qt pissed off now.
some idert testing my patience by questioning my integrity.
freaking a*sh*le

yawnn... i jus ate something, so dun think it's rite i go sleep now..
BUT I GOTTA WAKE UP AT LIKE 8?
sigh
matriculation tml..
bahzz

i've done up my table!!!
got really nice pictures and a black board (literaly, a black mounting board) behind! hahaha i think it's super nice...
but will definitely becomes messy once i start sch..

i'll officially be an undergraduate tml....
think it means alot to me..
it shld haf been.
now it all means nuthing..
not anymore..

had a really weird dream in de afternoon! think it's becos i've been sleeping too much.. it's really scary and messed up till i dunnoe wat to make of it.. hahaha but it's qt funny, and qt real. *brrrr*

wearing my spectacles after like.. a mth plus plus?
really not used to it. hahaha having a migraine now.

my og mate called to ask wat to bring tomorrow. haha i never knew i've gotten to de stage of being de "nerdy" kind.. that pple call to ask wat to bring for sch. i tot i used to be those calling others last min to get ready my stuff... de interesting thing is, i actually know wat to bring ! ahahah that's a real change for me..

another week of orientation nez week.. so not so bad, think still can slack for another week... and noe pple all over again.. rather tiring.. entertaining pple. *sigh*

was reading my textbk.. singapore legal system first chapter.. defining national legal system, legal tradition and legal culture.. i was like.. wat de ? de guy says legal culture and legal tradition can be difficult to differentiate and yada yada yada... oh no.. looks like a damn long semester to me..

yeah i think i can go sleep le.. gd nite everyone.

sigh
cheers
wr

hahaha
wanted to meet niang niang today.. but end up i had to leave too early, so she decided to meet some other day.
anyhow>> went shopping alone for stuff to put on my table, including 2 foto frames and wanted to get a clock, but de clocks in town too damn ex.. not worthy it..
so yeah. asked my mum to get me one of those from market. hahah more economical..
yeap, got a really nice gift box to keep my precious stuff as well. *grinz*

hmmm den went to help my parents at de stall le...
rather sleepy.

my foot is still hurting, and now even my knee is starting to hurt..
geesh.. i'm starting to panic. cos haf a overnite cycling on friday..
;p Oh NO!
den seems like i cant stand too long..

it's all,
u're my sun shine aft de rain
u're de cure against my fear and my pain
cos i'm losing my mind when u're not ard
it's all
it's all becos of u
 
baby i
really noe by now
since we met that day
u showed me de way
i felt it den u gave me love i cant describe
how much i feel for u
 
*
 
honestly
could it be u and me
like it was before
neither less or more
cos when i close my eyes at nite
i realise that no one else
could take ur place
 
i still can feel
and it's so real
when u're touching me
kisses endlessly..
 
*
 
if i knew how to tell u
wat's on my mind
make u understand
den i'll always be there
right by ur side
 
u're my sunshine after de rain
u're de cure against my fear and my pain
cos i'm losing my mind
when u're not ard
it's all
it's all becos of u

*yawns*
i'm sleepy~

hahaha
oh yeah was on my leg yeah?
getting crippled liao.. cant get down stairs properly as well
wat de heck.

means i cant go jog.
means i'll cont growing fat
OH NO!
disastrous...

starting sch on monday~
not really looking forward to it cos mondays end at 730.. geesh i think there's some hidden clause somewhere and some students will go home earlier, including me...

sigh
too sleepy
i'm goin off~!!
haf fun pple.
:p

i'm super sleepy now~!!!
been lydat since de afternoon...
anyway>> had qt a boring day
packed my cupboards threw another bag of stuff out (plus de other day, i threw out 3 bags altogether)
and stuff my textbks into my cupboard and packed my drawers~
grinz

hmm den brought my sister to her piano exam...
spent half an hour sitting at delifrance reading newspaper..
rather fun lah
but if onli i had more time to finish reading it.

erm other than that i was watching tv and playing some msn game..
really really not productive today
which i planned to use it for reading my texts.
oops
hahaha

anyway i think i wanna go sleep or like conc on trying to interpret my fren's and his ex's conversation.
it's really taxing on de brain manz

sighz
matters of de heart, i can neva understand

cheers

jus got scolded by my parents for staying out late too often...
yeap i noe i'm in de wrong...
staying out late never mean good stuff in de house.. not in any normal house...

dunnoe.. getting scolding from my dad means a whole different thing..
i dun like de disappointed look on his face.
he's really angry this time..
jus this afternoon he drove me to see de physician, now i go out in de middle of de nite to eat supper.

nothing's goin rite...
nothing at all..
sighz..
mayb it's jus me..
i chose the wrong things to do...

nothing's goin rite for me..

wr

peekaboo~!!
i'm bored....  i'm stuck at home cos i twisted my anklE!!!
watching stupid hong kong show that looks like it's shot in 1990?
hahaha

oh nooooo how am i goinn to get to ecp tml!!!! anyone? hELp?
sigh
i dun dare to go to de "die da yi sheng".... :p
wo pa pa...
think my daddy fetching me there later..
sulkzzz

yawnz

i think i can go sleep again... wait for my ma ma to come home..
lalal blog later..

:)

cheers

i jus got home, showered.
neva had i been so drunked. good thing i was in my sister's club, if not i wont noe how to get home... i think i sprain my ankle as a descended from de dance floor jus now... ouch.. anyway, had my fair share of clubbing..
got to knoe qt a number of pple at de club.. and all of them got to noe me as de "xiao mei mei"
hahaha technically yes, i'm rather young there...
try to understand, i'm typing rather ... not soberly here?
LOL..

yeah..
if i'm not sober there wil be alot of stuff dat i wanna do.. .. alot alot.
but i'll always be me.
i'll be guarded...

i had alot of baby sitters today!!! grinz.. from de waiter to de regulars.. even thou it's like de first day i'm officially noen there... it's rather interesting.. i like de warmth i get there.. rather fun.. grinz. but it's a whole new story tml, cos i'l haf to pay if i wanna drink tml yeah?
grinz btw for all ur info: it's ladies nite on thurs for siam supper club, and there's no cover charge. age limit is way above my age, by who cares...

sigh,
it's de most lonely when u're surrounded with de most pple.

i'll be another me when i wake up tml. i noe.
 cheers

wr

the question is not whether can i live without men... the question is, must they come in de form of boyfrens?
hahaha
i haf alot of guy frens. and platonic frenship btwn guys and gers do exists. unless de gers wanna be treated in a nicer way, say being send home, opening of doors, basically want guys to be nice. if not, guys and gers can be platonic frenz.

wat a song...
right here waiting by richard marx.

if i see you nez to never, how can we say forever?

oh cant u see it baby? u've got me goin crazy...

but in de end if i'm with you
i'll take de chance...

walked from bishan to amk... to buy something..
something else i came up with...
guys, i jus want to be with de best. unfortunately, there's nothing such as de best kind of guys ard. and de good ones are taken.

think it's not de best time to blog now..

 

 

took wrong train at jurong east... took towards boon lay instead, drop at chinese garden...... tot tt since i had de time and i'm there already, i walked to chinese garden... and walked ard and climb the pagoda... haha too bad de door on de top floor is locked... so can onli look out from de 7th floor...
 
rather interesting afternoon. walking ard everywhere...
being alone can be interesting too...
 
act. nuthin much.. dun really wanna go bishan tml..
damn but marina called...
 
i dunwan to wake up again..
ever again...
 
hahaha no worries, i will neva take my life. will never.
grinz
 
cheers.
 

hmmmmm nothin much to write today...
went to cwp and walk ard.. din find wat i was looking for.
 
yawnz. read one and a half book.. din get my bks from de ger, cos tenny said he'll find some1 else to sell de bks to me... 365 is too much... :p
 
hahaha totally braindead, i haf no idea how am i going back to sch in this state of mind.. must be all de alcohol and late nites. i'm becoming retarded. so it's true that alcohol retard growth and stuff lydat.
=p
 
anyway on my way to cwp, chat with an indian old man. rather interesting. he was eating tobacco (or so he claims, i wonder how pple eat tobacco like sweets) in order to stop smoking...*rather contradicting* hahaha but anyway, it's always interesting to talk to strangers. de things dey tell u...
 
dun really haf much to blog about.. afraid i might bore u all to death. tt's if anyone's reading
 
life's getting too mundane!!!!! nothing can spice it up i guess. it's so damn boring... becos it's peaceful.. see, pple are neva contented with wat they haf...  
where's my darling brother??? sigh.. din see him online today.
 
oh no.. de bks are giving me headache!!!!!!
 
damn.. decisions...
shld i jus take de set that is more complete?
call de ger tml...
3 bks in de list plus 2 not on de list cost 130... i got 7 more to buy!!!
tt's way way way offfff budget i think... or issit? geesh. damn it. i haven yet to see de state de bks are in !
i'm goin to faint
 
damn!
 
