爱情没 take two

Posted by 廣羽三人 on Apr 8, '07 11:09 PM for everyone

（摘至星洲日報／副刊‧文：黃色小叮噹‧2006/12/02）

常常听人說，在愛情的世界里，沒有所謂的對與錯……兩個人能在一起，就是緣分；若不幸分手了，便是無緣。現在的年輕人談戀愛講究感覺。對他們而言，感覺是愛上一個人的主因，沒有感覺的愛情枯燥無味，所以不如早日分手，這樣就不會浪費彼此找尋真愛的時間了。不過，如果把愛情懸掛于真愛以及感覺之間，還真讓人摸不出他們有什麼關聯呢！無論是感覺或愛情，在無情的時間見證之下，都會有所變更。難道所謂的真愛是永遠不變的愛嗎？對一個人的感覺可以永遠保鮮嗎？當感覺一旦變淡，是不是連愛情都沒有了？而經得起考驗的愛就是真愛嗎？怎麼才算經得起考驗呢？不受誘惑、沒有第三者介入的就是經得起考驗的愛情嗎？如果甲和乙條件相同，不過因為跟甲在一起久，沒感情了，反而跟乙在一起就充滿新鮮感，是否可以因為這樣而棄舊換新呢？

很多人分手了都會說是因為性格不合、沒有感覺或其他理由。有時，听起來很明顯的只是借口，明明是因為移情別戀了──在分手後，雙方就迅速地找到了新的另一半。難道分手後就不可以再開始另一段新戀情嗎？可以，不過讓人覺得納悶的是，如果是因為性格不合或沒有感覺而分手，那為何早不分，晚不分，偏偏等到第三者出現了，就分手？當然，如果要解釋，他們的答案可以寫好幾本書。合久必分？真的是這樣嗎？沒有人可以給予正確的答案，有些人即使結婚了還是可以離婚，並且再婚的。難道婚姻真的是愛情的墳墓？是因為結婚後有束縛，不能享受棄舊換新戀情的緣故嗎？

我听過一個故事，雖然不怎麼特別，不過對我來說卻很具有教育意義：

一個擁有幸福家庭的男人，在陰差陽錯的情況之下救了一個天使，所以天使就給了他一個願望。他想了想，對天使說︰“如果生命有take 2，可以重來的話就好了。”天使答應了他，並對他說︰“你就好好享受你的人生吧！等你想要重來的時候，只要心理想我，一切就會恢復原狀了！”

那個人听了雀躍萬分，心想︰“我可以做一切我想要做的事情了。”在回家的路上，他看見了毒販，就經不起誘惑買了一些毒品來嘗試。果然，那是一種飄飄欲仙的感覺。回到家後，他立即和平日嘮叨不停的老婆離婚了，然後娶了一個年輕貌美的新老婆。再來就是儘量地又嫖又賭，放縱自己，讓自己墮落，嘗試一些以前永遠不敢做的事情。因為毒癮和賭癮常常發作，他很快就破產了，新老婆也離他而去，同時，他發現自己得了愛滋病……這時，他的前妻卻默默地回到他的身邊照顧他。他百思不解，開口問道︰“我以前那樣對你，你為什麼還要回來呢？”她默默不語，只流下兩行淚。那個人愧疚萬分，頓時大悟，從夢中醒了過來。只見天使在他身邊說道︰“你現在了解為什麼生命不可以有take 2了吧？生命之所以可貴，是因為生命不能重來啊！所以人們才會懂得珍惜身邊的一切。”

生命沒有take 2，所以大家都盡量小心翼翼地選擇自己想要的生活。因為一旦作了抉擇，就無法再回頭了……因為我們並沒有那麼幸運，遇到可以讓我們重來的天使。那愛情呢？如果愛情也沒有take 2，那大家是否會小心而且更認真地看待愛情呢？隨時代的變遷，談戀愛的年齡已經越來越年輕化，甚至連小學生也開始談戀愛了，在心智以及各方面都尚未成熟、獨立的情況下，分手的幾率當然異常的高。

為什麼會這樣？

因為愛情總是可以重來，如果對第一段感情不滿意，隨時可以結束，然後展開新的一段戀情。只要生命還沒結束，愛情就隨時可以更新。然而，若愛情沒有take 2，一個人一生只能愛一個人，可能就不會有人因感覺變淡而分手了，更不會有第三者的出現。而且也沒有人敢冒冒然地愛，不會有人為了嘗試愛情而愛，更不會有人荒謬到為了吸取更多的愛情經驗而愛。考慮清清楚楚了才愛，愛了就要全心付出，絕不回頭……這樣的想法會不會只是一種夢想？這種願望是不是很難達成？

也許在取笑之餘，大家是否能嘗試想一想，若愛情變得像生命一樣可貴，那這願望是不是就能達成了？雖然在現實世界裡，愛情隨時可以重來，然而真實的狀況是，愛情就像是一張白紙，以往的愛情記錄只要寫下了就怎麼刪也刪不掉，或許自己可以假裝忘記，但卻不可能忘記自己以及對方在愛情記錄中留下的回憶。有誰願意把傷痛的回憶留給自己的愛人呢？無可否認，對一個人感覺的確會隨時間而慢慢消逝，可是感情卻會慢慢被培養起來。之後，兩個人在一起並不只是一種習慣，而是因為感情建立了，彼此再也離不開對方了。雖說這樣的感情多數平淡如水，但細水長流卻綿綿不絕呀！當然，這種感覺，只有用心去愛的人才可以了解與體會了！

（摘至星洲日報／副刊‧文：黃色小叮噹‧2006/12/02）

...MIA till 13th April...

No idea how to start on my assignment. The outline is there, just can't seemed to sit myself down and type it out. I guess i'm having a writer's block, and i probably can blog it off.. Lack of inspiration to blog, even..

Everything happens for a reason. Any incident, any experience, any person that you come across in your life, You can learn something out of any of these, good or bad. Everyday, i look at the things occurring around me, and i just see this theme recurring. You might not realize it right now, but some time later, when something of the same vein occur, you'll see the light.

Some friends have been asking me if I'm fine after reading my blog. All I say is 'what is wrong?' I'm not trying to sound casual, to pretend nothing is happening in my life or act all mysterious about my life. Perhaps certain entries can seem a little emo, but I'm still handling it. I do have my fair share of being at a loss, but I make it a point to walk myself out of it. I may seem to be troubled by many things, but I know when to let go of certain things.
Basically, I really actually have nothing to complain about in my life. My family, albeit big and complex, is generally loving. My friends, vast and diverse, i have a few whom i hold really dear to my heart. My love, undefined, but i have my emotional support here and there. I am really very grateful to each and everyone that has been, is in my life. Really thankful that our paths crossed and eventually if we take on different routes, the memories live on.

The cynism, skeptism is slowly melting away. The anger of losing something that was dear is slowly fizzling out. She told me that it'll take another man's whole hearted love to heal me but i beg to differ. To be able to understand and accept that it happened, that somethings are just not within your control, to understand how things work in life, is the path to recovery. And of cos, much reassurance that ultimately, i'll find the one. It might sound cliche if it came from any other person, but when it came from someone who has been there, done that. From being young and innocent, to really loved and gotten hurt, then playing the field and later, found the right person, he has seen it all. Having had the same doubts that I have now, he has found the answers that I probably need to spend the next few years searching for. The meaning of having a relationship, the objectives of a marriage, the importance of having someone share your success with.

To sit me down, listen to my stories and then walk me through certain things that happened, it is really not easy. Because firstly, there aren't many whom i'll take sermons from. And secondly, it is really time consuming for something that you probably yield nothing 'cept perhaps the satisfaction of guiding a lost sheep. He is a much needed iron hand right now in my life, enough space for me to learn the ropes on my own yet the warnings come early enough for me to back off from the cliff. I can only say: xie la =)

I know when i find my place in life in the later stages, this period will really play a big part in what becomes of me. My outlook, principles all taking shape right now. Make it, or break it.

WR

清官难断家务事
because it involves emotion.. Involves a person's outlook in life... How you treat your family need to come from within. How much you do, they cannot demand. Nothing can be demarcated clearly, burdens can never be divided equally. There isn't a problem if all the kids are brought up to be selfish or selfless. But things become difficult once some are of each category... Those who give and give, and those that never stop taking, eventually some conflict will arise... and when there are conflicts, they usually cannot be solved because there are just too many elements to one single problem.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to the individual. When you give, don't expect anything in return. Any expectations often turn into disappointment. You tend to expect more from the ones you love the most, and therein lies the danger of disappointment. Therein lies the difference between a mother's love and any other kind of love you can find. Because disappointment can take away those other kinds of love, but never will it deplete your mother's love for you...
However, when you take, remember to be grateful. Remember that they do not have any obligation towards you, even if you are born into the same family. There's affinity, but that's all to it. The more you love them, they more you should feel grateful when they make an effort to do anything for you. Towards family, towards your friends...

When you love, remember not to impose it on the other party. Remember that what you consider as a loving gesture, might be poison to the other party. Remember that, loving that person too much, might be difficult for him/her because he/she cannot reciprocate. Suffocated by the need to repay your love, he/she might choose to runaway from it instead.

Always remember that no problem is too big for a family. That a family is worth going back to because of the support that one finds there. That everyone loves everyone, but they just have different way of showing it.

