*looks ard*
hahaha
i'm wasting my life away as usual.
sleep till 1150 today and met my sister to go ktv.
I ENJOY SINGING!
thou i shouldn't be singing now.
hahaha
i'm actually arranging another session tml
but my frens yet to reply me.
guess i'll hafta do some calling later.
den again.
i was thinking, maybe i shld leave de last day of de year to myself.
u noe, sitting in my studies alone.
think of wat i haf done in de past year.
wat's good and wat's bad
so i can do betta nez year.
dun sound like me yeah?
but i think i shld do it once in a while.
=p
brb.
go take my contacts out....
yupzz
here i am~
and i gotta call tuition agency tml!
hahaha
i'm thinking of saving some money to buy secondary sch text bk
if i'm teaching sec sch maths..
but aft some calculations.. de amt is rather large.
sighz.
yeah..
decided tt i shld onli decide my dir in life when my results are out...
and i'm already freaking out about my results.
argh.
i really wonder what will happen if i flop tis.
i dun think i'll haf de courage to face it, and to start all over again.
anyhow>> beginning to wonder why some pple like clubbing so much.
personally, i enjoy goin with my frenz. dancin with em. drink with em
with de pple i noe.
i realised i'm getting afraid.
afraid of getting close with pple, guys esp.
not jus physically close, emotionally as well.
k, maybe not afraid.
jus denying any possibility tt anyone will "kan shang wo"
=)
hahaha i think tt's qt good thou.
i wanna earn money!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahhaa
i wanna get my license by may.
go overseas in dec.
=)
my short term plan for de year.
*grinz*
we're frens again.
i'm glad.
at least i wont hafta feel bad.
think things are betta this way ba...
act. sometimes i'll still feel lonely.
=p
no one there specially for me.
no one to listen and talk to me everyday.
no one dat i can sha jiao to.
no one i can make lil things for.
no one to take care of me.
hahaha
this is wat pple call freedom.
freedom = doin all de things u wan anytime, anywhere.
emptiness = too much time, dunnoe wat to do.
i think i feel empty.
i cant think of things i wanna do.
seriously.
except goin out with frens for coffee, ktv session, shopping, movie.
i nid something to commit to.
feels like a kite without string attached.
feels like a boat lost at sea.
de kite might look free without de string, but without de string, de kite can onli fly where de wind carries it. no dir of its own.
think it's true for me.
as a student.
as a person.
been studying most of de time.
now dat i've graduated from jc, i really dunnoe where i'm heading, wat am i suppose to do.
sad life ah?
so i aspire to travel!
hahaha
out of singapore.
to learn other things.
to widen my horizon...
to noe more pple
hahaha
i think i crap too much..
gtg
=)
happy new year...
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Monday, December 29, 2003
hiak hiak hiakZzz
i'm in a rather good mood today.
went GH with my grandpa today for his appointments with de docz
rather positive
they say he has recovered
and de cancer cells are under control
so great news
thou we spent de whole morning sitting at de couch. waiting.
de air in hospital really bad.
i got a headache there..
blahzz
anyhow>>
came home and slept. or shld i say went into coma.
no idea why i was dead tired.
and i went cwp with my aunt and mom in de evening!
hahaha
and i got a pair of black pants out of it.
on top of tt>> i'm damn happy
hahaha
cant wait for tml~
i'm goin ktv!!!
but i'm still coughing non stop eh
wonder if i should stay home...
and wait for my dinner.
*deep tots*
or go walk walk with some1 else
RAH
decisions. =|
hrmm
i'm too busy to haf any chim tots nowadays.
feel like a bloody brainless ger nowadays eh..
living like a zombie
i shall spend some time to myself tml.
oh yeah>> and to find a tuition agency tml morning.
=)
gtg
byez
i'm in a rather good mood today.
went GH with my grandpa today for his appointments with de docz
rather positive
they say he has recovered
and de cancer cells are under control
so great news
thou we spent de whole morning sitting at de couch. waiting.
de air in hospital really bad.
i got a headache there..
blahzz
anyhow>>
came home and slept. or shld i say went into coma.
no idea why i was dead tired.
and i went cwp with my aunt and mom in de evening!
hahaha
and i got a pair of black pants out of it.
on top of tt>> i'm damn happy
hahaha
cant wait for tml~
i'm goin ktv!!!
but i'm still coughing non stop eh
wonder if i should stay home...
and wait for my dinner.
*deep tots*
or go walk walk with some1 else
RAH
decisions. =|
hrmm
i'm too busy to haf any chim tots nowadays.
feel like a bloody brainless ger nowadays eh..
living like a zombie
i shall spend some time to myself tml.
oh yeah>> and to find a tuition agency tml morning.
=)
gtg
byez
Sunday, December 28, 2003
i'm still in a daze.
i din really took de medicine today thou.
guess my brain lacks oxygen.
cos both my nostrils are blocked.
I CANT BREATHE!...
argh
yeah!
i had a pleasant surprise today
due to my bad memory or my lousy hearing or eyesight
*grinz*
ignorance can sometimes be a bliss.
hiak hiak hiak...
haha k k tt was a really diff tone altogether.
anyhow>> i think i'll haf to sleep early today.
cos tml goin hospital with my cute ah gong.
to check up.
wonder wat time will de whole thing end...
act. i'm rather brain dead.
i cant write a blog now..
i'll come back to u when i get my brain organized.
cheers
=0
wr
i din really took de medicine today thou.
guess my brain lacks oxygen.
cos both my nostrils are blocked.