 

zouk is officially off my list of clubbing places.
twice i went, twice bad exp... PACKED with pple, impossible to move ard. de 45 mins i was there, was spent TRYING to move arnd and LOOKing for pple. how fun is that? wat were they thinking when they say it's goin to be happening? happening cos u can walk ard and say "OH HI! u're here! it's so happening huh? i saw XXX jus now near de bar. oh yeah, see u ard later huh..."
hell.

i'm sorry.
qt pissed with de place.

a song on class 95 jus saved de pissed off day....
A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!
grinz. sweet, walt-disney, fairy-airy.. song...
i wanna be young again, young and naive again...
believe in happily ever after...
believe that everyone is nice...
nothing much to do except fall in love.

met kaiwei for dinner jus now... talked about wat happened in our lives lately...

i dun feel like bloggin today..

cheers.

wr

i regret not treasuring the little moments and seconds i had.
but ... yeah.. we shld neva regret... nothing is worth regreting remember..

k get back to business...
yeap.. my eye is more or less back to normal.
did i mention i dyed my hair...
well..

class 95 says lemon can be spermicide
hahaha from aust ...
20% solution destroy 90% of hiv something
hahahaha out of point.

yeah.. it's difficult to conc when u're listening to de radio...

wahhh now it's even better... my sister brought usher cd back..
i dunnid to sleep liao!!!!
WHAHAHAH
super nice..
i cant blog at all!!!!!

well, almost everyone has gone off...
and i haf to wake up by 930 tml.. act earlier, wanna go joggin...
k now everyone has gone off le.

in de middle of de nite, when everyone's asleep, when u're alone, what is it that is in ur mind?
who is that person ur heart misses?
calling out for?

i've made so many plans for de rest of de week...
de rest of de year..
de rest of my life..
but how sure am i dat i'll live till dat day? dat moment? dat second?
i'm not sure at all..
how sure am i dat i'll want to do dat in dat moment in dat second?
i'm not sure at all..

we make plans for tomorrow, de day after tomorrow and there after...
haf we ever tot that if we neva treasure this moment, this second then there'll never be a tomorrow, becos all the tomorrows dat we talk about.. is made up of many this moments, this seconds.

tomorrow will never come if we neva treasure all de little this moment and this second...

-=je t'aime beaucoup. if tomorrow neva come, i left with love in my heart.i want to know de last words i said is of love for you and not hate. like i always said...=-

treasure.
if you haf someone whom u love and loves you.
to have someone like dat is difficult, to MEEt someone like dat is even more difficult.

cheers.
wr
0006hrs
140704

grinz..
love songs on class 95...

there's a hero
if you look inside ur heart
u dun haf to be afraid of wat u are
there's an ans.
if you reach into ur soul
and de sorror tat you know
will melt away

and den hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and u cast ur fear aside
u noe u can survive
when u feel ur hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and u'll finally see de truth
that a hero lies in u

its a long road
and u feel alone...


you can find love
if you search within urself
and that emptiness ur feel
will disappear


hold on
there'll be a tomolo
in time
you'll find a way...

i'll find my way.
grinz.


shld haf seen it coming
shld haf read de signs
anyway
i guessed its over

cant believe tt i'm de fool again
i tot this will never end
how was i to noe
u nver told me
cant believe tt i'm de fool again
and i who tot u were my fren
how was i to noe
u never told me

baby
u shld haf called me
when u were lonely
when u nided me to be there
sadly u neva gave me
too many chances to show u how much i care

shld have seen it coming
shld haf read de signs
anyway....
i guess it's over...

wah.. real test of my typing skills... FUN
wahhahaha

-=if you live another 50 years, i want to live another 50 years and a day... no day will pass without me loving ya.=-

heard alot these few days.
talked alot these few days.
ran ard alot these few days.

i'm losing myself.
frankly speaking, i really dun't noe who am i now.
this is not a stunt to get attention.

i'm starting to shock myself with things i say, with things i do, with whom i've become sometimes...
pple start to tell me who they think i am and i'm like.."was i?" "am i lydat"
i dunnoe...
i'm really wondering wat is happening..
and who am i now?
wat am i looking for?
what do i want now?
i'm filled with questions that i dunnoe how to ans...
how was i like?
can i go back to who i was?

think i'm really goin into a bad case of identity crisis...
or is this de result of not getting enough sleep..

sometimes somethings i say comes out so fast it shock me.
sometimes de day before i'm all down and out and de nez day i'm alright.. trying to make pple feel betta..
one min i talk about appreciatin my family, nez min i realise i'm not spending enough time at home...
one moment i'm talking bout staying single, nez min i find myself feeling so alone.. so afraid to be alone...

i really cant define myself now..

or are all these definitions of me?

or are these very bad pms that i'm experience...

i hear so many things, gif very cynical comments.
was i like daT?

yet i haf pple telling me i look chirpy, happy, fairy-airy...
hahah from my og.

btw>> i dun think it's cool to be cynical and negative. so... yah...

god only noes wat happened.

-=u saw the angel in me, carved it out and set it free=-

i'm learning how to fly with the wings u gave me... de day i can fly is the day i'll fly back to u...

cheers

wr

well well..
hafta make a report of how my 08/07 went.
here goes...
let me see...

had my og outing yesterday morning... was late meeting colleen to take zy car to ecp...hahah as usual? paiseh paiseh... but zy said somthing about it drizzling, so no point they go first anyway.. so ended up waiting for me.. de rain saved de dayyyyy.. in a way...

cycle in de rain... .. feel rather dumb lah.. go all de way to ecp to get drenched and an aching buttock.. hahaha they haf a queer definition of enjoyment.. budden had my fair share of fun listening to their 'jokes' and stuff.. hahaha

was ferried by zy to parkway, really thankful to haf someone who drives and has a car in de og... haha and really owe it to him, if not we'll all haf to cycle in de rain to parkway and back to return the bicycles...

ate sushi at parkway.
was effectively ignore on sms. started to feel damn low and pissed off. feel damn bad towards my og.. had to leave early and summore wasn't really myself at sakae.. so.. i'm sorry guys..

anyway, took a bus from parkway to tampines and then to yishun to change to cab to yj... to be late for de meeting... looked at pictures, see de video, teared alittle and den .. alot of stuff happen. at least in my mind there was alot of things goin on at the same time. was really down yesterday and god noes why.
talked to ma ma.. felt much much betta.

i dunnoe wat to say le.
cont tml...

cheers
wr

yawnz...
went sentosa today.. suppose to meet niang niang at 11, end up i reached there at like 1130 (late as usual) ahaha and she reached there like 1200!!! expected. LOL
talked alot... mostly bout myself.. hai.. really feel bad.. everytime we go out i'm always yakatee yaking about myself.. but.. bleai.. hahah she never stop me and when i realise it it's like too late le ba... k k.. mus make a mental note to curb myself nez time i see her...

den came home to sleep.. beauty sleep.. hahah seems like i can neva get enough sleep nowadays.. everyday fall into deep sleep.. anytime.. den always wake up with a headache.. wonder why's dat...

yawnz...

tml is a busy busy day!!!!
goin ecp in de morning!!!!! with my og!
grinz
dennnn... goin sch pass bert tutorial and to collect the hugs dat my darling brother owe me! hahaha.. den goin tuition.. den goin ms at nite!!!... wat an eventful day...

friday hafta go med check up and tuition in de evening...
sat... hmmmm somethings on but i cant rem what

anyhow.. rather busy... HOPE I CONT TO BE SO BUSY!!!!
i like to be busy!!
hahahah

and i feel i'm growin old..
sob sob.. i'm 19 and i feel old.. wat de hell
wahhahaha
shldn't stay out late so often le..

hmmm let me think of sumthing more intellectual to talk about...
oh yah... yesterday my mum told me not to stand too near de curb while waiting for bus or public transport. one indian or malay guy rides a bicycle and goes ard groping pple's breast and gets away on de bicycle.... how sick is that? wat's de world coming to?!?! haha wat's de fun in groping others breast? i dun see it ba.. or maybe i shldn't in de first place...

well.. was on de topic of chinese losing it's value in sg, again, with my aunt.. brought up de example of a fren of mine, who went for the teaching scholarship but ended up taking the teaching award jus cos she was majoring chinese in uni.. one reason could be there's less emphasis on chinese now in sg, another is that they could get teachers from china and taiwan at cheaper rate and not haf to pay for their education...

i'm totally disgusted at the tot of wat all these implies. on one hand they say "we're not tryin to play down de importance of chinese, jus hope that students are taking it out of interest and passion..." on the other hand they gif scholars with good grades and cca records the less prestigious award jus becos she's taking chinese. wat is this? hypocrisy is an understatement man... i mean i really feel for those who are really passionate about their mother tongue, becos they are not getting their due recognition! this elitist society is still rather bias against the minority of eng speaking upper class. seems like everything has a price tag stuck to it. if there's no value in learning mother tongue, we'll minimise our resources dedicated to it, cos the rate of return is not as high as other subjects... this is how cruel reality is ba... everything is about value, about returns, about potential...

sigh.

jus got reminded of him.
damn.
and i tried so hard to put him out of my mind today.

hate this.
but i noe i can do it.
i can do it betta than anyone else.
i'm gonna prove my self worth.
to myself, to everyone that cares for me.
i can walk out of this myself....

when there's light, there's shadows.
when there's happiness, there's sadness.
when there's love, there's hatred.

duality to everything..
yin and yang...

hahah priory of sions?
shit. i'm too into it...

cheers.

well... really feel like blogging tonite... so let me haf my share of writing...

siok told me i'd be betta off hating him.. i think it's a whole lot easier for me as well...i'm sure it doesn't hurt as much as before le. i noe everything will get better from here...
siok mentioned wat i lack is a proper closure... i'm not sure if i'm ready for it... a final gdbye. a final end to everything. thou we all noe nothing will be possible anymore... put an end to it... return him all his things... and to haf nothing to do with him or he'll haf nothing to do with me anymore...

