hMmm.. Somehow i cant really view my own blog ... so i'm sorry i cant reply all de tag board msges On the Tagboard itself..
NIang NIang: i'll reply on ur tag board. and why are u feeling like u've lost touch with the world? hmm? living in a cave ah?

Brother tonG: hey!! thankz for liking my post. anyway>> all the best to u when u go in. it's gonna be damn boring inside for u! hahahaha good luck bro!!!! hope u cont to frequent my blog ah....

LOL..
like some customer service... "qing duo duo zhi chi."

anyway>> i got into SMU econs as i asked for. now de prob is de fees... gotta check out fees and apply for loan and financial aid.. sigh.. is there any charity organization that helps poor students like me? i would really like something that works like NKF.. hahaha, with that amt of reserve i think they can send me abroad until my doctorate is done... and not jus me alone.. HMmmmm

oh yah.. my condolences to those pple who are not ard anymore or missing due to the collapse of nicole highway.. sigh.. wat a tragedy.. my sister was asking me de other day, if they continue digging for underground parking lots, tunnels, shopping mall... will de whole singapore collapse one day? technically speaking, i believe it wont happen.. but the thought of standing on hollow grounds sounds really scary...

was reading an article in the commentary section of TST (22/04) jus now.. it's about how media and government in china likes to publicise things in a way that makes their public feels that the whole world outside china is out to swindle and cheat chinese. some interesting examples are that the chinese media saying that the "junk clothes given to the fishing villages by the western countries are causing enviromental pollution" and "hollywood movies are invading the pure minds of china youths".

it is rather disturbing that such a fast developing giant still has problem letting go of the media. what kind of picture is it painting of the relationship between the world and china? perhaps i'm being overly concerned with the increasing amount of chinese tourists almost everywhere. as they leave their country, they will be able to see the picture themselves and judge the situation individually. what i am afraid is the pre-concieved perception they will have, thus treating almost everyone as enemy, out to harm them.

i cant help, after reading the article, but think about the episode of the whole "pigswill" insult. perhaps i should not take the above author's word for real, but if wat he said was really the situation, then why are we having chinese pple in singapore talking about 'free speech' ? blaming the media for sensationalisin their report? i apologise for bringing this issue up again, but it really bugs me.

i'm proud of me being a chinese. i have gone to the extend of disliking chinese who tells me they cant speak chinese. i'm from a chinese speaking family and i can say i'm proud to be one of the few surviving. perhaps i have so much to say about the many incidents of clashes btw china chinese and singaporean chinese is because i dun want chinese to be looked down upon, generally. however, from another article in commentary, the many chinese cultures that evolved around de whole world will neva be homogenous. For eg chinese singaporean has adapted to local lifestyle since our forefathers came to Nanyang. thou our values still pretty much evolve around honesty, integrity being hardworking etc.. we have diff ways of doin things, and looking at things. for eg, women in sg earn almost as much as males and it's generally accepted that women are as capable as men here.

the differences in perception btw the diff groups of chinese are bound to bring about conflicts in ideas. the solution to these conflicts is simply to understand. let us understand where they come from, understand that with the long history of china, the people are taught that they are descendants of dragons and deities, understand that as the country develops rapidly, the mindsets of the pple will change. and most importantly, understand that changing of mindsets needs time. with all that, we can only hope that they will understand us as much as we try to understand them.

the pple who insult us, they're not our enemy. but our friend. we learn to be betta, and strive to work harder.

well, i screwed my mass com interview..
rah.. but de snacks were quite nice.. got egg sandwiches and fried bun!!!
hahaha
yum yum..
could use a little snacks right now..

talk about snacks... i think i'm seriously growing fat...
as in SERIOUSLY, not de girlie thingy...
guess i'll have to start admitting i'm well over my puberty stage.. and start working out!!! again. SIGH...
come to think of it, i neva had high metabolism rate before... hahahah

hemmm
hahaha i shall come back later!!!

hey hey hey~!!!!
it's been a while~ again
hahahaha
anyway...
got mass comm interview later...
not prepared!
die...

was reading tongs blog and he was expressing his views on the china scholar scolding local youths that we're stupid and with brains full of pigswill..
well.. abit slow but yah... this is wat i gathered after reading the article.
i went to the webpage to have a look at the exchange of insults and apologies between (i assumed) students of the two countries. and saw a small article on this in our mainstream Straits Times, saying local youths should be more humble if we wan sino-singaporean relations to improve.

this is how i feel about the whole issue.
Firstly, the few chinese scholars keep harping on the fact that that was an informal webpage which allows individuals to express their views, and went on and on about free speech. Free speech, in singapore , means to express one's views without extreme emotions and creating social discort, neither can it be directed at certain race or religion. so is insulting singaporean youths considered "free speech"? even thou the webpage was an informal one, one has to be responsible to wat he/she said. a chinese saying "huo4 cong2 kou3 chu1" which means generally, conflicts begin with wat you say. by saying the webpage is informal will not excuse one from insulting and generalising the whole youth population in singapore.

secondly, they blamed the media in singapore for sensationalising things. pardon me, but i dun think they're born jus yesterday. which media does not sensationalize their reports to increase viewershipt. this is abit of generalising but everyone knows it. but if he did not make those comments, could the media have made anything out of it? moreover, as i rem, the Straits Times did not make a big thing out of it, it was only the Newpaper and the evening news. and aft reading them, they were partial and did not make any comments on the publication itself. so now our own media are not entitled to report pple of another nationality insulting us?

thirdly, we can deny that some singaporeans are lazy group workers, "complacent after achieving little things" (i quote). we, as singaporeans, meet these pple too. they are everywhere, even aft one start work, they'll meet such pple. SO LIVE WITH IT! instead of wanting the world to change for u, why not change something about urself? since u noe that these pple are lazy workers, work with someone else nez time. you are de one benefitting, isn't it? rem : the world does not change for anyone!

forthly, as my sister puts it, we have bad encounters with some chinese as well, so do we go ard and post it everywhere on the net? and slamming each and every chinese? i'm sure we dont. we learn to live with it and accept that there are bout to be a few black sheeps in the community.

fifthly, i agree with the straits times that local youths shld be more humble. and i advise local youths to wake up our idea, now that we are dissed by other pple. come' on man, are we goin to be looked down lydat? show it to them that we're not "filled with pigswill" HOWEVER, wat i dun understand is, the issue now is dat we're being dissed, and we have to be more humble ? somehow it jus reminds me of mothers beating children up when they are beaten up by other kids in sch...

sixthly, i am disappointed at some singaporeans response in the msg board there. they were childish and uncivilised that totally showed the chinese that we are what they said we are... i can only say "grow up"

and lastly, i think wat we can learn from this is to be responsible for wat we say. i think it is very important in the sense that saying things that are not processed by ur brain is goin to land u into big trouble. so much for singaporeans being the one fed by pig swill....


thats so much. i'm goin to interview, all de best to me!

Hehheh heh...
wonder if anyone read this anymore
LOL
but i'm goin to write anyhow.
hahaha

yup yupZzz
been lazing ard alot.
*looks ard*
dun really noe what am i busy with actually.
jus running here and there everyday...
and the bad news is i'm falling sick again!!!
sigh..
let's hope all de herbal tea i've been drinking works.

anyway>>
i think all my scholarship forms are in de rubbish bins now..
sigh..
gonna take loan from bank.
HATe the feeling of being in debt.
ARGH
anyway>> even if i make it to the interview, i might not make it after it.
sigh sigh sigh..
talk about no confidence in oneself.
rah...

hmmm
i think i really dunnoe what i wan to study..
my application forms for the 3 universities reflect totally different courses..
must be crasy.
which reminds me i have to pay the application fee real soon.
ARGH

oh yah. not forgetting kenna fly aeroplane by them yesterday..
initially goin to smu to pay de fees and hand up the documents.
those iderts flew me aeroplane, as usual. not like i haben done it to them. but i realised that mayb goin alone will be much much easier...
becos lately i realised that guys like to be late.
much later than me.
so i'm starting to wonder if they are putting on make up like why other gers are late.
hemmmm no offence bros!
hahahah

lalalalala...
i'm hungry
very hungry...
but noting to eat.
mayb can make a trip to macs
hahaha
miss mac breakfast.
BUT DAMN Ex..
sigh...
everything is money
step out the house only... money...
even at home u switch on the fan also cost money...
haiiiiiiiiii

oh yah.. miss bintan!
went bintan for 3 days.
hhahahaha k k call me swaku
but i neva seen such a nice beach in my life
really really blue and got waves! hahahahahha
can play body board. yeah yeah.. fun very fun
but very ex also
LOL
hahahaha

all de crap that i've been goin thru man..
anyway>> i'm single again! LOL.. wonder am i available
hahahahha
but i think i'm abit to happy to be single.
lalalalla
nah.. relationships not for me.
jus read a chn book about a few unmarried lady talking about love.
hemmm
haven really given up hope on love yet . but also not hoping much hahaha
lalalalla
life goes on~~~~
GRINZ

heh heh..
today is an important day of mylife....

not that i support using results to define one's success
but it's inevitable in singapore.

and i have proved myself worthy, to myself and all those who have looked down on me before.
more importantly, i'm glad that i have not let those who love me down, those frens who were with me thru the most difficult times.

thank you farmers, for the joy u all have brought me during our times studying together.
all de crap that we talk about...
without them, esp boss who went for econs with me as early as 8 to listen to mdm lee doin mcqs... set and bear to go back sch to study, most of de time end up talking... and de times we went over to set's house and wished our a's were over so we could really enjoy...

i missed those times.

i'm glad i've cleared this major hurdle in life....

one thing i've learnt... it's never the intelligence.. .. no matter how clever you are, you need hardwork and perserverance... i nearly gave way.. if i had not fell hard for my o's, i wouldn't be where i am today. i din want to fall again becos de pain, disappointment for me and my family was too great for me to take again...

anyhow... now that everything's settle... i can start drawing plans for future...

i'll always rem my life in yj.
the good times. the bad ones..
i've really learnt alot in yj.
thou i have been complaining about there ever since i got in, it had a major impact in my life.
thank you yj.

cheers

oh yeah...
i'm concern about something else as well...

was packing the papers in de tuition centre yesterday when a couple came, paying for tuition fees for their children.
boss: we're starting an enrichment course for children, teaching them things outside syllabus. you interested ?
mother: of co (somehow she misses her s-es and mispronouce her english words) do you have age limit?
boss: no lah. parents will decide when they want their child to start.
mother: oh that good. other places dun allow me to enrol my children. they say too young.
lady-boss: that's the thing they dun understand, it's never too young to start.
mother: yeah. they should start in kindergarden. i want to prepare them for the GEP examination in pri3.

