosing? or can it mean that people are disillusioned or even cynical about the success rate of challenging?
Third, even if we assume there are choices, we do have opposition MPs like Chiam and Low in the parliament. The theory my friend has suggested is only fair if the choices are informed choices. Shan't elaborate. U can draw ur own conclusion. and i'm not responsible for it.
hai, i decided not to write the last point.
In case i get sued for defamation or arrested by ISA.
It is a depressing day and i wonder if it is because of my readings. How i wish i can type my tutor's academic article here.
I love my country, i respect the government.
At the end of the scrutiny, i can only conclude the power corrupts. Not in the monetary way, but people want to keep the power, retain it, perhaps not for personal gain but for whatever reasons, it cannot be justified. We may have jun zi as our government, what makes these jun zi think that they are the only jun zis or only they can get jun zi?
Risking it,
Wenrong
I was doing my public law reading and the SDP manifesto debate just kept cropping up in my mind. My lecturer mentioned that Low Thia Khiang post a letter in the forum yesterday. Unable to find yesterday's paper, i picked up today's Home, hoping to find PAP's reply to it. Instead, i saw a report on what Chiam said and another reader's letter supporting the PAP.
I should be continuing with my reading now but wanted to air my views somewhat, if i don't wanna write to the papers, the least i can do is write on my own blog. Just as a disclaimer, i do not have anything against PAP. On the contrary, i believe they have done well thus far, in managing Singapore and i'm grateful for that.
The problem that i have, is probably the inherent unfairness in the system that we have and the inadequacy of the opposition parties.
PAP singled out 4 of 52 manifestos of SDP and described them as 'time bomb' and 'poison'. Of they 4, SDP proposed to scrap the president elections, Group Representative Constituency system, the grassroots organisations and to issue subsidies for needy/poor people. PAP gave a point counter point argument against these manifestos, giving their reasons for these system respectively. What i failed to find, was the SDP's reasons for proposing these changes in the papers. The importance will be discussed later. There can only be two possibilities for this: (1) SDP did not mention; (2) The newspaper censored it?
it is for all of us to guess.
The reader who wrote into Forum today, supported the PAP's rationale of the GRC system. He mentioned the importance of having minority representatives in the parliament. More importantly, the fragile nature of our multicultural social fabric. I have to say that i agree absolutely with the rationale. But what are the effects of the GRC system?
1) Unequal voting rights
In order to make it really easy to understand, we'll start with an e.g. Area X is GRC constituency. Area Y is Single member consituency. With one vote, people in area X can vote in 3-6 members of parliament. However, with the same one vote, people in area Y can only vote in 1 MP.
Is it because Area X is bigger than Y, therefore there is a need for more MPs, therefore justifying the unequal voting power?
Art 12 subsection(1) of constitution of Singapore provides "All persons are equal before the law and entitled to the equal protection of the law." Isn't this a clear, direct violation of our rights? So why is GRC in existence when the effect of it is unconstitutional?
May i challenge the readers, to look up which are the SMC and GRC with this unequal voting power in mind?
2) Coat Tailers
A GRC, becoming a town council later, has its implications too, moving away from the rationale of having GRC. As known, town council is in charge of the upkeep and maintenance of the estate, etc. Hence, people are advised to vote for a group, with a good leader, in case they get stuck in the lift and remain there. Because the leader of the Group they vote in, will head the town council. This give rise to the problem of Coat tailers.
Another senario to imagine: In the group of 6, X is a well-known character, with great leadership capacity, very good with people. Y has good relations with people. Z has been the representative of that area for pass 5 years. but there are three others whom no one has heard of. Compare this to another group, a,b,c,d,e,f are all rather unheard of, they have been campaigning hard, trying to win the people over.
But will you take the risk?
Or will you vote in the group with 3 promising rep, knowing they will do well? When the first group is elected, what happens to the other three in the group? They become MPs as well!
These are just to illustrate how important it is to tell the public why the opposition is proposing in their manifesto. Without knowing the effects of GRC system, i would support the rationale of having it as well.
due to time constraint and fear of being traced for writing this entry, i shall end my post.