i'm not as strong as i tot i was.

je m'ennuie de lui
je m'ennuie de lui beaucoup davantage qu'I pensé je
je t'aime beaucoup...
si seulement vous lisiez ceci...
je veux juste vous dire...
"avez été absent vous depuis le jour vous à gauche. avec chaque battement de coeur et chaque pensée qui croise mon esprit."

i miss him....

lalalalal
went back to sch today to celebrate my didi's bday!!!
hahahah was quite an awkward surprise, din really work out the way it was suppose to be....

saw ma ma...
she was wearing the top i gave her!!!!
hahaha so happy!!! dunnoe jus feels good to see her..
althou we did not talk alot, or told each other alot, jus feels close to her.. something i dun really understand ba.. maybe i noe her much more than it seems..

anyway, mrs george was jealous!!! haha cos i bot mama a shirt but din get her anything.. oops... hahaha

din really haf much to do in sch.. except catching up with old fren, literally, cos it's de drink stall unker... dunno, make it a pt to find him everytime i go back. i think i'm closer to him than any other person in the sch.. jus feels like talking to my dad... when he tells me to take care of myself, dun get a bf so early and study hard and stuff lydat... somehow i feel easier to relate to him than to any of my teachers... LOL... perhaps deep down inside btwn me and my teachers, we'll always think that aft sometime, i'll stop visiting the sch and forget all about than.. in simpler terms, relations turn cold, and the students forget about their teachers and everyone moves on... how cynical. how cold. how adult...

wonder how i'll turn out to be when i'm one of them...

was with siok de whole morning. we talked alot... more than i've talked to all of them altogether since beginning of the year... never expect myself to lose track of time talking to anyone of them actually... talked about almost everything, frens family perspective of life... realise that i really dun wanna grow up... growin up means losing frens, becoming cold and cynical... and more burden to shoulder, more emotional burden... u get hurt but there's no one to go to.. becos u're an adult u shld be able to handle it... u let go of things more easily, see everything more lightly... the things u treasure are more realistic and tangible...

i'm afraid of growing up...

but it's inevitable.

u put up a brave front even when u feel sad... becos u're not suppose to let others see de weaker side of u.. u start to backstab, form alliance against each other... u start to do everything u can to earn more money, to sustain a so called comfortable life style...

u haf to be sensible.

u learn to let go of the love that u claim u'll protect for the rest of ur life.
u learn that there are other more impt things in life than the person u claim to love.
u learn that in life, many things are not within ur control.
u learn that in life, nothing's fair.
u learn that no matter how bad u feel, time heals all wounds.

hhahah ...

i saw an old fren of ours today
she asked about you
i din qt know what to say
heard u've been making more rounds round here
while i've been trying to make tears disappear...

chorus:
now i'm almost over you.
i'm almost shld feel good
so when u come back ard aft painting the town
u'd see i'm almost over you...

u're such a sly one with ur cold cold heart
maybe leaving came easy
but it torn me apart
time heals all wounds they say
and i shld know..
cos it seems like forever
but i'm letting you go....

(chorus)

i can forgive you and soon i'll forget all my shattered dreams
altho u left me with nothing to show
all our misery...

(chorus)

when u come back ard aft painting the town
u'd see i'm almost over you...

angel of mine

when i first saw you
i already knew
there was somthing inside you
something i tot i'll never find.
angel of mine...

i look at u
looking at me
now i know why they say the best things are free
gonna love you till de end of time
angel of mine...

wat u mean to me you'll never know
deep inside i nid to show

you came into my life
sent from above
came out of my dreams such a perfect love
and i'll adore u till de end of time
angel of mine...

nothing means more to me than wat we share
no one in this whole world can ever compare
.....
angel of mine...

wat u mean to me u'll never know
deep inside i nid to show...

you came into my life
sent from above
came out of my dreams such a perfect love
and i'll adore u till de end of time
angel of mine...

i never knew i could feel each moment as if it was new
every breathe i take
bow that i make
i wanna share it with you...

when i first saw u
i already knew
there was something inside of you
something i tot i'll never find..
angel of mine......

i miss him.

my mind fails to block that tot out of my mind as much as i try..
dunwan to appear like i'm whining.. so yah. shall stop here...

anyway>> had an interesting day of giving tuition, yet again.
i qt enjoy running from place to place, facing a diff student for one and half hours. knowing by de end of another 8 sessions i can get some money to spend. haha at least the time spent is worthwhile to me.. rather than goin for movie, doin nothing at home.. facing the computer and typing a blog, like what i'm doin right now....

hahah.. k. sudden change of mood.
think it's pms.

yawns
all alone at home
fun
think i seriously shld learn to enjoy time spent alone..
borrow 3 books from lib... one about bio-ethics.. hahaha wat's happening to me?
hummmm....

like there's no nice songs on de radio...

oh yeah.. read some back dated news about missing chinese tourists here in sg... and lesser local tour agency wanna lias with the chinese tour agency to tour the chinese ard, due to the forfeiting of the 1000 deposit for each chinese tourist that go missing.. and local tour agencies are facing a dilemma rite now... haha and chinese tour agencies and threatening to go to other agencies if they refuse to let the whole lot come over... hmm talk about arrogance... how can we ever be compare with pple from where our ancestors came from? they are after all, pple of the purest breed.

hahaha got scandal!!!!
haizz that's de thing about sch that i miss.. but dun wanna be part of the scandal .. but listening to them is jus damn fun...

sigh.. depending on such things to make my life interesting...
sigh.. talk about pathetic.

yupz. haf u ever love someone so much, it hurts?
yupZ
hahaha

funny.

all u nid is love... all u nid is love, love... love is all ard...
yup i'm sure.

oh no.. suddenly feel like eating prata!
wat de heck..
hahaha

class 95 is on a topic of discussion bout pple who cant be trusted due to past relationships... hahah or perhaps cant trust others due to past exp... jaded? interesting topic... nice song... sigh...

i dont wanna live w/o you
nothing's gonna change my love for u
u ought to noe by now how much i love you
one thing u can be sure of
i'll never ask for more than your love...

i'm sure wateva two pple say while in a relationship is as true as anything... but it was jus for that moment in time....those words have expiry dates attached to them. de day when he meets someone else, de day he leaves, de day he thinks the relationship is not wat he is looking for, is the day when all those words suddenly becoms meaningless. and haf no effect after that.

sound cynical? but works for me.. sounds logical. at least i believe wat was said was ONCE true.. jus that they gradually become lies...

anyway... too much said for a day.

gotta go back to my lively, chirpy, i-love-life-too-much and family oriented self now...

starting to feel like a schizo...

cheers

in de arms of the angels.
fly away from here.
from the star .. hotel room
and the endlessness that u feel.

nothing to blog bout..

starting to become a walking negative as well..
i'm starting to scare myself with de kinds of tots crossing my mind...

yawnZ

jus wish that sch starts soon and everything will be too damn buzy to think about anything

grinz

signing off
take care

hmmm...
totally brain dead now.
tired...
totally exhausted...
sigh...
had qt a bad day actually..
tiring and sad day
somehow my tots went ard him.us.
starting to really.. find the whole thing a damn joke.
a big joke played on me by him..
or de big guy above.

hahaha
it's really really bad...
dun dare go back .. dunwan to see anything that reminds me of him... but i still hafta return him his stuff.. i wonder how?
hahaha anyway he din ask for anything back...
sigh...
i'm starting to hate him... really really not good...
cos hate means i still feel for him.
sigh...
and happen that he's doin really well w'o me..
he might even be happily attached/engaged right now..
hahaha no idea wats happening to me now

trying really hard to put everything behind me... but even a guy who jus met me say he can feel that i still love him alot...
wat de hell.

but i noe i'm doin fine
grinz
very very buzy lately
dun even haf time to sleep, and enjoy my very very warm bed... sigh.
hahaha i love that feeling of running ard being buzy...
busy over nothing...

i'm lost.

feels stupid.

yawnz.

maybe all these results from lack of sleep...

when sch reopen everything shall be fine!
grinz

i will survive!!!!

mistakes that dun kill u, will only make u stronger..
i'm growing stronger, becoming more matured and love life more and more by de min.

i will survive...

sighz...

heh heh...
damn long no blog..
dun think anyone still reading
anyway write for fun .. anyway free now..

jus came back from law camp~
qt fun.. but alot of waiting.. and i mean ALOT...
rather brain dead now...
din sleep last nite
hahaha

1st day, waiting + ice breakers. introduce us to our secret pal, everyone says its an initiative by SDU.. my first exp with SDU....

2nd day, tele matches... lose like hell in de morning. forfeit till siao... but that's for the morning one.. got damn dirty. but fun! hahaha afternoon games nid to use brain... den we got our winning streak back.. thrash all de other ogs~! but they din haf to do forfeit.. started to think there's conspiracy agains my og... hmmmm

3rd day.. water tele.. went to SRC swimming pool.. hahaha i din play lah.. cos damn deep.. 1.7 eh. i'll jus drown. even thou i noe how to swim..
out of four stations my grp onli did 3, including one played with the councillors... cos one og walk over, no one brought swim wear.. (i'm sure...) so i was there purely to play with water onli.. hahaha got float summore damn fun.
had amazing race aft the water tele.. went ard town. nearly dieded there. and found out that our student pass expire le!!! sob sob.. i jus top up leh. wat the hell...den de stupid race qt dumb leh.. cos until the end all de station masters sian diao liao... den not much forfeit. we also sian diao.. last stage we go even betta, ask us to hurry up cos they wanna go eat dinner one.. ~~`
den at nite was blind folded and brought ard nus. tHis iS SUpeR FUN!!!! hahaha also alot of waiting but really pays off lah. some one will lead us by voice, w/o body contact, ard.. up the stairs, turn here and there. den had stations and things to do blind folded.. like de swing, slide, barrel thingy.. my fave is de lorry!!!!! grinz. blind folded to go on de lorry, den ermm.. dunno de driver got pass not lah, think no pass also drive betta than him. but that's de fun part lah..
hahahaha but all de gers were screaming! haha wanted to go for second time... sulkz..