I CANT BREATHE!...
argh
yeah!
i had a pleasant surprise today
due to my bad memory or my lousy hearing or eyesight
*grinz*
ignorance can sometimes be a bliss.
hiak hiak hiak...
haha k k tt was a really diff tone altogether.
anyhow>> i think i'll haf to sleep early today.
cos tml goin hospital with my cute ah gong.
to check up.
wonder wat time will de whole thing end...
act. i'm rather brain dead.
i cant write a blog now..
i'll come back to u when i get my brain organized.
cheers
=0
wr
Saturday, December 27, 2003
i'm not goin to eat yun tun for a good long while....
for those who understands wat yun tun means.. sorrie to spoil ur appetite...
for those who dun, i suggest u dun find out...
anyhow..
i still cant feel my head, or my limbs after take 2 doses of medication...
strangely, it feels like when i'm tipsy..
so tis is wat pple call high aH?
i feel rather stupid lydat eh...
anyhow>> i cant really think str8 now...
so.. yeah.. hahaha i'll jus type anything tt comes to my mind yeah?
as usual anyhow..
oh yeah...
i think de onli good thing dat came out of my losing voice exp is tt i finally started reading LOTR tt was lying on my table for .. about 2 wks..
hahaha.. it's really nice eh..
even when de medicine was acting on my, i cont reading...
dun think i shld cont later.. maybe tml.. cos its rather late le..
mus take care of myself.. no one take care of me...*sigh*
hahaha
k k
tt's a load of rubbish...
i haf my very cute ah gong.
he's so nice eh..
cook porridge for me
den keep walking in and out of de kitchen, asking me if i wan this or dat.
told me not to wash de dishes cos he tot i'm still having flu, but in actual fact i'm having sore throat and cough now..
anyhow>> i very guai-ly left de dishes hahahaha patients must be good rite?
yeah>> i think he cant stop worrying about me ba. yesterday my situation already qt bad.. he told me not to go to my aunt house in de afternoon.. but i still went.. =p
hahaha bad bad me.. made my ah gong worry...
i think cos he was a patient not long ago.. so he understands how bad i feel.. sigh.. i think what i went thru was nuthing compared to him.. i already felt like like dying yesterday..
imagine him goin thru all dat for a few weeks....
good thing he's recovered!
*grinz*
and i'm on my way to recovery!!!
*grinz grinz*
heng no one called this few days.
hahahah
my mum damn cute..
jus now she called.
i picked up..
den she was like "why ur voice still lydat?"
...
hahaha guess she too worried le ..
aft yesterday i woke up 6 in de morning...
and told her i cant swallow even my saliva..
=p
yeah..
i guess one cant have everything in de world.
i haf a great family. and i'm thankful for it.
shan't ask for too much
hahaha
u gain some, u'll lose some...
think i shld go to bed le...
=)
i cant wait for monday to come...
hiakz hiakz hiakz
i'm gone~
for those who understands wat yun tun means.. sorrie to spoil ur appetite...
for those who dun, i suggest u dun find out...
anyhow..
i still cant feel my head, or my limbs after take 2 doses of medication...
strangely, it feels like when i'm tipsy..
so tis is wat pple call high aH?
i feel rather stupid lydat eh...
anyhow>> i cant really think str8 now...
so.. yeah.. hahaha i'll jus type anything tt comes to my mind yeah?
as usual anyhow..
oh yeah...
i think de onli good thing dat came out of my losing voice exp is tt i finally started reading LOTR tt was lying on my table for .. about 2 wks..
hahaha.. it's really nice eh..
even when de medicine was acting on my, i cont reading...
dun think i shld cont later.. maybe tml.. cos its rather late le..
mus take care of myself.. no one take care of me...*sigh*
hahaha
k k
tt's a load of rubbish...
i haf my very cute ah gong.
he's so nice eh..
cook porridge for me
den keep walking in and out of de kitchen, asking me if i wan this or dat.
told me not to wash de dishes cos he tot i'm still having flu, but in actual fact i'm having sore throat and cough now..
anyhow>> i very guai-ly left de dishes hahahaha patients must be good rite?
yeah>> i think he cant stop worrying about me ba. yesterday my situation already qt bad.. he told me not to go to my aunt house in de afternoon.. but i still went.. =p
hahaha bad bad me.. made my ah gong worry...
i think cos he was a patient not long ago.. so he understands how bad i feel.. sigh.. i think what i went thru was nuthing compared to him.. i already felt like like dying yesterday..
imagine him goin thru all dat for a few weeks....
good thing he's recovered!
*grinz*
and i'm on my way to recovery!!!
*grinz grinz*
heng no one called this few days.
hahahah
my mum damn cute..
jus now she called.
i picked up..
den she was like "why ur voice still lydat?"
...
hahaha guess she too worried le ..
aft yesterday i woke up 6 in de morning...
and told her i cant swallow even my saliva..
=p
yeah..
i guess one cant have everything in de world.
i haf a great family. and i'm thankful for it.
shan't ask for too much
hahaha
u gain some, u'll lose some...
think i shld go to bed le...
=)
i cant wait for monday to come...
hiakz hiakz hiakz
i'm gone~
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
merry merry x'mas to all of u out there.
cant say i'm having a good christmas eve thou.
i was bed ridden since yesterday nite.
as usual, i sneeze too hard and too many times.
until i got a sore throat.
i caught a cold.
very bad cold.
i slept at 11 plus, wanted to go to bed earlier, but boss they all wanted to come my house initially. so had to wait up.
in de end they din come.
much to my relieve thou.
i was in no state to take care of em.
din even greet my sis nor my parents when they came home....
tis morning my cold and sorethroat escalated into fever.
really good to haf a sister.
she made me go over to eat breakfast (swiss roll)
and made me eat panadol...
only den she went to sch.
aft i woke up and had my porridge, prepared by my dearest ah gong,
i felt betta alreadi.
den my sec sis left de house.
so technically i was left alone at home until my parents came back in de afternoon.
they brought home tis really big vegetarian bao.. really appetizing...
and i felt betta.
so i had half of it.
and 2 mouths of my dad's duck rice.
wonder which of it left me tossing and turning in bed later in de afternoon.
wanted badly to puke cos my sore throat was really uncomfortable.
and coughing really made me wanna puke.
finally puke in de evening....
den went over to get some sympathy....
my unker asked if i wanna watch LOTR... argh.. i wan to!!!!
but i cant.
after i had porridge, again, courtesy of my ah gong whch taste really good, i wrapped myself up in my unker's room watching who wans to be a millionaire..
den my bones were really killing me..
i took some ying qiao and came back over....
back to bed... all alone...
i had to be all alone on a christmas eve..
i'm really qt sad.
i wonder was i really tt mean?
i feel like a total failure in life.
from last nite till jus now.
onli 2 ppl noe i'm down will flu.
no one else msged me...
no one called.
boss said he wanted to ask me out>> but tot i might haf plans le so din...
so, am i too successful? or pathetic?
i read bosses' blog jus now...
i haf to admit i'm envious of her.
i mean how many gers get to haf guys doin all dat for em?
i'm not greedy ba..
i jus nid one.
sigh.
i dun like to be alone.
or rather i was hoping they'll be online...
looks like there's no miracles on christmas either...
i'm really wallowing in self pity now....
act. i feel betta in front of de comp..
feels like i'm connected to de world...
at least i noe i'm not alone ...
talk about pathetic...
i cant really think now...
i'm jus typing wateva tt's coming to my mind...
some bloody idert jus cant stop asking me about my break up.