这里有爱等我回来

I think i've found the perfect spot to study outside of my house... At amk central macdonald, wifi, powerpoint, junk food, comfortable seats... Still evaluating the crowd though...
Made my way here at 8 am in the morning for a new tuition assignment that i've taken up only recently. I was warned that he is a problem child, bad attitude, etc, therefore i had my reservations at first.. Perhaps it is only our first session, but he seemed pleasant enough. Contrary to what i've been told, that he isn't really thinking about his future, he has an idea of where he wants to be already. Mayb the adults are just too critical of him to see what he is capable of. On the whole an enjoyable session, where i made my fair share of mistakes and he is pretty sharp to spot where did i go wrong. He'll definitely be a difficult case on his bad days, but we'll see...

My own work is piling up and i actually am taking time to evaluate other people's future :) That's me. Cant take my own things in control and yet i want to meddle with other's affairs. Probably that's why i want to be a teacher so much. Always worrying for the students' future, well-being, etc.

Nice and cozy corner while it drizzles outside... I think i should get back to my paper before the lunch hour starts...

Cheers.

WR

Short post before i go to bed.. Busy day =) went for tuition, read up for my paper, went to meet my frens for a drink... my frens for 4 years. Two guys. I got to know them at Siam supper club, when my sister was working there. It was freaking crowded and i was stuck there, right in between the two seats they were occupying and we started talking.. That was 4 years ago, around this time..
I guess i met them at near the lowest point of their lives... I think i've seen them at the most emo time of their lives. And it was us, 4 years ago, who started using the word 'Emo' for the record...
Now, one of them is engaged, and another is happily attached =)
They really look like their lives are complete, and i'm really very happy for them. The happiness stems from knowing how much they have been through, their past, their pain, the rejections... I ever cried just listening to one of their stories..
On a happier note, i'll always remember the silly times we shared together. The time we sat at joo chiat on a Thursday after ladies night at Zouk, cos we're all dead drunk the night before. They took off and i was having my holidays, we just bum there... How we spent the national day together, watching the big screen at ren ci, and then had dinner at chomp chomp.. How we spent our friday nights at winebar, looking at chicks. Lingerie chick, two left feet chick. The night of 3 blue cars. The countless dressing downs i had to take from them for dating my ex boyfriend. The day they rush down for me when i broke off with him. The countless jokes they cracked about him. The two birthdays they celebrated with me.. How they blamed me for being so young, thereby not being able to go to velvet...
Today damien said "Damn, i saw you through your whole bloody tertiary education. you are actually graduating next year"
And it dawned upon me.. They have been around for so long. And one of them is actually getting married in May. =) It feels like yesterday when i asked them if they'll invite me to their wedding and the things i swore to god, i'd tell their wives about.
Man... how things have changed. How things have become different in the span of 4 years.. How they used to nag at me, for hanging around the two old men so much.. Now the two old men are going through a different phrase already, the little girl no longer exists and no longer can pester them...

My brothers. They'll definitely leave my life at some point or another. Even those around me right now. But ultimately, I'll remember all the memories they left me with. The jokes we shared. The times we have together. The stupid things we did. Whether we keep in contact, doesn't really matter. Because I know that, we've really been there for each other. I saw them through some of the most difficult times of their lives, they did the same. Thereafter, I just wish they'll never hit that same low again, or if they do, someone else will be there for them. =) Because it is a different phrase and it is a different kind of attention that they need...

君子之交- 淡如水

有缘千里来相会,无缘见面不相识

这首歌对我来说并没有多大的意义。。
旋律好听。。 歌词写得不错。。。

‘我爱故我在’ 意思应该是 ‘我因为爱而存在’

"there are somethings you don't want to become" I still remember.

今天的我，又想起过去。
没有用的我，又回到四年前。
但是，现在的我，对过去那个我，只有不耻。
对那个单纯的自己，只有厌恶。

but comparing then and now, who can say which is better? Who is to say that she was worsed off? And who can say that i'm much better off the way i am right now?
She had something that i don't. I believe I'm stronger that her.
But she's part of me.. For better or worse, she'll always be in there, somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enough emo-ism for the day...
I've just received call that I'll be interning at Drew and Napier for July. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be in time for their assessment for pupilage recruitment. Hence I still have to go through the interview and hopefully they still have space by then.
Anyhow, even if i don't get my pupilage there, i'll try to do well for my internship for long term. Well, that's all i can do isn't it? To do my best and all else is out of my control.

Things that are out of my control.. Have always been grappling with these 'things'. Because they are out of control, any amount of thoughts and concern can never change anything. Therefore i have to be contented with what i have. Therefore, i have to learn to adapt, to settle. And i have to learn that, no matter how hard i try, there are just these things that are there to make your life more difficult that it already is, more unbearable than it can ever be, more unfair than you can ever imagine. But, remember, that is life. U can tear your hair out, scream your lungs out and cry your heart out, This is life. There are only so much you can do.

Don't let them get to you, enjoy the ride, remember the scenery..
You are the only variable you control.

WR

歌手：方大同 歌曲：爱爱爱

在　哪裡记载的一个桃花屿
谁在　哪裡典卖第一枝紫玉釵

我在　这裡见怪更怪
见过电影裡面人家的海　更想去看海
嚐过人家的爱更想找爱

你哭起来　我笑起来
都為了爱爱爱　有一天翻开　辞海找不到爱
花不开　树不摆　还是更伤怀
爱　还是会期待　还是觉得孤单太失败
Woo... 我爱故我在＊

找到爱　幸福的人肯不肯躲起来
站在　寂寞的人能不能站起来

我在　这裡便已不呆
看过小说裡面人家等待　更习惯等待
嚐过人家的爱更想找爱
你喊出来　我静下来
Repeat＊

回不去那天那里的纯爱
买不起那件 可爱的品牌
你闷起来　我想起来　可以爱
会不会　整个时代
只有一个告白　谁不爱我不存在
不明不白　不分好歹

先学会爱自己
才懂得爱别人
因此，别人才懂得爱你。。。
Correction - Courtesy of Shu Shu

Good morning, nice weather, great songs on my lappy.. The Friday definitely started out right. Notwithstanding all the assignments deadline nearing, i'm still taking my own sweet time to get things started.
Read many things in the papers, wanted to have a go at some of them but decided not to be so intellectual in today's post. More casual, less intense shall today's post be.

"Boston" - Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Read my older entries yesterday.. Seen how things have changed over the years yet it seemed like yesterday. I can still feel a little sting of what had happened. I still remember vividly how difficult it was. No matter how many people i talked to, at the end of the day, it was just me and myself, fighting the voice inside me, "what if..."
It is all too recent to be put aside.
This is probably why I simply cannot stomach people ard me doing silly things just to salvage their lost love. Because i see myself in them. That girl who i once was, who could put down everything just for another chance of being with that person, who had so clearly given her up. Knowing fully well the kind of nuisance she was, skewed analysis of every word that he said in her favour, not knowing when to stop.
The bitter taste is still there. And to hear of people doing the same thing, facing the same problem, even if the fact pattern is different, I have little to say. Because no amount of words will suffice. As long as he/she wants to wallow in the hole of false hope and self pity, nothing can save him/her. The harsh reality remains, the other person has left. The more you do right now, the lesser you will be to that person. All i can say is, pack up the little dignity you have left and walk away. Even if there is a little bit of love left in that person, a relationship cannot work if that person has lost his/her respect for you.

先学会爱自己
别人才会知道怎么爱你

Much hype created by my sister. Finally saw it today, the day that it opened. Frankly speaking i was pretty disappointed by it, even though some parts were pretty moving. The story was good, but it could be better put together. The stories weren't linked well, hence it felt like the story was all over the place...

However, the students' stories, their lives touched me. School and education don't mean anything to them. Btween their lives and studies, the choice is clear. What is the point of is, are, was, were when u might just be shot dead the next moment? Then you realised that education can bring u to places, but not when you're dead.
then the line "You cannot teach someone to want education" hit you in your face. You cannot blame Margaret for say that. To her, they are just a bunch of good-for-nothings, don't want anything out of life. They are a bunch of street rats who were forced upon this A-list school, turning it into make shift care centre for problem kids. She has been teaching for a good number of years in this good school to justify her resentment for these kids.

Lack of belief in the kids. Lack of faith in what their profession. The concept that the good and academically inclined students should be given more resources is something I can never agree with. Why do they even teach in the first place? What is the point of education then? Undeniably, there are definitely those who just cannot be bothered to study. But there are students who will put in the effort once you show them you believe in what they are capable of. I have first hand experience to this.

Ms G's divorce in the movie... just shows that no one can be perfect.. That ultimately, time is a limited resource. You spend more time at your job, you'll end up alone. No one can blame her husband for leaving. He didn't marry the TV. Definitely things could have worked out, but she was more sensitive towards her kids' wants and needs instead of noticing her husband's insecurities.

He stood as a stark contrast to her father, who strongly disapproved of her being a teacher. Though so, he was there to pick up the kids with her for the trip. He showed his support for what she did for the kids. As opposed to the husband who was initially supportive, but found himself further and further from her along the way. He could have been there, to see what she was doing for herself and her students. Instead of feeling short changed in life, he could have felt happy for her. But his male ego stood in the way "But i am not your wife" he said. He couldn't stand being the lesser person in the relationship, unable to fulfill his dream as much as she did. He chose to leave. Her father, instead, admitted his mistake and declared how proud he was that his daughter 'was blessed with a burden'. She had a cause to fulfill.