4th day~ do nothing. talk crap until de formal dinner, which we were suppose to stay with our secret pal. kaoz. dun even get me started. dreading de dinner since morning.. den keep kaobeing... but anyway, had to go lah.. argh.. hate to be manipulated lydat... anyway, was damn mean, left my date there most of the time. even thou i tried talking to him, din hit off lah. den went to toilet 3 times. last time lasted for like 15 mins, till de dinner officially ended! hahahahah k.. i'm meanie.. watever..
den went to double o!!!!! hahaha super fun. shan't elaborate. den gossip till today morning... wah.. damn tiring loh.. cannot make it...

hahaha got ONE cute guy in the camp... sigh din get to get his number, always do disappearing act. wanna get his no. from my G1 G2 also cant. cos she was like, why u wan his number? even thou they all noe i think he's cute. SULKZ. shld hav talked more to him yesterday... DAMN.. argh... bah... wait for rag and flag. might jus see him! hiak hiak hiakzz

my grp pple qt fun lah.. qt onz also. ask them do what den do wat one.. hahaha damn cute la some.. den in de grp i damn zho bo. my onli job is to create noise. =p
as usual rite? yah loh.. not clever enough, action also not fast enough.. only de mouth keep exercising.. hahaha hope they found it entertaining lah..

sian. i wan de cute guy's number... anyone?
argh.

got to go for tuition le..

cheers...

our PM said on his may day rally, people who migrate cos they think the grass is greener on the other side, will look back and regret...
seems like there's alot of pple leaving singapore, in hope of a betta future, a more condusive environment for children etc...

personally, i have never tot of migrating to other countries. firstly cos i dun have the means haha. secondly, i believe that there are still some good left in singapore worthy for me to stay, that outweighs the dislikes i have of singapore... but aft last week.. i tot probably i was wrong...

the reason why i neva tot of moving to other countries is because i had feeling for singapore. it is a place i grew up in, and still growing in. my love ones are here, i became who i am here, it has got most efficient pple ard, it is clean, has got good food. it's all de emotional stuff...

however the things that i dislike seems such a long list now... from the nan chiau high principal incident, made me realised that the system that we tot was good is crumbling from within. there is even talk about teachers not to scold student too harshly nowadays because too many children (i consider the teens nowadays as children becos of their imaturity) are commiting suicide...

so are we expecting the students to have self-discipline since they were babies, from parents who only spend less than 10 hours with the children each day?? even the most un-educated noes that without military force (including the police), the government cannot work, the laws in a country cannot function. so may i know how is a teacher suppose to work without at least the most basic punishments such as scolding and canning? i'm not suggesting canning for anything and everything that the students does wrong, but i trust the teachers to make that choice if i'm sending my children to sch for them to educated because i happen to believe in the long forgotten saying 'spare the rod and spoil the child'.

if it is strict rule abiding people that our education system needs and looking out for den i shld assume the interviews for teaching scholarship is asking the applicant to memorise a thick MOE rule book, and then test them at the interview on how much they can rem, taking in those that can memorise the most. why bother to ask pple what views they have of education, what they plan to do for the system and see if they have the leadership qualities. i see no relevance of the questions to the kind of pple they nid!

i tot during the FTA talk, there was talk about negative listing of rules, only say what is not suppose to be done, the rest by default can be done. why isn't this applied in most situations?

i believe that education is not jus about academic results. it is about teaching them self-discipline, what can be done and what ought not to be done. if parents are so worried that their children are bullied in sch by teachers, or teachers punishing their precious kids wrongly or too harshly. i suggest to these parents to teach their own children at home. i have seen cases of parents not being able to take their children in hand, if they still refuse to stop over protecting their children while they are in school, what is goin to become of these children?

it is understandable that under such high costs of living environment in singapore, most families need to have dual income. thus less time can be spent with their children. isn't this the reason why schools are keeping the students later and later jus in case they loiter ard too much and turn to bad company (as suggested by my GP teacher)? so if the children are spending more time in sch, with teachers and friends, shldn't we trust the teachers abit more if we nid them to teach our children values and discipline?

i have a fren who always tot that if one has to change the system, if one sees a flaw in a system, that change has to come from the top. thus one has to work to the top, and make the change. but lately, my fren and i found it to be untrue. when a system crumbles from within, no matter how much u feel for it, no matter how much u wish u could do something, there's no way to help. esp when u feel victimised by the same flaw. in the end, these pple either leave after being too disappointed by the system or simply go with the flow, "if you cant beat them, join them" isn't it? i mourn for the system, for losing capable pple everyday, for making these pple lose hearts, for showing all the others who dream of making changes to forget about it...

at this rate, growing is out of question, being stagnant would be lucky, goin backwards is most probably what's gonna happen to our country.

i hope and pray that our leaders are goin to wake up their idea, open their eyes. if they are not goin to do something to their system to stop these dynamic pple from leaving, i hope then, they live to see how the country crumbles.

i hope it occurs to our leaders that perhaps some people are not leaving because they feel the grass is greener on the other side... perhaps it's because they dun wish to see how their beloved country continues to disintegrate...


i still love singapore.
for being my homeland.
i still think there's hope... for now..
but there's only a limit to how much a person can do and hope for...

jus recieved an email and ecard from a family fren..
news spread really fast huh?

lol, was reading my entries, wonder if i was trying to convince others i'm fine, or am i trying to convince myself?
hee heez.... ponder ponder...

' i'm looking for a place
serching for a face
is anybody here i know
cos nothings goin rite
everythings in a mess
and no one likes to be alone
is there anyone trying to find me
wont some body come take me home

is a damn cold nite,
trying to figure out this life
wont u take me by the hand take me somewhere new
i dun know who u are
but i
i'm with you...
i'm with you....

heyyy
why is everything so confusing,
mayb i'm jus out of my mind
yeah...
it's damn cold night
trying to figure out this life
wont u take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
i dun know who u are
but i
i'm with you...

take me by the hand take me somewhere new
i dun know who u are but i
i'm with u..."
avril lavigne - i'm with you.

some parts really suits me, everything's a mess
haha but dun think i nid someone to take me anywhere,
i'm fine where i am, physically and emotionally, mentally as well
i dun believe in depending on anyone now.
becos as i said, no one will be there for you forever.
i'm not tryin to be cynical, but it is a fact.
=)
lalalalallala

"....not a penny in our pocket but that's alrite now,
strumming all de guitars
all de gers say we rock it
feeling hot now
working on a sun tan we dun even try to block it
and it's hot as hell
but we dun care
cos we dun have to go no where
we're jus chilling day by day...

walk along with me
walk along with me
wont u walk with me
walk in harmony
walk along with me
walk along with me
wont u walk with me
walk in harmony

i still believe
i can FLY
i'll get higher and higher
i will be free
i will FLY
HIGHER AND HIGHER!!!!!!!!!!

higher and higher...

chilling out, having fun
tripping on de good times
hanging with the gers now in the hot sun
strumming on the guitars
acting like a rock start
mama always say baby gotta go real far

crazy life catch a ride
gotta go round the world and see de flip side
you and me
cant u see
we're everything we nid to be now now....."

hahaha
love this song..
jus makes me feel really happy...

lalalalallaal, lonely lonely nite!!!
roaming ard online!!!! hahahahha
my icq not working. wonder what de heck happened. =p

gotta download msn. wonder who can i add~?
LOL... k lah.. got to get a life mah.. so must have another way to chit chat with my new frens yah?
hmmm

thinking of what other things i can do to keep myself occupied.
i wanna go tanning tml!!!
gotta go for written test tml..
and moreover, think i gotta rush back to sch for de facilitation tml..
i think mr ng is very angry with me
=p
oh oh.. i find myself damn irritatin as well
hahaha

lalalalallal
sing a happy song...
waiting for my msn to finish downloading...
lalalallalala

first day in 4 months i am not talking to him on de phone..
hahaha.. wonder what this means.
den are we still frenz? can i still believe what he said when we broke up? when we were together?
i shld not doubt... but i cant help, from what he said, how he said it and how he is acting.

i think i'm damn dumb...
i heard de phone ring jus now while i was having my dinner nex door, and i stupidly tot it was him... so i msg him "i'm having dinner now, call u later?"
and he reply "i'm goin to sleep already, good nite. i have to wake up early tml"
hahaha
damn stupid rite?

i think i shld stop seeing me as a victim man..
it's natural wat, since we're not together, why de heck spend precious sleeping time on me? LOL..
so yah.. painful or not, sad or not , it's goin to be the way things are, the way the world works.