WHAT THE FUCK.
he act. asked me "why always gers break up with guys"
wah.. damn it
it's as if i'm so damn happy breaking up with him
it's as if i wanted so bad to break up wit him
it's as if i was toying his feelings all along
it's as if i am in de wrong.
i think anger is much betta feeling than sorrow.
at least i feel more alive.
sigh.
i was hoping one of em to call me.
argh
cant say i'm having a good christmas eve thou.
i was bed ridden since yesterday nite.
as usual, i sneeze too hard and too many times.
until i got a sore throat.
i caught a cold.
very bad cold.
i slept at 11 plus, wanted to go to bed earlier, but boss they all wanted to come my house initially. so had to wait up.
in de end they din come.
much to my relieve thou.
i was in no state to take care of em.
din even greet my sis nor my parents when they came home....
tis morning my cold and sorethroat escalated into fever.
really good to haf a sister.
she made me go over to eat breakfast (swiss roll)
and made me eat panadol...
only den she went to sch.
aft i woke up and had my porridge, prepared by my dearest ah gong,
i felt betta alreadi.
den my sec sis left de house.
so technically i was left alone at home until my parents came back in de afternoon.
they brought home tis really big vegetarian bao.. really appetizing...
and i felt betta.
so i had half of it.
and 2 mouths of my dad's duck rice.
wonder which of it left me tossing and turning in bed later in de afternoon.
wanted badly to puke cos my sore throat was really uncomfortable.
and coughing really made me wanna puke.
finally puke in de evening....
den went over to get some sympathy....
my unker asked if i wanna watch LOTR... argh.. i wan to!!!!
but i cant.
after i had porridge, again, courtesy of my ah gong whch taste really good, i wrapped myself up in my unker's room watching who wans to be a millionaire..
den my bones were really killing me..
i took some ying qiao and came back over....
back to bed... all alone...
i had to be all alone on a christmas eve..
i'm really qt sad.
i wonder was i really tt mean?
i feel like a total failure in life.
from last nite till jus now.
onli 2 ppl noe i'm down will flu.
no one else msged me...
no one called.
boss said he wanted to ask me out>> but tot i might haf plans le so din...
so, am i too successful? or pathetic?
i read bosses' blog jus now...
i haf to admit i'm envious of her.
i mean how many gers get to haf guys doin all dat for em?
i'm not greedy ba..
i jus nid one.
sigh.
i dun like to be alone.
or rather i was hoping they'll be online...
looks like there's no miracles on christmas either...
i'm really wallowing in self pity now....
act. i feel betta in front of de comp..
feels like i'm connected to de world...
at least i noe i'm not alone ...
talk about pathetic...
i cant really think now...
i'm jus typing wateva tt's coming to my mind...
some bloody idert jus cant stop asking me about my break up.
WHAT THE FUCK.
he act. asked me "why always gers break up with guys"
wah.. damn it
it's as if i'm so damn happy breaking up with him
it's as if i wanted so bad to break up wit him
it's as if i was toying his feelings all along
it's as if i am in de wrong.
i think anger is much betta feeling than sorrow.
at least i feel more alive.
sigh.
i was hoping one of em to call me.
argh
Monday, December 22, 2003
no special tots to post today eh...
jus wanna tell everyone that centro got bad management
uberture cannot find good place to organize their "beauty paegent"
on de whole yday rather sucky.
=p
centro is damn ex as well.
either tt or they purposely push de price up yday.
once again>> we're taught of de harsh reality in society today.
everything involves money.
and de amt it involves will onli increase with time.
so can somebody tell me again, why are de teens in sg growing more and more materialistic and motivated more by money than anything else.
not onli is de education sys not working.
de society itself .
de family unit itself.
has problems, and flaws in the upbringing of de limited amt of younger generation.
but den again.
who am i to comment so much?
i'll jus appear cynical.
to others, i'll jus be another person, unhappy to be a sg.
a quitter.
someone who onli critize de country but doin nuthing.
rite> i've yet to contribute anything to de society.
tt's why i'm writing all tis in my blog, and not in a bk.
partly also becos of my lousy eng thou.
yeah.
tt's my two cents worth today.
wr
jus wanna tell everyone that centro got bad management
uberture cannot find good place to organize their "beauty paegent"
on de whole yday rather sucky.
=p
centro is damn ex as well.
either tt or they purposely push de price up yday.
once again>> we're taught of de harsh reality in society today.
everything involves money.
and de amt it involves will onli increase with time.
so can somebody tell me again, why are de teens in sg growing more and more materialistic and motivated more by money than anything else.
not onli is de education sys not working.
de society itself .
de family unit itself.
has problems, and flaws in the upbringing of de limited amt of younger generation.
but den again.
who am i to comment so much?
i'll jus appear cynical.
to others, i'll jus be another person, unhappy to be a sg.
a quitter.
someone who onli critize de country but doin nuthing.
rite> i've yet to contribute anything to de society.
tt's why i'm writing all tis in my blog, and not in a bk.
partly also becos of my lousy eng thou.
yeah.
tt's my two cents worth today.
wr
Saturday, December 20, 2003
i've still got a mindful of things goin on in my head.
i really think i shld empty my schedule nz week.
to haf time to sit ard, by myself. think of my life, my goals.
where am i heading.
what issit i really want in life.
suddenly i feel like being a teacher.
hahaa
guess i'm rather influenced.
perhaps i wanna make an impact on some1 else.
be it 1, 2 or 20, 30 pple..
hahaa
but i'll haf to get my degree first.