Funny how i have so much to write when i started out saying i was disappointed.... Must be the afterthoughts...

Hope i din spoil your movie.

went to credit suisse for internship interview today.. from what i gathered, they were quite impressed with me. Less the fact that i already had prior commitment, i can say that i had pretty high chances of clinching the internship. I told them of my prior commitment and we had a good laugh over it. They wanted me to make a decision then and there but all i could tell them was, "if my saying yes here requires me to go back on my words to them, then my yes here cannot be worth much, right?"

That being said, so much about a company can be seen via an interview. Just like how much an experienced manager can learn about an interviewee in that short hour. Big as they are, successful as they might be, the way they carry themselves in front of outsiders, the way they receive you is full of professionalism. From the reception, until the two executives see you to the elevator.

Even this is a learning experience, no?

Nearing the crossroads of my life. Moving into that phase in life whereby i have to choose where do i want to go from here. A few paths already mapped out in my head. Assuming perfect scenarios, the different future that i see. But now i'm still keeping my options open, i can only decide when i go through my hell internship with the law firm. I'll probably be another digit at the firm, something which i totally cannot come to terms with. However, it is still too early to make any conclusion.

These few months, my learning curve is steep, very. There are really too many things out there to be learn. Things that you cannot learn in the books. Things u have to see and try for yourself. By far, the most that i've learned about relationship, is within this period when i'm single. See how people go about hitting the walls, crying over relationships that shouldn't have taken plc, how guys bark up the wrong tree, how girls go around boasting about their 'conquests', all sorts of power struggle in a relationship...
It'll definitely do my next r/s good, but whether it lasts or not will be another story yeah?

We'll never know. That's the beauty of life.

WR

Jus a short post before i go back to earning $150 per essay.. I'm fine, as the previous posts might suggest otherwise.. There are things to be done, assignment to complete... Still going about my life as usual. Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my perspective. I guess at the end of the day, of everything i go though, there is something to take away from it. From all these mish-mash, i've seen many things, many people, experience many things, learn much more than what i could have asked for. Through conversation, observation and interaction, it is something you will never be able to achieve in the classroom. The learning curve is exponential.

looking at the near future, there are so many things waiting to be completed.. It is really difficult to imagine if i have someone to answer to, to report my movement, to be committed to. The current lifestyle, althou may seem unorthodox to some, is what i need. Company, not commitment. Frens, not partner.

However, ultimately, i'm still a girl. I would love to have someone to whine to at the end of the day. To feel the sense of belonging. To have a pair of strong arms to receive me when i'm down and out. Even though i'm not entirely on my own yet, I already know what does it mean to fend for myself. How does it feel when u stand out there alone. To belong to myself. To have only myself. This is important for me. To find out who i really am, to know what i really want and who i really want to be with.

I may be infatuated with this person, but with each passing day, i realized that it is more like admiration and respect for an individual. Rest assured that I know fully well what i am doing and that at the end of the day, i'll be responsible to myself.

wr

这次，可能会跌得很重。。。

I thought everything was in control. Until i was proven otherwise.
I need to re-evaluate. Emotions cannot over take me. I don't think i can take this fall. :D
Tomorrow, the rational me will take over. And i'll be happy again.
I'm sure.

wr

here i am again, but not because i'm emo today.. HAha but i have a paper due tml 10 am.. And i'm not even half way through it. Talk about procrastinating.

Quite a peaceful morning. Not much happened. Pretty focused on finishing my assignment, which is really satisfying as a write more and more into my blank piece of word document. Crap or not is another question... But took some time off to get some retro songs by Prince and now i'm writing a useless blog :D
That's just me. My attention span cannot last more than an hour.. or even less. LIke what pardeep said, i cannot see through anything. i even quit hip-hop already.. I really wonder if i'll ever be able to be with ONE thing/person for good. The only things that i really really treasure are my digital babies... Laptop, cellphone, Sony-walkman.. I take really good care of them and never get bored.. mayb i'll need a robot for companion instead.. Can constantly upload software, change settings, add this, minus that at my whims and fancy... Well, we'll see how long japan takes to come up with it...

I receive comments that i think too much.
Really? What does it mean to "think too much"?
Being too sensitive, reading too much into things or just being aware of the surroundings? Being aware of how other people feel, being aware of the lessons to be learn behind each experience, being aware of my own feelings, growth, etc?
Or is it just enough to get pass each day? Going through the motion, living each day as it comes. Enjoy and forget.
I cannot imagine being the latter, to just experience and not further analysis. To just do and stop at execution. Every act, decision actually amounts to something, every consequence, good or bad, there is a lesson to be learned. Every story that someone tells you, tell you something more about that person and something that you can benefit from. So much information and each story has so many perspectives to it. How can anyone just live life and watch everything pass by everyday?
I refuse to become like an animal... Which doesn't have the power to reason. Like some youngsters that i see... Completely oblivious to the world. Believe that the world revolves around them. They seemed to have completely lost their ability to see beyond execution. Like a puppet, they are manipulated - be it by parents, teachers or fashion, media, friends etc. When they think they are breaking out of a box (parents' care) they walk into another cell (Media). When they defy for the sake of defying, thinking it proves their acting on their own free-will, they are actually proving how ignorant, childish and give parents every reason not to trust them.

My sister pointed out that i might have been one of them when i was their age.
I didn't.
I had certain principles that i carried through till today.
I can be bad, but I must be able to answer to myself. I can do bad, but at the end of the day, i must be responsible for it. There are somethings i'll never do. Friends are important but i make a conscious decision not to be affected by their likes/dislikes.

Over the years, these became clear to me. I do hope the same applies for those lost sheep out there...

Regards
WR

Donkey years since i last post anything here...
Just found out from a friend that he actually bothered checking my blog, thank you very much...
Not exactly feeling on top of the world right now, probably that's why i decided to blog :9
Been experiencing some of the most havoc times in my life thus far.. Seeing so many things, getting to know people.. Learning the ropes of relating to people and yet not revealing too much of my inner thoughts..

I'm putting myself through some sort of training... to try and shed the last bit of emotions in me... To learn how to compartmentalize my life. To put emotions aside whenever i have to. To master the ability to say "Life goes on" and mean it...

And today just put a big fat F on my report card for this training. The past still affects me, somehow. Not great impact.. but still, this bit of impact shouldn't even exist in the first place.. His leaving early, was for the best. It was then, it still is now.

Few days ago, i pondered about my current situation. Do i really want to be doing what i am doing right now? Am i really in control of what i am doing? What do i want out of them?
I insisted that i really want to be rid of troublesome emotions and any chance of serious relationship.
She told me that it was impossible, because at the end of the day, girls want to be in some form of fruitful relationship, whereby there is someone they can return to. I used to yearn that.. I used to work towards that in every r/s.. It just gets boring/tiring/exhausting emotionally.. To try and not work out. to try again and not work out again. why? to achieve what?

as compared to my current position.
I see, i learn, i practice.
The interesting people i meet.
The commitment, or lack thereof.

There are the good and the bad.
At this hour when i need to run to someone, i find no one around me... But this is another thing for me to learn... To pick myself up when i fall.. to build a happiness that is not dependable on another. That is real happiness.. That is independent happiness that i can achieve.

rah. signing off...

random post again... no particular topic in mind. Lately I've learned once again to question myself "is this what i want to do" "what do you want out of this" constantly challenging my actions/inactions, perhaps over analysing somethings.. Over some conversation with my frens, i was forced to face myself, my actions. Forced to find this inner me that have been pulling the strings thus far.
At this stage, the last thing anyone can do is to slot what he or she has done nicely into "good" and "bad"... I'm no exception. All that i asked for, is to be able to answer myself this qn "will i regret my decision?"
When i came home one particular clubbing day, instead of being tipsy, i was too sober... And i told myself this "I'd rather walk away feeling bad for having done something, than regret not doing it." Many things must be clouding ur mind now, bout what could have happened at the club for me to think that. Simple, i did the supposedly 'correct' thing and come home regretting it. Why den i wanted to do that so bad? Beats me, perhaps i was never an angel to begin with?
To me right now, there is only two states i'm choosing between: "being happy" or "unhappy". If my happiness doesn't affect anyone else directly, i'm going ahead with it. And even for short lived ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He saw an angel in me, carved out the wings so i could fly...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
another angel has seen the wings that escaped me... He told me it has been there, waiting for me to flap it..
I'm the one weighing myself down..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When am i finally going to let my head rule..
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Ever heard of the frog prince? I've heard of the story where an urban lady, who was cynical and claimed no longer believe in love, kissed a frog upon much persuasion fro him. And she became a frog too...
Freaky?
Story of my life - I claimed to have given up.. All that i've given up, is hope in any real relationship. I still try to feel love, to find someone to love. But there's an sub-conscious effort to look for it in the wrong places. Telling myself that if there isn't a future, there is nothing to worry about, that i won't be hurt because the end can been seen, the end is already in place..
But in truth? Maybe i'm just hurting myself more. Maybe sub-consciously i've never gotten over C, that i've been trying to triumph the pain of that r/s, so that i can move on. Maybe I just want to expose myself to more pain so that i can finally give up hope, for real. Maybe I just don't care and don't wish to follow the book anymore, because there was no reaching the pot of gold for me..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You maybe a challenge.. He maybe some comfort. But definitely not love.. Definitely not the way that i've learned it to be. But that's all that i want/need at this moment or maybe for good.
Drama mama, i hear..
Emo, i hear..
Almost 4 years since we parted... I really wondered how it would have turned out if we didn't part.. We'll probably still break up later part, because of the gap, the difficulties.. But at least i tried.

