-Putting things behind me, as i step into a new chapter in my life.
Let this holiday be a time where i start to realise the important things in my life.
Let me remember my priorities, and the principles that gives a framework to my choices in life.
Let me walk on the path that i ought to, instead of treading dangerously into the unknown.
Let my choices reflect that of a thinking individual, that of a conscious one and that of a sensible one.
Let me be able to then, bear the responsibilities of my choices.-
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I had a messed up weekend. Trying to clean up my act right now. I nearly lost a friend back there.. I hope i had done all i can to try to put things right again. I doubt things will be the same again, I'm apologetic for the error in judgments, but the harm is done.
I wanted to justify my position, my actions. But i guess at the end of the day, we all have our own positions to take care of. At the end of the day, what is important is that I admit that i made a bad call, but at the point of time, given my position, knowledge and conditions of the situation, i would have made the same decisions then and there. At this juncture, i just want to make sure that i understand the impact and address it, instead of saying "I had to do what i did". which of cos cannot help. I'm glad i had a chance to be frank and talk things out. I think if it happened to me, i wont be as cool. It was enough to send me hating the person.
Well, i pretty much screw things up the way i din want it to be. What irony.. Every single thing that was not to be done, was.
It was simply a crazy week for me. I'm glad it is over. Still some loose ends for me to tie up but i think those are fine.
For those who have been reading my blog and were concerned for me, i'm fine. ;)
To those whom i've caused some trauma towards, i'm sincerely sorry. I dun think there's another better way of saying this.
Hopefully i've gotten something out of this. I mean as of every past experiences, i shld have learnt something but i always choose to disregard them.
Clearly i have some things to take care of now, they are obviously not in the category of 'looking for trouble for myself'. Stay off the liquor, it is starting to cloud my mind.
Think coffee will be my best fren for sometime now, can't seem to stay awake for more than two hours without it. Unhealthy yes, but staying awake seems to be more important.
"Brave it out these 8 years, you'll find ur life is more or less set by then." I've gotta do things that i ought to do...
"Whatever it is, just be honest with me." Very simple rule, very basic in a friendship, i haven been able to keep to it.
Decorating your words, beautifying things, making things look alright when they're not only shows how much you trust ur fren.
I can say,
i dunnoe if i can do them anymore.
I'm beginning to scare myself.
hahaha
I wanted to justify my position, my actions. But i guess at the end of the day, we all have our own positions to take care of. At the end of the day, what is important is that I admit that i made a bad call, but at the point of time, given my position, knowledge and conditions of the situation, i would have made the same decisions then and there. At this juncture, i just want to make sure that i understand the impact and address it, instead of saying "I had to do what i did". which of cos cannot help. I'm glad i had a chance to be frank and talk things out. I think if it happened to me, i wont be as cool. It was enough to send me hating the person.
Well, i pretty much screw things up the way i din want it to be. What irony.. Every single thing that was not to be done, was.
It was simply a crazy week for me. I'm glad it is over. Still some loose ends for me to tie up but i think those are fine.
For those who have been reading my blog and were concerned for me, i'm fine. ;)
To those whom i've caused some trauma towards, i'm sincerely sorry. I dun think there's another better way of saying this.
Hopefully i've gotten something out of this. I mean as of every past experiences, i shld have learnt something but i always choose to disregard them.
Clearly i have some things to take care of now, they are obviously not in the category of 'looking for trouble for myself'. Stay off the liquor, it is starting to cloud my mind.
Think coffee will be my best fren for sometime now, can't seem to stay awake for more than two hours without it. Unhealthy yes, but staying awake seems to be more important.
"Brave it out these 8 years, you'll find ur life is more or less set by then." I've gotta do things that i ought to do...
"Whatever it is, just be honest with me." Very simple rule, very basic in a friendship, i haven been able to keep to it.
Decorating your words, beautifying things, making things look alright when they're not only shows how much you trust ur fren.
I can say,
i dunnoe if i can do them anymore.
I'm beginning to scare myself.
hahaha
Monday, September 19, 2005
Just did my preparation for tutorial.. still refuse to do my prop law take home assignment, maybe later :)
Sometimes i find myself working so hard at things that are not worth the time, and really slacking with things that need my attention. hahaha opportunity cost. Some times some friends are worth investing the time one, some are not. I don't know if i'm making the distinction right. I don't wanna end up just by myself again...
Well, on a second thought, it isn't so bad being alone i guess.
:D
I'm hungry.. I need food. I think i need to exercise too.
hahahaha
HGIS
Sometimes i find myself working so hard at things that are not worth the time, and really slacking with things that need my attention. hahaha opportunity cost. Some times some friends are worth investing the time one, some are not. I don't know if i'm making the distinction right. I don't wanna end up just by myself again...
Well, on a second thought, it isn't so bad being alone i guess.
:D
I'm hungry.. I need food. I think i need to exercise too.
hahahaha
HGIS
I'm enjoying posting on my blog :D
I did something that i tot i never will. LoL Weird.