....
my blood was boiling as i listened to their conversation.
my heart really goes out to those children who have their mondays to sundays packed, taking tuition for all their subjects, enrichment, piano, dancing drawing. believe me when i say the movies weren't exaggerating...

my boss was saying he has a class to teach pri 4 kids do algebra...
so i assume 2 years later pri 6 kids will be learning differentiation?
all for the sake of our GEP, accelerated programs, NUS school of Sci and Maths. for the prestige? to them it's to ensure a better future for their children.
but think again. a child who finished 20 years of studies in 15 or even 10 years, wat nez? will he be developed enough in other areas to ensure survival? or is his skills onli applicable to studying? did he have the time to learn how to socialise? to learn how to mingle around? to learn how to work with other people?
so what if your child noes how to do differentiation when he is 12 years old? if they're happy and passionate about learning all that is taught, i have no position to comment. but are they? or are they forced?

since tuition centres are offering such enrichment programs, and my tutor even told me this "if you teach slower than the sch, then you want tuition for wat?" which totally don't make sense to me.
TUITION, in the pass, is to help the weaker students understand what he is unable to grasp in school. IT was a complement to school.
TODAY, tuition is teaching all that the school teaches at a faster rate, and MORE than require. so today, schools are complements to tuition instead. our children go to school to socialise, to compare who has more tutors, how much are they paying and that they have already finish the syllabus in june.
So why send your children to school if you plan to give them all sorts of enrichment program . i believe those who can afford 400 a month for each subject can jolly well jus let their children take the exam without goin to school.
without goin to school, their children will have more time to schedule more lessons. now they can learn organ and piano, thou both makes no difference to me.
or are they treating the school as a child care centre, as they go work and earn more money to pay for the high tuition fees...
no wonder almost anyone with a degree and apply to be a teacher, cos nowadays, school teachers dun have to noe how to teach. parents will find tutors for their children, whether or not they need them.

no wonder everyone is becoming a tutor. it's a sunrise industry. and doubt it's setting for the next 10 years. the demand will always be great.

so i'll be looking forward to de day when a pri 6 kid can teach me how to do complicated trigo question and a sec 4 kid programming an operation system...

i jus heard someone questioned " with all the a's our jc students are getting, shouldn't we be having many einsteins and newtons in singapore?" i'm curious as well...

it's BEEN A LONG LONG LONG WHILE SINCE I UPDATED MY BLOG!!!!!
anyway it's been a while since i came online...
din really have time to come
cos de tuition centre i'm working for is opening another branch.
and the amount of papers i have to fotocopy for the new branch is.... DISGUSTINg...
it's till the point u get disgusted when u touch ppr when u get off work.
go figure.

yupz
and took up 2 tuition. both twice a week..
one pri 4 and another secondary 4.
rather taxing lately as the pri 4 ger is having her CA this week and the Sec 4 ger has tests every week.

that explains why i'm always unreachable.
and unable to come online to clear my mail and update my blog.

frankly, other than not being able to spend time with my frenz, my ever dearest farmer frenz and a couple of close frenz, i'm quite happy with my life. cos being busy makes me feel important.
more importantingly , giving tuition makes me feel that i'm helping someone else. hopefully i'm of help thou. tt's besides the point.
yupz, i enjoy being buzy. packing my day with events, it's definitely betta than lazing around at home looking at my toe nails grow.
=)

anyhow, the excitement of the news of releasing of results is wearing off. or perhaps my days are too packed to think about it. or maybe it's de assurance of the people around me. that i'm definitely goin into university, jus whether it's a good course or a bad one. seriously, i think i dun have anything to fred about, becos firstly, i dun have to worry if i'll be able to get a scholarship. as we all noe that that's somewhere near impossible. secondly, as bad as a CCC can get me into u. so frankly, everyone will tell me not to worry.
so i shld jus shut up and get on with life.
yupz, cos perhaps i'm in no position to get too happy or too sad.

life goes on.

yup yupz...

oh yeah...
just yesterday they annouce that one will only hafto take chinese exam in order to enrol into university. whether or not he passes is no longer in consideration, thou if one passes, he'll have points added to his raw score.
i really question this move that the moe is taking.
by doin this they'll onli re-enforce the idea that chinese is useless among the younger generation.
a student from hc was quoted saying the ministry should have annouce it earlier so that students could spend the time they used on chinese on other subjects.
what kind of mentality is that? i'm disgusted, even more becos she is from hc, which is suppose to emphasize on our values and roots.
you are a CHINESE and you think spending time studying the language is better off used on other subjects.
this clearly shows how distorted their thinking is already. they'd rather spend time on more pragmatic subjects.
sooner or later, we'll be telling our chinese fables in english.
and chang er will most probably get a christian name as the new generation will find it a hassle to try to pronouce her name. MARY CHANG?
apart from the economics value of mandarin, which i dun see at all when all china chinese are trying to hard to learn english. and many cases have proven that they believe that the grass is greener in the other side of the world. so much so that an oxford year 4 engineer student was able to bluff his way thru in beijing university as a lecturer for their masters students in economics. he finished 15 out of 16 chapters in a day, and he was scheduled to lecture for 3 days str8. no one questioned why he went so fast.
anyway, i digressed.
apart from the economics value of chinese, as chinese, i believe we should at the very least noe how to read, write and speak proper mandarin. personally, i'm disgusted by myself when i have to use english in between my sentences. i look down on myself, feeling like a half-breed, not here nor there. no offence. but thats how i see myself.
i was appalled when a student said that she was escalated at the news that chinese will not be taken into account for university enrolment.
and the thing is that i've never seen a malay speak to another malay in english and an indian to another in english. the pathetic singaporean chinese are the onli ones in the world, that needs the government to think of ways and means to MAKE them learn their mother tongue.
pardon me but i really think it's utterly PATHETIC.

i wonder ten years down the road, will Lianhezaobao be still around? by then, maybe liu bei and co. will also have a christian name...

hiak hiak..
i'm goin off soon!!!!
yupZzz
ermm
having fun
slacking
really bad for me..
but not for long
cos results coming out soon!!!
argh
i cant believe i onli got 1200 for my sat..
i'm angry with myself now
ARGHHHHH!!!!
to think dat i studied for it..

but wat is done cannot be undone..

yupz
so right now i jus hope i do well for a's.

sigh hope and pray..

anyhow>> my ex apologize for wat happen last time
haha
interesting
yupz
so.. i'm suppose to accept his apology
and i did.
wat is there to be sorry about anyway?
hrmmm

yup yupz
i'm goin off pretty soon

organizing a class gathering on 14th feb
let's hope most of de pple turn up!!!
*grinz*
hope it'll be fun!!!
hiakz hiakz

yup goin off now..
cheers

hrmm
dramatic turn ard for me.
~~`
no comments.

rather confused bout my life rite now.
dunno wat de heck i wanna do with it
i suddenly really miss those studying days.
at least i had stuff to do
and noe wat i'm suppose to complete everyday..
argh

completely no direction in life
and fretting over de day i'll be collecting my results.
ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

heard it'll be out de end of this month
pui

walk ard bugis today
really interesting place at nite..
think i'll explore summore tml..

anyway might go ask for a job in de restaurant tml..
*grinz*

k lah i dun have much to talk about
jus realised i'm a bitch
yup.
bloody bitch.
hate myself.
=p

take care

i'm totally crushed.
i neva tot i could actually love someone so dearly..
and i neva tot ending it can hurt so much.
not tryin to be mushy here.

lying on my bed, i felt like a carcass, waiting for vultures to devour me.
i really understand now, wat it means when ur heart aches.
wat it means to love till it hurts.

wo bu shi yi ge qing yan ai de ren.
i dun say love easily.

i hurt him.
i hurt someone that i love so muchz.
i cant believe how stupid i am.
how insensitive i can get.

i fell.. uncontrollably...
and i smashed into pieces..

no words can express how bad i feel for hurting him.
i should not have lied..
i'm willing to do a million and one things jus for him to forgive me..
i neva tot i can go so low...

yup..
i neva knew this side of me...

it hurts most when i noe i'm de one who broke his heart.
it hurts when u noe he is hurting, and u can do nothing about it.
it hurts when u think of the things we planned to do together...
it really hurts when he told me... we're still good frens...
it really hurts when things were jus so beautiful during the short time we're together...
it really hurts ... very badly...

there's a thousand and one love songs that i can really relate to now..
that i neva tot i will be so weak, so cliche..
i always tot pple feel down becos they choose to...
they're so polluted by drama serials that they think they have to cry, to stay up de whole nite, to listen to sappy love songs.. when they break up...
i was so wrong.
it'll neva hurt when u're not de one experiencing it...

i may sound silly now. to myself when i read this some other time..

je m'ennuie de lui chèrement, je t'aime beaucoup.
si seulement il peut me pardonner
si seulement nous pouvons commencer encore une fois
je le priserai
je l'aimerai avec tout mon coeur
je volonté jamais, le blesse jamais toujours encore
ceci que je jure

sigh..
i'm rather down now..
bleai
cos i had a really great afternoon with him...
but sorta messed it up when i got home..
now i'm really really down.
argh...
jus wish i can noe what is goin on in his head now.