But as a Singaporean, i think it is worrying when the majority party cannot differentiate themselves from the government institution anymore.
"This is the reality of politics. Every political party everywhere in the whold has a political programme fot the people. When they are in charge, they implement them. If they do their jobs well, they will be elected. If they bluff the people and cannot deliver on their promises, they will be out very fast, like the SDP MPs. They could not perform and they were out. This is the reality." - Mr Wong Kan Seng 1999 parliamentary debates.
- PAP's offer - upgrading for Cheng San constituent (which ceased to exist the following elections)
Offer was made by PM then, who's own constituent was a walk-over.
Food for thought, what would have happened if opposition won that time?
Risking it,
Wenrong
I should be continuing with my reading now but wanted to air my views somewhat, if i don't wanna write to the papers, the least i can do is write on my own blog. Just as a disclaimer, i do not have anything against PAP. On the contrary, i believe they have done well thus far, in managing Singapore and i'm grateful for that.
The problem that i have, is probably the inherent unfairness in the system that we have and the inadequacy of the opposition parties.
PAP singled out 4 of 52 manifestos of SDP and described them as 'time bomb' and 'poison'. Of they 4, SDP proposed to scrap the president elections, Group Representative Constituency system, the grassroots organisations and to issue subsidies for needy/poor people. PAP gave a point counter point argument against these manifestos, giving their reasons for these system respectively. What i failed to find, was the SDP's reasons for proposing these changes in the papers. The importance will be discussed later. There can only be two possibilities for this: (1) SDP did not mention; (2) The newspaper censored it?
it is for all of us to guess.
The reader who wrote into Forum today, supported the PAP's rationale of the GRC system. He mentioned the importance of having minority representatives in the parliament. More importantly, the fragile nature of our multicultural social fabric. I have to say that i agree absolutely with the rationale. But what are the effects of the GRC system?
1) Unequal voting rights
In order to make it really easy to understand, we'll start with an e.g. Area X is GRC constituency. Area Y is Single member consituency. With one vote, people in area X can vote in 3-6 members of parliament. However, with the same one vote, people in area Y can only vote in 1 MP.
Is it because Area X is bigger than Y, therefore there is a need for more MPs, therefore justifying the unequal voting power?
Art 12 subsection(1) of constitution of Singapore provides "All persons are equal before the law and entitled to the equal protection of the law." Isn't this a clear, direct violation of our rights? So why is GRC in existence when the effect of it is unconstitutional?
May i challenge the readers, to look up which are the SMC and GRC with this unequal voting power in mind?
2) Coat Tailers
A GRC, becoming a town council later, has its implications too, moving away from the rationale of having GRC. As known, town council is in charge of the upkeep and maintenance of the estate, etc. Hence, people are advised to vote for a group, with a good leader, in case they get stuck in the lift and remain there. Because the leader of the Group they vote in, will head the town council. This give rise to the problem of Coat tailers.
Another senario to imagine: In the group of 6, X is a well-known character, with great leadership capacity, very good with people. Y has good relations with people. Z has been the representative of that area for pass 5 years. but there are three others whom no one has heard of. Compare this to another group, a,b,c,d,e,f are all rather unheard of, they have been campaigning hard, trying to win the people over.
But will you take the risk?
Or will you vote in the group with 3 promising rep, knowing they will do well? When the first group is elected, what happens to the other three in the group? They become MPs as well!
These are just to illustrate how important it is to tell the public why the opposition is proposing in their manifesto. Without knowing the effects of GRC system, i would support the rationale of having it as well.
due to time constraint and fear of being traced for writing this entry, i shall end my post.
But as a Singaporean, i think it is worrying when the majority party cannot differentiate themselves from the government institution anymore.
"This is the reality of politics. Every political party everywhere in the whold has a political programme fot the people. When they are in charge, they implement them. If they do their jobs well, they will be elected. If they bluff the people and cannot deliver on their promises, they will be out very fast, like the SDP MPs. They could not perform and they were out. This is the reality." - Mr Wong Kan Seng 1999 parliamentary debates.
- PAP's offer - upgrading for Cheng San constituent (which ceased to exist the following elections)
Offer was made by PM then, who's own constituent was a walk-over.