It is pass midnight, mid autumn is over.
I am supposed to prepare for my trial and advo tutorial tml. Have yet to write a single word, neither have i wrote anything for my property law tutorial.
I think i'm bringing paul down with me, i shldn't.
I have yet to revise my sponsorship plans for the law firms tml.
Procrastinating.
I enjoy doing my yj alumni stuff...
Been sleeping later for the past few days, i hope i'll be able to wake up for the canvassing tml.
Random thoughts.
Had fun playing with the candles just now. Which makes me wonder if i am the one who is 12 or my younger sister. Because i was fighting with her over the candles.
I think it's tough to sit down and work, getting tougher and tougher to concentrate. Always worrying about things that aren't within my control. Don't do things that are within my control. Always go out of control, refuse to listen. Hahaah I think i properly define screwed up.
I need to cut my nails, i need to print out the proposals, i need to write my evidence in chief, i need to ... do my property law paper. i need to sit down and reorganise myself. Stop goin out till so late.
I nid to get two referrals for my volunteer program.
i need an organised life in order to be a mentor for the kids.
Yes, i nid to reorganise my life.
I wonder if i can do that tml morning, because i just want to sleep tonight.
Tonight is just like any other nights :D, i sleep, wake up tml, another day will pass me by. The slowly the week will be gone and then months.
Den i question my existence in the world, i question why am i still living and breathing, when i'm actually not doing anything that adds value. Either to the society or to my own life.
Happiness, it is not defined by my mom, neither by you, neither by any supreme being. It is defined by me, what i want out of life. Happiness = satisfaction? I don't know, i think satisfaction is a kind of happiness, it brings happiness, but not entirely. Happiness covers much more..
How do i define my life?
Have been trying to ans this question since the day C left.
I wonder have i grown up ever since he left? I think i have been regressing. Less sensible, less independent.
Hahaha
I think i shld stop doin things to hurt myself. When mr mind says don't do it, mr hand shall listen, instead of listening to the devil called mr heart. :)
Oh yeah,
liverpool v. man utd - draw 0-0
But it was a good match. Hahahah i enjoyed it, fast paced with lots of tackling! That's the way they shld play it every time!! K i don't watch soccer very much thou. hahah
i want to go to bed.
!!THGIN DOOG
!EM OT SMAERD TEEWS
...HGIS
To you:
I know it is not easy being you. I always thought you can work ur way through it as difficult as it gets. Drinking urself silly, building up a wall around you, doing the things u do, you are jus digging into it deeper and deeper. You given up on urself because u are afraid of being disappointed again and again. But when you give up on urself, you are disappointing ur frens ard you. Yeap, i'm in no position to say this, because i'm not in ur shoes, i don't know the kind of pain you go through. But i'm very sure you have enough frens, including me, who will walk you through this. If you don't wanna stand up and walk through it, then maybe i've place my bet wrongly. Take good care. I doubt i'll ever talk to you in this manner, that is provided i see you again.
I did something that i tot i never will. LoL Weird.
It is pass midnight, mid autumn is over.
I am supposed to prepare for my trial and advo tutorial tml. Have yet to write a single word, neither have i wrote anything for my property law tutorial.
I think i'm bringing paul down with me, i shldn't.
I have yet to revise my sponsorship plans for the law firms tml.
Procrastinating.
I enjoy doing my yj alumni stuff...
Been sleeping later for the past few days, i hope i'll be able to wake up for the canvassing tml.
Random thoughts.
Had fun playing with the candles just now. Which makes me wonder if i am the one who is 12 or my younger sister. Because i was fighting with her over the candles.
I think it's tough to sit down and work, getting tougher and tougher to concentrate. Always worrying about things that aren't within my control. Don't do things that are within my control. Always go out of control, refuse to listen. Hahaah I think i properly define screwed up.
I need to cut my nails, i need to print out the proposals, i need to write my evidence in chief, i need to ... do my property law paper. i need to sit down and reorganise myself. Stop goin out till so late.
I nid to get two referrals for my volunteer program.
i need an organised life in order to be a mentor for the kids.
Yes, i nid to reorganise my life.
I wonder if i can do that tml morning, because i just want to sleep tonight.
Tonight is just like any other nights :D, i sleep, wake up tml, another day will pass me by. The slowly the week will be gone and then months.
Den i question my existence in the world, i question why am i still living and breathing, when i'm actually not doing anything that adds value. Either to the society or to my own life.
Happiness, it is not defined by my mom, neither by you, neither by any supreme being. It is defined by me, what i want out of life. Happiness = satisfaction? I don't know, i think satisfaction is a kind of happiness, it brings happiness, but not entirely. Happiness covers much more..
How do i define my life?
Have been trying to ans this question since the day C left.
I wonder have i grown up ever since he left? I think i have been regressing. Less sensible, less independent.