*grinz*
yupZ
=)
i hope my blog has inspire some souls out there...
or at least entertained all of u.
=)
wr
i really think i shld empty my schedule nz week.
to haf time to sit ard, by myself. think of my life, my goals.
where am i heading.
what issit i really want in life.
suddenly i feel like being a teacher.
hahaa
guess i'm rather influenced.
perhaps i wanna make an impact on some1 else.
be it 1, 2 or 20, 30 pple..
hahaa
but i'll haf to get my degree first.
*grinz*
yupZ
=)
i hope my blog has inspire some souls out there...
or at least entertained all of u.
=)
wr
man.
i feel that i've jus wasted 18 years of my life.
compared to him
i think i've wasted EVERY single sec this 2 wks.
he has surpassed de "eligible bachelor guy" stage to a zhi ji
someone whom i wouldn't dare to date in fear of losing him as a fren
someone whom i doubt i'll date due to circumstances.
someone who can really get me thinking about life, about goals, looking into de inner self.
i'm learning how to practise what i preach.
i'm finding de true goal in my life.
looking for things that really matter in my life.
man, i jus cant get enough of talking bout such intangible stuff.
thankz~.
another significant day in my life.
reminds me de analogy about self motivating leaders as fire starters
and leaders as charcoal, not knowin their own potential.
i guess i'm a piece of charcoal that needs constant liting from fire starters.
hahaha
wat a lousi piece of charcoal.
yup> he might be leaving sg for good
tt's rather sad piece of news
but i've learn something
no one is obliged to be there for anyone.
=)
i think i need time to find myself.
do some soul searching
b4 2003 ends.
b4 stepping into a new year.
today's meeting has not disappoint me a bit at all.
and i realised as well today
that i've not been as good a fren i tot i was all along.
i wasn't sensitive enough
rather self centred.
always completing other's sentences for others
most of all, i think i haven't been practising what i preached.
i realised i cant really change how pple think.
as much as i hope they'll change for e betta < according to my stds
i realised they might not see me as a figure important enough to cause an impact on their perspective of life.
they haf diff influences in their lives, diff fam backgrd.
i'm working towards being a better fren.
i suppose i'll try.
i dun see it as accomodating them
i see it as learning
learning to communicate with them.
i onli see it now.
i'll see it thru.
wr
i feel that i've jus wasted 18 years of my life.
compared to him
i think i've wasted EVERY single sec this 2 wks.
he has surpassed de "eligible bachelor guy" stage to a zhi ji
someone whom i wouldn't dare to date in fear of losing him as a fren
someone whom i doubt i'll date due to circumstances.
someone who can really get me thinking about life, about goals, looking into de inner self.
i'm learning how to practise what i preach.
i'm finding de true goal in my life.
looking for things that really matter in my life.
man, i jus cant get enough of talking bout such intangible stuff.
thankz~.
another significant day in my life.
reminds me de analogy about self motivating leaders as fire starters
and leaders as charcoal, not knowin their own potential.
i guess i'm a piece of charcoal that needs constant liting from fire starters.
hahaha
wat a lousi piece of charcoal.
yup> he might be leaving sg for good
tt's rather sad piece of news
but i've learn something
no one is obliged to be there for anyone.
=)
i think i need time to find myself.
do some soul searching
b4 2003 ends.
b4 stepping into a new year.
today's meeting has not disappoint me a bit at all.
and i realised as well today
that i've not been as good a fren i tot i was all along.
i wasn't sensitive enough
rather self centred.
always completing other's sentences for others
most of all, i think i haven't been practising what i preached.
i realised i cant really change how pple think.
as much as i hope they'll change for e betta < according to my stds
i realised they might not see me as a figure important enough to cause an impact on their perspective of life.
they haf diff influences in their lives, diff fam backgrd.
i'm working towards being a better fren.
i suppose i'll try.
i dun see it as accomodating them
i see it as learning
learning to communicate with them.
i onli see it now.
i'll see it thru.
wr
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
yada yada..
i'm rather brain dead now.
nothing much happened today
brought my lil sister swimming
and gave her a lecture.... or rather a lesson on how to apologise.
hahahaha
k k
made her cry~
my mum says i'm sadist.
whahahaha
but needed to teach her a lesson...
so...
I"M NOT A SADIST!
LOL...
k k
feel betta today.
not much time to think too much
gotta wake up early tml...
suppose to sleep early ba...
but dunwan to go sleep.
*grinz*
so....
dunnoe shld i sleep today not..
hahahah
tis is worst that when i'm preparing for a's...
yeahh...
19 is tis fri~!
hiakz hiakz
k k
take care
wr
i'm rather brain dead now.
nothing much happened today
brought my lil sister swimming
and gave her a lecture.... or rather a lesson on how to apologise.
hahahaha
k k
made her cry~
my mum says i'm sadist.
whahahaha
but needed to teach her a lesson...
so...
I"M NOT A SADIST!
LOL...
k k
feel betta today.
not much time to think too much
gotta wake up early tml...
suppose to sleep early ba...
but dunwan to go sleep.
*grinz*
so....
dunnoe shld i sleep today not..
hahahah
tis is worst that when i'm preparing for a's...
yeahh...