Food for thought, what would have happened if opposition won that time?
Risking it,
Wenrong
Friday, January 20, 2006
Just read Catherine Lim's article on TST today. I can only say it is a very honest, sincere piece written by a very observant person. She has very nicely described the political climate in Singapore and expressed her concerns for the lack of freedom of speech. She seems to be disappointed with the people, who'd rather choose economic development over political maturity anytime, with the short story name "The Experiment".
Catherine Lim's article on the minister's salaries
http://www.singapore21.org.sg/art_disaffection.html#debate1
Catherine Lim's article on the minister's salaries
http://www.singapore21.org.sg/art_disaffection.html#debate1
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
It's 5 am in the morning, and i obviously didn't wake up to do this. But hell, i need to rant. I guess if you slept at 12 and suddenly wake up at 5 am telling yourself you haven't been working hard enough for law sch, you definitely is rather stress. And let's not forget, this is only week 2 of sem 2.
I can't remember how many times "the exchange conversation" had happened, it doesn't help when your bf is going to Germany.
The agony is when you can only work hard but don't know how to score? like a good singaporean student, i try to study. But at the end of the day i have no idea what kind of preparation is needed for Law exam. I tried having all my materials nicely printed out, i tried arranging my ans even before entering the exam hall, i tried everything. The only time i did well, was when i was flipping my textbook like mad, not knowing what the question was asking about. and for that, i got a B.
i AM freaking out.
Because i don't wanna come out a 2-2, or worst 3. I look around my non-law friends, deans-lister, As and Bs, never a C. and me? I think the number of Cs i have is the sum of ALL theirs. I can always comfort myself, no you can't compare lydat, they are very different, different way of grading... But it is not like there are no As and Bs in Law sch, there are plenty, just that i'm not one of them..
I dont know... am i working hard enough?
I can't remember how many times "the exchange conversation" had happened, it doesn't help when your bf is going to Germany.
The agony is when you can only work hard but don't know how to score? like a good singaporean student, i try to study. But at the end of the day i have no idea what kind of preparation is needed for Law exam. I tried having all my materials nicely printed out, i tried arranging my ans even before entering the exam hall, i tried everything. The only time i did well, was when i was flipping my textbook like mad, not knowing what the question was asking about. and for that, i got a B.
i AM freaking out.
Because i don't wanna come out a 2-2, or worst 3. I look around my non-law friends, deans-lister, As and Bs, never a C. and me? I think the number of Cs i have is the sum of ALL theirs. I can always comfort myself, no you can't compare lydat, they are very different, different way of grading... But it is not like there are no As and Bs in Law sch, there are plenty, just that i'm not one of them..
I dont know... am i working hard enough?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
"And on and on. The power of the Christian right rests largely in the fact that they boldly claim religious authority, and by their very boldness convince the rest of us that they must know what they’re talking about. They’re like the guy who gives you directions with such loud confidence that you drive on even though the road appears to be turning into a faint, rutted track. But their theology is appealing for another reason too: it coincides with what we want to believe. How nice it would be if Jesus had declared that our income was ours to keep, instead of insisting that we had to share. How satisfying it would be if we were supposed to hate our enemies. Religious conservatives will always have a comparatively easy sell. "
http://www.harpers.org/ExcerptTheChristianParadox.html
Author is a christian himself, very interesting piece. Do take your time to read it if you're interested in religion :D
Just a personal comment: I think people who accuses some other religion of fighting in the name of God, shld read this.
http://www.harpers.org/ExcerptTheChristianParadox.html
Author is a christian himself, very interesting piece. Do take your time to read it if you're interested in religion :D
Just a personal comment: I think people who accuses some other religion of fighting in the name of God, shld read this.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Just another letter to add to my day of events, with the same theme!!! hahaha
-beyond words-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Wenrong,
Thank you for your interest in the Student Exchange Programme AY2006-7.
We have considered your application for the SEP very carefully. In competition with other applicants, I regret very much to inform you that your application for the Programme is unsuccessful. It will also NOT be considered further should there be vacancies arising from students who decide to decline an offer of a place.