Hahaha
I think i shld stop doin things to hurt myself. When mr mind says don't do it, mr hand shall listen, instead of listening to the devil called mr heart. :)
Oh yeah,
liverpool v. man utd - draw 0-0
But it was a good match. Hahahah i enjoyed it, fast paced with lots of tackling! That's the way they shld play it every time!! K i don't watch soccer very much thou. hahah
i want to go to bed.
!!THGIN DOOG
!EM OT SMAERD TEEWS
...HGIS
To you:
I know it is not easy being you. I always thought you can work ur way through it as difficult as it gets. Drinking urself silly, building up a wall around you, doing the things u do, you are jus digging into it deeper and deeper. You given up on urself because u are afraid of being disappointed again and again. But when you give up on urself, you are disappointing ur frens ard you. Yeap, i'm in no position to say this, because i'm not in ur shoes, i don't know the kind of pain you go through. But i'm very sure you have enough frens, including me, who will walk you through this. If you don't wanna stand up and walk through it, then maybe i've place my bet wrongly. Take good care. I doubt i'll ever talk to you in this manner, that is provided i see you again.
"I think if you say you don't have anything for me, then it is easier for me" "Ok!.i'll say i don't have anything for you'.. any easier?"
I guess that marked the end of the episode. After a while, it just boils down to do you feel anything for me or not. That's just me, the way i work i guess. If you have any feelings for me, I don't wanna leave without a battle, even if i'll get hurt at the end of the day. Rather stupid, but still doing it. But if you have no feelings for me, tell it to me outright. No point trying to phrase it in such a way that "it is not ur fault, neither is it mine. We're just at the wrong place at the wrong time." I don't wanna to guess on my side, telling myself, it is okie, once this phrase is over for him, perhaps we'll have a chance, or that i'm willing to work it out with him.
Then i start to wonder, what kind of choice did he give me in the first place? At first i tot we lay our cards on the table, he tells me about his difficulties, i'll choose whether or not i will go through it with him. But now it seems like he told me about his difficulties, expecting i'll be sensible and leave him alone. I don't know what kind of choice is this.
Yeap, made a fool of myself, but at least i got it nice and clear. I don't see the point of salvaging my 'face', and live my life guessing everyone's thoughts. I think that's too much pain. You tell me you have difficulties, i ask u if you have any feelings for me. You guys told me that at the end of the day, there is no easier way of rejecting a person. Den why do that to me?
If i want to continue kidding myself, i can always tell myself that 'well, he din want to drag me down with him, therefore knowing what kind of choice i'll make by saying he doesn't have anything for me, he said it'
Then i must be really dumb.
Actually, i wanted to settle this face to face, instead of through the fone and sms. But he has been avoiding me since friday. I think if i had a good talk about it, it'll be settled nicely and our frenship wont be jeopadised. He said we'll meet today to talk. I doubt that'll happen aft our smses yesterday. and i don't like to leave things this way. But i guess it is not up to me, if he wants to run away like that, what can i say?
I'm pretty apologetic for causing him so much trauma at the point of time when he least needs it.
But i'm not impressed by the way he handled it.
I guess that marked the end of the episode. After a while, it just boils down to do you feel anything for me or not. That's just me, the way i work i guess. If you have any feelings for me, I don't wanna leave without a battle, even if i'll get hurt at the end of the day. Rather stupid, but still doing it. But if you have no feelings for me, tell it to me outright. No point trying to phrase it in such a way that "it is not ur fault, neither is it mine. We're just at the wrong place at the wrong time." I don't wanna to guess on my side, telling myself, it is okie, once this phrase is over for him, perhaps we'll have a chance, or that i'm willing to work it out with him.
Then i start to wonder, what kind of choice did he give me in the first place? At first i tot we lay our cards on the table, he tells me about his difficulties, i'll choose whether or not i will go through it with him. But now it seems like he told me about his difficulties, expecting i'll be sensible and leave him alone. I don't know what kind of choice is this.
Yeap, made a fool of myself, but at least i got it nice and clear. I don't see the point of salvaging my 'face', and live my life guessing everyone's thoughts. I think that's too much pain. You tell me you have difficulties, i ask u if you have any feelings for me. You guys told me that at the end of the day, there is no easier way of rejecting a person. Den why do that to me?
If i want to continue kidding myself, i can always tell myself that 'well, he din want to drag me down with him, therefore knowing what kind of choice i'll make by saying he doesn't have anything for me, he said it'
Then i must be really dumb.
Actually, i wanted to settle this face to face, instead of through the fone and sms. But he has been avoiding me since friday. I think if i had a good talk about it, it'll be settled nicely and our frenship wont be jeopadised. He said we'll meet today to talk. I doubt that'll happen aft our smses yesterday. and i don't like to leave things this way. But i guess it is not up to me, if he wants to run away like that, what can i say?
I'm pretty apologetic for causing him so much trauma at the point of time when he least needs it.
But i'm not impressed by the way he handled it.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Well, as if he saw my entry, called me just now 2 in the morning.