Why does an emo entry always ends with him??

argh...

Good night

i got my results, let's just say it is the usual.. i'm pretty constant at this kind of things if i dun really put in the effort...
Has been a while since i updated the blog.. Was busy with friends and friends.. Got to know a few new friends, met up with old friends, saw the same people here and there...

funny how things can change so much in a short two weeks..

A gal friend of mine is going through a bad patch right now.. I tried to be there for her, i promised that i'll stay with her throughout. Only today den i remembered how she has always been there for me whenever i was down and out.. Always encouraging me, listening to me and not judging me for whatever that i've done or not. But i know that at the moment when i heard she was down, i didn't even thought about all these times. Instinctively, i wanted to be there for her.
I guess this is friendship... I cannot guarantee that it is going to last forever, but i know that this is friendship in its purest form. That you want to be there for somebody, not because he/she was there for you, but because u care for that person.
I could have left her alone, she is already an adult, she has a mind of her own.. It was perfectly justifiable and no one could have fault me had anything happened.. thou it was an "eventful" night, i was glad i was there with her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you finally understand, you'd simply let it happen.. No need to fight it, don't have to fight for it...

Thus far, there had been clear lines drawn... Making myself question whether they are really necessary? When i've let my faith go, isn't it time to clean off the lines?
Lines have never been clear in reality.. Why go against nature? As they say, I need to explore, walk out of the box, to see what has the world install for me. I've never been good with rules.. So i guess those clear cut rules are going out the window...


Everything will take its place. The only person who can really love you, is yourself... And the only person who can really harbour expectations of you, is yourself..
Take care of yourself and everything else will follow.

Wenrong

Rah. Exams over. I'm at home on a Saturday... WTH
And i really have nothing to write about.. Life is a lil too peaceful and secretive for me...
Actually i have lotsa things to clean up at home.. I'm just too lazy to do so... Argh i wanna go out and have fuN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damnz

WR

bad mood. Been a long time since i made any new entries. The day started out pretty well for me. Just hate it when the day ends like dat. Sometimes i really wish i'll be less affected by small little things.
i'm getting on my own nerves. how will i ever be independent like that? I seriously have no idea. I need to freaking rant!!! I have so things i wanna rant about but i do know that there are some things once said cannot be retracted... and i probably dun mean them tml morning. So i guess i shouldn't make anyone angry before i regret.
My laptop is really lagging like mad... Darn. Everything has to go against me at once.

Another day of feeling bottled up. fuming.

Damn f* pissed... When will i wake up from this bad dream?

"Bliss (I Don't Wanna Know)"

(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink
I really couldn't care less what you think
Well I don't have to listen now
Live this day down
If I can't feel a thing
You might as well save your goodbyes
We can give this train wreck one last ride
I'm gonna have to listen now
Live this day down
If I don't make things right
I'll tell you one last time

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)

I woke up with a heartbeat in my head
I reached for the bottle by the bed
I saw your side was not slept in
Cold sheets again
Remind me of what you said
We need to take a break for a while
It's been so long since I smiled
I don't wanna listen now
Live this day down
With you so drunk and high
So I'll say goodbye

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't want to know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
Now I know I can't stay sober
Cause you left me here like this
I don't wanna know
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know

no time to update my blog.. Smile :D

My ideal match:
Your ideal match is flexible, innovative and smart. He's got a robust love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are he hates rules, and doesn't plan on getting old. He's unusually friendly and has a way of earning people's respect wherever he goes.

LOL..

My personality:
You're deeply caring, energetic and filled with ideas. You prefer solitude to chaotic scenes that can seem overstimulating. You're very observant about the environment around you and you put a lot of emphasis on how others view you. You're smart, and shrewd, and have a lot to contribute.

My ideal Mr Right & how he views Sex life:
Your ideal sexual partner thoroughly enjoys sex. For him, sex is a creative way to express himself physically. Seduction in particular, is a big part of what makes sex so enjoyable for him. He has a sex drive that leaves him craving more and more contact. And his confidence in sexual matters makes it all the easier for him to experiment and move towards fulfilling his sexual desires. Orgasm is a welcome pleasure at the end of his sexual experiences. And sharing an emotional connection with his partner during sex -- while it can be nice -- is not his main objective.

hahahahah
THis is funny... Pengz!!! JOke to be kept to myself only :D

hey hey, i dun have much to write.. Just felt like updating my blog.. Not in the mood to talk crap thou... Not in the mood to laugh at someone, or comment on something.. It is the kind of mood whereby i feel in control. Like i'm doing what i like to do, when i want to do it. Funny because i'm not on time for my assignments or revisions... i just hope i can pass this sem..

How ironic.

How can a person feel like she has commitment problem at one moment and the next, she feels like settling down with someone nice? But i guess i've given up on looking for someone nice. Nice = ? Someone who will always give in to me? Someone who is good looking? What?

I guess he should be able to make me laugh any time; really know what he wants; sunshiney; really giving; know when to give me space and have time of his own; teach me and learn with me; so many things that i expect from a guy..
But no guy is perfect yeah? If i want this, i probably cannot expect that. If he is going to be able to make me laugh any time, probably means he will be able to charm any other girl as well...

seriously, which girl doesn't want a r/s that resembles those in stories/fairy tales? But in fiction, there is always an element of hope, it reflects how people wished their r/s would be.. I guess no one would wanna read a love story written by an average guy because there wouldn't be much content except sex, boobs, butts, etc.

Is it ever possible? To meet someone of ur dreams and live happily ever after? 3 years ago i asked this. Now 3 years later, i'm still trying to grapple with it. After several relationships, i just made myself less hopeful, more practical.

"If you cannot take care of urself, den don't go out there and burden someone else"
"Marriage in Singapore, is only for applying HDB flat"
Golden words from my uncle, which i found some truth in. How many couples married because they seriously love each other or is it because of social stigma of staying single? And that partner u chose is probably the guy/girl that happens to be the best in her/his pack?
So i post two questions: (1) Why are u getting married? (2) Why are u marrying him/her?
(1) Possible ans:
a) Get a flat
b) of the age to get married
c) necessary next phase in adulthood
d) I want him/her to belong to me only
e) Shotgun

To me, all these answers are just lame. ..

(2) Possible ans:
a) Man/Woman of my dreams
b) His/Her earnings plus mine can survive the Singapore high cost of living
c) We've been together for 10 years, it is just natural
d) he/she is not too difficult to get along with
e) He/She is the Father/Mother of my child

erm.. What can i say?

I was touched by my friend's love story which i shall share with all of you here, without his permission of cos.. I'll ask him later. If he's pissed den i'll take it down..To protect his identity, i shall call him X...

One day X was out with his gf of a few months.. They were in the MRT, standing near the door... X noticed that a man of mid 40s was staring at them for quite some time, hence he got wary of him... Suddenly, before he could react, the man raised his umbrella to hit the both of them. X, being a very fit young man in his 17/18, was all ready to beat the crap out of that man. As this thought flashed through his mind, he felt his gf hugging him so tight with his hands behind his back. As he struggled to free his hands, the both of them fell onto the floor. Even as they were on the floor, the man did not stop. All this while, X's gf was shielding him from the attack.. A lady of small frame tried to protect him from any injuries...

Before any of u brushed X aside as a coward, i ask u to look at this in another point of view... How much must a lady love this guy, in order for her to protect him at all cost without injuring anyone else but herself? I'm completely impressed beyond words.
How would u, as a guy feel, if your gf does this for you? Would u scold her later for stopping u to retaliate?
Or would u be really thankful that the supreme being sent u an angel. An angel who is willing to sacrifice her body for you, without a second thought.

As a fellow female, i really respect this lady. I respect her ability to love somebody so much, so much more than herself, something which i'll never be able to do. I respect her for asking no returns for what she gives.

And guys, you may lament that how come u never meet such a girl? All ur girl does is to ask for things, want ur concern but give nothing in return... But think again, if ever u meet someone like this lady in question, would you be able to treasure her? To love her like she does to u? To treat her like she deserves?
Or would u take her for granted? Would you think that she'll always be there for you? So u can do anything and everything that u wish?

She is an angel as far as i'm concerned.. dude, u understand?

^satANgel^

exam madness - i finally got my ears pierced after much persuasion and coercion from my friends. LOL... Date to remember - 13/11/06

Back to trade mark and 6 days to hand up my FIP papers. Guess wat? I'm just starting on my TM paper. AHhaha and i'm only half way done with evidence. Good luck gurl..