let's jus hope he is sleeping ...
or talking to his mum..

sigh.
think it's someting tt i msg that pissed him off..
argh
but i dun mean anything in a sacarstic way yeah?

hrm..
let's hope that i'm jus over reacting.


yupZzz
thinking of quiting my pathetic job..
thinking of doin something really interesting..
but yet to noe wat.
sigh
my life is act. qt a mess as well huh?
why cant i jus stay put in that job?
*wonders wonders*
perhaps the grass always looks greener on the other side.

yupz
he's trying to call..
wah...
let's hope nothing's wrong
hiak hiakz

cheers

ahhh
i'm sorry!!!!
for not updating for de past week
rather buzy...
hahahaha
and alot of stuff i cant publish
so no point anyhow...
yupZ

sick again after my new year break
totally pissed off with my tuition centre
i wanna start biz myself now.
and i mean now!
yupZzz
and rather happy new year btw.
i miss my frens!
hhahahaha
gotta meet up with them reallllll soooN!
hiak hiakzzz

k k
i got to go rest now.!!!
take care!!!!

i've got a mindful of stuff now.

firstly, i cant make it on sunday to help dem.
cos i gotta go help my mom.
and i can onli leave at 1.
de thing is, my sister is buzy with her honors report.
and she's sorta under pressure from her prof.
so.. i hafta make it.

secondly, i cannot dun go. cos i haven been doing anything.
i cannot get ven.
and i think even if i can, i cant do much.
anyhow> i think they jus wan my presence felt.

thirdly, i haben been getting enough sleep.
and i jus came home and had my dinner at 2230...
and everyone comes and bombard me with qns and more qns, tt i cannot ans.
argh.

forthly, i'm worried sick about my sat.
i've yet to get my result.
and i've yet to completely memorising all de vocabs which i'm very sure i'll not be using them anytime soon.

fifthly, i'm really sick. yeah still sick.
de cough is like showin no signs of goin off.
and it gets worst at nite or in de morning....
it's irritating de hell out of me.

and i'm typing with my eyes closed.
i nid to go sleep.

waking up tml to jog and study.

tml will be a betta day.

hrmm...
started joggin today~
hahahaha
feels good.
it feels really good to be able to run and jump about again!!!
except tt at nite i still cough like hell..
wonder wat kind of cough is tis.
i onli cough at nite when i'm home...
argh

anyhow~~
hahaha
decided i'm actually getting alot for doin so little...
i can scan stuff and play computer games without worries.
cos they end up teaching me how to play de game...
and i was reading magazine today as well..
latest issue of YOU magazine, courtesy of mr yan~
hahahahaha
so act. i'm enjoying life. air con summore....
=p

oh yeah..
suppose to call tuition agency tml and tell 'em i'm free to tuition anytime of de day le...
cos i realised as long i sign in and sign out de rite timing, no one cares wat time i go there, wat time i leave..
hahaha
talk about flexible...

=p

good mood todayz

shall go off le~
waiting for boss to tell me all about his first day...
so where's he now?

hrmmm

hrmmm
well well
for those of u who are interested
my life is goin fine...
not much ups and downs lately
like wat pple say, ping fan shi fu..

yeapz.
begining to think i talk alot.
hahahaha
and no action.
i feel bad lah...
was into some things with the clique.
and i think i'm de onli one not doin anything.
am i really that busy?
i dunno.
somehow de time jus couldn't match with theirs.
i seems to be into alot of things that, in actual fact, are not impt.
k, whether impt or not, it's to individual standards.
sigh.
i can always say i haf alot of things to attend to.
gotta take up some fianancial burden at home.
gotta go ard finding a betta paying job in order to do that.
i hafta hope and pray that i get some tuition job to add on to my meagre pay.
but seriously, i think all of us are facing diff kinds of pressure in life. i may think they're leading a good life, free from worries.
but i jolly well noe that everyone has their own probs... so i'm beginning to think that, perhaps all those are jus excuses. to excuse myself from the responsibility. to excuse myself from making the effort to even be there...

but sometimes, it jus seems dat something is holding me back.

anyway>> i shall try to do wat i can... thou not much. hahaha i always feel useless ard em...but be it buying drinks, or running errands, at least i'm doin something....

anyhow, for my present job, thou i haf flexible hours and i can take leave as and when i like. de environment is fine.
but the pay is really little.
well, we win some, we lose some.
but i cannot take it when i haf to do scanning or photocopying of stuff..
k, so far its onli the third day of work.
we shld gif it some more time....
so i shan't comment tt much.

anyhow>> i'm seriously thinking of switching jobs.
something more interactive.
it's really not me to sit there from dunno when to dunno when.
i'd rather be serving pple in some restaurant.
and the pay is betta loh... $7/hr i get to talk to pple somemore.
i jus hope de venue is somewhere near home..
the travelling fare is really killing me.

hrmmm
looking at job agency online....
argh
i've concluded tt not one day can pass without money.
everything and anything has it's price.
so nez time when u say "money doesnt make the world go round" think again.

i hate it when i haf to worry bout $$...
i hate it when someone dear to me needs it and i can do nuthing about it...

damn

hey heyz
took leave today..
cos was drowsy after taking my medicine
still abit lite headed now...

hahah
sorrie din update these few days...
dunnoe wat to write actually...

but my life is great now.
hahaha
i think nothing could be betta...
all seems too good to be true for me.
but i'll jus hafta take a step at a time yeah?
no point worrying myself sick...

hahaha i AM sick..
hrmmm....

anyhow>> finally caught LOTR yesterday~
hahaha
wasn't really wat i expected.
i tot should be betta...
hahaha
maybe it was de medicine yeah?
i was more into de story den de effect yesterday...
perhaps i should catch it de second time.
=)

anyhow>> got tis doin phy qn job. and trying very hard to do all de qn... hahaha gotta hand up tis week end eh..
die die die.
some of em i cannot do !!!
=p
kenna threatened that if i dun do well for my phy i dun hafta see mr goh le.
idert~

yeah yeah...

"hardwork will not get u to the top, but it'll get u very near to the top"

"ideas will always remain as ideas when not acted upon"

hahah
these are things that everyone noes.
but jus how many can do it?
how many can do it well?
and hold on to em?

i hafta start today.

cheers

wr

hrmm
cant stop coughing eh..
mus be de 7up i drank during de wedding dinner...

de wedding dinner suxz
hahahaha
filled with uncles and aunties tt i've neva see b4 in my life.
no idea how to call em as well..
so jus hello uncle hello auntie all de way.
and we were too early.
i nearly grew roots at de table
and my cheeks hurt from smiling at de pple who came to talk to my grandpa.
cant singaporeans be abit more courteous? and be punctual?
wateva happen to de courtesy campaigne.
wasted all de money for nothing.
shld jus gif it out as ers as well...

hrmm
eat snake during work today
wahahha
cos i fin sorting my stuff rather early
den jus walk around talking to the teachers while they sort their stuff...
damn entertaining
a teacher was a nus biz stud b4
so asked her about biz fac.
apparently there's alot of project..
and she's from logistic.
so not my interest...
but got to noe more about choosing wat to study in u.
hahaha
shall worry bout tt later...
=p

hrmm
nuthin much happened today...

haha i told myself
i mus learn not to say "i wasn't told to do this... i wasn't informed of that..." or stuff lydat
cos i shld be more active.
to ask instead of waiting to be told.
i think everyone noe this but it's really qt tough to practise it.
bleai..
i shall try my best
hahahah
cos i'm still qt lazy.
=p

anyway. gotta go sleep le!
hiak hiakzz
tml gotta go help my mum.

nite nite

heh heh heh...
i'm in a good good mood today...
anyhow i hope things will remain as it is today.
i'll be de luckiest ger in de whole wide world.
=)

working from 12 to 5 tml...
tt's 5 hrs. so it's 25 bucks tml.
haiz.
i think i'm getting too lil.
but considering my working environment.
so frenly and free and easy. i really shouldn't complain anymore
i act. walk bare footed ard and ate tidbits in de centre
hahahah k k.. no students today. so nvm.
hahaha
den had de feeling i was swimming in pprs.
cos there was alot of sorting of pprs in a tuition centre.
i think my degree went up a whole lot jus cos of searching for de year and sch.

yeahh
and got free dinner
courtesy of a family fren
really nice food and i suppose the ambience if dere wasn't so many pple making noise in de little place.
would like to go there again. when i haf de means.
hahaha
yeahhhhh

k.
as all of u can see.
i'm on cloud no. 9.
i wonder wat will happen tml.
i think i'll fall back to 8th level of hell..
choy choy choy..
hopefully not.
=p

hahaha
finally understand wat's counting de hours while working
but today still not tt bad.
everytime i checked, half an hour would haf passed.
so rather fast.
i hope nez time it'll be one hour.
cos i heard i've got alot to do.
wah.. and i'm onli paid 5 bucks an hour.
they really noe how to save man.
damn...

not goin to d'l de software today.
cos i think i goin off soon
and not goin to see my tutor online.
=p

more sorting tml.
so i'll be busy.
hopefully
cos i wont be entertained.
till nite..........
anyway i'll be at a wedding dinner
hahaha
cos my cute ah gong wanna go.
=)

anyhow>>
i think i'm against goin into relationship now
hahahaha
not tt i'm turning into a fossil
but yah..dating is fine.
but bgr is too serious le...
cos i think :
de ger will suddenly wan more from de guy
time to accompany her, his attention, his care . yada yada yada
and de guy will start to want to convert his attention to something else. hahaha no i'm not slaming guys or wat. but i jus feel so ba...
sigh.
if onli everything can stay lydat.
but i noe things wont last.
cos de ger will start to ask for more. and de guy will start to move back.
or vice versa.

hahaha.
matters of de heart i can neva understand.