With best wishes for your studies in Semester 2 AY2005-6.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-beyond words-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Wenrong,
Thank you for your interest in the Student Exchange Programme AY2006-7.
We have considered your application for the SEP very carefully. In competition with other applicants, I regret very much to inform you that your application for the Programme is unsuccessful. It will also NOT be considered further should there be vacancies arising from students who decide to decline an offer of a place.
With best wishes for your studies in Semester 2 AY2005-6.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretty pissed off today...
There seems to be a common thread running through all the things that were pushing my buttons today - I'm not good enough.
I was in school today, wanted to get some files before my lessons officially starts. Wanting to save time, i ask paul to go to the library to photocopy a what was needed in the reading list. His immediate response was "what book? I don't need that!"
I took a deep breathe and i walked in.. To think that just a few minutes ago, he told me off for thinking only for myself.
Also, many of my classmates are leaving for exchange program very soon... I'll be back here, just the way i din like it.
When i tried to brush all that aside, go for a jog at Paul's gym. I was stopped by the security guard when i was walking pass, like always. He asked me for the pass which i obviously din have. And my dear bf, knowing that i was coming over and was suppose to be waiting for me, didn't pick up his fone. So i had to call his house for the second time in 15 minutes, and i was pretty sure his mother wasn't too please with that. Well, all that aside, when i told mr paul i was angry, he actually told him he was angry too!
Being me, i asked him what happened, why was he angry. He only replied "your sister is here, go jog"
Being me again, i told my sister "let's go, i dont wanna jog anymore" and walked out. Full view of the guards.
Humiliating.
Therefore i told my sister on the way, you will neva ever see me in that gym again, neva am i stepping in that condo to use anything.
My boyfriend has decided not to tell me what happened over msn, he say it is alright. and I dun feel like bringing up my new resolution to him.
Just when i thought everything was peaceful now, he told me an ex-classmate of mine was pestering him for his results. This friend did very very well for the last sem and he said he was disappointed in paul's result.
Oh great.
So what does that make me?
I know i don't have to be the pain in the neck for someone else for my own wrong doings. And i shouldn't expect paul to give in to me or never to mention about grades infront of me ever again. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, he neva realise that I DON"T FEEL COMFORTABLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe. argh...
The biggest problem is i feel inferior.
Even if there was no intention to make me feel small, every conversation about grades, anything to do with grades will make me feel small. Because i believe i'm small.
Trust me, i AM cursing and swearing at myself.
It doesn't help when you have a brilliant boyfriend, whom every other brilliant student in Law school know he is brilliant.
They are probably blaming his slightly less perfect grades on me, the useless, brainless, plain-jane girlfriend, that isn't of much help in his life except throwing temper at this, widely-acclaimed good manner, nice boy-next-door.
I assure you, there is no pressure at all, goin thru law school with all that at the back of your mind.
Because there is no pressure, the more i shld be doing well.
I am not blaming my bad grades on him, i never did. But i can't keep up, i dont think i'll ever be able to. and my pride, is very very very seriously ... damaged?
haha i cant even find a proper word for that.
I should drop out.
There seems to be a common thread running through all the things that were pushing my buttons today - I'm not good enough.
I was in school today, wanted to get some files before my lessons officially starts. Wanting to save time, i ask paul to go to the library to photocopy a what was needed in the reading list. His immediate response was "what book? I don't need that!"
I took a deep breathe and i walked in.. To think that just a few minutes ago, he told me off for thinking only for myself.
Also, many of my classmates are leaving for exchange program very soon... I'll be back here, just the way i din like it.
When i tried to brush all that aside, go for a jog at Paul's gym. I was stopped by the security guard when i was walking pass, like always. He asked me for the pass which i obviously din have. And my dear bf, knowing that i was coming over and was suppose to be waiting for me, didn't pick up his fone. So i had to call his house for the second time in 15 minutes, and i was pretty sure his mother wasn't too please with that. Well, all that aside, when i told mr paul i was angry, he actually told him he was angry too!
