Me. Myself & i

everything ended before anything could have happened. And seriously, a small part of me heaved a sigh of relief. That i have got the peace and calmness back after half a day of disappointment.
Just so you guys know, the guy that i had a crushed on actually told my fren that he 'already had someone in mind'. Translation: She's not my type. Which is a nicer way of saying 'she cannot make it'.
Maybe i'm being too harsh on myself (or not, as some of you out there might think). Then again, i guess the whole thing is more ego crushing than anything (no pun intended). And at the end of the day, it just goes back to 'we all should know where we stand and just keep to our standard'. I should have known that he was out of my reach. And rest assured i'm not just saying this because of this incident.

After half a day of ego breaking pain, i'm finally getting myself together and doing my research. Which is very rewarding and enriching. Maybe next sem i'll just get research paper modules. This ultimately proves my theory that at the end of the day, the only rewarding thing in my life, is to study. And unfortunately, i have been too little of during this sem.

Up till now, i have 4 assigments due end of october and beginning of nov. one written exam in mid nov. All of which i have barely started doing... But i'm determined to pull through this, somehow. And the above mentioned incident actually have some influence on my determination. At the end of the day, feelings come feelings go, people walk in and out of my life. But i have to face myself and my grades for the rest of my life. So tell me again, why am i wasting so much bloody time on people?
The sad thing is that my friends seems to be my priority, or rather i don't know how to reject my friends requests. If only my books will ask me out sometime, i guess i'll do better academically.. I guess at the end of the day, i just don't have discipline. Which is all going to change now..

Right now, i'm going back to my research paper.
I'm thankful that this sem, most of the things have worked out well for me. i had the modules of my first choice. My IP lecturer's misfortune has turned into a lucky break for me, final exam was changed to research paper due to her sickness. I wish she'll get better soon. All my modules have stopped and i have plenty of time to prepare for my final exams and do my research, if only i manage my time well.

I need to start somewhere to pick up what i've left behind.

Cheers