take care.
good nite
sweet sweet dreams.
*hugz*

HapPy NEw YEaR!!!
hahaha
k k
boliao

hrmmm
din really enjoy myself at zouk yesterday...
i seriously dislike crowds.
esp if i haf to move ard in it.
and de pple dancing... i wonder if they're dancing or jus jumping or jus rubbing themselves against others, males and females alike...
some pple can jus drink themselves silly and fall everywhere on de dance floor...
they look old eh...
but they dun act their age.
i mean thou u're suppose to relax and enjoy urself, but come'on lah, at least not to de extend of making a fool of urself yeah?
how to enjoy if u drink urself silly?
there's tis group of pple who formed a circle and they were obviously very drunk. cos they kept falling onto other pple.. jumping up and down... wah.. dunno wat de hell lah...
wonder wat happen aft de party's over..
they get throw out of de club? or they jus lie on de streets?
i'm curious..
hahahaha

i tink i was looking at pple more than clubbing.
see how pple dance, see how a fight nearly broke out on de dance floor, being aware of de pple ard me..
hahaha
to de extend some1 told me i'm too self conscious...
den wat? like de ger in his arms ah?
she got drunk and was practically hanging on him lah.
so i still believe strongly tt i shld get a group of really close frens to club with.
hahahah

yeap.
i left abt 2, reached home bout 2 plus. but talked to my fren till 4.
told him everything tt was troubling me.
hahaha
k k.. i think there's no trouble at all.
i jus found stuff to trouble myself wif...
no choice lah... too free lately ..
so mus find stuff to keep my mind occupied.
thou not very healthy stuff but, still can prevent rusting
whahaha

anyhow>>
i din haf a good day today.
i also noe we shldn't meet up everyday...
but yah.. noeing and doin is two diff thing ba..
at de very least i was hoping i get some reply
yet, there wasn't any.
hahah
shall cont tis in another blog.
=p

yup yup.
woke up at 11, slept aft i had my lunch.
till 6!
unbelievable.
den made arrangements to meet a couple of frens.
hahaha it act. took my mind off some stuff.
tt's why i can joke and luff now ba....
hahaha
half de time i was whining to niang niang thou.
sorry niang niang..
tot i was rather irritating.

argh

moving into another phase of my life tml...
working a part time job for qt a long time..
at least 3 mths.
sorta putting half a foot into the working society...
hrmm wonder wat kind of life tt'll be.
sucky?
exciting?
boring?
it'll def be tiring i think...
but think tt's wat i nid now.
stuff to keep me occupied. so i wont be thinking too much
hahahahah

yi ge ren bu suan kun rao
ai shui ran hen mei miao
que bu neng wei le ji mo
gen xian ru ni zhao

ai yao nai xing deng dai
zi xi xun zao
gan jue hen zhong yao
ning ke kong bai le shou
deng dai yi ci zhen xing de yong bao
wo xiang xing zai zhe ge shi jie shang
yi ding hui yu dao
dui de ren chu xian
zai yan jiao

liu guo de lei rang wo xue xi dao
ru he qu fen....
ai bu shi ying zhong xu yao..
..

lalalalla

betta day tml.

*looks ard*

hahaha
i'm wasting my life away as usual.

sleep till 1150 today and met my sister to go ktv.
I ENJOY SINGING!
thou i shouldn't be singing now.
hahaha
i'm actually arranging another session tml
but my frens yet to reply me.
guess i'll hafta do some calling later.

den again.
i was thinking, maybe i shld leave de last day of de year to myself.
u noe, sitting in my studies alone.
think of wat i haf done in de past year.
wat's good and wat's bad
so i can do betta nez year.
dun sound like me yeah?
but i think i shld do it once in a while.
=p

brb.
go take my contacts out....

yupzz
here i am~

and i gotta call tuition agency tml!
hahaha
i'm thinking of saving some money to buy secondary sch text bk
if i'm teaching sec sch maths..
but aft some calculations.. de amt is rather large.
sighz.

yeah..
decided tt i shld onli decide my dir in life when my results are out...
and i'm already freaking out about my results.
argh.
i really wonder what will happen if i flop tis.
i dun think i'll haf de courage to face it, and to start all over again.

anyhow>> beginning to wonder why some pple like clubbing so much.
personally, i enjoy goin with my frenz. dancin with em. drink with em
with de pple i noe.

i realised i'm getting afraid.
afraid of getting close with pple, guys esp.
not jus physically close, emotionally as well.
k, maybe not afraid.
jus denying any possibility tt anyone will "kan shang wo"
=)
hahaha i think tt's qt good thou.

i wanna earn money!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahhaa
i wanna get my license by may.
go overseas in dec.
=)
my short term plan for de year.
*grinz*

we're frens again.
i'm glad.
at least i wont hafta feel bad.
think things are betta this way ba...

act. sometimes i'll still feel lonely.
=p
no one there specially for me.
no one to listen and talk to me everyday.
no one dat i can sha jiao to.
no one i can make lil things for.
no one to take care of me.
hahaha
this is wat pple call freedom.
freedom = doin all de things u wan anytime, anywhere.
emptiness = too much time, dunnoe wat to do.

i think i feel empty.
i cant think of things i wanna do.
seriously.
except goin out with frens for coffee, ktv session, shopping, movie.
i nid something to commit to.
feels like a kite without string attached.
feels like a boat lost at sea.

de kite might look free without de string, but without de string, de kite can onli fly where de wind carries it. no dir of its own.
think it's true for me.
as a student.
as a person.

been studying most of de time.
now dat i've graduated from jc, i really dunnoe where i'm heading, wat am i suppose to do.
sad life ah?

so i aspire to travel!
hahaha
out of singapore.
to learn other things.
to widen my horizon...
to noe more pple

hahaha
i think i crap too much..
gtg
=)

happy new year...

hiak hiak hiakZzz
i'm in a rather good mood today.

went GH with my grandpa today for his appointments with de docz
rather positive
they say he has recovered
and de cancer cells are under control
so great news
thou we spent de whole morning sitting at de couch. waiting.
de air in hospital really bad.
i got a headache there..
blahzz

anyhow>>
came home and slept. or shld i say went into coma.
no idea why i was dead tired.

and i went cwp with my aunt and mom in de evening!
hahaha
and i got a pair of black pants out of it.

on top of tt>> i'm damn happy
hahaha

cant wait for tml~
i'm goin ktv!!!
but i'm still coughing non stop eh
wonder if i should stay home...
and wait for my dinner.
*deep tots*

or go walk walk with some1 else
RAH
decisions. =|

hrmm
i'm too busy to haf any chim tots nowadays.
feel like a bloody brainless ger nowadays eh..
living like a zombie

i shall spend some time to myself tml.
oh yeah>> and to find a tuition agency tml morning.

=)
gtg
byez

i'm still in a daze.
i din really took de medicine today thou.
guess my brain lacks oxygen.
cos both my nostrils are blocked.
I CANT BREATHE!...

argh

yeah!
i had a pleasant surprise today
due to my bad memory or my lousy hearing or eyesight
*grinz*
ignorance can sometimes be a bliss.
hiak hiak hiak...

haha k k tt was a really diff tone altogether.

anyhow>> i think i'll haf to sleep early today.
cos tml goin hospital with my cute ah gong.
to check up.
wonder wat time will de whole thing end...

act. i'm rather brain dead.
i cant write a blog now..
i'll come back to u when i get my brain organized.

cheers
=0
wr

no mood to write blog today
TMD

i'm not goin to eat yun tun for a good long while....
for those who understands wat yun tun means.. sorrie to spoil ur appetite...
for those who dun, i suggest u dun find out...

anyhow..
i still cant feel my head, or my limbs after take 2 doses of medication...
strangely, it feels like when i'm tipsy..
so tis is wat pple call high aH?
i feel rather stupid lydat eh...
anyhow>> i cant really think str8 now...
so.. yeah.. hahaha i'll jus type anything tt comes to my mind yeah?
as usual anyhow..

oh yeah...
i think de onli good thing dat came out of my losing voice exp is tt i finally started reading LOTR tt was lying on my table for .. about 2 wks..
hahaha.. it's really nice eh..
even when de medicine was acting on my, i cont reading...
dun think i shld cont later.. maybe tml.. cos its rather late le..
mus take care of myself.. no one take care of me...*sigh*

hahaha
k k
tt's a load of rubbish...
i haf my very cute ah gong.
he's so nice eh..
cook porridge for me
den keep walking in and out of de kitchen, asking me if i wan this or dat.
told me not to wash de dishes cos he tot i'm still having flu, but in actual fact i'm having sore throat and cough now..
anyhow>> i very guai-ly left de dishes hahahaha patients must be good rite?
yeah>> i think he cant stop worrying about me ba. yesterday my situation already qt bad.. he told me not to go to my aunt house in de afternoon.. but i still went.. =p
hahaha bad bad me.. made my ah gong worry...
i think cos he was a patient not long ago.. so he understands how bad i feel.. sigh.. i think what i went thru was nuthing compared to him.. i already felt like like dying yesterday..
imagine him goin thru all dat for a few weeks....

good thing he's recovered!
*grinz*
and i'm on my way to recovery!!!
*grinz grinz*

heng no one called this few days.

hahahah
my mum damn cute..
jus now she called.
i picked up..
den she was like "why ur voice still lydat?"
...
hahaha guess she too worried le ..
aft yesterday i woke up 6 in de morning...
and told her i cant swallow even my saliva..
=p

yeah..
i guess one cant have everything in de world.
i haf a great family. and i'm thankful for it.
shan't ask for too much
hahaha
u gain some, u'll lose some...

think i shld go to bed le...
=)
i cant wait for monday to come...
hiakz hiakz hiakz

i'm gone~

merry merry x'mas to all of u out there.

cant say i'm having a good christmas eve thou.
i was bed ridden since yesterday nite.