Being me, i asked him what happened, why was he angry. He only replied "your sister is here, go jog"
Being me again, i told my sister "let's go, i dont wanna jog anymore" and walked out. Full view of the guards.
Humiliating.
Therefore i told my sister on the way, you will neva ever see me in that gym again, neva am i stepping in that condo to use anything.
My boyfriend has decided not to tell me what happened over msn, he say it is alright. and I dun feel like bringing up my new resolution to him.
Just when i thought everything was peaceful now, he told me an ex-classmate of mine was pestering him for his results. This friend did very very well for the last sem and he said he was disappointed in paul's result.
Oh great.
So what does that make me?
I know i don't have to be the pain in the neck for someone else for my own wrong doings. And i shouldn't expect paul to give in to me or never to mention about grades infront of me ever again. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, he neva realise that I DON"T FEEL COMFORTABLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe. argh...
The biggest problem is i feel inferior.
Even if there was no intention to make me feel small, every conversation about grades, anything to do with grades will make me feel small. Because i believe i'm small.
Trust me, i AM cursing and swearing at myself.
It doesn't help when you have a brilliant boyfriend, whom every other brilliant student in Law school know he is brilliant.
They are probably blaming his slightly less perfect grades on me, the useless, brainless, plain-jane girlfriend, that isn't of much help in his life except throwing temper at this, widely-acclaimed good manner, nice boy-next-door.
I assure you, there is no pressure at all, goin thru law school with all that at the back of your mind.
Because there is no pressure, the more i shld be doing well.
I am not blaming my bad grades on him, i never did. But i can't keep up, i dont think i'll ever be able to. and my pride, is very very very seriously ... damaged?
haha i cant even find a proper word for that.
I should drop out.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Aiya.
Alot of things to think about today, don't really know how to put it down into words.. Just so many questions that I'm asking, so lil answers, or rather i don't believe the answers. So many things i want to do but don't know if i'll be able to accomplish them.
But i do know that
for everything i do
i'll have to take a step at a time.
Cheers
Wenrong
Alot of things to think about today, don't really know how to put it down into words.. Just so many questions that I'm asking, so lil answers, or rather i don't believe the answers. So many things i want to do but don't know if i'll be able to accomplish them.
But i do know that
for everything i do
i'll have to take a step at a time.
Cheers
Wenrong
Ho Ho ho
Tml i will have to return to school. Sulkz. But you know what they say, you've gotta love going to school to get the grades. I guess i din love school that much for the past 1 and half years. ;P So, this sem, i will love school. I will love my books, love my readings and stop playing games.
Read so much about ambitions these few days and i did not deliberately search for these articles to read. Instead i came across them by chance. An whole 4/5 pages feature on Times and another small column in ST today (sunday btw). Did you know that it is natural instinct for humans to be ambitious? You know that by observing how a baby stands up after a fall from learning how to walk, and continue on his endeavour. But somehow, when the kid attends school, he loses that desire to become better, to reach out for the best, the never-say-die attitude. Experts explained that they learn to be satisfied with what they have and comply with the norm, everyone influences everyone else that mediocre is good enough.
I guess deep inside, everyone wants to think that he or she is ambitious and has a special thing inside himself or herself. I do. I always like to tell myself "if i want to do it, i can. Just when."
Well i guess the last sem has really proved me wrong. So wrong. I wasn't the genius that i secretly thought i was, even thou all along, experience have taught me otherwise. I chose not to believe.
I have neva manage to do well without hardwork. I was neva the kind of kid who can study last minute and pass with flying colours.
Today, one day before my school reopen, i'd like to admit to myself that:
1) I'm not a bright kid. I cant study for 1 month and top the class, be it primary school or kindergarten.
2) I have to work hard, even harder now that i'm surrounded by some of the smartest people in Singapore (excluding the medicine and overseas scholars).
3) I have to re-learn English.
4) I need to have more zest, live and organisation when i do things.
Time will fly pass sooner now, another 2 and half years, i will graduate from law school.