Beat around the bush, talk about some crap, then into The topic.
"Tell me dear, when did you start having a crush on me?"
A lot of the things he said, i am fairly aware. The biggest problem about this is that, knowing all the problems that a possible relationship with him will face very well, I happened to just started feeling something for him.
"if i've met you on a different timeline..." "But if you had seen me in a different timeline, u'd probably not feel the way u do now."
I know he doesn't want someone to go down with him, that this is a relationship probably heading towards disaster. And i'm pretty sure i don't want the kind of relationship he is looking for right now. I'm taking his word for it. there's no point i tell myself that, he is merely saying it to deter me, if i really want it he'll be nice to me. To me he is pretty frank, too frank in fact.
So by telling me how bad it is to go into a relationship with him, he then added that "At the end of the day, you are the one making that choice. But i hope u make a good choice and be happy"
I fail to see how whatever he said left me with a choice. To me, all he was saying was "hey dear, i'm indirectly rejecting you." I don't know, perhaps i'm too cynical...
When they tell me, they want me to be happy, does it mean the rational happy? Like what everyone deems normal = happy? Like i shld find someone promising to fall in love with, who loves me and get married at the end of the road and have a herd of kids? I don't know if i define that as happy. It sounds almost scary to me now HAHAHA. ;P Well, i'd say that if i wanted someone promising, i wouldn't have left my ex.. As for a fulfilling relationship, that's pretty much what he is trying to give me now... So is that an obvious choice?
What i'm trying to say is that, most of the time, my feelings lead me down the wrong road. Not to say that he is very wrong but wrong road as in probably end up disastrous.. Mind says one thing, heart says the other. If i had been rational enough, many things wont have happened. And probably wouldn't have gotten to know them. I can choose to learn from my experiences and walk away from this. I can continue to follow my small little heart and see where it leads me to. I know i'll never go out with someone whom i don't have feelings for, so does that mean i've have to wait till my heart and mind agrees? My gift is that i can see flaw in everyone that my heart fancies, so does that mean that in order to be happy, i'll stay single from now?
Perhaps i'm trying to rationalise my choice, not to say they are very strong arguments, i just think how i feel is very important. Think that's (major) part of being a girl.
The fact that he didn't bring up his fren shows that he doesn't want to make use of someone else as a shield. That's one thing that i failed to do. I like to find excuse so that i can run away from the problem, so that i don't have to face it directly. I think it is time i fight my own battles. It is little things like that that i enjoy hanging around them so much. At the end of the day, they don't judge.
I've met someone with very accomplished lives, great aim in life, full of drive. He is smart, undeniably, he is capable. But he gave up a lot just to stay there, sometimes his integrity. I used to think it was alright, in order to climb up, there are somethings you have to sacrifice, not to say i'll do it thou. But at the end of the day, will i be able to face myself if i do that? He is one person without many frens. The way he handled our relationship is very telling of his personality. He is very afraid of direct conflict, more than anything. He always try to find a way to manage it such that he has a way of 'come-back'. Pretty selfish way of doing things, but i don't blame him. I guess with his background, he has to look after himself more than anything.
They've taught me a lot about life. Before this, i'm simply an idiot when it comes to handling people. Never actually progressed after secondary school. They taught me how to handle rejection. Even when they're mean sometimes when we simply sit there and do 'people-seeing', i know they're actually very sweet guys. So nice that most of the time, they are the ones getting hurt. Behind those crude jokes, i see two sincere, tired, strong souls. If someone else had to go thru what they did, that person might have given up on himself long ago..
"what ever you do, be happy"
Hahahah if i want to be happy now, i'd quit law sch. :D but i think i've gotta look at happy in a broader sense. I always think that if i enjoy myself now and neglect my studies, i'd probably not be able to enjoy as they are when i'm their age. I was told i think too much. Happy, I don't know what will make me happy. But i know what will make me unhappy... many many.
If there's one reason why i shld not go into a relationship with him, it is the thought of hurting him at the end of it. Losing my frens, losing a good fren in him, feeling hurt about it - i guess it doesn't measure up to this.. I don't think i want to put him thru another round of heartbreak. That's probably my main concern.
I don't know if i make sense. I just feel like writing something.. pen them down to take them off my mind. (rather, type them down)
"I want to see you grow up, strong. But i also know that if you're strong girl, u'd probably not see me this way"
Guys, u simply think too lowly of urself and me.
Beat around the bush, talk about some crap, then into The topic.
"Tell me dear, when did you start having a crush on me?"
A lot of the things he said, i am fairly aware. The biggest problem about this is that, knowing all the problems that a possible relationship with him will face very well, I happened to just started feeling something for him.
"if i've met you on a different timeline..." "But if you had seen me in a different timeline, u'd probably not feel the way u do now."