=p

hrm...
de interview was alrite, came out quite fast as well...
they were rather friendly, not like the other groups who said it was very drilling.... sigh i jus hope the test tml is not as tough as what they said jus now...

yeap, raining like cats and dogs now... it's been raining since this fateful monday... it was like raining for me? hahahah i mus be crasy to think of it this way...

din have any brain exercise today, was sleeping str8 aft i came home... sleeping is de best remedy for everything. cough, flu, sadness, nervousness, hahaha u name it, u've got it...

but something really happy is that i manage to get back onto the team! becos someone wanted to quit it... i thank my lucky star for coming back today... i am really thankful... but that also means i cannot take my 400 bucks back... hahah and perhaps some other things as well... but to hell, i nid to fight for what i want.

i wanna thank de expedition leaders, Mr Ng Ping Hwee and Ms Lydia Lim. and really apologise to them for causing them so much trouble. as the chinese saying goes "if someone help u alittle, u ought to help them with all u can in de future" yeap, so i hereby promise that thru out the trip, no matter what they ask me to do, i'm gonna do it well willingly... whateva it takes.

i think it's pple like this tat really brightens up life. that really inspires and encourage one to live life to de fullest, rather than wallow in self pity.. thou i'm still abit unstable now, i think i can handle things more or less le... life still has to go on yeah? the world will still go round and round... and he has already told me his mind is made up... so i gotta get a life and make it interesting. =)

yeap, my sister say i shld pick myself up.. no matter what... it scary to face the world myself, but i cannot depend on him in de first place. like my unker puts it, it's like the moon being bright only because of the sun... and i'm pretty sure i'll have a great life ahead of me, a great, exciting story that is only written by me. for me to explore with choices and everything...

it still hurts, no doubt.

but time will do its job. it's not the first time anyway.

it was beautiful. so far the most beautiful one. i'm glad it happened. i'm glad i had the chance. i'll never regret it, even thou it's really painful when u lose it.

hahaha life will have to go on.

=p

hey hey~
gotta go for interview later.. think i'll most probably flunk this one.
totally no idea
my reasons for reading law is super weak...
i dunnoe what to write damn it...

argh.
sigh...
"there she goesssss, there she goes againnnnnnnnn racing thru my brainnnnnn"

i'm in a MESS. one big mess!
wish me best of luck....
gotta go change

I MISS YOU!
MISS YOU MISS YOU MISS YOU!
but you will neva see!!!!
and will neva noe
=p


i'm a sad panda....

wr

i miss my peaceful days, this week is de most difficult for me..
i hate my life.
god, i'm losing almost everything except my family...
i rephrase that, i still have my family after losing everything...
my most precious asset now...

sigh, so i cant let them down.. no matter how tough time is, no matter how much i have to smile inspite how broken i am... becos i'm only left with them....

nid to occupy my time...

jus read de news about the principal quitting the sch to apologise for having 'beat' the female's student's head with an exercise book... apparently, the principal is very well-liked by all the other parents and students and many are pleading him to stay...

jus what is happening to the society?

i cant help but ask this qn aft reading the article. from the report, i gathered that the principal is most probably a really good principal who really ran the sch well. i ASSUME his superiors has forced him to quit with all the attention of the media on him. even if they did not make the principal leave, looking at the situation, why had they not make him stay?even with the parents pleading him to stay, i think it's most probable that he'd still have to leave, cos someone has to be the scapegoat for the incident and put a fullstop to media's probing. den time will come in to let pple forget the issue...

i'm really disappointed at how the issue is being taken care of. is this how our "forward-looking" ministry tackle issues when it involves media? is media's attention more important than a good principal? WHY ARE THEY LETTING SOMEONE CAPABLE LEAVE JUS BECAUSE THE MEDIA MADE A BIG FUSS? where are their priorities?!!!!

i believe principals are the soul of the school, as they are in-charged and decide the directions and programmes that runs in the school. they will be the ones making the plans, working with the management and teachers for the better education of the next generation. not only that, a well like principal leaving the school will only hurt the school's morale and the school has to start adapting to a new principal's style all over again.

this incident will also affect the whole system. with this incident, many students will jump at the chance to challenge their teachers, principals, hods wateva. not only will they get all the attention that kids nowadays crave for, they feel good being able to challenge the system. how many teachers and principals or wateva are goin to quit then?

moreover, learning from the incident, other educators are only goin to be FAR TOO CAREFUL with the students. if any slightest punishment has to go to the police and media, who will take up the responsibility of educating the kids? come on, parents, wake up ur idea, ur children are not a bunch of angels... they still nid some scolding and punishment. i'm not encouraging physical punishment, but some pple jus nid to learn things the hard way, isn't this reality?

what i'm most disgusted with is our forward looking ministry let capable pple leave while protecting the lousiest teachers i've ever met... (personal note) the problem of bureacracy? think it's internal diseconomies of scale man...

all i can say is, i see the system rotting from inside out.
even if u wanna help the youths today, u dunno where to start.
i'm beginning to lose faith...

adults are a bunch of contradicting iderts, who says all kinds of things to save their own asses.

i regret stepping into young-adulthood. i'm most ashamed to be called that.

i'm losing faith in the world.

reading news everyday jus reenforces that tot, feeling helpless when u see the whole world disintegrates...
i'm disgusted, utterly disgusted...

sigh.
i nid to find a religion...

i learnt something yesterday.
in fact alot of things.
too many to digest.

i only learnt yesterday that life is very very very unfair.
due to someone's angst (wonder if i spell it rite) in a blog, i was made to drop from de expedition. not given a choice, not given a chance to defend my cause, not given a chance to prove myself. i had no choice but to drop myself. jus becos someone felt too much for an issue and post it on a "self-proclaimed-not-frequent-by-many" blog. but even thou so, i cant kick a big fuss out of it. it's not an option to defend myself, it'll only make the issue snowball and get more pple involved... i cant even scold de bitch or bastard for making that comment that cost me the expedition. i cant even stand up for myself. it is that that makes all this impossible to swallow.

when pple write in their blog, knowing it is visible to the whole bloody world, why cant they jus practise abit more maturity, caution and put abit brain to it. it's not call WORLD WIDE WEB FOR NOTHING. of cos everyone is entitled to their views, but can their views be a little less extreme? causing a big hoo ha without themselves knowing it. yup, if they neva know, neva think, how would they know what they say can hav such repercussion?
but i'm jus pleading the whole wide world, all the bloggers to write with caution.

think for a sec, if you were put in my position, will u hate the person who wrote it? but i dun hate him/her for a sec, not trying to be noble, but aft reading all that he/she wrote, it's jus trying to give the world a piece of his/her mind, to make his/her thoughts known to the world. a channel for him/her to express him/herself. i have no position to hate him/her for that.

but he/she will neva noe what he/she has done. causing me so much misery, becos i'm forbidden to make known what i am being put thru because of that pathetically small paragraph.

i'm not trying to win sympathy here, but the expedition is something that i really have been looking forward to. i was prepared to work my heart out jus to make enough money to pay for it in full, when with the money i can go many other places. but it is the experience, the learning i can gain thru the expedition. people might mistake my intention, but i have a clear conscience.

u might think that if i have a clear conscience, why not continue? becos i happen to know that the world does not only evolves around me. i happen to understand that if i continue, i put others in tight position. i happen to know what repercussions will there be if i continue.

that is why i cannot allow myself to continue with my passion. i can sacrifice anything within my means to continue this passion for learning, but can i sacrifice others? is it rite to sacrifice others? years of education and i, myself, will not allow myself to do that.

that is why i am force to drop myself. and not able to defend myself. being treated more unfairly than a murderer, who has a chance to a fair trial. to be proven guilty. ME? i have to bow down to the situation, to stop the situation from getting out of hand.

perhaps i can go for other expeditions. but only i, myself, will ever understand the difference. aft knowing the expedition team for 3 wks, i really, really wish to see them thru the expedition, to see how they change from now to betta, from being ashamed to be in my alma mater, to being proud to be in it. to see a change in culture in my alma mater... to help them see a difference in themselves, that all of them still have a chance to become betta, to achieve what i failed to becos of my focus on academic results. basically to see my juniors develop as persons...

it's such a small wish, yet i'm not able to pursue it, not being able to make it come true jus because of someone's blog. because of him/her tryin to make a point, which has yet to be proven, thus costing me my place. yes, it's not even proven with evidence. and the situation is such that i have to give it up. give up something that i've been looking forward since last year dec. something i've worked so hard for. something i've been prepared to work hard for. something i see as a turning point in my life. something so small to others, yet to me, it is something i really value, and wish jus to be given the chance to complete it.

in the past, celebrities commit suicide because of rumours. jus to prove their innocence. isn't this another way of being wronged? wasn't this, when watching dramas and movies, people sympathize with those victims. WHY THEN, in reality are they putting others thru the same pain and misery of being wronged?!

anyway, as the movie 'love actually' puts it, the world is full of negative reports. we are too caught up with other people's ugly side, that we forgot the value of our good side. there are million of divorce cases happening ard de world, but have you forgotten that there are also million of pple still happily married aft 30 years. people are losing faith in humanity, becus they are desensitised by negative reports. sigh, can i blame them for seeing me in that light?

i'm trying to make a point here, i sincerely wish, hope everyone do some thinking when they wanna diss a person, a community, a country or post their views on certain issues. THERE ARE PPLE READING. and take responsibility for wat u post online. dun blame any one if you are de one getting de shit instead of others like my case. because if de shit is from you, u betta be able to get urself out of the shit.