as usual, i sneeze too hard and too many times.
until i got a sore throat.
i caught a cold.
very bad cold.
i slept at 11 plus, wanted to go to bed earlier, but boss they all wanted to come my house initially. so had to wait up.
in de end they din come.
much to my relieve thou.
i was in no state to take care of em.
din even greet my sis nor my parents when they came home....

tis morning my cold and sorethroat escalated into fever.
really good to haf a sister.
she made me go over to eat breakfast (swiss roll)
and made me eat panadol...
only den she went to sch.

aft i woke up and had my porridge, prepared by my dearest ah gong,
i felt betta alreadi.
den my sec sis left de house.
so technically i was left alone at home until my parents came back in de afternoon.
they brought home tis really big vegetarian bao.. really appetizing...
and i felt betta.
so i had half of it.
and 2 mouths of my dad's duck rice.
wonder which of it left me tossing and turning in bed later in de afternoon.
wanted badly to puke cos my sore throat was really uncomfortable.
and coughing really made me wanna puke.
finally puke in de evening....
den went over to get some sympathy....
my unker asked if i wanna watch LOTR... argh.. i wan to!!!!
but i cant.

after i had porridge, again, courtesy of my ah gong whch taste really good, i wrapped myself up in my unker's room watching who wans to be a millionaire..
den my bones were really killing me..
i took some ying qiao and came back over....
back to bed... all alone...
i had to be all alone on a christmas eve..
i'm really qt sad.
i wonder was i really tt mean?
i feel like a total failure in life.
from last nite till jus now.
onli 2 ppl noe i'm down will flu.
no one else msged me...
no one called.

boss said he wanted to ask me out>> but tot i might haf plans le so din...
so, am i too successful? or pathetic?

i read bosses' blog jus now...
i haf to admit i'm envious of her.
i mean how many gers get to haf guys doin all dat for em?
i'm not greedy ba..
i jus nid one.
sigh.

i dun like to be alone.
or rather i was hoping they'll be online...
looks like there's no miracles on christmas either...

i'm really wallowing in self pity now....

act. i feel betta in front of de comp..
feels like i'm connected to de world...
at least i noe i'm not alone ...
talk about pathetic...

i cant really think now...
i'm jus typing wateva tt's coming to my mind...

some bloody idert jus cant stop asking me about my break up.
WHAT THE FUCK.
he act. asked me "why always gers break up with guys"
wah.. damn it
it's as if i'm so damn happy breaking up with him
it's as if i wanted so bad to break up wit him
it's as if i was toying his feelings all along
it's as if i am in de wrong.

i think anger is much betta feeling than sorrow.
at least i feel more alive.

sigh.
i was hoping one of em to call me.

argh

no special tots to post today eh...
jus wanna tell everyone that centro got bad management
uberture cannot find good place to organize their "beauty paegent"
on de whole yday rather sucky.

=p
centro is damn ex as well.
either tt or they purposely push de price up yday.

once again>> we're taught of de harsh reality in society today.
everything involves money.
and de amt it involves will onli increase with time.
so can somebody tell me again, why are de teens in sg growing more and more materialistic and motivated more by money than anything else.
not onli is de education sys not working.
de society itself .
de family unit itself.
has problems, and flaws in the upbringing of de limited amt of younger generation.

but den again.
who am i to comment so much?

i'll jus appear cynical.
to others, i'll jus be another person, unhappy to be a sg.
a quitter.
someone who onli critize de country but doin nuthing.
rite> i've yet to contribute anything to de society.

tt's why i'm writing all tis in my blog, and not in a bk.
partly also becos of my lousy eng thou.

yeah.
tt's my two cents worth today.

wr

i've still got a mindful of things goin on in my head.
i really think i shld empty my schedule nz week.
to haf time to sit ard, by myself. think of my life, my goals.
where am i heading.
what issit i really want in life.

suddenly i feel like being a teacher.
hahaa
guess i'm rather influenced.
perhaps i wanna make an impact on some1 else.
be it 1, 2 or 20, 30 pple..

hahaa
but i'll haf to get my degree first.
*grinz*

yupZ
=)

i hope my blog has inspire some souls out there...
or at least entertained all of u.
=)

wr

man.
i feel that i've jus wasted 18 years of my life.
compared to him
i think i've wasted EVERY single sec this 2 wks.
he has surpassed de "eligible bachelor guy" stage to a zhi ji
someone whom i wouldn't dare to date in fear of losing him as a fren
someone whom i doubt i'll date due to circumstances.
someone who can really get me thinking about life, about goals, looking into de inner self.

i'm learning how to practise what i preach.
i'm finding de true goal in my life.
looking for things that really matter in my life.

man, i jus cant get enough of talking bout such intangible stuff.
thankz~.

another significant day in my life.
reminds me de analogy about self motivating leaders as fire starters
and leaders as charcoal, not knowin their own potential.
i guess i'm a piece of charcoal that needs constant liting from fire starters.
hahaha
wat a lousi piece of charcoal.

yup> he might be leaving sg for good
tt's rather sad piece of news
but i've learn something

no one is obliged to be there for anyone.

=)

i think i need time to find myself.
do some soul searching
b4 2003 ends.
b4 stepping into a new year.

today's meeting has not disappoint me a bit at all.

and i realised as well today
that i've not been as good a fren i tot i was all along.
i wasn't sensitive enough
rather self centred.
always completing other's sentences for others
most of all, i think i haven't been practising what i preached.

i realised i cant really change how pple think.
as much as i hope they'll change for e betta < according to my stds
i realised they might not see me as a figure important enough to cause an impact on their perspective of life.
they haf diff influences in their lives, diff fam backgrd.

i'm working towards being a better fren.
i suppose i'll try.
i dun see it as accomodating them
i see it as learning
learning to communicate with them.

i onli see it now.

i'll see it thru.

wr

yada yada..
i'm rather brain dead now.
nothing much happened today
brought my lil sister swimming
and gave her a lecture.... or rather a lesson on how to apologise.
hahahaha
k k
made her cry~
my mum says i'm sadist.
whahahaha
but needed to teach her a lesson...

so...
I"M NOT A SADIST!

LOL...

k k
feel betta today.
not much time to think too much
gotta wake up early tml...

suppose to sleep early ba...
but dunwan to go sleep.
*grinz*

so....
dunnoe shld i sleep today not..
hahahah
tis is worst that when i'm preparing for a's...

yeahh...
19 is tis fri~!
hiakz hiakz

k k
take care

wr

hrm
i feel like crying aft reading their blogs.
i think i've already forgotten wat it means to be a gd fren.
i dunnoe wat am i suppose to do to be a gd fren.

or maybe it has no definition?
i can feel their presence even thou they're not near.
i can relate to their situation, their conversation, even thou we have not met for a few months.
i can laugh and cry with them, get angry for something that does not even concern me with em.
i haf not told these pple i'm consider them as good fren.
i neva labelled anyone as good fren at all.
but i noe deep down inside, these are the pple i wanna keep in my life forever.
meeting em once in a while, get to know their situation.

there're also pple whom i lost contact, emotionally and physically. for as long as a year. den i realised that, i was that close with her. i've finally found her back. but u cant imagine how bad i feel when i heard wat hap to her in dat year. in a year when she needed frens de most. in a situation when i knew if someone was there for her, she'll be able to recover much faster. i cannot forgive myself.

did i tell her : hey, we're de best of frens. u're my gd fren.

no.

i think it's less of wat u say.
more of what u do.

to some whom i believe is not worth it, i usually dun gif much attention to.
to pple whom i see as a gd fren, one call and i'll be there.
i'm not trying to sound noble.
but these are the pple who were there for me.
whom i tot of when i was in deep shit
and turn up for me.
niang niang is one eg ba...

perhaps u all might see me as selfish,
onli when pple treat u well den u treat him/her well.
but tt's how i work.
tt's de diff standards that pple have.
tis is mine.

=)
well, i noe we're still close frens ba...
i dun ask for u all to be there for me all de while.
bi jing, we all haf our own lives.
i mean, in my life, a few gd frens is good enough for me.

hao peng you ying gai hai xu yao yi dian yuan fen ba.

thankz.

i'm not feeling too good...
sigh.

i dunnoe whats wrong with me...
argh
i think i nid to sleep.

he lost his fone.
dunnoe what hap.
he din reply my icq msg online.
i suppose he hates me now?
i dun like this feeling at all..
wat's dis suppose to mean?
argh.
maybe it's becos i'm alone.

sigh.

i dunnoe wat to say.

wr

i've been in front of de comp since 9 plus.
it's 0035 now.
i dunno wat hav i been doin.
wat am i waiting for.

yeah
stupid me.
went thru my old entries.
dun feel too much thou.

i think i'm losing it.
~~`

i think i'll jus dismiss it as a joke ba.
hahaha
come to think of it, it's so unreal.
i feel like luffing at myself le
*hahaZ*

so perhaps. from today, i'll stop waiting.
i'll stop mentioning. i'll stop thinking.
not goin to feel like an idert again ba..

well, perhaps i shld feel happy dat he replied
LOL.

i'm outta of all tis.
goin to retreat to some nunnery.
maybe i'll set up my own religion.
den start preaching wat i've learnt in life.
which is rather little.

sighz

"wo xiang yao runaway runaway home...."


haiZ..
wo hai shi bu gan ji mo ba...
*ku xiao*

hahaha jus realised something...
we've been "siaming" de topic ever since tt day.
perhaps we're still at de guessin stage
haha and i guessed that he's got over le.
so. i shall stop wat i've been doin ba?
LOL, wonder how dumb i look..
haha de female side of me talking.
dou shuo le, i've got alot of diff faces...
no one will see it all ba.

maybe it's my "bu gan ji mo" that cause all de trouble in my relationship.
which resulted in my pestering him to pei wo.
tt resulted in him getting sick of dat.
tt resulted in de relationship losing de spark.
tt resulted in tis.