Another day went by.
Just celebrated one of the PO's birthday at party world. I'm declared broke, lucky i din have to take cab home. Cant wait for sunday to come so i can collect my tuition fee... The feeling of having money to spend again is good. But also means i wont be able to go for my dance class tml.. Cos i dun have money and i dun wanna borrow it. Because it is something i can do without..

Don't mind having something and loving something is very different.. I guess the main problem with me is that most of the things i do, i don't mind doin them, therefore i don't put in everything. And i don't really know what do i love doing.. It is just like he don't mind being together with me but he doesn't love me, just for e.g.

sigh i know i'll miss dancing.. but i really don't know if i shld skip two classes den go for it again.. argh. but not as if i'm doing it very well.

Aiyaz.

this suckz

Waiting for my laptop to finish re-formatting... infested with worms again. I seriously wonder why is it i always get into such a situation when my exams is near. There must be some conspiracy...

Listening to this really... Sweet with sugar, honey, and the likes of CD by my aunt's student.. She just got married, therefore it is really irritatingly sweet. "all Fluffy and pink" is a phrase i learnt just yesterday..

Super sianz. Wasted another day yesterday. I hate myself.

Oral sex is permitted now with new s 377 but only between Heterosexual. Sorry gays.. But do note that those between homos will not be strictly enforced.. Funny how you have a law and your minister tells you it won't be enforced strictly.. It is just a statement, to tell the public that, our society still doesn't accept such a lifestyle/sexuality/watever u wish to call it.
Well.. No comments. To each his own.

"A collection of soothing love ballads inspired by true love stories, complsed and sung by XXX"
de frigging fluffy music is getting to me. "you're de only one for me...... Magic.oh.its true...."
I must sound really sour right now. hahahah Pardon me, i cannot appreciate this.
No offence, Another time another space i might just love the songs... I might even relate to them. But not right now LOL

Looks like my hubby is ready for more worms. LOL

There are two types of girls which will be surrounded by guys, one is those who are very pretty, demure, guys simply fall in love with and another type, which guys simply treat them like one of the guys.
I am usually surrounded by guys and i'm from the latter group. HAhah No idea whether is this fortunate or not.. Definitely not good when everytime my relationship, my bf ends up treating me like a guy. LOL... But at the same time expects me to be a girl at times.
Qt a complicated concept but simply put: They expect me to be a girlfriend to them, but they'll treat me like i shldn't expect anything from them instead= friends. So when i start sacrificing my time, reshuffling my schedule, help them do things... But he continue to stick to his own schedule, do his own things, only meet me when he is available.. I know i'm doing too much and it is not being appreciated.

I hate it when this happens. Sometimes i seriously wish i can be a guy, not in the sense that i have anything for girls.. But it is when you are with a platonic guy friend, and you get spotted by either of your friends and they give u a funny look. Or you real bf starts to treat u like a good friend instead of a gf. Both situations simply irritates the hell out of me..

But not to say that i have no flaws at all. i expect too much. i need too much attention from my bf because i don't have many platonic friends.. I'm a little schizo and i have no idea what i expect from a relationship. I don't belong to a relationship.

Rah. Yet i cannot be alone. I am unpredictable, and i do things in a very illogical way.. The more i feel for a person, the less i want to care if i feel that my feelings are not reciprocated.. Because i don't want to boost his ego, and put myself down, because i know that way, i'll be taken for granted even more, because i know guys do not appreciate what is easy.

But i guess at the end of the day, the way i carry myself, it is just impossible for guys to treat me like a girl. But partly that is what i want if i'm not interested. Hahaha But i guess that part of me just takes over sometimes, and then..

Sigh. It is killing me. Me myself and I..
i contradict myself so much, that i am starting to get split personality.

I can ignore you at this moment, thinking about all kinds of nasty things so that i can leave. Next moment, i'll just forget about everything that happened and do the same old things again. What does that show???

Rah... I shld shorten whatever pain that i'll feel.

WR

Hee hee nothing much to write today. Read a forum entry from "a parent whose child is unwilling to part with his crocs" about the escalator accidents. Although i have to give her credit for saying that she'll stay vigilant and alert while her child is in crocs, i simply cannot comprehend the paragraph following.. She actually requested the company which made crocs to give some sort of guideline/warning regarding the use of crocs to prevent such accidents. At this point i would just like to call out to all parents, even though there had already been two accidents, i seriously think they are freak accidents. There is no way, as you go down the escalator, the front of your crocs get caught by the edge of the step.. Think about it! but that is if ur child is standing on the steps and not jumping/climing up or down them instead. So please, don't make the crocs company responsible for your child. If i were them, i'll just give out a leash for free with every pair of children crocs i sell. Not for you to use them but to remind you that if you cannot handle ur kid, please put them on a leash - as an insult to you who cannot look after ur own child and be responsible.

Enough about the stupid accident.

Going for a meeting later... I hate meetings. You have no idea how much i hate meetings while i sit there and feel like nothing concerns me at all, even though i'm in the committee. IT isn't an act to play cool or wat, i just hate meetings. I guess i'd much rather get instructions, do my own things, den finish up the project. And it is with law students that the meeting sucks more because it can go on for hours if two people cannot see eye to eye.. It is easy to imagine. Which usually ends with a very diplomatic line "it is just a suggestion, it is okie, i'm just saying. But your idea is just fine" Den what ever hell were u arguing for just now? Only after u realised that you have wasted freaking 3 hours before u back down and say that line?
Rah...
And all the things people say behind ur back when you're not there, how they arrow you to do things if you aren't there, how there'll always be this oddball who'll get sort of ostracized but they'll have to act diplomatic in front of that person. In summary, i hate human relations. I used to think i'm very good at them, but when it comes to working human relations, i suck. I'll have a disclaimer str8 ahead, "i don't think you wanna work with me... "
HAhahah K, dat's damn anti-social.

I hate work, hard work. rahh. But it is what makes life meaningful, after u work hard, you enjoy the fruits of ur labour, whatever that may be. Funny how the longer hours u work, the shorter ur free time, you seem to enjoy ur free time much more?
Life and I, we don't seem to agree on a lot of things.

Darn.

WR

well, received comment that my entries are too gloomy and sad. HAha can't really help it if i only write when i'm down yeah?

Anyway have something to write about today which isn't too sad. It is more retarded than sad. I happened to see the news yesternight, reporting about how another toddler got his toe stucked in the escalator... I have no idea how it happened, but instead of feeling sorry for them, i just think it is damn spastic for such a thing to happen. After i read this morning's papers and found out that the other one who lost his toe was wearing crocs, everything just became more retarded to the power of ten.
I really have no hell idea how to get my toe stucked at the bottom of the escalator. Because when i was younger, i will lift my feet away from the steps way before it reaches the end. Even if the toddler's reflexes and coordination isn't quite there, the least the parents could do is to pay attention to the child and carry him up when they realised that he is mesmerised/hypnotised by the yellow lines going into the bottom and disappearing.
But if the parents have problem keeping the child by their side, allowing them to run up and down the escalator and be a nuisance to everyone else, den i'm not sorry to say that the kid deserve a lesson.
And look, shoes are meant to fit. I don't see people going to shops asking for shoes that are one size bigger and walk like clowns down the streets. But that's crocs for you. They are loose and your movement will be slower. Simply disaster waiting to happen.
Now as i'm writing this, i'm sure many parents are throwing their kids' crocs out the window. The same ones who looked so pleased when their children put them on and run around looking like clowns. Parents, i have no idea what is going through ur minds when you bought those things for your children. But let's break it down for you guys. Crocs, as i have heard, may be more hygenic and because doctors wear it in the hospital or something, you may think that it prob is good. Adults, can wear anything that they want, ranging from a top a size too small, a pair of bottom that are two sizes too large and a pair of shoes that is full of holes. They can handle it. They know what to do if something wrong happens, ie, the top burst, they step on their own baggy jeans or the shoe is left behind on the streets. But we're talking about children, below 10 years old.. Granted, children nowadays are way smarter with all the milk powder in the market. But still, they're smart doesn't mean they can coordinate their body well. You don't see the milk powder advertisement with a kid playing basketball like Michael Jordan, do you? The problem is that they think they're smart, they run around and you prob think they're smart too, so you let them run around. So at the end of the day, when something bad like that happens, it is not the shoes, not the jeans not the top, it is YOU! You are responsible for your own child! So please, apply ur mind the next time you buy something for your child. Not just whether he/she will like it or not, whether it will look nice and trendy, it should be safe!!

I think many pairs of small crocs will be on their way to africa... hahaha But i doubt they'll want it.. You cant run in those things. LOL

I need to set my priorities right. 20 odd days to exams.
Good bye ill discipline. Good bye to you. Good bye anime.

I walk in the shadows of your life. It is time i lead my own life under the beautiful sunshine.
I look forward to the day when Things that you say can no longer hurt me. The things that you do no longer affect me. I want to feel nothing for you, no pride, no happiness, no sadness, no loneliness, no pain.

Letting go.

"i keep dreaming that you'll be with me and you'll never go" Far away - nickelback

Only 20 odd days to my 8 credit evidence exam, seldom go for lectures and tutorial. Starting everything from scratch right here right now. I really hope i pull this thru.

I feel like a bottle.. keeping things inside of me like sand filling it up.. Each day a little more is added into the bottle...