19 is tis fri~!
hiakz hiakz
k k
take care
wr
Sunday, December 14, 2003
hrm
i feel like crying aft reading their blogs.
i think i've already forgotten wat it means to be a gd fren.
i dunnoe wat am i suppose to do to be a gd fren.
or maybe it has no definition?
i can feel their presence even thou they're not near.
i can relate to their situation, their conversation, even thou we have not met for a few months.
i can laugh and cry with them, get angry for something that does not even concern me with em.
i haf not told these pple i'm consider them as good fren.
i neva labelled anyone as good fren at all.
but i noe deep down inside, these are the pple i wanna keep in my life forever.
meeting em once in a while, get to know their situation.
there're also pple whom i lost contact, emotionally and physically. for as long as a year. den i realised that, i was that close with her. i've finally found her back. but u cant imagine how bad i feel when i heard wat hap to her in dat year. in a year when she needed frens de most. in a situation when i knew if someone was there for her, she'll be able to recover much faster. i cannot forgive myself.
did i tell her : hey, we're de best of frens. u're my gd fren.
no.
i think it's less of wat u say.
more of what u do.
to some whom i believe is not worth it, i usually dun gif much attention to.
to pple whom i see as a gd fren, one call and i'll be there.
i'm not trying to sound noble.
but these are the pple who were there for me.
whom i tot of when i was in deep shit
and turn up for me.
niang niang is one eg ba...
perhaps u all might see me as selfish,
onli when pple treat u well den u treat him/her well.
but tt's how i work.
tt's de diff standards that pple have.
tis is mine.
=)
well, i noe we're still close frens ba...
i dun ask for u all to be there for me all de while.
bi jing, we all haf our own lives.
i mean, in my life, a few gd frens is good enough for me.
hao peng you ying gai hai xu yao yi dian yuan fen ba.
thankz.
i feel like crying aft reading their blogs.
i think i've already forgotten wat it means to be a gd fren.
i dunnoe wat am i suppose to do to be a gd fren.
or maybe it has no definition?
i can feel their presence even thou they're not near.
i can relate to their situation, their conversation, even thou we have not met for a few months.
i can laugh and cry with them, get angry for something that does not even concern me with em.
i haf not told these pple i'm consider them as good fren.
i neva labelled anyone as good fren at all.
but i noe deep down inside, these are the pple i wanna keep in my life forever.
meeting em once in a while, get to know their situation.
there're also pple whom i lost contact, emotionally and physically. for as long as a year. den i realised that, i was that close with her. i've finally found her back. but u cant imagine how bad i feel when i heard wat hap to her in dat year. in a year when she needed frens de most. in a situation when i knew if someone was there for her, she'll be able to recover much faster. i cannot forgive myself.
did i tell her : hey, we're de best of frens. u're my gd fren.
no.
i think it's less of wat u say.
more of what u do.
to some whom i believe is not worth it, i usually dun gif much attention to.
to pple whom i see as a gd fren, one call and i'll be there.
i'm not trying to sound noble.
but these are the pple who were there for me.
whom i tot of when i was in deep shit
and turn up for me.
niang niang is one eg ba...
perhaps u all might see me as selfish,
onli when pple treat u well den u treat him/her well.
but tt's how i work.
tt's de diff standards that pple have.
tis is mine.
=)
well, i noe we're still close frens ba...
i dun ask for u all to be there for me all de while.
bi jing, we all haf our own lives.
i mean, in my life, a few gd frens is good enough for me.
hao peng you ying gai hai xu yao yi dian yuan fen ba.
thankz.
i'm not feeling too good...
sigh.
i dunnoe whats wrong with me...
argh
i think i nid to sleep.
he lost his fone.
dunnoe what hap.
he din reply my icq msg online.
i suppose he hates me now?
i dun like this feeling at all..
wat's dis suppose to mean?
argh.
maybe it's becos i'm alone.
sigh.
i dunnoe wat to say.
wr
sigh.
i dunnoe whats wrong with me...
argh
i think i nid to sleep.
he lost his fone.
dunnoe what hap.
he din reply my icq msg online.
i suppose he hates me now?
i dun like this feeling at all..
wat's dis suppose to mean?
argh.
maybe it's becos i'm alone.
sigh.
i dunnoe wat to say.
wr
i've been in front of de comp since 9 plus.
it's 0035 now.
i dunno wat hav i been doin.
wat am i waiting for.
yeah
stupid me.
went thru my old entries.
dun feel too much thou.
i think i'm losing it.
~~`
i think i'll jus dismiss it as a joke ba.
hahaha
come to think of it, it's so unreal.
i feel like luffing at myself le
*hahaZ*
so perhaps. from today, i'll stop waiting.
i'll stop mentioning. i'll stop thinking.
not goin to feel like an idert again ba..
well, perhaps i shld feel happy dat he replied
LOL.
i'm outta of all tis.
goin to retreat to some nunnery.
maybe i'll set up my own religion.
den start preaching wat i've learnt in life.
which is rather little.
sighz
"wo xiang yao runaway runaway home...."
haiZ..
wo hai shi bu gan ji mo ba...
*ku xiao*
hahaha jus realised something...
we've been "siaming" de topic ever since tt day.
perhaps we're still at de guessin stage
haha and i guessed that he's got over le.
so. i shall stop wat i've been doin ba?
LOL, wonder how dumb i look..
haha de female side of me talking.
dou shuo le, i've got alot of diff faces...
no one will see it all ba.
maybe it's my "bu gan ji mo" that cause all de trouble in my relationship.
which resulted in my pestering him to pei wo.
tt resulted in him getting sick of dat.
tt resulted in de relationship losing de spark.
tt resulted in tis.
so, why issit tat pple go into a relationship if they'll feel lonier than they are when they're single?
dat they can tell emself there's someone thinking of em somewhere on earth?
so is there anyone that is thinking of me now?
if so, why do i still feel lonely?
i think i nid help
i shld stop thinking of qn tt i dun haf ans to.
stop acting like a despo wenrong.
is de voice inside me tt's screaming to me.
yeap.
def, wateva u say.
sigh
wr
it's 0035 now.
i dunno wat hav i been doin.
wat am i waiting for.
yeah
stupid me.
went thru my old entries.
dun feel too much thou.
i think i'm losing it.
~~`
i think i'll jus dismiss it as a joke ba.
hahaha
come to think of it, it's so unreal.
i feel like luffing at myself le
*hahaZ*
so perhaps. from today, i'll stop waiting.
i'll stop mentioning. i'll stop thinking.
not goin to feel like an idert again ba..
well, perhaps i shld feel happy dat he replied
LOL.
i'm outta of all tis.
goin to retreat to some nunnery.
maybe i'll set up my own religion.
den start preaching wat i've learnt in life.
which is rather little.
sighz
"wo xiang yao runaway runaway home...."
haiZ..
wo hai shi bu gan ji mo ba...