so, why issit tat pple go into a relationship if they'll feel lonier than they are when they're single?
dat they can tell emself there's someone thinking of em somewhere on earth?
so is there anyone that is thinking of me now?
if so, why do i still feel lonely?

i think i nid help
i shld stop thinking of qn tt i dun haf ans to.

stop acting like a despo wenrong.
is de voice inside me tt's screaming to me.

yeap.
def, wateva u say.

sigh

wr

hey hey~
eating milo choc now
hahahaha
growing fat xia
anyhow>> i went joggin jus now... so i suppose it's not so bad ba....

stayed home de whole day today..
haiZ
made my fren angry today
cos flew her aeroplane...
but even if i said a million times of sorry. she will still be angry
but tis doesnt mean i can jus ignore her...

tis is de same for a couple ba
guys usually think de ger will be fine aft some time
dat since she's angry, wateva u say will be in vain.
but wat de ger is waiting for is for u to say something nice ba.
even if she might scold u, tell u to go away. u still hafta be thick skin and try to make her smile or sumthing
i mean u wont expect her to be not angry suddenly and talk to u first yeah?
if not she'll haf more reason to be angry..

so guys, be abit more thick skin nez time ba...

perhaps dat's why guys think gers are diff to understand..
or issit they dun put in de effort to understand em?

yada yada
i shld go woo gers instead
hahahahaha
maybe i'll be rather successful eh~
k crap.

man..
damn cold..
all alone at homeZ
=)
eating choc..
shld be wrapped in my blanket reading some story book ba..
hao xing fu woah...
hahahha


hrm
ke neng zai zi qi qi ren ba.
=p

anyhow>> gers still xiang wang ai qing ba.
hahaha
yah yah.. i noe i noe.. all my jc frens gonna start tis.. "you think u ger" thing
yada yada yada
no comments..

i go sing song le...

wr

i dun feel so good.
i'm starting to question alot of things.
question de way i treat pple.
question de way others treat me.
question my frenships with other pple
question my relationships with other pple

i realise that pple can ba hao peng you gua zai zhui bian.
but in act. fact are we?
i realise that my relationship with them are getting awkward.
are they trying to bao liu yi fen chan que de you yi?
i starting to feel that i'm treated with double standards.

maybe it's jus me.

it's a very abstract feeling, or rather i really dunno how to put it down in words.

somehow, something is also telling me i'm expecting too much.

perhaps in my life, they'll be another group of frens.

so i start to ask myself, is there anyone that i really call a good fren, close fren.
someone i think of when i haf happy things to share, someone whom come to me when he/she is in trouble and yada yada yada

i realise i dun haf an ans.
we all haf our own group of frens.
all turn to diff ppl for help.

so.. is hao peng you a nicer name for a closer passerby in this phase of my life?

i do not like de feeling when i put in effort and show enthusiam but all i get in return is indifference.
i'm afraid i learn to ignore, learn to be indifferent. becoming unfeeling towards the things ard me. things that perhaps, really matter in life...

i'm one confused soul.

wr

i left de camp even before it started.
doubt i can mention wat happen but..
life is super unpredictable...
plus i din get enough sleep
and i think i'm allergic to some drinks yesterday...
and i'm hungry
i'm super depress now.

i feel like a piece of shit.
RAH

i nid to see doc about tis rashes.

man...
it's times like these when u think u need someone by urself
times like these that u feel most lonely.

but i'm fine
i jus hope my fren can take it.
she'll pull thru

sigh

i feel helpless.

wr

hiak hiak hiak
it's 430
i'm rather sleepy
but i think i cant sleep le..
cos i gotta leave house by 6 plus for de camp..
bear>> now u noe why i dun feel like goin le..
i can sleep there de whole day man...

*yawnZ*
had a great time ... k k
de music at de rj bash suckz like hell
i cant believe i upset my parents becos of some stupid bash like this..
however>> i had a good time with my frens
thou they did abandon me once in a while
anyhow i was a good ger. as in i din dance with any guys lah
thou i saw tis cute caucasian
hahahaha
k k
who told me i shouldn't accept drinks from strangers
*grinz*

anyway~~~~~~~
i'm sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and for all of u out there who're worried..
i'm fine.
not drunk
anyhow i'm de onli sober one but i got a ride all de way to my doorstep
wahahahhaha
how lucky
din hafta spend on cab fare eh..
but rather brave of us lah...
shhhhhh

sigh
i've yet to pack my stuff..
damn
i think they're gonna get a bloody zombie in de camp tml..

sheesh
i gotta get a gripz

see u all on 15...
when i'm back..
take care
muackz

wr

yada yada yada....
some stupid taiwanese show on de tv...
pi li huo
*yawnZ***

slack my day away at home today
scolded my stupid sister for something tt she said wrongly....
she's rather thick skin eh...
1 min later she's running ard again.. making noise le...
budden it's good lah..
at least she wont develop some mental prob cos she always says sumthing wrong
and everyone will scold her for it....
so let's all learn how to be abit more thick skin...

little sis said sumthing profound today
hahahha
think it's something like every diff pple haf diff thinking
wahhhh
not bad eh... for a ger of her age..
i'm proud of her
=)

family...
i love my fam
esp after learning how much my dad loves my mom..
hahahahah
k k
i abit lian fu now...
bleai

anyhow everyone ignoring me on irc..
i wonder why?
wat did i do..

yuck..
jus heard something damn mushy from my unker
*brrrrrrrrrrr*
sends shivers down my spine.....

hahaha i goin to camp on friday!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha
hope i'll haf fun..
going clubbing tml..
jus go there see see look look
dun feel like dancing..
bleai

k k
i think all these are rather mindless....
i see andy lau on tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahha
he damn shuai..
yue lao yue shuai...
he damn cute eh...

yada yada yada
talk about mindless
no choice lah
rather no focus in life now....
yupZz
and i believe i shant bore u all with my bo liaoz love life...
so yada yada yada....

shall come back later..

hhahahaha
i'm in a good mood today
=)
shall update later
hiak hiak hiak

adapted from some where... i like de analogy..
very true...
take some time to read yeah?

A relationship starts off as a clear piece of
paper. A guy and a gal
agrees to write on that piece of paper. When it
starts, both r excited as
it's their first time working together. They
fill up the paper with the
best of things they can think of. Sometimes the
guy writes more, sometimes
the gal writes more. Some people writes without
thinking much, some writes
after some thought.


As the writing carries on, it gets more and more
tiring. The couple have
to be motivated to keep on writing.This is the
commitment and
responsibility of a relationship.As long as the
urge to write
continues,the writing will never end.It will
carry on paper after paper
until one pen's ink run out. This is eternal
love till death do us
apart...


Some couples prefer to write together,some write
their own and combine the
efforts.Neither side should be the only one
writing,else ink may get
blocked for the party who writes non-stop. Too
tired...


The character of a person is like the
handwriting on the paper... Everyone
has his/her handwriting. It is very difficult to
change one's
handwriting.Not impossible but it takes a lot of
time and hard work.


The outcome may not be desirable.It is also
difficult to imitate the
handwritings of another person.The most one can
do is to be tidier or more
untidy in their handwritings.Sometimes,to make
the writing on the paper
look more presentable,it could be necessary for
either side to slightly
alter the style of his/her handwritings...


A mistake in love is like a smudge on the
paper... Whether purposely or
accidentally a smudge is a smudge. No matter how
well the writing has
gone.So far or how lovely is the content, a
smudge will leave a mark no
matter how well u cover it (eraser, liquid
paper, etc.). Whether to keep
on writing will depend on the perception of the
couple. Whether they mind
the content more or the outlook of the piece of
work more.


Worst case is when the paper is torn. It'll
leave a very ugly mark. Well,
the decision lies with the couple...


To break-off is to stop writing... Many reasons
can lead to this ending.
One party could be the one writing non-stop and
really too tired to carry
on anymore. One party or both could be
unsatisfied with the content or
really dislike what each other is writing (it
takes time to know the
writing style of someone,it could be halfway
through the paper before it
is known).


Or a smudge exists and either one or both mind
(depend on their level of
perfectionism). Or it could be what they r
writing r contradicting each
other. It can also be the case where one party
finds another partner to
write with...


Other analogies... Pen users r serious lovers.
Those who use pencils like
to test things out first. Some even write drafts
with other people
(many-timers).


After a breakup, a photocopy of the writings so
far is made and this is
given to a party while the other keeps the
original (for memories).Or it
could be either or neither will keep the
writings. It could also be the
original work lies there waiting for the
original writers to be back.


A well-done masterpiece could be bound into a
book and kept
forever.Likewise in some cases, it may be pieces
of paper lying
around.Different people writes different things
and have different
outcomes.In the case of people going through
many relationships, it's just
like changing partners to work with.


Some may write things according to past
experiences or have new ideas.
While writing, the couple may exchange their
pens. In a new relationship,
one party might mind that his/her partner's pen
has been used by other
people before.Personally I believe this also
applies to friendship right?


It also requires both parties to play their part
to keep the friendship
forever lasting.


You only live once. What do you really want to
do and achieve in life?