I know he doesn't want someone to go down with him, that this is a relationship probably heading towards disaster. And i'm pretty sure i don't want the kind of relationship he is looking for right now. I'm taking his word for it. there's no point i tell myself that, he is merely saying it to deter me, if i really want it he'll be nice to me. To me he is pretty frank, too frank in fact.
So by telling me how bad it is to go into a relationship with him, he then added that "At the end of the day, you are the one making that choice. But i hope u make a good choice and be happy"
I fail to see how whatever he said left me with a choice. To me, all he was saying was "hey dear, i'm indirectly rejecting you." I don't know, perhaps i'm too cynical...
When they tell me, they want me to be happy, does it mean the rational happy? Like what everyone deems normal = happy? Like i shld find someone promising to fall in love with, who loves me and get married at the end of the road and have a herd of kids? I don't know if i define that as happy. It sounds almost scary to me now HAHAHA. ;P Well, i'd say that if i wanted someone promising, i wouldn't have left my ex.. As for a fulfilling relationship, that's pretty much what he is trying to give me now... So is that an obvious choice?
What i'm trying to say is that, most of the time, my feelings lead me down the wrong road. Not to say that he is very wrong but wrong road as in probably end up disastrous.. Mind says one thing, heart says the other. If i had been rational enough, many things wont have happened. And probably wouldn't have gotten to know them. I can choose to learn from my experiences and walk away from this. I can continue to follow my small little heart and see where it leads me to. I know i'll never go out with someone whom i don't have feelings for, so does that mean i've have to wait till my heart and mind agrees? My gift is that i can see flaw in everyone that my heart fancies, so does that mean that in order to be happy, i'll stay single from now?
Perhaps i'm trying to rationalise my choice, not to say they are very strong arguments, i just think how i feel is very important. Think that's (major) part of being a girl.
The fact that he didn't bring up his fren shows that he doesn't want to make use of someone else as a shield. That's one thing that i failed to do. I like to find excuse so that i can run away from the problem, so that i don't have to face it directly. I think it is time i fight my own battles. It is little things like that that i enjoy hanging around them so much. At the end of the day, they don't judge.
I've met someone with very accomplished lives, great aim in life, full of drive. He is smart, undeniably, he is capable. But he gave up a lot just to stay there, sometimes his integrity. I used to think it was alright, in order to climb up, there are somethings you have to sacrifice, not to say i'll do it thou. But at the end of the day, will i be able to face myself if i do that? He is one person without many frens. The way he handled our relationship is very telling of his personality. He is very afraid of direct conflict, more than anything. He always try to find a way to manage it such that he has a way of 'come-back'. Pretty selfish way of doing things, but i don't blame him. I guess with his background, he has to look after himself more than anything.
They've taught me a lot about life. Before this, i'm simply an idiot when it comes to handling people. Never actually progressed after secondary school. They taught me how to handle rejection. Even when they're mean sometimes when we simply sit there and do 'people-seeing', i know they're actually very sweet guys. So nice that most of the time, they are the ones getting hurt. Behind those crude jokes, i see two sincere, tired, strong souls. If someone else had to go thru what they did, that person might have given up on himself long ago..
"what ever you do, be happy"
Hahahah if i want to be happy now, i'd quit law sch. :D but i think i've gotta look at happy in a broader sense. I always think that if i enjoy myself now and neglect my studies, i'd probably not be able to enjoy as they are when i'm their age. I was told i think too much. Happy, I don't know what will make me happy. But i know what will make me unhappy... many many.
If there's one reason why i shld not go into a relationship with him, it is the thought of hurting him at the end of it. Losing my frens, losing a good fren in him, feeling hurt about it - i guess it doesn't measure up to this.. I don't think i want to put him thru another round of heartbreak. That's probably my main concern.
I don't know if i make sense. I just feel like writing something.. pen them down to take them off my mind. (rather, type them down)
"I want to see you grow up, strong. But i also know that if you're strong girl, u'd probably not see me this way"
Guys, u simply think too lowly of urself and me.
Blind - Lifehouse
I was young but I wasn't naive - I watched helpless as you turned around to leave - and still I have the pain I have to carry - a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - I would fall asleep - only in hopes of dreaming - that everything would be like it was before - but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting - they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - after all this why - would you ever wanna leave it - maybe you could not believe it - that my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you will ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - and I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go
I was young but I wasn't naive - I watched helpless as you turned around to leave - and still I have the pain I have to carry - a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - I would fall asleep - only in hopes of dreaming - that everything would be like it was before - but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting - they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - after all this why - would you ever wanna leave it - maybe you could not believe it - that my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you will ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - and I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go
Your Birthdate: May 29
Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature. You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world. You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities. The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension. This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer. You do, however, work very well with people.
Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature. You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world. You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities. The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension. This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer. You do, however, work very well with people.
i just cut my hair, did a treatment that is supposed to hydrate my hair. I guess it is pretty much the same.
Yes, cost me a bomb, moreover i bout this bottle of treatment thing.