sigh...
i really wanna go to the expedition, but even if given the chance, i cant now....

nobody's listening...
nobody will ever hear me cry for unjustice...

cheers

i think imaturity and words can really kill.
or at least hurt.

there are jus people out there that dun really grow up, or rather look at the world in different perspectives.
i've learn in my jc life that, many things may not seems rite from your point of view, but it jus is from another. it's all about perspective...
thou one person's words do not have enough impact, when a cohort of people voice the same thoughts, it can hurt someone.

this is de power of public.
it's always interesting to think about if we all tucked out our uniform at the quadrangle during assembly and refuse to barge, what can ganesh do?

it's funny,
but in a way, it can hurt really bad too.
jus imagine u are de object of discrimination by de public.
that wat u do is perfectly normal to everyone ard u but the majority.
in a society, u have to conform, to bow down to the majority...
and say that, 'i'm sorry i'm wrong' when wat u did was alright.

tyranny of the majority.

also, there are ppl who jus cant be bothered to understand others before making their comments. it's jus like seeing a couple quarrelling and immediately think it is de guy who is in de wrong.
it neva occur to these ppl that there are many different kinds of situations leading to de current one.
and the saddening thing is that, the crowd that likes to make such comments is a big group of pple...
this leads to tyranny....

sigh i dunnoe wat to say.
i feel very very helpless.
so not like me of the pass few months...

i'm goin into seclusion....
away from de public.
away from the tyranny and the ignorant crowd.
and be a coward.
i dun have de courage to stand out anymore.
this isn't pms.

screwed.

hmmm, jus got nus's letter for interview... i bet i'm de sec batch to be asked for the interview... anyway, have some homework to do now... lalallala and i'm like having headach everyday. wat kind of weather are we having? one sec it rains, the nex big sun... rah...

k.. shan't complain too much
oh yeah, did i mention i think i'm goin deaf.. my ear isn't working very well!!! arghhhh i'm dead! =p my left ear to be more specific.... oh no...
sigh....


nothing much.. nothin of substance. din't read anything at all today... a day of ignorance. let us feel blissful. it's like i dun read, den i dunnoe how bad de world is, den life is wonderful.. wat an ostrich...*digs hole*

dunnoe wat i'm talking about..
i'm hungry!!!
*dah*

hahahahha
i'm goin crazy....

cheers.
thinking is not sumthing i do at nite....

gd nite

jus went joggin with me little sister.. wahhh
tired
growing old le...
nothing much to write today.. super sleepy
*yawnz*
miss my frens...
hahaha
a few links for u all go take a look
very very dumb...

http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg002.swf
http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg003.swf
http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg001.swf
http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg004.swf
http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg006.swf
http://media1.bseven.com/flash/katong/tyg011.swf

dont do that Series...

wanna watch south park!!!
yawns
go sleep
good nite...

cheers

hey heyZzzz
oh yah. thank you to those who have been visiting my blog~
i'm really honoured
hahaha

oh yah, told my fren bout my last few entries and he suggested me to send em to the forum of TST... hemm i think not, cos i think my entries are too emotionally charged. anyway nothing of interest in the forum page today... except some students complaining de universities are not sending out letters of offer together, which makes it hard for them to decide.. goodness... even thou i'm also in a dilemma of choosing btw de course i like (physics) and the sch i like (SMU), i'm pretty sure i wanna go SMU... even thou i'm not confident of econs.. cos ultimately, i wan an education that develop me holistically, in terms of my confidence, public speaking, leadership qualities etc. not jus another place that i spend my next 4 years in. and as for no confidence in taking econs, everything will still depends on my perserverance.. sigh... but a tough life ahead man
hahahahah

haha anyway, there's this article bout china selling fake milk formula that caused the death of 9 infants... really scary the things that pple countefeit nowadays. even pirated milk?! and Mr armani on his recent visit to china actually bought a Gorgio Armani watch for US$27 hahah, however this rich guy said that "if someone copies you, its a compliment, it means that you've done it right. " this piracy industry in china is costing the chinese govt a huge amt of money annually. the chinese government is looking into heavier penalty to curb the problem.

looking at how big the piracy industry is in china, it is impossible to be dealt with by a single measure, by punishment. other than the soft social engineering method, education, i would like to suggest one other solution. to encourage the society to come up with their own big and small brands, instead of imitating others.
i think there is demand for such imitations is due to the fact that the products are really cheap and they look like de real ones. it is about the status and price. if chinese producers can come up with brands that can penetrate the overseas market and make it big, it will be cheap in china and they can wear it proudly.

secondly, since chinese are so patriotic as they claimed, liking things made in their country, then by all means have ur own brands of stuff and stop imitating other brands.

anyway, i believe that with their resources, if they wanna create a big brand, it's not difficult. they can make a killing jus by selling to all the nationalistic people in the country alone. btw>> i always have this idea that i can actually go ard china and collect jus one yuan from each chinese, by de end i'll be a billionaire.

oh yah, was reading a really overdue xing ming re bao (evening paper) jus now, (dun ask me why was i reading that, u dunwanna noe hahahaha) and there were actually 2 very different response to my fave topic, the pigswill incident! hahahah one was by a very famous DJ, Lin Anna, the other some anonymous person, very likely an old one. anyway, anna was talking bout giving others respect if you aspect others to respect you and that the younger generation for both countries are actually on par, when it comes to being spoilt and arrogant.(I TOTALLY AGREE) and the author with pen-name "wai wai" said something about all singaporeans being stuck up and we're jus descendants from chinese fishing and farming villages, there's really nothing to be proud of.

firstly, i wanna justify why i agree with Ms Lin on her point. China is still very strict with its one child policy due to a too massive population, it is very natural to dote on the one and only child. Moreover, it is not jus the parents doting on the child, this generation also has all of their grandparents attention. the only time they interact with other children is when they are at sch. and with so much attention on them, there is a relatively higher possibility to become more self-centred.

Personally, on my trip to China in 2002, i was arranged to stay in a foster home to understand de culture there. i had a very pleasant experience, my foster father being a doctor and my chinese fren was a very sweet, understanding, smart and mature girl. However, my frens had very different experience. seems like it was common to be rude to the parents and we had a cultural shock indeed. when all along we thought that chinese youths are suppose to be very filial. also in sg, the younger generation are being spoilt with material goods and all the attention they get from the elders. even if the parents wanna take their children in hand, the grandparents will actually cover up and protect the children. so when all you adults point fingers at the students being arrogant and spoiling the sino-singaporean relationship, please think of whether you have sent u nieces, nephews, sons and daughters big ang baos, toys, telling them they're de best in de world... yada yada yada... i agree that i might be generalising abit too much, but this is jus my experience.

anyway, as for the wai wai person, i'm sorry but i might get abit personal here. i hope i dun get to meet this person. from his point of view, singapore is small, little talent, little space for doin anything big and the weather here is too hot, and staying here too long will be boring. from this we can actually see he'smost prob is a chinese. i'm sorry our little country has failed to make u at home, this is singapore, not ur country, u see? i think we really regret to cause you so much inconvenience, so if you're so unhappy here, den why stay here? as he mentioned, many are using singapore as a springboard to make it to other countries or back to their own country to work, however, as i see it, with such attitude, where ever you land, it'll be de same all over.

i believe that if one does not see himself as inferior, others will neva be able to make them feel that they're look down upon. it's when u noe ur shortcomings that's when u think that u're inferior to others. so anywhere these ppl goes, they're bound to feel that they are being look down upon and not be able to be happy. another problem of pple with inferior complexity is that they tend to 'step' on pple in order to boost their ego, to show others that they are better. so if these pple happen to go back to their country, perhaps they'll be de arrogant and stuck up ones. they need a mindset change. Period.

we are indeed a small country, comprising of pple who are descendants of poor fishing and farming village, but today, i'm proud to say i'm a singaporean. of this small country that always strive to remain competitive. i believe its difficult to make it big here, working abroad is an option for most singaporeans, but there are also many who remain a singaporean. there are also times when i really disagree with some policy, such as our education system, but i believe the time of change has come. and no matter how difficult it is, we're goin to work thru it jus like de Sars incident. so perhaps my forefather is from China, but that doesn't mean we owe them anything.

sigh, i think i'm gonna start a new topic tml. i'm sick of tis topic. my conclusion, i only found out i'm so patriotic today. hahahahahha i love singapore! muacks and singaporean youths, let us work hard to make a betta tomorrow!!!!!!

"we are singapore, singaporeannnnnsssss...."
LOL

cheers

hMmm.. Somehow i cant really view my own blog ... so i'm sorry i cant reply all de tag board msges On the Tagboard itself..
NIang NIang: i'll reply on ur tag board. and why are u feeling like u've lost touch with the world? hmm? living in a cave ah?

Brother tonG: hey!! thankz for liking my post. anyway>> all the best to u when u go in. it's gonna be damn boring inside for u! hahahaha good luck bro!!!! hope u cont to frequent my blog ah....