I went back to law fac the other day to accompany paul as he did his research. As i stood outside the lobby, waiting for him to pick me up, i looked at the words "CJ KOH LIBRARY". The memories of how i first step into NUS looking for the library for my interview came back to me. I remember i was in awe of the place, i thought to myself "how nice will it be if i were one of them". And how i haven't achieve anything since i started law school, tryin to scrap pass everything, blaming everything else but myself for the grades.
Perhaps i was naive then, thinking of the glam that was attached to the sentence "hi, i'm wenrong from NUS law fac". But i knew then, that it was a privilege to be in the school of law, not a right.
I know many people would have killed to be in my place, doing everything right to graduate a good law student. And here i am wasting my life in law school.
Time to work hard.
Cheers people
Regards,
Wenrong
Tml i will have to return to school. Sulkz. But you know what they say, you've gotta love going to school to get the grades. I guess i din love school that much for the past 1 and half years. ;P So, this sem, i will love school. I will love my books, love my readings and stop playing games.
Read so much about ambitions these few days and i did not deliberately search for these articles to read. Instead i came across them by chance. An whole 4/5 pages feature on Times and another small column in ST today (sunday btw). Did you know that it is natural instinct for humans to be ambitious? You know that by observing how a baby stands up after a fall from learning how to walk, and continue on his endeavour. But somehow, when the kid attends school, he loses that desire to become better, to reach out for the best, the never-say-die attitude. Experts explained that they learn to be satisfied with what they have and comply with the norm, everyone influences everyone else that mediocre is good enough.
I guess deep inside, everyone wants to think that he or she is ambitious and has a special thing inside himself or herself. I do. I always like to tell myself "if i want to do it, i can. Just when."
Well i guess the last sem has really proved me wrong. So wrong. I wasn't the genius that i secretly thought i was, even thou all along, experience have taught me otherwise. I chose not to believe.
I have neva manage to do well without hardwork. I was neva the kind of kid who can study last minute and pass with flying colours.
Today, one day before my school reopen, i'd like to admit to myself that:
1) I'm not a bright kid. I cant study for 1 month and top the class, be it primary school or kindergarten.
2) I have to work hard, even harder now that i'm surrounded by some of the smartest people in Singapore (excluding the medicine and overseas scholars).
3) I have to re-learn English.
4) I need to have more zest, live and organisation when i do things.
Time will fly pass sooner now, another 2 and half years, i will graduate from law school.
I went back to law fac the other day to accompany paul as he did his research. As i stood outside the lobby, waiting for him to pick me up, i looked at the words "CJ KOH LIBRARY". The memories of how i first step into NUS looking for the library for my interview came back to me. I remember i was in awe of the place, i thought to myself "how nice will it be if i were one of them". And how i haven't achieve anything since i started law school, tryin to scrap pass everything, blaming everything else but myself for the grades.
Perhaps i was naive then, thinking of the glam that was attached to the sentence "hi, i'm wenrong from NUS law fac". But i knew then, that it was a privilege to be in the school of law, not a right.
I know many people would have killed to be in my place, doing everything right to graduate a good law student. And here i am wasting my life in law school.
Time to work hard.
Cheers people
Regards,
Wenrong
Thursday, January 05, 2006
hahahahah
I think it is high time i try to lose weight... Went back to yj today and my 'mama' told me i grew fat... Sighhhhh But i have a feeling i said this yesterday. Manz..
This sucks.
not really in the mood to write a post. Been running around YJ hunting teachers for the alumni newsletter and doing up the webpage. ARGH. And i have another meeting with the pro-tem team tml.. Oh which reminds me that i have to re-schedule me tuition to saturday or sunday. Darnz. AND i have to attend some gala dinner meeting as well. :p
SIAN-ed....
I'm hungry..
i need to jog.
WTH
I think it is high time i try to lose weight... Went back to yj today and my 'mama' told me i grew fat... Sighhhhh But i have a feeling i said this yesterday. Manz..
This sucks.
not really in the mood to write a post. Been running around YJ hunting teachers for the alumni newsletter and doing up the webpage. ARGH. And i have another meeting with the pro-tem team tml.. Oh which reminds me that i have to re-schedule me tuition to saturday or sunday. Darnz. AND i have to attend some gala dinner meeting as well. :p
SIAN-ed....
I'm hungry..
i need to jog.