"Hold on to me and never let go"

It is an emo morning. Even the songs are shuffled that way. I'm going to start doing my work after i get this emo-ness out of my way.

I should choose to walk away. Then it'll be better for all of us. All the thoughts about what will happen after this shouldn't matter. Because then, you'll have nothing to do with me anymore. Even right now.
So many thoughts about you and I.
I know it is over when you asked that.

WR

having a slight hangover from yesterday's long island teas... Yes with an S... my friends bot jugs and jugs.. and they were like never ending.. Pretty much nothing to do but drink.. Sigh. I miss those good old days where we stood around and simply stare at people walking pass. Now most of them are attached, so gotta sit down at table and be mature. Damn.

i was never so drunk before. Was so drunk dat i couldn't focus on anything... that after going to the toilet for a second time, i left the pub myself. I knew i couldn't go back to drink somemore.. And i puke on the cab. REALLY badly.. The cab driver was scolding me when i got off.. And i had to sit at the staircase to wait for my parents to go to bed before i could go in.. Because the puke was pretty obvious on my top.. I was on the fone with my friend but i had no idea what i said.. All i knew was i was going on and on and on.. And told him something about me knowing that i had to go home myself...

And i managed to shower, change, tuck myself into bed and send a couple of sms before going to sleep.

Bottom line - i can take care of myself even when i'm drunk. and that is something i'm very proud of. I seriously was sad or anything when i was drinking. I just din expect the drinks to have such high alcoholic content. it was after the 3rd glass that i was spinning. I knew i couldn't stay on cos i was afraid i'll start saying things that i shldn't be saying.. LOL But i was very quiet at the table... Bleahhhzz

I am not going to drink so much anymore. Better yet i shld prob quit drinking.

going to study.

WR

Just a few tots:
1) Pretty/handsome people go out with ugly people to make sure there is still some sense of fairness in this world. so that when u see an uglier man with a good looking chick, u can still say that you cannot get her only because u are poorer...

2) Greying population means very soon, the 9 seats on each side of the MRT carriage will be occupied only by older people.

3) You probably wouldn't get any outright responses if you discriminate against stupid/ugly people. Who would want to admit that he/she is ugly/stupid?

4) Singaporeans are actually very pretty/handsome, take a look at friendster. I just wonder where they all go in de real world. Welcome to digital age.

5) When you put 'single', with a few photos of urself on friendster, considerably good looking, you are either a gay or a flirt. to conclude if you are either, just take note of how many pretty girls vs the number of hunky guys on ur friendster...

6) 'Single' doesn't really mean 'single'. And those who are cute are all 'in a r/s'

7) Pretty girls blocked the access to their friendster. So if you think you are pretty, block ur friendster. HAhaha and if you actually are ugly... den a lot of people will be laughing at you. But it is okie, because u'll never meet them anyway...

8) I must be very bored while d/ling new wallpaper for my new fone.

9) If you put pictures of you clubbing; pictures of ur girl friends; anything to show that u are wild, have lotsa girlfriends and pretty, you'll be entitled to block people once ur friendster list hit 500?

10) Just to make it a perfect ten, i shall squeeze a line here. Actually from 6 onwards, i was simply saying things for the sake of saying. I guess most of you have figured that out...

Cheers!

WR

I'm restless. Simply cant start on my unfinished report. Need to calm myself down. Ever had this feeling that you wish to do something really out of this world but have no idea what to do?

I guess i'm going to do my work for a few hours and run out again.

Yesterday's head lines on The Sundays Times - about the sports' couple and how incompatible they are. I'm curious, what makes the media think that we want to know about that? Is that news? It isn't even talking about a break up, just a speculated break up, an analysis of how not compatible the couple is. wth? What is our papers coming to? I wonder how the heck did the reporter go about sourcing for information.

reporter: "Do you think they are getting on well"
Friend: "They are going through some bad patches now..."
reporter: "Bad patches, what do you think cause them?"
Friend: "Family background, language barrier..."
reporter: "Do you think all these will cause them to break up?"
Unbelievable...

Yup i did read the report, because i wanted to know what's the big deal such that it actually is worthy of a front page coverage of the "news". and it turns out, it is a freaking analysis of how the relationship of our sports golden couple... I can only imagine how they'll feel once they see the report.

LJW: Oh look! Our friends are commenting on OUR relationship in the National papers!"
S: Oh yeah! We're on the front page!!
LJW: Looks like they dun think we're very compatible...
S: Oh dear, what do you think?

... It is a fact that friends will evaluate their friends' relationship behind their backs, it is worse to do it to their face, now u put in on the papers? My sympathies man.


Negative about anything i have been seeing lately. Cannot see the silver lining behind this hazy weather.

Nope, i'm not going to start about stupid indonesians who burn the forest. Instead, i wanna talk about Singaporeans.. Chinese Singaporeans to be more specific. Yes, we are having a very hazy sky over here lately. Yes, i am angry with stupid Indo officials who are not doing anything about it and the president's words which don't mean a thing. Yes, i am very much affected by the haze as you are.
But friends, in the midst of this haziness, is it possible not to burn the incense now? My parents and grandparents are guilty of this too, so i know! If you wanna add on to the pollution den u have no right to complain okie? Smokers and the people who burn the paper alike! It is I!!! who don't smoke, don't burn paper, don't drive who shld complain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is I who go running regularly shld complain!
And even I, since i pillion on my friends' bikes, decided not to because i am an accomplice some how.

The point is, stop complaining and do whatever you can to salvage the situation. Not to worsen it. Not to say that, "why should i restrict myself when it is the others who did this upon me?" Stop that self-pitying mentality, and do yourself some good! You can definitely continue to do what u normally do and in the end you'll be the one that is the worse hit. So what is the point? The wind is not going to change direction suddenly and the incense smoke will start blowing towards indonesia. U cannot hold their hand up for them and make them pledge that they'll never burn the forest again. Nothing will come out of the complaining, so why not do something that is within your means?

I hate Singaporeans at hawker centres. For all of you who don't know, my parents own a stall selling carrot cake and char kway teow. and I have to go help out once in a while. I hate them because you can see some of the most demanding, unreasonable, snobbish, petty and hateful side of Singaporeans. Some of them make me feel as if all hawkers are out to cheat their money...

Customer : One carrot cake.
Me : Black or white?
C : er.... Black..
Me: With chilli?
C : abit.
Me: Where do you sit?
C : There (points to the seats behind our stall which is blocked by the whole stretch of stalls...)
Me: Near where ah?
C : there, the laksa store there loh...
Me: No number?
C : don't know leh..
Me: Okie (makes a mental note of the color of the clothes and the stupid face)
C : Small one hor...

At which point, i just wanna scold F***
Let me break it down for you singaporeans eater. There is a reason for the number on ur table. It is not for you to buy 4-d by putting the numbers of 2 tables together. It is for you be seated anywhere, and order fr any store so that it is more convenient for the store owner to find u, in the event u decided to go buy sugar cane juice when the food arrives.
And please, by the meaning of 'near', it should mean prob about 2 tables away. You are NOT near the laksa stall when you are like 10 tables away and Diagonally summore! You are not considered near just because u ordered the laksa and your small brain can only remember that stall around u!
And last but the most irritating... "small one hor..." It just implies that we'll give u a "big" one if you don't specify, just to 'cheat' your money. Hey, i take this very personally. It is a total insult to our personality and integrity. Perhaps at certain hawker centres they do that, but those who come often enough should know. It is when these people who say 'small one hor..' that pisses me off. And the biggest joke is when you send the SMALL one to his table of 6 or 7 people and they ask for 4 pairs of chopsticks. (*&()*^*&(%&^$&^%$

Good service to these people? Up Yours!

Bad day. Because:
1) Kenna really bad scolding from my dad.
2) Liverpool lost 2-0 to Man utd.

But the rest of the day sort of salvage it a little.
Now as i wait for my hair to dry, i shall write someting to pass time..

Well, i guess i'll start with this burning question of mine ever since i learnt about how a man was so poor that he jump off the MRT platform. It was reported that he was jobless for 4 months, and the fam of 4 had to live on SGD500 every month. The HDB instalment alone was 300++ At the time he passed away, the total amount of cash the whole family had was $30. My condolences to the family. But i have wanting to ask this for a long long time:
How can a man be jobless for 4 months in singapore?
If your two sons and wife has been suffering, your debts total to about $8000, you must be very desperate to work. Hence willing to do anything. I guess a father who really wants to be responsible for his family, shld be strong and take up any job that comes his way.
But perhaps to be fair, it might be too mentally demanding to be strong in that kind of situation.
Secondly, didn't they just announce that our unemployment rate decreased some time ago? Somehow i feel that sometimes they paint such a beautiful picture of an average Singaporean life and we sort of forget about all these people struggling out there. Which makes up the majority of singaporeans. What is the point of giving $5000, $10 000 now after he has died? When he was alive, his relatives and friends probably shun him. If he had tried getting a job, he was probably looked down upon by those people interviewing him. When he asked for help, people probably mocked him. So what is the freaking point of the money?
Is the 40 000 going to compensate the kids what they'll be missing because their dad had to die just to exchange for that amt of money? Is that 40 000 going to be enough for a widow, who is disabled, who's husband should still be with her if he had gotten a little help?
Jus how many more of them will jump for that 40 000 prize money, to put it more simply, 1 life in exchange for 3. They have no idea how attractive this amt is, put in front of families with similar situation.