LOL..
like some customer service... "qing duo duo zhi chi."

anyway>> i got into SMU econs as i asked for. now de prob is de fees... gotta check out fees and apply for loan and financial aid.. sigh.. is there any charity organization that helps poor students like me? i would really like something that works like NKF.. hahaha, with that amt of reserve i think they can send me abroad until my doctorate is done... and not jus me alone.. HMmmmm

oh yah.. my condolences to those pple who are not ard anymore or missing due to the collapse of nicole highway.. sigh.. wat a tragedy.. my sister was asking me de other day, if they continue digging for underground parking lots, tunnels, shopping mall... will de whole singapore collapse one day? technically speaking, i believe it wont happen.. but the thought of standing on hollow grounds sounds really scary...

was reading an article in the commentary section of TST (22/04) jus now.. it's about how media and government in china likes to publicise things in a way that makes their public feels that the whole world outside china is out to swindle and cheat chinese. some interesting examples are that the chinese media saying that the "junk clothes given to the fishing villages by the western countries are causing enviromental pollution" and "hollywood movies are invading the pure minds of china youths".

it is rather disturbing that such a fast developing giant still has problem letting go of the media. what kind of picture is it painting of the relationship between the world and china? perhaps i'm being overly concerned with the increasing amount of chinese tourists almost everywhere. as they leave their country, they will be able to see the picture themselves and judge the situation individually. what i am afraid is the pre-concieved perception they will have, thus treating almost everyone as enemy, out to harm them.

i cant help, after reading the article, but think about the episode of the whole "pigswill" insult. perhaps i should not take the above author's word for real, but if wat he said was really the situation, then why are we having chinese pple in singapore talking about 'free speech' ? blaming the media for sensationalisin their report? i apologise for bringing this issue up again, but it really bugs me.

i'm proud of me being a chinese. i have gone to the extend of disliking chinese who tells me they cant speak chinese. i'm from a chinese speaking family and i can say i'm proud to be one of the few surviving. perhaps i have so much to say about the many incidents of clashes btw china chinese and singaporean chinese is because i dun want chinese to be looked down upon, generally. however, from another article in commentary, the many chinese cultures that evolved around de whole world will neva be homogenous. For eg chinese singaporean has adapted to local lifestyle since our forefathers came to Nanyang. thou our values still pretty much evolve around honesty, integrity being hardworking etc.. we have diff ways of doin things, and looking at things. for eg, women in sg earn almost as much as males and it's generally accepted that women are as capable as men here.

the differences in perception btw the diff groups of chinese are bound to bring about conflicts in ideas. the solution to these conflicts is simply to understand. let us understand where they come from, understand that with the long history of china, the people are taught that they are descendants of dragons and deities, understand that as the country develops rapidly, the mindsets of the pple will change. and most importantly, understand that changing of mindsets needs time. with all that, we can only hope that they will understand us as much as we try to understand them.

the pple who insult us, they're not our enemy. but our friend. we learn to be betta, and strive to work harder.

well, i screwed my mass com interview..
rah.. but de snacks were quite nice.. got egg sandwiches and fried bun!!!
hahaha
yum yum..
could use a little snacks right now..

talk about snacks... i think i'm seriously growing fat...
as in SERIOUSLY, not de girlie thingy...
guess i'll have to start admitting i'm well over my puberty stage.. and start working out!!! again. SIGH...
come to think of it, i neva had high metabolism rate before... hahahah

hemmm
hahaha i shall come back later!!!

hey hey hey~!!!!
it's been a while~ again
hahahaha
anyway...
got mass comm interview later...
not prepared!
die...

was reading tongs blog and he was expressing his views on the china scholar scolding local youths that we're stupid and with brains full of pigswill..
well.. abit slow but yah... this is wat i gathered after reading the article.
i went to the webpage to have a look at the exchange of insults and apologies between (i assumed) students of the two countries. and saw a small article on this in our mainstream Straits Times, saying local youths should be more humble if we wan sino-singaporean relations to improve.

this is how i feel about the whole issue.
Firstly, the few chinese scholars keep harping on the fact that that was an informal webpage which allows individuals to express their views, and went on and on about free speech. Free speech, in singapore , means to express one's views without extreme emotions and creating social discort, neither can it be directed at certain race or religion. so is insulting singaporean youths considered "free speech"? even thou the webpage was an informal one, one has to be responsible to wat he/she said. a chinese saying "huo4 cong2 kou3 chu1" which means generally, conflicts begin with wat you say. by saying the webpage is informal will not excuse one from insulting and generalising the whole youth population in singapore.

secondly, they blamed the media in singapore for sensationalising things. pardon me, but i dun think they're born jus yesterday. which media does not sensationalize their reports to increase viewershipt. this is abit of generalising but everyone knows it. but if he did not make those comments, could the media have made anything out of it? moreover, as i rem, the Straits Times did not make a big thing out of it, it was only the Newpaper and the evening news. and aft reading them, they were partial and did not make any comments on the publication itself. so now our own media are not entitled to report pple of another nationality insulting us?

thirdly, we can deny that some singaporeans are lazy group workers, "complacent after achieving little things" (i quote). we, as singaporeans, meet these pple too. they are everywhere, even aft one start work, they'll meet such pple. SO LIVE WITH IT! instead of wanting the world to change for u, why not change something about urself? since u noe that these pple are lazy workers, work with someone else nez time. you are de one benefitting, isn't it? rem : the world does not change for anyone!

forthly, as my sister puts it, we have bad encounters with some chinese as well, so do we go ard and post it everywhere on the net? and slamming each and every chinese? i'm sure we dont. we learn to live with it and accept that there are bout to be a few black sheeps in the community.

fifthly, i agree with the straits times that local youths shld be more humble. and i advise local youths to wake up our idea, now that we are dissed by other pple. come' on man, are we goin to be looked down lydat? show it to them that we're not "filled with pigswill" HOWEVER, wat i dun understand is, the issue now is dat we're being dissed, and we have to be more humble ? somehow it jus reminds me of mothers beating children up when they are beaten up by other kids in sch...

sixthly, i am disappointed at some singaporeans response in the msg board there. they were childish and uncivilised that totally showed the chinese that we are what they said we are... i can only say "grow up"

and lastly, i think wat we can learn from this is to be responsible for wat we say. i think it is very important in the sense that saying things that are not processed by ur brain is goin to land u into big trouble. so much for singaporeans being the one fed by pig swill....


thats so much. i'm goin to interview, all de best to me!

Hehheh heh...
wonder if anyone read this anymore
LOL
but i'm goin to write anyhow.
hahaha

yup yupZzz
been lazing ard alot.
*looks ard*
dun really noe what am i busy with actually.
jus running here and there everyday...
and the bad news is i'm falling sick again!!!
sigh..
let's hope all de herbal tea i've been drinking works.

anyway>>
i think all my scholarship forms are in de rubbish bins now..
sigh..
gonna take loan from bank.
HATe the feeling of being in debt.
ARGH
anyway>> even if i make it to the interview, i might not make it after it.
sigh sigh sigh..
talk about no confidence in oneself.
rah...

hmmm
i think i really dunnoe what i wan to study..
my application forms for the 3 universities reflect totally different courses..
must be crasy.
which reminds me i have to pay the application fee real soon.
ARGH

oh yah. not forgetting kenna fly aeroplane by them yesterday..
initially goin to smu to pay de fees and hand up the documents.
those iderts flew me aeroplane, as usual. not like i haben done it to them. but i realised that mayb goin alone will be much much easier...
becos lately i realised that guys like to be late.
much later than me.
so i'm starting to wonder if they are putting on make up like why other gers are late.
hemmmm no offence bros!
hahahah

lalalalala...
i'm hungry
very hungry...
but noting to eat.
mayb can make a trip to macs
hahaha
miss mac breakfast.
BUT DAMN Ex..
sigh...
everything is money
step out the house only... money...
even at home u switch on the fan also cost money...
haiiiiiiiiii

oh yah.. miss bintan!
went bintan for 3 days.
hhahahaha k k call me swaku
but i neva seen such a nice beach in my life
really really blue and got waves! hahahahahha
can play body board. yeah yeah.. fun very fun
but very ex also
LOL
hahahaha

all de crap that i've been goin thru man..
anyway>> i'm single again! LOL.. wonder am i available
hahahahha
but i think i'm abit to happy to be single.
lalalalla
nah.. relationships not for me.
jus read a chn book about a few unmarried lady talking about love.
hemmm
haven really given up hope on love yet . but also not hoping much hahaha
lalalalla
life goes on~~~~
GRINZ

heh heh..
today is an important day of mylife....

not that i support using results to define one's success
but it's inevitable in singapore.

and i have proved myself worthy, to myself and all those who have looked down on me before.
more importantly, i'm glad that i have not let those who love me down, those frens who were with me thru the most difficult times.

thank you farmers, for the joy u all have brought me during our times studying together.
all de crap that we talk about...
without them, esp boss who went for econs with me as early as 8 to listen to mdm lee doin mcqs... set and bear to go back sch to study, most of de time end up talking... and de times we went over to set's house and wished our a's were over so we could really enjoy...

i missed those times.

i'm glad i've cleared this major hurdle in life....

one thing i've learnt... it's never the intelligence.. .. no matter how clever you are, you need hardwork and perserverance... i nearly gave way.. if i had not fell hard for my o's, i wouldn't be where i am today. i din want to fall again becos de pain, disappointment for me and my family was too great for me to take again...

anyhow... now that everything's settle... i can start drawing plans for future...

i'll always rem my life in yj.
the good times. the bad ones..
i've really learnt alot in yj.
thou i have been complaining about there ever since i got in, it had a major impact in my life.
thank you yj.

cheers

oh yeah...
i'm concern about something else as well...

was packing the papers in de tuition centre yesterday when a couple came, paying for tuition fees for their children.
boss: we're starting an enrichment course for children, teaching them things outside syllabus. you interested ?
mother: of co (somehow she misses her s-es and mispronouce her english words) do you have age limit?
boss: no lah. parents will decide when they want their child to start.
mother: oh that good. other places dun allow me to enrol my children. they say too young.
lady-boss: that's the thing they dun understand, it's never too young to start.
mother: yeah. they should start in kindergarden. i want to prepare them for the GEP examination in pri3.