*ku xiao*
hahaha jus realised something...
we've been "siaming" de topic ever since tt day.
perhaps we're still at de guessin stage
haha and i guessed that he's got over le.
so. i shall stop wat i've been doin ba?
LOL, wonder how dumb i look..
haha de female side of me talking.
dou shuo le, i've got alot of diff faces...
no one will see it all ba.
maybe it's my "bu gan ji mo" that cause all de trouble in my relationship.
which resulted in my pestering him to pei wo.
tt resulted in him getting sick of dat.
tt resulted in de relationship losing de spark.
tt resulted in tis.
so, why issit tat pple go into a relationship if they'll feel lonier than they are when they're single?
dat they can tell emself there's someone thinking of em somewhere on earth?
so is there anyone that is thinking of me now?
if so, why do i still feel lonely?
i think i nid help
i shld stop thinking of qn tt i dun haf ans to.
stop acting like a despo wenrong.
is de voice inside me tt's screaming to me.
yeap.
def, wateva u say.
sigh
wr
Saturday, December 13, 2003
hey hey~
eating milo choc now
hahahaha
growing fat xia
anyhow>> i went joggin jus now... so i suppose it's not so bad ba....
stayed home de whole day today..
haiZ
made my fren angry today
cos flew her aeroplane...
but even if i said a million times of sorry. she will still be angry
but tis doesnt mean i can jus ignore her...
tis is de same for a couple ba
guys usually think de ger will be fine aft some time
dat since she's angry, wateva u say will be in vain.
but wat de ger is waiting for is for u to say something nice ba.
even if she might scold u, tell u to go away. u still hafta be thick skin and try to make her smile or sumthing
i mean u wont expect her to be not angry suddenly and talk to u first yeah?
if not she'll haf more reason to be angry..
so guys, be abit more thick skin nez time ba...
perhaps dat's why guys think gers are diff to understand..
or issit they dun put in de effort to understand em?
yada yada
i shld go woo gers instead
hahahahaha
maybe i'll be rather successful eh~
k crap.
man..
damn cold..
all alone at homeZ
=)
eating choc..
shld be wrapped in my blanket reading some story book ba..
hao xing fu woah...
hahahha
hrm
ke neng zai zi qi qi ren ba.
=p
anyhow>> gers still xiang wang ai qing ba.
hahaha
yah yah.. i noe i noe.. all my jc frens gonna start tis.. "you think u ger" thing
yada yada yada
no comments..
i go sing song le...
wr
eating milo choc now
hahahaha
growing fat xia
anyhow>> i went joggin jus now... so i suppose it's not so bad ba....
stayed home de whole day today..
haiZ
made my fren angry today
cos flew her aeroplane...
but even if i said a million times of sorry. she will still be angry
but tis doesnt mean i can jus ignore her...
tis is de same for a couple ba
guys usually think de ger will be fine aft some time
dat since she's angry, wateva u say will be in vain.
but wat de ger is waiting for is for u to say something nice ba.
even if she might scold u, tell u to go away. u still hafta be thick skin and try to make her smile or sumthing
i mean u wont expect her to be not angry suddenly and talk to u first yeah?
if not she'll haf more reason to be angry..
so guys, be abit more thick skin nez time ba...
perhaps dat's why guys think gers are diff to understand..
or issit they dun put in de effort to understand em?
yada yada
i shld go woo gers instead
hahahahaha
maybe i'll be rather successful eh~
k crap.
man..
damn cold..
all alone at homeZ
=)
eating choc..
shld be wrapped in my blanket reading some story book ba..
hao xing fu woah...
hahahha
hrm
ke neng zai zi qi qi ren ba.
=p
anyhow>> gers still xiang wang ai qing ba.
hahaha
yah yah.. i noe i noe.. all my jc frens gonna start tis.. "you think u ger" thing
yada yada yada
no comments..
i go sing song le...
wr
Friday, December 12, 2003
i dun feel so good.
i'm starting to question alot of things.
question de way i treat pple.
question de way others treat me.
question my frenships with other pple
question my relationships with other pple
i realise that pple can ba hao peng you gua zai zhui bian.
but in act. fact are we?
i realise that my relationship with them are getting awkward.
are they trying to bao liu yi fen chan que de you yi?
i starting to feel that i'm treated with double standards.
maybe it's jus me.
it's a very abstract feeling, or rather i really dunno how to put it down in words.
somehow, something is also telling me i'm expecting too much.
perhaps in my life, they'll be another group of frens.
so i start to ask myself, is there anyone that i really call a good fren, close fren.
someone i think of when i haf happy things to share, someone whom come to me when he/she is in trouble and yada yada yada
i realise i dun haf an ans.
we all haf our own group of frens.
all turn to diff ppl for help.
so.. is hao peng you a nicer name for a closer passerby in this phase of my life?
i do not like de feeling when i put in effort and show enthusiam but all i get in return is indifference.
i'm afraid i learn to ignore, learn to be indifferent. becoming unfeeling towards the things ard me. things that perhaps, really matter in life...
i'm one confused soul.
wr
i'm starting to question alot of things.
question de way i treat pple.
question de way others treat me.
question my frenships with other pple
question my relationships with other pple
i realise that pple can ba hao peng you gua zai zhui bian.
but in act. fact are we?
i realise that my relationship with them are getting awkward.
are they trying to bao liu yi fen chan que de you yi?
i starting to feel that i'm treated with double standards.
maybe it's jus me.
it's a very abstract feeling, or rather i really dunno how to put it down in words.
somehow, something is also telling me i'm expecting too much.
perhaps in my life, they'll be another group of frens.
so i start to ask myself, is there anyone that i really call a good fren, close fren.
someone i think of when i haf happy things to share, someone whom come to me when he/she is in trouble and yada yada yada
i realise i dun haf an ans.
we all haf our own group of frens.
all turn to diff ppl for help.
so.. is hao peng you a nicer name for a closer passerby in this phase of my life?
i do not like de feeling when i put in effort and show enthusiam but all i get in return is indifference.
i'm afraid i learn to ignore, learn to be indifferent. becoming unfeeling towards the things ard me. things that perhaps, really matter in life...
i'm one confused soul.
wr
i left de camp even before it started.
doubt i can mention wat happen but..
life is super unpredictable...
plus i din get enough sleep
and i think i'm allergic to some drinks yesterday...
and i'm hungry
i'm super depress now.
i feel like a piece of shit.