Money, is the only way they know how to help. Cold hard cash can solve any problems that come on the way. How bout some preventive act? How bout more volunteers to take care of people's mental well-being? How bout a more caring society, instead of one which only have 4 million smiles taken on digital cam and non in reality? How about more government funded projects to help these people, how bout fine tuning the qualification test for obtain welfare?

Will the death of man knock some sense into this society? Or is it going to be generated further by Money?

Singaporeans, very caring but too little actually uses their head.

Gd night.

WR

"there is no up without a down, there is no right without a left"
Once you learn what is happiness, u will naturally learn sadness.
Is this applicable to everything?

CANT UPLOAD MY PICTURES! blah
BAD MOOD AGAIN hahaha

the first 3 months of knowing ur crush, crushing ur crush, getting know ur crush, finding out that he likes you too and being together with him is the best part of the relationship. Thereafter it all goes down hill.
I need more of this, less of a relationship.
I hereby official announce that all men have a 3 months expiry date from the time you get to know them, except my family members and some close guy friends. Gays not included.

As I Mature...
1)I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people are just assholes
2)I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or big boobs
3)I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to take its place.
4)I've learned that those people who are important to you are taken from you far too soon and those less important onese simply don't go away.
- Adapted from a word document sent by Metacafe "Mature"

Well contrast this with the chic song below. hahaha Remembered something else i read today "Every girl has a prince charming she's destined to meet, just that she has to kiss many frogs before she finally meet him."
And i wonder why i'm screwed this sem. (No, stupid. not because of relationship issues, because of the internet downloads...)

Hmmm.. Feeling indifferent about something. And it is always a bad sign when i start to feel indifferent about something/someone. Means that thing/person is going to be out of my life very very soon. And I guess it is a good thing.
It is not a natural feeling that i start to feel indifferent. I force myself to not care. I tell myself i don't want to care. Whether he shows up or not? whether this happens or not? Whether i get an A or not?
It is not even lowering expectations. I simply tell myself "it is always like dat. Nothing that you do can change it, so might as well don't be bothered by it. If it comes, it comes. Doesn't, den F*** it." Negative, yes. Pessimistic, yes. Better than carry the expectations and feel disappointed each and everytime things don't happen your way. And i don't believe in lowering expectations, ironical but yes. What's the point of lowering it to meet your standards, which will only perpetuate the cycle? Lower i go, the lower you go? It makes the whole equation simpler by me keeping my standards, force myself to be care less about you and move on after you hit the final button.

Yup that's me. I can tolerate and take any nonsense but at the same time, each time u hit a button, the small little imaginary bar on top of ur head decrease by a little. When the bar empties, that's when i'll walk on. For one, it takes a bout a month to piss me off, for others a year to two and for some one it is taking forever. But that is not the pont. The point is, you won't even know what did you do that push my button because i'll just keep quiet and be nice about it. Because i don't quarrel and I dun bother. What is the point of two people, who are blowing their top off, shouting/talking/screaming at each other. Nothing will come out of it.

Yawns
But not like anyone cares HAHAHAHA

Btw>> the other day i was having lunch with my good fren at sch... Since it was after a mass lecture, some members of the jock club joined us. I used 'joined us' because i met up with my friend. Since he was the popular one among the guys for soccer, his good friend came over to join us. And at lunch the number just kept increasing. So from 2, it became about 6. We're talking about the food, when one of them asked why din i order the beef ball noodles instead, i said it was too hard. And he was like "yeah damn solid" and i was like "yeah, solid like u-can-kill-someone-with-it solid". And this dude actually was like "er.. today's weather very good." and my good friend's good friend was like "yeahh good weather.. Heh heh heh"
Being polite, i kept quiet and smile. My good friend was like "what about the weather?" (note: my friend is a very smart guy who is very witty and funny, so when he doesn't get the joke, there is a problem with the joke, intellectually) which i totally understand.

For those of you out there who is lost, people (mostly chinese) use the 'fair weather' or 'weather very good' line to tell the last person who spoke that he/she just made a very lame comment. Lame not in the 'funny lame' but lame as in 'duh-eh'.
I explained this to my good friend right in front of the two retards who went like 'yah, you din noe'. As if it was the most popular and funny line.

In my mind i was like: dudes, grow up. That line is the 'duh-eh' joke. The joke is on you, not me. Cant you guys come up with something more intelligent? Even a dirty joke about the solid beef balls can beat ur stupid weather line. It is freaking ching chong and yes, i'm a chinese too. But i'm ashamed of how stupid and lack of maturity and how not funny it is. Comeon it is something i used to say when i was 13? Fellow school mate, i'm sure law sch have taught you more than that.

My good friend actually apologised on their behalf. Dude, i wasn't pissed of with them at all. Simply pathetic how their sense of humour is always stuck at the level where they make such dry comments to target someone weaker in the group. Why not try that on my friend? Because they know very well he'll come up with a come back that will make everyone laugh but u. Yeap, i'm afraid to stand up for myself. That's how ching chong i am and i come home to blog about it. In fact i shld be more pissed about myself than at them. I din stand up for myself, they have the right to say anything they want.

What a depressing entry. Then again most of my entries are depressing. Because i seldom blog when i'm happy. I guess most people out there are the same.

I could get used to this - the veronicas

You make me breakfast in bed
When I'm mixed up in my head
You wake me with a kiss
I could get used to this

You think I look the best
When my hair is a mess
I can't believe you exist
I could get used to this

Because I know you're too good to be true
I must have done something good to meet you

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
Lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this

You love the songs I write
You like the movies I like
There must be some kind of twist
But I could get used to this

You kiss me listen to me when I'm depressed
It doesn't seem to make you like me less

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
Lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this

If there's a dark side to you I haven't seen it
Every good thing you do feels like you mean it

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
Lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this

You make me breakfast in bed
When I'm mixed up in my head
You wake me with a kiss
And I could get used to this

My brain simply refuse to start doing work... It is 1030.. I need my daily dosage of videos. Yes i'm completely addicted to videos, be it stand up comedies, stupid clips.. Rah... Darn

I realised i always have weird addiction comes exam... DAMN

I need to start getting nervous about exam

Shit man i really think i'm going to fail this time...

F*** up..

wr

Morning people.. First up, i took down the tagboard because something is wrong with it. And it is not within my abilities/time to do something about it.. So to save all that hassle, i simply took it down. in its place, you guys can comment by clicking the small lil comment link after each entry.. Feel free.
Second, i just went Vivo city yesterday. Just to check out what is the big hoo-ha about the place.. Seriously, other than it being big, with a lot of shops, selling very expensive things, I don't see anything special about it.. There is a 'pool' on the roof, which a lot of kids went to dip their legs in, run about in the water. I'm not too sure if it was built for it, but it is what it is now. Because when my aunt commented on that feature of the shopping centre, she actually commended on how considerate the designer must be for him to think of such feature for the kid.. I tot that was what the playground on the 2nd level should do.. But since there's no use for the 'pool' right now, because some parts of the place is still under-renovation, there's no harm letting them enjoy themselves. Then i suddenly remembered how, in Singapore HDB, most of our water tanks are on the top of the buildings... And i started to wonder if the kids, when they are waist deep in the 'pool', did they relieve themselves into the pool... You make the connection...

Anyway, yesterday the PSI was pretty high when i was out. Again, feel like i stay in genting without the cool weather and plus the smell of burning.. And i saw something funny at the coffee shop.. at least to me it was funny.
A guy riding a bike, wearing a clinic mask. For those who have no idea, surgical mask do not help keep out the small little particles in the air, that you wish not to breathe in by wearing a mask. U wear this N95 (or some number) mask, that is round, that we wear during sars. Not the retangular surgical mask.. That's not all. If you are riding a bike, you are already exposed to exhaust most of the time, even when our neighbour isn't flaming the forests. And dude, by riding a bike, you are adding on to the haze.. So what's up with the mask?
Don't get me wrong, i have nothing against people who ride bike, in fact i was there with my friends who ride. And i think it is perfectly fine for someone who wished to protect himself against the killer haze out there. But perhaps buy the right mask or go public?

Oh.. And one last thing before i go back to my serious work. I happened to read Youthink TST today.. There was a section about IP rights.. Well, i'm taking a foundations of IP module this sem and i feel pretty strongly about what they've said. Let me just firstly say that when you do IP rights module, the more you despise those who 'invented' the rights.
There was an entry describing how 'hypothetically' tempting it was to download music off the internet because: (1)The CD is SGD$29.90, and she only wanted one song from it; (2)Her friend downloaded it off the internet and had it in his mobile phone, offered to bluetooth it to her; (3)A simple search on the internet, she could find the song she wanted at an instance. Therefore, temptation great, means piracy more.
Well, for the benefit of many of you out there, when we first 'invented' IP rights, the only rights these songs had, were the lyrics copyright. (if my memory hasn't failed me) Then the singers decided, hey, if they can create a right out of nothing for the lyrics, shouldn't I who sing it have some kind of right toO?
Mr/Miss Singer, i'm sorry but i'm afraid you cannot copyright a sound..
Why not? All these things are man-made anyway. If there are moral rights to lyrics and plays, there should be moral rights to my voice~~~ the way i sing the songs.
And we have the big music producing companies throwing billions of money lobbying for such copy right because they know they are going to profit from it, at the end of the battle.