WTH
hahahah
End of story, the grill is made of steel/metal not aluminium, so it is impossible to break in tonight without waking the whole family up. Hence i can sleep very well tonight :D
Wah kao.. pissed me off man. If only i can stay home tml. I'll run after him instead of jus oi-ing him. den call police on my way.. hahahaha k, wishful thinking. ;p
aiya, nothing much happened today otherwise.. Went to Nus with Paul, den to east coast and then suntec. Pretty fun :D
Still cant imagine what would have happened if he managed to break in...
Bleai...
End of story, the grill is made of steel/metal not aluminium, so it is impossible to break in tonight without waking the whole family up. Hence i can sleep very well tonight :D
Wah kao.. pissed me off man. If only i can stay home tml. I'll run after him instead of jus oi-ing him. den call police on my way.. hahahaha k, wishful thinking. ;p
aiya, nothing much happened today otherwise.. Went to Nus with Paul, den to east coast and then suntec. Pretty fun :D
Still cant imagine what would have happened if he managed to break in...
Bleai...
wahhhh
Some thief nearly broke into my house when i was sleeping today, my ah gong saved the day with his 'oei'! BUT... he din call the police nor did he wake me up, he chose to tell my mom when she came back at 3pm in the afternoon... Sigh. Now my eldest sister is freaked out.. Right now she is trying to set traps so that when the thief tries to open the windows of my studies, the umbrella will fall and someone may wake up from the noise. LOL... Kindof funny...
Come to think of it, if the thief have successfully broken into my house, my life would have been in danger since i was sleeping. I think that's the third time i kind of escape danger in two weeks. Two occasions of potential accidents and one thief... Hmmm I wonder wat does that signifies..?
Man my parents are back, i got a house to secure.. later...
Regards,
WR
Some thief nearly broke into my house when i was sleeping today, my ah gong saved the day with his 'oei'! BUT... he din call the police nor did he wake me up, he chose to tell my mom when she came back at 3pm in the afternoon... Sigh. Now my eldest sister is freaked out.. Right now she is trying to set traps so that when the thief tries to open the windows of my studies, the umbrella will fall and someone may wake up from the noise. LOL... Kindof funny...
Come to think of it, if the thief have successfully broken into my house, my life would have been in danger since i was sleeping. I think that's the third time i kind of escape danger in two weeks. Two occasions of potential accidents and one thief... Hmmm I wonder wat does that signifies..?
Man my parents are back, i got a house to secure.. later...
Regards,
WR
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.
What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com |
yah right... Journalism.. Yuckz. But looks like i'm a real gemini.
man.... I don't have breakfast for today. Or mayb i should stop taking breakfast altogther since i'm growing oh-so FAT! Wahhahaha Yes.. i'm growing sideways, very evidently. Sigh...
Some of my friends are complaining about the font i've been using for my blog. Is it really that diff to read? hahaha I do read my own blog, for those of you who don't know, i'm pretty egoistic. Over myself, pretty much nothing to be ego about but yeah... I thought it is the colour of the blog that makes it diff to read because after reading my blog for a while, and you look at something else, u'll see grey. :p Anyhow, don't really plan to do up my blog, if i really have to, i'll add a song and some pictures ... Sorry people.
Going back to YJ for the Nth time after i've graduated. Will be the first this year thou, 3 years after i've graduated. I have to meet some teachers-in-charge for upcoming events in school and 'report' these to the Alumni members. I wonder how much interest will i generate with the E-newsletter, but i've gotta try first. I guess even if it falls flat on my face, at the very least an attempt was made. Instead of the typical YJ approach, 'gauge the response first'... Sure, if i have to pay like a few thousand dollars to organise this, i'll probably gauge the response first.
Looks like i've to spend my whole day there. Gotta meet two teachers for two events and help another fellow alumni teacher with a software. Not that i know how to use it, but two brains will def be better than one. not to mention the MOE laptop doesn't run unregistered software.. So we'll have to use my laptop. At the end of the day, i'll probably be the one maintaining the webpage as well. Gorsh... Wassup man, i din sign up to learn computer software and be a reporter...