RAH
i nid to see doc about tis rashes.
man...
it's times like these when u think u need someone by urself
times like these that u feel most lonely.
but i'm fine
i jus hope my fren can take it.
she'll pull thru
sigh
i feel helpless.
wr
doubt i can mention wat happen but..
life is super unpredictable...
plus i din get enough sleep
and i think i'm allergic to some drinks yesterday...
and i'm hungry
i'm super depress now.
i feel like a piece of shit.
RAH
i nid to see doc about tis rashes.
man...
it's times like these when u think u need someone by urself
times like these that u feel most lonely.
but i'm fine
i jus hope my fren can take it.
she'll pull thru
sigh
i feel helpless.
wr
hiak hiak hiak
it's 430
i'm rather sleepy
but i think i cant sleep le..
cos i gotta leave house by 6 plus for de camp..
bear>> now u noe why i dun feel like goin le..
i can sleep there de whole day man...
*yawnZ*
had a great time ... k k
de music at de rj bash suckz like hell
i cant believe i upset my parents becos of some stupid bash like this..
however>> i had a good time with my frens
thou they did abandon me once in a while
anyhow i was a good ger. as in i din dance with any guys lah
thou i saw tis cute caucasian
hahahaha
k k
who told me i shouldn't accept drinks from strangers
*grinz*
anyway~~~~~~~
i'm sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and for all of u out there who're worried..
i'm fine.
not drunk
anyhow i'm de onli sober one but i got a ride all de way to my doorstep
wahahahhaha
how lucky
din hafta spend on cab fare eh..
but rather brave of us lah...
shhhhhh
sigh
i've yet to pack my stuff..
damn
i think they're gonna get a bloody zombie in de camp tml..
sheesh
i gotta get a gripz
see u all on 15...
when i'm back..
take care
muackz
wr
it's 430
i'm rather sleepy
but i think i cant sleep le..
cos i gotta leave house by 6 plus for de camp..
bear>> now u noe why i dun feel like goin le..
i can sleep there de whole day man...
*yawnZ*
had a great time ... k k
de music at de rj bash suckz like hell
i cant believe i upset my parents becos of some stupid bash like this..
however>> i had a good time with my frens
thou they did abandon me once in a while
anyhow i was a good ger. as in i din dance with any guys lah
thou i saw tis cute caucasian
hahahaha
k k
who told me i shouldn't accept drinks from strangers
*grinz*
anyway~~~~~~~
i'm sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and for all of u out there who're worried..
i'm fine.
not drunk
anyhow i'm de onli sober one but i got a ride all de way to my doorstep
wahahahhaha
how lucky
din hafta spend on cab fare eh..
but rather brave of us lah...
shhhhhh
sigh
i've yet to pack my stuff..
damn
i think they're gonna get a bloody zombie in de camp tml..
sheesh
i gotta get a gripz
see u all on 15...
when i'm back..
take care
muackz
wr
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
yada yada yada....
some stupid taiwanese show on de tv...
pi li huo
*yawnZ***
slack my day away at home today
scolded my stupid sister for something tt she said wrongly....
she's rather thick skin eh...
1 min later she's running ard again.. making noise le...
budden it's good lah..
at least she wont develop some mental prob cos she always says sumthing wrong
and everyone will scold her for it....
so let's all learn how to be abit more thick skin...
little sis said sumthing profound today
hahahha
think it's something like every diff pple haf diff thinking
wahhhh
not bad eh... for a ger of her age..
i'm proud of her
=)
family...
i love my fam
esp after learning how much my dad loves my mom..
hahahahah
k k
i abit lian fu now...
bleai
anyhow everyone ignoring me on irc..
i wonder why?
wat did i do..
yuck..
jus heard something damn mushy from my unker
*brrrrrrrrrrr*
sends shivers down my spine.....
hahaha i goin to camp on friday!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha
hope i'll haf fun..
going clubbing tml..
jus go there see see look look
dun feel like dancing..
bleai
k k
i think all these are rather mindless....
i see andy lau on tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahha
he damn shuai..
yue lao yue shuai...
he damn cute eh...
yada yada yada
talk about mindless
no choice lah
rather no focus in life now....
yupZz
and i believe i shant bore u all with my bo liaoz love life...
so yada yada yada....
shall come back later..
some stupid taiwanese show on de tv...
pi li huo
*yawnZ***
slack my day away at home today
scolded my stupid sister for something tt she said wrongly....
she's rather thick skin eh...
1 min later she's running ard again.. making noise le...
budden it's good lah..
at least she wont develop some mental prob cos she always says sumthing wrong
and everyone will scold her for it....
so let's all learn how to be abit more thick skin...
little sis said sumthing profound today
hahahha
think it's something like every diff pple haf diff thinking
wahhhh
not bad eh... for a ger of her age..
i'm proud of her
=)
family...
i love my fam
esp after learning how much my dad loves my mom..
hahahahah
k k
i abit lian fu now...
bleai
anyhow everyone ignoring me on irc..
i wonder why?
wat did i do..
yuck..
jus heard something damn mushy from my unker
*brrrrrrrrrrr*
sends shivers down my spine.....
hahaha i goin to camp on friday!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha
hope i'll haf fun..
going clubbing tml..
jus go there see see look look
dun feel like dancing..
bleai
k k
i think all these are rather mindless....
i see andy lau on tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahha
he damn shuai..
yue lao yue shuai...
he damn cute eh...
yada yada yada
talk about mindless
no choice lah
rather no focus in life now....
yupZz
and i believe i shant bore u all with my bo liaoz love life...
so yada yada yada....
shall come back later..
adapted from some where... i like de analogy..
very true...
take some time to read yeah?
