Me. Myself & i

"I think if you say you don't have anything for me, then it is easier for me" "Ok!.i'll say i don't have anything for you'.. any easier?"
I guess that marked the end of the episode. After a while, it just boils down to do you feel anything for me or not. That's just me, the way i work i guess. If you have any feelings for me, I don't wanna leave without a battle, even if i'll get hurt at the end of the day. Rather stupid, but still doing it. But if you have no feelings for me, tell it to me outright. No point trying to phrase it in such a way that "it is not ur fault, neither is it mine. We're just at the wrong place at the wrong time." I don't wanna to guess on my side, telling myself, it is okie, once this phrase is over for him, perhaps we'll have a chance, or that i'm willing to work it out with him.
Then i start to wonder, what kind of choice did he give me in the first place? At first i tot we lay our cards on the table, he tells me about his difficulties, i'll choose whether or not i will go through it with him. But now it seems like he told me about his difficulties, expecting i'll be sensible and leave him alone. I don't know what kind of choice is this.
Yeap, made a fool of myself, but at least i got it nice and clear. I don't see the point of salvaging my 'face', and live my life guessing everyone's thoughts. I think that's too much pain. You tell me you have difficulties, i ask u if you have any feelings for me. You guys told me that at the end of the day, there is no easier way of rejecting a person. Den why do that to me?
If i want to continue kidding myself, i can always tell myself that 'well, he din want to drag me down with him, therefore knowing what kind of choice i'll make by saying he doesn't have anything for me, he said it'
Then i must be really dumb.

Actually, i wanted to settle this face to face, instead of through the fone and sms. But he has been avoiding me since friday. I think if i had a good talk about it, it'll be settled nicely and our frenship wont be jeopadised. He said we'll meet today to talk. I doubt that'll happen aft our smses yesterday. and i don't like to leave things this way. But i guess it is not up to me, if he wants to run away like that, what can i say?
I'm pretty apologetic for causing him so much trauma at the point of time when he least needs it.
But i'm not impressed by the way he handled it.