As ignorant and myopic as i might sound to all the economists, IP law lecturers out there, IP right isn't a natural right. It is a freaking man-made right, created by the rich to make the poor pay, widening the gap. WHen the rich countries have no more machines to sell to the poor, the sell intangible rights like that. And the poor countries will sell more raw materials and now plus machines but buy the knowledge to better all these from the rich. Because they are part of WTO, therefore part of TRIPs. If they do not comply, trade embargo can be imposed on them. Tell me why is there still poverty in the world?

But the silver lining behind this is that: If you can sell knowledge, i bet u can sell almost anything. We even have people selling oxygen.. SELLING AIR!!!!!! Hello, what happened to Air being a free good in our first econs lecture? Are we going to sell sunlight next? What? there is already people selling UV light for tanning indoors.. K, that's the only two things that my econs lecturer said were free goods..

Yes, and i'm sure money is not the most important thing in the world, love is.. Try using love to buy all that yeah?

WR

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
honey why you calling me so late?

the end is near. I can sense it.. History repeats itself. Enthusiasm dies off. Interests simmers. That's the way how it goes everytime.
It is disgusting how it all follows a pattern. It is disgusting how it is all so predictable. It is disgusting how mundane everything becomes after a while.

I want it to end on my terms. That is the least i can do to protect myself. At the end of the day, you've got to look out for urself.

I hope i can make the right decision.

Cheers.

Far Away - Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

One my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Friend: Hey where are you?
Me: In the lib, wassup
Friend: nth
Me: How are you?
Friend: Gd, why the sudden concern?

A short msn conversation that just took place. And i wonder why do i feel like i'm better off alone. This friend of mine used to be my best pal in campus.. Maybe i'm too sensitive.. I guess i had quite a bad weekend, bad day yesterday, bad start today.

I made a promise to myself, if i'm not happy, i wouldn't continue with it. So what's the verdict now?

No idea what i wanna write.. Received a comment that i think too much and am too emo. Perhaps i do, but i guess i can't help it. Am i thinking too much for a 21 year old? I know i can only become more and more jaded, cynical, skeptical..
It is not as if i don't look forward to a simple and naive relationship, but it is like an irreversible chemical reaction.. When you boil a sugar solution, all you get is a solution that turns more and more brown no matter how much heat u supply... You'll never get the sweet sugar ever again...

"Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?"
I promise by Stacie Orrico

I wonder is it something to do with me, that i've never met someone who would do all these for me.. haha That my character, the way i approach a relationship, the way i choose to react when i know a guy likes me as well, the way i do things..
I don't know.
But i do know that i wont be able to find someone like that.

One friend told me that "People don't believe me when i say i am single. But if i ever do tell them my criteria for bf, they'd probably tell me that i'll become a spinster. Because i have very stringent criteria for bf and i'm not willing to compromise, not now."
I know that if it was 3 years ago, i'd have told her that when love comes knocking, she wont know how to say no...
Right now, i know very well, that no one is perfect. Perfect boyfriend only exists in fictions.. And however good he is, he cannot read ur mind.. Moreover, the really good and even the not so good guys have already been snapped up or wont be interested in you.
hAHahah

You know what i know? I know that if i ever see him again, i'll still feel excited like 3 years ago. I know that if i have to choose again, i'll still choose to be together with you. I know that it'd be the best if i never see/contact you again. I know so much more than i really want to.

I lost a part of me the day you left..

I want to become a vegetarian... i want to be alone.. i want to find myself again... To be carefree.. to leave without regret...

I feel like a vampire, i transform at night. Into a character that even i dread. Lack of positivity, lack energy.. Dark. real dark.

Cheers people.

everything ended before anything could have happened. And seriously, a small part of me heaved a sigh of relief. That i have got the peace and calmness back after half a day of disappointment.
Just so you guys know, the guy that i had a crushed on actually told my fren that he 'already had someone in mind'. Translation: She's not my type. Which is a nicer way of saying 'she cannot make it'.
Maybe i'm being too harsh on myself (or not, as some of you out there might think). Then again, i guess the whole thing is more ego crushing than anything (no pun intended). And at the end of the day, it just goes back to 'we all should know where we stand and just keep to our standard'. I should have known that he was out of my reach. And rest assured i'm not just saying this because of this incident.

After half a day of ego breaking pain, i'm finally getting myself together and doing my research. Which is very rewarding and enriching. Maybe next sem i'll just get research paper modules. This ultimately proves my theory that at the end of the day, the only rewarding thing in my life, is to study. And unfortunately, i have been too little of during this sem.

Up till now, i have 4 assigments due end of october and beginning of nov. one written exam in mid nov. All of which i have barely started doing... But i'm determined to pull through this, somehow. And the above mentioned incident actually have some influence on my determination. At the end of the day, feelings come feelings go, people walk in and out of my life. But i have to face myself and my grades for the rest of my life. So tell me again, why am i wasting so much bloody time on people?
The sad thing is that my friends seems to be my priority, or rather i don't know how to reject my friends requests. If only my books will ask me out sometime, i guess i'll do better academically.. I guess at the end of the day, i just don't have discipline. Which is all going to change now..

Right now, i'm going back to my research paper.
I'm thankful that this sem, most of the things have worked out well for me. i had the modules of my first choice. My IP lecturer's misfortune has turned into a lucky break for me, final exam was changed to research paper due to her sickness. I wish she'll get better soon. All my modules have stopped and i have plenty of time to prepare for my final exams and do my research, if only i manage my time well.

I need to start somewhere to pick up what i've left behind.

Cheers

experience has taught me that it is more rewarding to put my effort on things which i know will yield returns, ie studies.
The trouble with your heart is that, it never learn from experience.
Not to say that i'm in anyway interested or in love with anyone. I can only say it is always nice to have little crushes here and there, whether they develop into something more is another question altogether.
However, when i'm alone i always like to look for little crushes and talk about them so much that they grow out of hand. And always end up in disaster. I guess it is high time i grow up and stop developing my puppy love crushes.
Crushes dont work because it is superficial. Things that aren't real, that we relate to when we see this person, whether he/she is really like that we dun care. That is why crushes are so exciting, because they are unreal, they are humans whom our mind relate to a certain kind of feeling due to its own imagination of how they are like. K the last sentence is a lil long, take some time to digest that...

So from now on, i guess i'll stop doing this childish act before it gets out of hand again. Yes, i find a particular guy very good looking while he plays bball matches. But that is about it. I shall stop telling my friends about him from today onwards, even though i will be going to watch his match tml.. Yup, end of story.

Love, even if i work hard, it doesn't work out
Friends, they come they go, they leave you and you can't complain.
School, i try hard enough, it shld come...
Family, always here, always can count on them..

So how shld i prioritize my time again?

Cheers.

WR

"Wenrong, you seem to have given up on urself." - from a good friend of mine from law sch.

I'm afraid that's the truth.

1) Why is it that when someone gets a partner, everything and everyone else becomes secondary?

2) What would you do if this was the last day of your life?

3)What would you wish for if you had one wish?

4) Between your family and your career/study, which will you choose?

5) why do people sms/msn you late at night and say "wah so late, still dunwan to sleep ah?"

I don't have much to write, i just feel like ranting when in fact i should be sleeping. I don't know who is crazy enough to be reading my blogs when all the while i simply write about nothing but i appreciate your support.

I want to be nasty.. Real nasty and selfish, so that i don't care how people react when i say certain things. To get things done the way i want it. To refuse to do things that i do not want to do. I don't wanna be a 'push-over'. I want to learn how to say no..

I hate being nice. Hate people who are nice and are being taken advantage of. The worst are those who are taken advantage of and then get angry but refuse to tell the bastar* off. Which obviously includes me..

Or maybe i am already very nasty to some people, just that i haven realised it and they obviously should not be reading this blog if they are pissed off with me.

I want to live on an island. Without people. It is easier to know that your friends are alive somewhere, but not contactable; than they are always contactable but no one actually contacts you or vice versa.

Developing a certain weird attitude nowadays.. If i am not getting the attention i want, e.g. in a conversation, the other person seems distracted or something, i simply say i'm bored and i don't wish to talk to that person anymore. Cos i feel that i'm being neglected and unappreciated so i don't see the point of prolonging the agony for both of us.
I think the same apply for all my human to human relationship.
I am too lazy to hover around, wait for you to turn back and realise that i'm there.

I'm starting to hate the idea of having friends.. Seems more like liability than anything. dislike the idea of thinking of what to say, dislike the hassle of thinking of places to go, squeezing time to meet up, sacrificing someone for the sake of another, misunderstandings arising, irritating people who can only come out when partner is not available...

I'm a walking negative right now, right here. (or rather lying negative, since i'm on my stomach in bed..) I want to go into seclusion. To do my own things.
Doubt i'll go on msn anytime soon after this post..

Friends who are reading this: I wont be contactable on msn for a few weeks until exams over... Need me give me a call or email me.. Replied guaranteed.
Enemies who are reading this: ...can't think of anything to say to yous.

Gd night people. Back into my shell.
Back to myself.. Back to me...