A relationship starts off as a clear piece of
paper. A guy and a gal
agrees to write on that piece of paper. When it
starts, both r excited as
it's their first time working together. They
fill up the paper with the
best of things they can think of. Sometimes the
guy writes more, sometimes
the gal writes more. Some people writes without
thinking much, some writes
after some thought.
As the writing carries on, it gets more and more
tiring. The couple have
to be motivated to keep on writing.This is the
commitment and
responsibility of a relationship.As long as the
urge to write
continues,the writing will never end.It will
carry on paper after paper
until one pen's ink run out. This is eternal
love till death do us
apart...
Some couples prefer to write together,some write
their own and combine the
efforts.Neither side should be the only one
writing,else ink may get
blocked for the party who writes non-stop. Too
tired...
The character of a person is like the
handwriting on the paper... Everyone
has his/her handwriting. It is very difficult to
change one's
handwriting.Not impossible but it takes a lot of
time and hard work.
The outcome may not be desirable.It is also
difficult to imitate the
handwritings of another person.The most one can
do is to be tidier or more
untidy in their handwritings.Sometimes,to make
the writing on the paper
look more presentable,it could be necessary for
either side to slightly
alter the style of his/her handwritings...
A mistake in love is like a smudge on the
paper... Whether purposely or
accidentally a smudge is a smudge. No matter how
well the writing has
gone.So far or how lovely is the content, a
smudge will leave a mark no
matter how well u cover it (eraser, liquid
paper, etc.). Whether to keep
on writing will depend on the perception of the
couple. Whether they mind
the content more or the outlook of the piece of
work more.
Worst case is when the paper is torn. It'll
leave a very ugly mark. Well,
the decision lies with the couple...
To break-off is to stop writing... Many reasons
can lead to this ending.
One party could be the one writing non-stop and
really too tired to carry
on anymore. One party or both could be
unsatisfied with the content or
really dislike what each other is writing (it
takes time to know the
writing style of someone,it could be halfway
through the paper before it
is known).
Or a smudge exists and either one or both mind
(depend on their level of
perfectionism). Or it could be what they r
writing r contradicting each
other. It can also be the case where one party
finds another partner to
write with...
Other analogies... Pen users r serious lovers.
Those who use pencils like
to test things out first. Some even write drafts
with other people
(many-timers).
After a breakup, a photocopy of the writings so
far is made and this is
given to a party while the other keeps the
original (for memories).Or it
could be either or neither will keep the
writings. It could also be the
original work lies there waiting for the
original writers to be back.
A well-done masterpiece could be bound into a
book and kept
forever.Likewise in some cases, it may be pieces
of paper lying
around.Different people writes different things
and have different
outcomes.In the case of people going through
many relationships, it's just
like changing partners to work with.
Some may write things according to past
experiences or have new ideas.
While writing, the couple may exchange their
pens. In a new relationship,
one party might mind that his/her partner's pen
has been used by other
people before.Personally I believe this also
applies to friendship right?
It also requires both parties to play their part
to keep the friendship
forever lasting.
You only live once. What do you really want to
do and achieve in life?
Let's think, learn & share. It is a meaningful
journey.
very true...
take some time to read yeah?
A relationship starts off as a clear piece of
paper. A guy and a gal
agrees to write on that piece of paper. When it
starts, both r excited as
it's their first time working together. They
fill up the paper with the
best of things they can think of. Sometimes the
guy writes more, sometimes
the gal writes more. Some people writes without
thinking much, some writes
after some thought.
As the writing carries on, it gets more and more
tiring. The couple have
to be motivated to keep on writing.This is the
commitment and
responsibility of a relationship.As long as the
urge to write
continues,the writing will never end.It will
carry on paper after paper
until one pen's ink run out. This is eternal
love till death do us
apart...
Some couples prefer to write together,some write
their own and combine the
efforts.Neither side should be the only one
writing,else ink may get
blocked for the party who writes non-stop. Too
tired...
The character of a person is like the
handwriting on the paper... Everyone
has his/her handwriting. It is very difficult to
change one's
handwriting.Not impossible but it takes a lot of
time and hard work.
The outcome may not be desirable.It is also
difficult to imitate the
handwritings of another person.The most one can
do is to be tidier or more
untidy in their handwritings.Sometimes,to make
the writing on the paper
look more presentable,it could be necessary for
either side to slightly
alter the style of his/her handwritings...
A mistake in love is like a smudge on the
paper... Whether purposely or
accidentally a smudge is a smudge. No matter how
well the writing has
gone.So far or how lovely is the content, a
smudge will leave a mark no
matter how well u cover it (eraser, liquid
paper, etc.). Whether to keep
on writing will depend on the perception of the
couple. Whether they mind
the content more or the outlook of the piece of
work more.
Worst case is when the paper is torn. It'll
leave a very ugly mark. Well,
the decision lies with the couple...
To break-off is to stop writing... Many reasons
can lead to this ending.
One party could be the one writing non-stop and
really too tired to carry
on anymore. One party or both could be
unsatisfied with the content or
really dislike what each other is writing (it
takes time to know the
writing style of someone,it could be halfway
through the paper before it
is known).
Or a smudge exists and either one or both mind
(depend on their level of
perfectionism). Or it could be what they r
writing r contradicting each
other. It can also be the case where one party
finds another partner to
write with...
Other analogies... Pen users r serious lovers.
Those who use pencils like
to test things out first. Some even write drafts
with other people
(many-timers).
After a breakup, a photocopy of the writings so
far is made and this is
given to a party while the other keeps the
original (for memories).Or it
could be either or neither will keep the
writings. It could also be the
original work lies there waiting for the
original writers to be back.
A well-done masterpiece could be bound into a
book and kept
forever.Likewise in some cases, it may be pieces
of paper lying
around.Different people writes different things
and have different
outcomes.In the case of people going through
many relationships, it's just
like changing partners to work with.
Some may write things according to past
experiences or have new ideas.
While writing, the couple may exchange their
pens. In a new relationship,
one party might mind that his/her partner's pen
has been used by other
people before.Personally I believe this also
applies to friendship right?
It also requires both parties to play their part
to keep the friendship
forever lasting.
You only live once. What do you really want to
do and achieve in life?
Let's think, learn & share. It is a meaningful
journey.
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