....
my blood was boiling as i listened to their conversation.
my heart really goes out to those children who have their mondays to sundays packed, taking tuition for all their subjects, enrichment, piano, dancing drawing. believe me when i say the movies weren't exaggerating...

my boss was saying he has a class to teach pri 4 kids do algebra...
so i assume 2 years later pri 6 kids will be learning differentiation?
all for the sake of our GEP, accelerated programs, NUS school of Sci and Maths. for the prestige? to them it's to ensure a better future for their children.
but think again. a child who finished 20 years of studies in 15 or even 10 years, wat nez? will he be developed enough in other areas to ensure survival? or is his skills onli applicable to studying? did he have the time to learn how to socialise? to learn how to mingle around? to learn how to work with other people?
so what if your child noes how to do differentiation when he is 12 years old? if they're happy and passionate about learning all that is taught, i have no position to comment. but are they? or are they forced?

since tuition centres are offering such enrichment programs, and my tutor even told me this "if you teach slower than the sch, then you want tuition for wat?" which totally don't make sense to me.
TUITION, in the pass, is to help the weaker students understand what he is unable to grasp in school. IT was a complement to school.
TODAY, tuition is teaching all that the school teaches at a faster rate, and MORE than require. so today, schools are complements to tuition instead. our children go to school to socialise, to compare who has more tutors, how much are they paying and that they have already finish the syllabus in june.
So why send your children to school if you plan to give them all sorts of enrichment program . i believe those who can afford 400 a month for each subject can jolly well jus let their children take the exam without goin to school.
without goin to school, their children will have more time to schedule more lessons. now they can learn organ and piano, thou both makes no difference to me.
or are they treating the school as a child care centre, as they go work and earn more money to pay for the high tuition fees...
no wonder almost anyone with a degree and apply to be a teacher, cos nowadays, school teachers dun have to noe how to teach. parents will find tutors for their children, whether or not they need them.

no wonder everyone is becoming a tutor. it's a sunrise industry. and doubt it's setting for the next 10 years. the demand will always be great.

so i'll be looking forward to de day when a pri 6 kid can teach me how to do complicated trigo question and a sec 4 kid programming an operation system...

i jus heard someone questioned " with all the a's our jc students are getting, shouldn't we be having many einsteins and newtons in singapore?" i'm curious as well...

it's BEEN A LONG LONG LONG WHILE SINCE I UPDATED MY BLOG!!!!!
anyway it's been a while since i came online...
din really have time to come
cos de tuition centre i'm working for is opening another branch.
and the amount of papers i have to fotocopy for the new branch is.... DISGUSTINg...
it's till the point u get disgusted when u touch ppr when u get off work.
go figure.

yupz
and took up 2 tuition. both twice a week..
one pri 4 and another secondary 4.
rather taxing lately as the pri 4 ger is having her CA this week and the Sec 4 ger has tests every week.

that explains why i'm always unreachable.
and unable to come online to clear my mail and update my blog.

frankly, other than not being able to spend time with my frenz, my ever dearest farmer frenz and a couple of close frenz, i'm quite happy with my life. cos being busy makes me feel important.
more importantingly , giving tuition makes me feel that i'm helping someone else. hopefully i'm of help thou. tt's besides the point.
yupz, i enjoy being buzy. packing my day with events, it's definitely betta than lazing around at home looking at my toe nails grow.
=)

anyhow, the excitement of the news of releasing of results is wearing off. or perhaps my days are too packed to think about it. or maybe it's de assurance of the people around me. that i'm definitely goin into university, jus whether it's a good course or a bad one. seriously, i think i dun have anything to fred about, becos firstly, i dun have to worry if i'll be able to get a scholarship. as we all noe that that's somewhere near impossible. secondly, as bad as a CCC can get me into u. so frankly, everyone will tell me not to worry.
so i shld jus shut up and get on with life.
yupz, cos perhaps i'm in no position to get too happy or too sad.

life goes on.

yup yupz...

oh yeah...
just yesterday they annouce that one will only hafto take chinese exam in order to enrol into university. whether or not he passes is no longer in consideration, thou if one passes, he'll have points added to his raw score.
i really question this move that the moe is taking.
by doin this they'll onli re-enforce the idea that chinese is useless among the younger generation.
a student from hc was quoted saying the ministry should have annouce it earlier so that students could spend the time they used on chinese on other subjects.
what kind of mentality is that? i'm disgusted, even more becos she is from hc, which is suppose to emphasize on our values and roots.
you are a CHINESE and you think spending time studying the language is better off used on other subjects.
this clearly shows how distorted their thinking is already. they'd rather spend time on more pragmatic subjects.
sooner or later, we'll be telling our chinese fables in english.
and chang er will most probably get a christian name as the new generation will find it a hassle to try to pronouce her name. MARY CHANG?
apart from the economics value of mandarin, which i dun see at all when all china chinese are trying to hard to learn english. and many cases have proven that they believe that the grass is greener in the other side of the world. so much so that an oxford year 4 engineer student was able to bluff his way thru in beijing university as a lecturer for their masters students in economics. he finished 15 out of 16 chapters in a day, and he was scheduled to lecture for 3 days str8. no one questioned why he went so fast.
anyway, i digressed.
apart from the economics value of chinese, as chinese, i believe we should at the very least noe how to read, write and speak proper mandarin. personally, i'm disgusted by myself when i have to use english in between my sentences. i look down on myself, feeling like a half-breed, not here nor there. no offence. but thats how i see myself.
i was appalled when a student said that she was escalated at the news that chinese will not be taken into account for university enrolment.
and the thing is that i've never seen a malay speak to another malay in english and an indian to another in english. the pathetic singaporean chinese are the onli ones in the world, that needs the government to think of ways and means to MAKE them learn their mother tongue.
pardon me but i really think it's utterly PATHETIC.

i wonder ten years down the road, will Lianhezaobao be still around? by then, maybe liu bei and co. will also have a christian name...

hiak hiak..
i'm goin off soon!!!!
yupZzz
ermm
having fun
slacking
really bad for me..
but not for long
cos results coming out soon!!!
argh
i cant believe i onli got 1200 for my sat..
i'm angry with myself now
ARGHHHHH!!!!
to think dat i studied for it..

but wat is done cannot be undone..

yupz
so right now i jus hope i do well for a's.

sigh hope and pray..

anyhow>> my ex apologize for wat happen last time
haha
interesting
yupz
so.. i'm suppose to accept his apology
and i did.
wat is there to be sorry about anyway?
hrmmm

yup yupz
i'm goin off pretty soon

organizing a class gathering on 14th feb
let's hope most of de pple turn up!!!
*grinz*
hope it'll be fun!!!
hiakz hiakz

yup goin off now..
cheers

hrmm
dramatic turn ard for me.
~~`
no comments.

rather confused bout my life rite now.
dunno wat de heck i wanna do with it
i suddenly really miss those studying days.
at least i had stuff to do
and noe wat i'm suppose to complete everyday..
argh

completely no direction in life
and fretting over de day i'll be collecting my results.
ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

heard it'll be out de end of this month
pui

walk ard bugis today
really interesting place at nite..
think i'll explore summore tml..

anyway might go ask for a job in de restaurant tml..
*grinz*

k lah i dun have much to talk about
jus realised i'm a bitch
yup.
bloody bitch.
hate myself.
=p

take care

i'm totally crushed.
i neva tot i could actually love someone so dearly..
and i neva tot ending it can hurt so much.
not tryin to be mushy here.

lying on my bed, i felt like a carcass, waiting for vultures to devour me.
i really understand now, wat it means when ur heart aches.
wat it means to love till it hurts.

wo bu shi yi ge qing yan ai de ren.
i dun say love easily.

i hurt him.
i hurt someone that i love so muchz.
i cant believe how stupid i am.
how insensitive i can get.

i fell.. uncontrollably...
and i smashed into pieces..

no words can express how bad i feel for hurting him.
i should not have lied..
i'm willing to do a million and one things jus for him to forgive me..
i neva tot i can go so low...

yup..
i neva knew this side of me...

it hurts most when i noe i'm de one who broke his heart.
it hurts when u noe he is hurting, and u can do nothing about it.
it hurts when u think of the things we planned to do together...
it really hurts when he told me... we're still good frens...
it really hurts when things were jus so beautiful during the short time we're together...
it really hurts ... very badly...

there's a thousand and one love songs that i can really relate to now..
that i neva tot i will be so weak, so cliche..
i always tot pple feel down becos they choose to...
they're so polluted by drama serials that they think they have to cry, to stay up de whole nite, to listen to sappy love songs.. when they break up...
i was so wrong.
it'll neva hurt when u're not de one experiencing it...

i may sound silly now. to myself when i read this some other time..

je m'ennuie de lui chèrement, je t'aime beaucoup.
si seulement il peut me pardonner
si seulement nous pouvons commencer encore une fois
je le priserai
je l'aimerai avec tout mon coeur
je volonté jamais, le blesse jamais toujours encore
ceci que je jure