I dun have time, yet i'm not using it wisely. I dont have money, yet i'm spending like crasy. I have alot of things to read, yet i'm not doing anything remotely like reading.
I'm even playing truant..
I find myself slacking further and further.. I dunno if i can catch up. And i don't seem to be putting in the effort to try. All the expectations i just cant be bother. Just living in my own world.
Haiz, why do i always find myself falling for someone who i can turn to in bad times. Then, i'll find that when the next bad time comes, i cannot turn to that person because he is my problem.
WTF..
Damn pissed off with myself right now.
Just feel like slapping him, budden hahah it is really no fault of his.
Well, like he told me before, if that guy isn't goin to provide u with anything u can work on, den u'll have to move on by urself.
He sounded like he'll know what to do if he was caught in the same situation, but apparently not.
I told him i had a crush on him, i tot he shld at the very least tell me he is not interested? i'm not even asking for a reason. He simply appologised for not noticing it. it may sound pretty dumb to most of you out there - the fact that he did not do anythign more is pretty evident that he is not interested. But i guess this is the way i work, just tell me you're not interested and yes, i'll be able to move on man. i tot he'll know how to handle it pretty well.. Well, i guess i was wrong.
Sigh, so much for liking matured man.
YEap, so effectively i've lost my two good frens i guess. in the sens i think i nid to take some time off them. I can't go out with one without the other.. Sigh. sometimes i think they wont feel the lost, i mean i've gone out with them too much lately, nothing much to tell him. Their conversation is .. too explicit to be written here. hahaha and most of the time i just sit there and enjoy myself. Going out with them is super fun, no pressure, dun haf to pretend. hahaha
But i guess sometimes if u make urself too available, people simply take u for granted. No point making too much effort, it is the same in relationship, the same in frenship. In the end, the more effort u put in, the more expectations, the more disappointment you'll feel.
Well, i don't know.
I know i don't like to be ignored
hahaha i really hate it. Call me spoilt, call me attention seeking.
I've got major issues with my msges being ignored.
From now gotta be more 'man'. Take the man approach cant go wrong. LOL. I mean the only way to ensure u don't feel too disappointed.
Yes with that said.
To hell with those to snub me!!!
You know who u are!
hahahaha
Evil laughter...
Regards
WR
Yes, cost me a bomb, moreover i bout this bottle of treatment thing.
I dun have time, yet i'm not using it wisely. I dont have money, yet i'm spending like crasy. I have alot of things to read, yet i'm not doing anything remotely like reading.
I'm even playing truant..
I find myself slacking further and further.. I dunno if i can catch up. And i don't seem to be putting in the effort to try. All the expectations i just cant be bother. Just living in my own world.
Haiz, why do i always find myself falling for someone who i can turn to in bad times. Then, i'll find that when the next bad time comes, i cannot turn to that person because he is my problem.
WTF..
Damn pissed off with myself right now.
Just feel like slapping him, budden hahah it is really no fault of his.
Well, like he told me before, if that guy isn't goin to provide u with anything u can work on, den u'll have to move on by urself.
He sounded like he'll know what to do if he was caught in the same situation, but apparently not.
I told him i had a crush on him, i tot he shld at the very least tell me he is not interested? i'm not even asking for a reason. He simply appologised for not noticing it. it may sound pretty dumb to most of you out there - the fact that he did not do anythign more is pretty evident that he is not interested. But i guess this is the way i work, just tell me you're not interested and yes, i'll be able to move on man. i tot he'll know how to handle it pretty well.. Well, i guess i was wrong.
Sigh, so much for liking matured man.
YEap, so effectively i've lost my two good frens i guess. in the sens i think i nid to take some time off them. I can't go out with one without the other.. Sigh. sometimes i think they wont feel the lost, i mean i've gone out with them too much lately, nothing much to tell him. Their conversation is .. too explicit to be written here. hahaha and most of the time i just sit there and enjoy myself. Going out with them is super fun, no pressure, dun haf to pretend. hahaha
But i guess sometimes if u make urself too available, people simply take u for granted. No point making too much effort, it is the same in relationship, the same in frenship. In the end, the more effort u put in, the more expectations, the more disappointment you'll feel.
Well, i don't know.
I know i don't like to be ignored
hahaha i really hate it. Call me spoilt, call me attention seeking.
I've got major issues with my msges being ignored.
From now gotta be more 'man'. Take the man approach cant go wrong. LOL. I mean the only way to ensure u don't feel too disappointed.
Yes with that said.
To hell with those to snub me!!!
You know who u are!
hahahaha
Evil laughter...
Regards
WR
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I need some discipline.
1)Reasons why i'm msging him:
I'm just lonely, bored, in need of attention.
2)Reasons why i shldn't msg him:
It is one way, impossible, stupid, irritating, and any other words that has similar meaning.
1)Reasons why i shld avoid him:
i dunwan him to be so nice to me, i nid him to get over me so that he can conc on his work.