And paul comes in and tell me "you chose to do it, wat."
True, so i can't complain.
Nothing else to complain. :p except i don't have breakfast!!!!
Some of my friends are complaining about the font i've been using for my blog. Is it really that diff to read? hahaha I do read my own blog, for those of you who don't know, i'm pretty egoistic. Over myself, pretty much nothing to be ego about but yeah... I thought it is the colour of the blog that makes it diff to read because after reading my blog for a while, and you look at something else, u'll see grey. :p Anyhow, don't really plan to do up my blog, if i really have to, i'll add a song and some pictures ... Sorry people.
Going back to YJ for the Nth time after i've graduated. Will be the first this year thou, 3 years after i've graduated. I have to meet some teachers-in-charge for upcoming events in school and 'report' these to the Alumni members. I wonder how much interest will i generate with the E-newsletter, but i've gotta try first. I guess even if it falls flat on my face, at the very least an attempt was made. Instead of the typical YJ approach, 'gauge the response first'... Sure, if i have to pay like a few thousand dollars to organise this, i'll probably gauge the response first.
Looks like i've to spend my whole day there. Gotta meet two teachers for two events and help another fellow alumni teacher with a software. Not that i know how to use it, but two brains will def be better than one. not to mention the MOE laptop doesn't run unregistered software.. So we'll have to use my laptop. At the end of the day, i'll probably be the one maintaining the webpage as well. Gorsh... Wassup man, i din sign up to learn computer software and be a reporter...
And paul comes in and tell me "you chose to do it, wat."
True, so i can't complain.
Nothing else to complain. :p except i don't have breakfast!!!!
Monday, January 02, 2006
it is 217am, just had a few drinks...sleepy now but i just dunwanna go to sleep :p
really puzzled by something.. was having fun but was made to come back because i've gotta help my mom tml. sigh...i haven been waking up at 630 am for a very very long time, doubt i'll be able to wake up tml.. rahhhh
Until now, i still dun understand why i have to go help when i'm totally of no help at all. Just because they think it is fair to have a roster? i mean it isn't fair that i'm doin the housework myself, it isn't fair that i've to take care of my younger sister now and then. Just because they give like 100 or 50 to my parents a month, therefore i have to help at the stall? sian..
come'on what is fair? crap. i don't complain about her painting someone else's house while i have to do spring cleaning all alone (altho i haven started;p) freak.. does it mean i have a stable bf den i can dont do housework? Please, i'll go ROM tml man.
Freak.
and i cant say all these in front of my mom/parents, because it'll break their heart. to see that i simply don't wanna help out. not that i look down on what they do but i just cant do it... i cannot recognise faces, i cannot rem seat numbers or the order. i just cant. I've tried for 6 years or more, and it has been proven again and again, it is just not my cup of tea... why must they brood over something call 'fairness'?????? I do NOT understand. i do do my fair share of housework.
sigh....
darn.
i wanna go sleep and dream....
really puzzled by something.. was having fun but was made to come back because i've gotta help my mom tml. sigh...i haven been waking up at 630 am for a very very long time, doubt i'll be able to wake up tml.. rahhhh
Until now, i still dun understand why i have to go help when i'm totally of no help at all. Just because they think it is fair to have a roster? i mean it isn't fair that i'm doin the housework myself, it isn't fair that i've to take care of my younger sister now and then. Just because they give like 100 or 50 to my parents a month, therefore i have to help at the stall? sian..
come'on what is fair? crap. i don't complain about her painting someone else's house while i have to do spring cleaning all alone (altho i haven started;p) freak.. does it mean i have a stable bf den i can dont do housework? Please, i'll go ROM tml man.
Freak.
and i cant say all these in front of my mom/parents, because it'll break their heart. to see that i simply don't wanna help out. not that i look down on what they do but i just cant do it... i cannot recognise faces, i cannot rem seat numbers or the order. i just cant. I've tried for 6 years or more, and it has been proven again and again, it is just not my cup of tea... why must they brood over something call 'fairness'?????? I do NOT understand. i do do my fair share of housework.
sigh....
darn.
i wanna go sleep and dream....
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