Let's think, learn & share. It is a meaningful
journey.

they come to you like a knight in a shining armour...
u fall in love like a helpless princess.
onli to find out later that they're the wicked wizards/witches/wolfs in disguised...

rather cynical huh?

i jus realised everything tt's not nice in fairy tales starts with w...
my name is Wenrong..
hahahaha
interesting discovery of mine when i'm writing another blog.

rah.

jus watched elf de movie..
rather stupid.
it's de kind of mindless entertainment u go to when u're tired/sad/boliaoz
i'm all three i guess

and for my frens who might get worried...
i'm fine.

i'm still wondering if i wanna turn up for my fren's dad's wedding dinner..
supposedly to go with him..
now i dun think i wanna go eh..
~~`
it's 25th. any guy out there wanna help?
hahahahaha
nah..
kidding..
i'm bringing a girl!
LOLzz
k k...

i really wonder why am i online...
talk to a bunch of pple who think they noe me but act. we're jus crapping away.
or wait for others to msg ?
so how many pple are there that act. noes me?
for who i am?
and who am i?
i think i'm goin thru an identity crisis here...

i'm known as the noisy "lil" chatterbox that provides entertainment in a crowd. always talking, always making noise. ever cheerful, no need for battery to work. sometimes can be fierce. loud, outgoing, mindless, lame blabbering all de while.

doubt many seen de other side of me.
doubt many will ever see de other side of me.

well..
anyhow, for guys out there.
i'm serious about setting up a male escort agency.
includes a month's (perhaps longer for some out there) of basic gentleman ediqutte(however u spell that) training, and when i'm successful with it, some investment on ya image.
hahahahaha
anyone care to join me as partner?
firstly i nid someone to teach me more about being a gentleman.
i noe some le.. i nid more ba...
hahaha i nid some one with money.. so i can "decorate" my male escorts..
and get license in singapore.
so i nid someone with ALOT of money...
mauhahaha
k k..
dis is fun
=)

anyhow>> guys, be nice to ur gf. i would advice u all to be gentleman to all de ladies out there. but might mislead some. so.. be nice to ur gf... =)

take care.

i've officially broken up with him...
he said he's having a hard time at field camp.
he said he missed me..
asking if not meeting was my way of getting back at him or i want to end it all...

i told him, he'd onli miss me when he's having a hard time...
it's only a week of cold shoulder and he couldn't take it
i said i think we're seriously not meant to be...
i tried. i failed. i leave with no regrets.
wished him all de best in his future relationship.
and not to make his mistakes again...

really sad things haf to turn out tis way.
i shld cry.
i haf no tears.
perhaps the impact has yet to set in...

why does relationships starts with all de lovey dovey stuff...
but changes from when one cant live without another,
to one has to learn to survive without another.

why teach me to be dependent on you, den leave me helpless, giving me all kinds of excuses?

i'm glad i got pass de helpless stage.
i dun wish to go there again...
sigh.

i wonder how he's taking it...
i din wanna say a thing cos he's in field camp..
i dunnoe wat will happen if i see him again..

like i've learnt frm my mentor... do things and dun ever regret..
i haf to look forward..
i've got many more things to do..
no time to wallow in self pity..

i'll rem de good times he gave me.
=)

i'd rem that there was once tt i act. tot he's de one.
i'd rem that there was once tt he was de nicest person on earth.
he's de one i ran to when my esteem was badly hurt.
he was de one whom i ran to when i got into trouble with my ct.
he was de one who gave me some of de sweetest mem that i have.

sigh.
things had to turn out tis way.

i din wan to choose de easy way out.
i learn that when u dun see future in de relationship, no matter how much u feel for de person, how much u're willing to give into the relationship. it's not goin to work.

i believe he'll feel less burdened.
without me pestering him to come out meet me.
throwing tantrums when he's late.
sulking when he fails to make me happy.

he'll feel less burden and a sigh of relieve when de issue of pride is over.
i believe he was afraid of hurting me.
tt's why everytime we got to de issue of breaking up, he'll say we can try abit more.

i tot i could pull thru..
i tot i could wait till one day when he realise my worth.
then he'll haf time for me.
then we can jus walk hand in hand down de beach
he'll be with me as and when i wan.

i'm sorry.

he can now find his sporty ger.
tanned, pony tail..
he told me i wasnt the kind of ger he wanted b4...
i hope u find ya ger soon...
someone whom u'll bring home.
someone whom u'll love her with all ur heart
someone whom u'll put her amongst ur top priorties.
someone who will love you
someone who can take care of you
someone who can give u de freedom u hope for.
someone who is independent...

it's not adviceable to listen to songs when u jus broke up...

i'll be strong...
=)

another great old song.. hahahaha enjoy

N'sync
i believe in you

I never believed in dreaming
It never got me very far
I never believed that love could find me
Like an arrow through the heart
I never believed in miracles
Or building castles in the air
Not until that day I found you
Turned around and you were there

From the day you came
You gave me a whole new point of view
I've been touched by an angel
It's impossible but true

I believe in you
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
I believe in you
(I believe in you - oh yeah)
And I believe our love will last
Always (Oh yeah)

I never believed in fairytales
Though sometimes I wish I could
I never believed that golden slippers
Could ever find the perfect foot
I never believed in magic
Or that wishes could come true
But your very first kiss
Changed all this
Something only you could do - yeah

You made me a believer
You made me trust again
You showed me there's a pot of gold
In every rainbow's end

I believe in you (I believe in you)
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
(No, no, no, no no)
I believe in you (I believe in you)
And I believe our love will last
Always (Always yeah)

Only love (Only love)
Sets you free
And if it's up to fate
Then you're my destiny (Yeah)

Now I know (Now I know)
Now I see
Anything can happen (Anything)
If you just believe

I believe in you (I believe in you, baby)
(I believe in you, baby)
I swear to forever from today
(Forever) - (Forever)
No one will ever take your place
(No one's gonna take your place)
I believe in you
(I believe in you, baby) - (I believe in you)
And I believe our love will last
(Believe our love will last) - (Will last)
Always (Oh ohhh)
I believe in you (I believe in you)
I swear to forever from today
(I swear - I swear) - (Forever)
No one will ever take your place
(No one's gonna take your place)
I believe in you
(I believe - I believe in you)
And I believe our love will last
(Is gonna last - is gonna last - is gonna last)
Always (Oh ohhh)

I believe in you (I believe in you, baby)
(I believe in you) - (Believe yeah)
I swear to forever from today
(Forever) - (Forever)
No one will ever take your place
(No one's gonna take your place)
I believe in you
(I believe) - (I believe)
(Can you believe) - (Can you believe)
And I believe our love will last
Always.

GREAT XMAS SONG BY 98 DEGREES
thou abit old.. but nice songs lasts forever and ever..
=)

This gift

The snow is falling
the city is white
ur eyes are shining like diamonds tonite
and we're all alone there's no one home
u're finally in my arms again

the nite is silent
and christmas is here
i couldn't ask for more than having you near
cos i love you girl
and i always will
and now i noe the moment is rite
the moment is rite.

cos i've been waiting to give tis gift tonite
i'm down on my knees there's no betta time
it's something to last for as long as you live
tonite i'm gonna gif you all my heart can give...

i tot i'd gif you something shiny and new
i tried to find something worthy of you
but i realise when i looked inside
there's something that money cant buy
i feel de magic whenever you're near
i feel it even more this time of the year
cos i love you girl
and i always will
and now i noe the moment is rite.
the moment is rite...

cos i've been waiting to give tis gift tonite
i'm down on my knees
there's no betta time
it's something to last for as long as you live
tonite i'm gonna give you all my heart can give

you know i'll always be true to you
and you know i'm de one you can turn to
oh yeah
anytime any place or any where
u noe that i'll always be there....
oh baby

cos i've been waiting to give this gift tonight
i'm down on my knees there's no better time
it's something to last as long as you live
tonight i'm gonna give you all my heart can give......

muahahahahha
woke up brite and early to send a frenster msg.
den decided to put a tag board on my blog
=)
doubt anyone will comment leh
but anyhow
i see already i happy lah
whahahahaha

sian!
might be goin to sing ktv with boss and co. later
i jus realised de uk farmers all not available today
damn.
hahaah oh yah
did i mention i'm having a lil' sore throat..
i'll be noiseless tml
ahhahaha
HOORAy for some of u out there who consider me to be too noisy

bleai
yupZzz
not much to add today.. esp when i jus woke up and have yet to do anything
except tt i'm goin to sweep de floor later..
its been a while since i swept my house floor
hahahahaha can imagine de dust piling up~
right...

yada yada yada.

cheers

hiak hiak hiak~
had a great time at my class chalet..
man i'm goin to miss them.
sigh.
my class!! so small so cosy. seems like i noe everyone abit .. thou not very close but yah.. i'll still miss em...

so many things happened~!
i dunno where to start lah.
doubt i wanna put it here anyway.
hahahaha sorry ahZ...

yupZ
jus sent my gd fren off today. sigh. everyone like flying here and there...
i feel sad. bleai.

anyhow>> i dun haf much tots to put in here today eh..
so all i'm typing is mindless blabbering.. (yah lah.. as usual as some pple might put it.)
heez

yeahh
celebrating my mom's bday today.
got lotsa food... hrmm damn man keep eating
i'm goin jogging tml!!!!
=)
mus jian fei le.. bleaii....
if not become fatso. rah.. yah yah yah.. already qt fat le lah.. k k let's not talk about sensitive issues.

rahhhhh
my job still not confirm.
i think they're rather inefficient
hrmpf

CANT WAIT FOR 19!
hahahaha
shhhhhhhhhh

k lah
i shan't type any more weird stuff here...
in case everyone starts swearing and cursing

take care!

cheers

now it's jus me my blog and de songs in my comp.

i would like to start todays blog saying, i hope i can trust those that noes about tis blog to keep it to emself. i mean, i dunwan pple to be reading it. most pple. it's about my inner most feelings and thoughts. unless my closest frens ask, i wont give de add to em either. of cos u all can stop visiting, i mean who wans to read about wat happens in my boring life. but yah. i trust all of u. =)

secondly i'm dedicating tis blog tis gd fren of mine. i still treasure our frenship.

thirdly, it's rather eventful today. it's really filling up my whole mind and i doubt i'll do well in tml's sat. hopefully i'll be able to make it in de jan one.

i feel lousy. feel like a bitch. perhaps i'm not cut out to be one. perhaps i still cant get use to hurting pple. hurting pple ard me. however, sometimes situation jus calls for it.

tis blog is goin to be full of ideas and tots flying here and there.

i dunno if what i did or said is appropriate today. i believe is betta than givin u false hope. given my situation, i really think i nid to clear up my situation, find myself, move on. instead of getting cropped up again. victimizing u. i really hope u understand.