2)Reasons why i'm not avoiding him:
I dunwan things to turn ugly, i dunno how to say no, i'm jus soft.
My life is messed up:
1) Sponsorship not coming in.
2) din see jia hui last week end
3) haven read for lecture
4) haven fin my tutorial
5) I'm missing someone that i shldn't be missing
6) I cant stop myself from doing things i shldn't be doing.
Maybe i shld be alone for a while. Alone, by myself.
I nid to do something about my life.
-W.e.R. k.-
1)Reasons why i'm msging him:
I'm just lonely, bored, in need of attention.
2)Reasons why i shldn't msg him:
It is one way, impossible, stupid, irritating, and any other words that has similar meaning.
1)Reasons why i shld avoid him:
i dunwan him to be so nice to me, i nid him to get over me so that he can conc on his work.
2)Reasons why i'm not avoiding him:
I dunwan things to turn ugly, i dunno how to say no, i'm jus soft.
My life is messed up:
1) Sponsorship not coming in.
2) din see jia hui last week end
3) haven read for lecture
4) haven fin my tutorial
5) I'm missing someone that i shldn't be missing
6) I cant stop myself from doing things i shldn't be doing.
Maybe i shld be alone for a while. Alone, by myself.
I nid to do something about my life.
-W.e.R. k.-
Monday, September 12, 2005
Pretty whinny now.
Spent my whole saturday outside.. din do much.. but i know there's so many things to complete.
my property 10day assignment starts next week, i dont have my notes ready.
Spoke to my ex yesterday, saw a fren who was sort of interested in me and listen to my crush oogle at his target. Tell me why am i feeling so drained now?
By the above, i've effectively cut myself off from my good frens and my bf. Then i remembered my nice little blog that i haven been updating. And perhaps today my blog can be my good fren and listen to me whine, as it always has been.
I really wanna laze today away... but i cant.
rah rah rah...
Mayb i shld write it down here....
Spent my whole saturday outside.. din do much.. but i know there's so many things to complete.
my property 10day assignment starts next week, i dont have my notes ready.
Spoke to my ex yesterday, saw a fren who was sort of interested in me and listen to my crush oogle at his target. Tell me why am i feeling so drained now?
By the above, i've effectively cut myself off from my good frens and my bf. Then i remembered my nice little blog that i haven been updating. And perhaps today my blog can be my good fren and listen to me whine, as it always has been.
I really wanna laze today away... but i cant.
rah rah rah...
Mayb i shld write it down here....
Wake Me Up When September Ends
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.[x3]
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.[x3]
Friday, September 09, 2005
In the library now, i've jus read an email by my ex.
Mixed feelings.
Thinking back about what happened between us, we had our good times we had our bad ones as well...
I can't help but think that whatever he is complaining about now is what he had done to me once not very long ago. As always, my stories, i tried too hard, i got sick of trying, i want to move on.
I nid to grow up and learn to be independant, hence i've gotta be alone. When i don't wanna dismiss the possibility of us again, i don't wanna give false hope to him now.
I step back, i see things that i never would have if all i thought about was being with him. I see so many things that we have to overcome and i don't see his support. I see a relationship that needs so much work, i don't see his effort.
Relationship is hard work, it is a commitment. And commitment is when u make that decision over and over again.
You and i don't need and cannot afford that right now. What i was ready to give up, i'm not sure about it right now. I'm not sure it is worth it right now.
When you say u're willing to give up ur As to be with me, i think about the time i ran after you outside the com lab, begging you to talk to me. You told me you were stressed out and relationship should be the last thing on ur mind. When the stress kicks in, our relationship cannot handle it. The commitment is lost.. I think about the time when we have criminal law paper, ur losing of temper at my house. I'm sorry i haven mention these to you before, i din think it would have made a difference.
I have to keep a distant from you, in order for you to step back, and re-evaluate our relationship. See the problems that i see, when you have an ans to them, perhaps we could get back together. It is outside of religion and outside of backgrounds. it is about character, it is about ideas, it is about expectations, it is about how we handle ourselves and situation.
Simple communication hasn't worked for us. That's why i've decided to break up. I hope we can meet people, see and experience things that will broaden our perspectives. To be able to accept each and other.
I will despise myself, if i cont to let u hold my hands now. Because i'll be toying with you. Because i respect you, i cannot bring myself to.
If you have to hate me for it now, i can only say, i've been through that, it will be harder if i gave it.
Wenrong
Mixed feelings.
Thinking back about what happened between us, we had our good times we had our bad ones as well...
I can't help but think that whatever he is complaining about now is what he had done to me once not very long ago. As always, my stories, i tried too hard, i got sick of trying, i want to move on.
I nid to grow up and learn to be independant, hence i've gotta be alone. When i don't wanna dismiss the possibility of us again, i don't wanna give false hope to him now.
I step back, i see things that i never would have if all i thought about was being with him. I see so many things that we have to overcome and i don't see his support. I see a relationship that needs so much work, i don't see his effort.
Relationship is hard work, it is a commitment. And commitment is when u make that decision over and over again.
You and i don't need and cannot afford that right now. What i was ready to give up, i'm not sure about it right now. I'm not sure it is worth it right now.
When you say u're willing to give up ur As to be with me, i think about the time i ran after you outside the com lab, begging you to talk to me. You told me you were stressed out and relationship should be the last thing on ur mind. When the stress kicks in, our relationship cannot handle it. The commitment is lost.. I think about the time when we have criminal law paper, ur losing of temper at my house. I'm sorry i haven mention these to you before, i din think it would have made a difference.
I have to keep a distant from you, in order for you to step back, and re-evaluate our relationship. See the problems that i see, when you have an ans to them, perhaps we could get back together. It is outside of religion and outside of backgrounds. it is about character, it is about ideas, it is about expectations, it is about how we handle ourselves and situation.
Simple communication hasn't worked for us. That's why i've decided to break up. I hope we can meet people, see and experience things that will broaden our perspectives. To be able to accept each and other.
I will despise myself, if i cont to let u hold my hands now. Because i'll be toying with you. Because i respect you, i cannot bring myself to.
If you have to hate me for it now, i can only say, i've been through that, it will be harder if i gave it.
Wenrong
Monday, September 05, 2005
Been a while since my last entry.
Was working hard, keeping up with the readings... den came down with a headache, or a few days of headache.. Then the cough..
I have been coughing for almost a week now, only getting worse. haha mayb i have TB or something. Headache has been haunting me as well..
hee,
but i'm fine. I mean i wont die just yet. it is better than having fever and feeling lethargic on the bed, or the ache that you exp when u have a cold.. i'm just glad it is not that bad :D
wat's more, mummy has been mixing "fa guo lang jiu" Dom with warm water for me.. Got "jiu" before bed. hahaha like some alcoholic..
Well as for my studies, trying to catch up. Things are getting more and more technical and difficult to remember.
I've been trying to decide btwn hand writing my notes or type them out.. Think i'll go with handwritten.
Hope i don't spend too much time re-writing my notes and tutorials..
LFC sponsorship is still not settled yet. I dont have 3.8 k to fork out. I just hope UOB is nice enough to fork out more than that :D
It is 3 weeks away.. please bless me
Doing all sorts of things at the wrong time.
i nid some discipline.
-tell me frankly how u feel-
WR
Was working hard, keeping up with the readings... den came down with a headache, or a few days of headache.. Then the cough..
I have been coughing for almost a week now, only getting worse. haha mayb i have TB or something. Headache has been haunting me as well..
hee,
but i'm fine. I mean i wont die just yet. it is better than having fever and feeling lethargic on the bed, or the ache that you exp when u have a cold.. i'm just glad it is not that bad :D
wat's more, mummy has been mixing "fa guo lang jiu" Dom with warm water for me.. Got "jiu" before bed. hahaha like some alcoholic..
Well as for my studies, trying to catch up. Things are getting more and more technical and difficult to remember.
I've been trying to decide btwn hand writing my notes or type them out.. Think i'll go with handwritten.
Hope i don't spend too much time re-writing my notes and tutorials..
LFC sponsorship is still not settled yet. I dont have 3.8 k to fork out. I just hope UOB is nice enough to fork out more than that :D
It is 3 weeks away.. please bless me
Doing all sorts of things at the wrong time.
i nid some discipline.
-tell me frankly how u feel-
WR
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
To waste a man's existence in worrying about the future, in grieving over the past, in idleness or in heedlessness, is to show his lack of fitness for the noble place that he holds as the best of earthly creatures. He will thus create bad karma which will religate him to a place befitting his unworthiness. Bear this in mind and do good while life lasts. By wasting ur time, your harm not only urself but also others, for ur time is as much others' as it is yours.
The secret of happy, successful living is to do what needs to be done now, and not worry about the past or the future. We cannot reshape the past, nor can we anticipate everything in the future. There is but one moment of time over which we have some conscious control and that is the present.
Many people jus worry about the future. They have to learn to adjust themselves to the circumstances. Whatever castles they may build in the air, whatever dreams they may have, they must always remember that they are living in this world of constant friction and change.
"There are no stars which we could trust,
There is no guiding light,
And we know that we must
BE GOOD, BE JUST, BE RIGHT."
The secret of happy, successful living is to do what needs to be done now, and not worry about the past or the future. We cannot reshape the past, nor can we anticipate everything in the future. There is but one moment of time over which we have some conscious control and that is the present.
Many people jus worry about the future. They have to learn to adjust themselves to the circumstances. Whatever castles they may build in the air, whatever dreams they may have, they must always remember that they are living in this world of constant friction and change.
"There are no stars which we could trust,
There is no guiding light,
And we know that we must
BE GOOD, BE JUST, BE RIGHT."
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL - lifehouse
if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my wayI tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from thissick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeahsick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my wayI tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from thissick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeahsick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
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