not trying to sound noble here. not trying to find ways to justified wat i said. but there are many things that u've yet to take into considerations. i nid someone who can see further than me. that looks things in de big picture.

i cant deny i'm flattered. serious. i believe u're de best looking, most matured, best choice among my guy frens. i also think u haf a huge fan club out there. u haf many to choose from. but u also happen to be one of de nicest guy i noe. i cant lead u on. if not i could haf agreed. rather than trying so hard to explain myself to u. sigh.

all i can say is. i'll take care of myself. wont turn into a party goer. wont flirt ard. i'll cont to go out with guys, but jus as frens. perhaps what i said may haf made u disappointed in me. but diff pple, individual have diff sense of what's acceptable what's not.

i believe u'll come back one day and show me how much i've missed. =) i haf faith in u. u'll make me regret my decision. i'll be happy for u. i'll be hoping u find dat someone that really can treasure u, at the rite time, de rite person.

sigh

btw i'm touched. by what u said. de way u said if i nid help to clear my mess up. and de other things u mentioned. =) thank you. so de more i noe i cant keep u waiting. de more i had to explain my situation. de more i tot u shld find someone betta.

i dun think many pple noe me that well. i've many characteristics that not one person has seen thru and thru. one day u'll tell me u're not de person i was in love with. i've exp it b4, i dunwan it to happen again. =)

life will go on for u as usual.
life will go on for me as usual.

it's tough noeing ur gd fren is goin thru tis and not being able to help. i'm not de one tt shld go comfort him now. feels really bad. but u'll pick urself up.

i haf faith in u.

hrmmm
went many many places today~~~
=)
not really lah
but jus ran ard today to get my stuff done.
and other ppl's stuff done
i'm now a running errand ger. ~~`
hahahaha anyhow it makes me feel impt.
LOL i sound like some attention seeking lil kid .. ~~`
i'm attention seeking... hrmm not very sure if i'm a lil kid
wahhahaha

k enough of crap
yupZ
went to get some prezzie for a couple of frens
bon voyage to em~

anyway>> my mom said bear is handsome!!! ahhahahahaa *Luff my head off*
no offence ah bear. but yah.. hahahahahhahahahahahah k k.. eh.. u jus officially became shi nai sha shou... go figure.

hiak hiak hiak.
oh yah.. wanna to apologise to litong, cos i used up his cam battery on prom. and i aggravated his already bad reputation as a "gay" hahahaha SORRY TONG! u wont guai wo one rite? =)

hrm.. went thomson plaza starbucks to study SAT for an hour. FUN =)
hahahahhaa rather cozy de sofa. hiakZzzz. i really wanna bring one home eh... man.. sigh.. (*^(*&%(&*%&*^$%！hahaha i hope de chn wont come out.. LOL

had a great time tis week.. suppose tis is my bestest week in my whole hols i believe very strongly that i wont change my mind even till de last week of tis 7 mths. lalalallalala

i always believe when things hit rock bottom, it can onli get betta. =)

life is good. sigh. till sat i suppose.

take care my fren(s)~

cheers

hrmmm
i type one whole page on my prom and de stupid website hang....
k k
i shall go thru it all over again... but i think i'll shorten it
hahahaha

yeahhhh
talk about my prom
let's say all de bad stuff first...

firstly~
we had muslim food!!!!!!!! no offence but i think my table pple din take it very well..
not very used to it..
esp poor tong!!!!!! he dun take spicy food at all!!!! those organizers din spare a tot for those who dun take spicy food can!!!!???!?!?!
end up, we decided that the penut was de nicest dish of all
plus de fruits
ahahahhahaha

secondly~~
de mc suckZ!!!!!!! no only was he tt kind that think his jokes were funny when they're not. he was super sacastic~!!!! i think he offended most pple that took part in de stupid games they prepared. ~~` i mean... he started de nite off by saying "finally you all are movin in" can someone tell me how come he is an mc? i cannot find a teeny weeny bit of quality in him that makes him an mc. except that he talk too much.

thirdly~~~
de choosing of prom king and queen...hrmm one thing, we din get to nominate our own frens. it was de yr 1 councillors and teachers. HELLO!!!! THE PROM IS FOR US LOh, NOT FOR EM LOH~! rah. i cant believe it eh. they are blind enough to not choose tiong, belle and some pple tt i cant think of now (having short term mem) yah~! and rite!!!! yaqin and any guy shld haf won other than mark~!!!!!!! ..... no offence. he's cute but dun exactly look like he was goin to prom yesterday lah. i mean HELLOW~! PROM KING EH! bloody hell look like some ah beng with a tie. cant even stand str8. k i think i'm offending alot of pple. but yah. i dun haf anything against him lah. jus think that the voting sys is abit rubbish. i mean if a "cannot make it guy" got nominated and he has many LOUD frens are we goin to haf him as a prom king as well. sigh. i wonder why am i so worked up over this. but yah.. de other 4/5 guys, it's a pity.

i was rather sad. strangling myself with my shawl. cos i really wonder if there's a conspiracy among de teachers and councillors to make our batch suffer. even till de last min of our jc life. com'on man. it's our prom and we get such shit. they really hate us or wat? sigh.

enough of complaining.

i love de part when we take pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man. i bet i'll miss my frens in yj. miss like hell. i miss em already. those really close ones. sigh. they're de ones that has pull me thru de bad times in yj... and my odac frens~ they are de ones tt left me good mems when we organize our last camp. man..... sighhhh.....
man... my frens my frens!!! i hope pics wont be de last ting u all leave me k? hahaha =)

yup. and we went clubbing aft that! at chinablack. supposedly a NUS bash. hahaha ended up 3/4 of de pple were yjcian~ tis is a good sign!!!! hahaha yj gonna conquer NUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whahahaha i din drink today. jus brainwashed. LOL... ptd joke. anyway>> yeah.. de party was fun. it's fun when u party where u noe de crowd. u jus move everywhere like u own de place. it was one of de few times when u feel really proud being a yjcian~!! and the place was so smoke free!!!! i bet it'll be de one and onli time i'll ever enjoy such clean and smoke free environment while clubbing! it was better air than de coffee bean we went today!!!! rah... i miss last nite. hahaha

i had a great time today as well. =) altho i had bad tummy in de morning and in de afternoon. perhaps it's de mixing of drinks yday... hahaha i jus took wat i could find on de table and drank ~~ got scolded today by boss... say we gers not street smart at all.. he was rite... i overlooked it. hrmm.. good exp earned. =)

told some1 a really big secret of mine today. that till today on 3 of my frens who noes. sigh... think i'll get black mailed by em pretty soon. hahahaha mus treat em well man...

oh yah~ sad sad sad... i jus realise my frens are flying off here and there!!! rah. one on 6th, set on 8th and bear think on 7th~!!!!! i hate tis.sigh. i wanna send em off!!! but de one on 6th cant make it. cos got stupid sat~!!!!
talk about sat test.. i haven study yet.. haben get de book also! rah.. tis is bad. i nid to get em tml... hope there's still some left. sigh.. i dunwan to go buy... no money le... bleai.

sigh.. mr yong passed away... ~~` i dunno wat to say. wasn't particularly closed to him. but made me realised that some things really cant be predicted in life.... someone told me today, neva regret what u do. perhaps it's de same as do things such that u leave no room for regrets. =)

this few days i learnt alot alot alot. more than i'll ever do in ANY classroom.
thankz LKK~

hahaha

cheers.

wr

well..
bad day today.
might haf 2 things tt cause tis.
may be 'a' or 'b'
hahaha
both confidential..
k k
i noe everyone throwin stones at my way... but everyone has some things that cannot be said yeah?
sigh.

i ask him to see my blog, he say i can publish book le. i take that as a compliment.
guess i'm really physically and mentally tired today to think of how i feel today.
hahaha

i'm goin thru yet another phase of change in my life.
as a gemini, tis happens rather frequently ah? but it's qt a drastic on tis time.
today i realise i can walk in town without worrying how pple look at me.
for de first time in my life i learn how to walk with confidence. it's not as tough as i tot... however that me might not last.

i realise not one 'me' lasts. i can be independent, cool, care free on moment and a bloody whiny girlish dependent childish girl de next. .. these changes are starting to make me think i haf split personality... perhaps i've not found who am i yet. hahaha or maybe my characteristics are simply "someone with everchanging characteristics."

k.. i'm starting to confuse myself.
haha

hahaha oh yah.. did i mention that my criteria for husband went up by a few notches. not that i think i haf betta qualities now.. perhaps it's due to de changing me again. hahah.. but one thing is that>> i realise generally guys in singapore will onli show their gentleman gesture towards the gers that their interested in (well some not even) so actually it's not de gerls instincts that's sharp, it's that u all are too obvious. or shld i say generally asian men. hrmm really not very attractive feature. budden again dey might get mistaken for leading de ger(s) on... so... poor guys. hahahahahah

sigh.
i'm not very aware of what i'm typing le...

i'm jus blabbering whateva that comes to my mind. as usual like what bear said.
anyway>> i'm not goin to be famous, and not many pple look at my blog. so if it's understandable can le..
lalalalalalla

oh... realised that during conversations, most of the time everyone is talking.. but not many listens. as in, everyone will wish to talk and share about their exp, their ideas, their views. but not much development on one person's topic. everyone wans to get their fair share of talking and no one is listening. so end up everyone goes home feeling neglected, lonely. like no one in de world understands.

perhaps it's onlie me.

hahaha i'd wish for some one who'd sit down beside me and listen and share all de stuff with me. but in de first place i dunnoe how to say what to say. sigh. i think i'm in a mess. total mess. i nid to pick up de bits and pieces in my life and instead i go ard telling ppl they're losin their focus in life...

well...
i will survive.

i wont lose my determination on de way, even if i lose my way. =)

wr