I ended because my breakfast was here...
I just wanna mention something else

I think many of the human rights supporters will be jumping when they see this post (not for joy definitely)
Anyway, from my previous entry, it is easy to infer that I think human rights can be consented away. Meaning, if they people choose to do something wrong, they have no human rights. That is not what i am proposing.
My idea of Human rights is based upon people making choices (as wrong as i may be), and i will go as far as saying the state policies should not be subjected to Human rights (which is very wrong for many of you out there.) Let my try to explain myself first:

My idea of Human rights is based upon the choices people make, you have the right to make choices in what you want to do, how to do it, legally or illegally. The consequences that comes with it is because of the choices they make. They will be punished or awarded based on those choices, the right of choice. The consequences are sought of foreseeable and ought not be subsumed under 'right', if need be, perhaps 'right to be punished', because each one is rational individual (an assumption...)
The state ought not to be subjected to my idea of human rights because the choice is by individuals. The consequences sanction by the state is decided after weighing the rights of different categories of people. Some balance ought to be struck definitely, but more often than not, other factors such as the market interest, relationships with other countries etc will come into play. The state has also to be stern about their principles on certain things.

Anyway, at the end of the day, a lot of laws are not those that we break on a habitual basis. If we eat, work, shit, sleep as normal human beings. Will we go around killing people? Will we traffic drugs? Will we do weird things like pointing third finger at ur neighbour?

Tot i'll write a short one before looking for facts in my mock trials, and since i managed to read the papers today. Hahahah i realised ST is easier to understand than the evening chinese papers. The colour pictures are just too distracting for me, half the time sensationalising the news, telling me everything but what really happened... Is this what chinese pple are concern about now? as the Morning chinese paper grow thinner and thinner, i wonder what is actually available for them.

Anyhow, in the very slim chinese morning papers, I read an article about Australians (pple in melbourne) opposing our death penalty. Local court had sentence a Australian-Vietnamese(Aus by Nationality and Viet by birth, i think) to death penalty because of drug trafficking. This sparked the whole debate (again) about us not respecting human rights, etc. Being pressured by his people and the opposition party over there, the PM actually requested Singapore to be lenient when sentencing. In contrary to his earlier statement that Aus will not interfere when Australians break the laws of other countries.
(NB: anything that i'm writing is based on that article that i read)

I have to agree with the author to a great extent that we should not back down on this.

We had our death penalty since 1975, why in the world should we change our law, just because a foreigner has broken it HERE, with knowledge that death penalty existed HERE?
Apart from unusual circumstances such as some gang has kidnapped his family and threatened him into doing this.
If he wanted to escape death penalty, traffic the drug somewhere where there isn't any death penalty. I bet trafficking drug to Singapore gives them a higher profit margin because of the tough penalties here. So if you had assumed the risked because of the extra profits, That is a risk he has assumed and it materialised. What do these people want? A fair drug market ah?

Secondly, the essence of death penalty is to deter, granted, there are still people trafficking drugs, hence it is not 100% successful at deterring. This might be due to reasons of higher profits and demand (mayb in some extreme cases, just for the fun...) For a reasonable person, an act that attacts a punishment as serious as death will make him think twice before doing it. So logically speaking, EVEN the death penalty cannot ensure 100% no trafficking of drugs, wouldn't lessening the penalty make it more attractive to traffic drugs here?

Thirdly, the author mentioned that these people are crying out loud for human rights. So you see us as suppressing the accused, what about when the accused sell those drugs and affect thousands of people, who's family are broken up because of all the repercussions that drug addiction brings? What about the rights of these people? Should they not be protected then? In weighing out the rights of innocent consumers (as they always assume) and those people bring the drugs in from less regulated areas. The choice has to be made by the state, and the choice is clear.
Of cos, it may be argued that human rights activists are not asking for no penalty at all, but death penalty is just not justified. Well, as i mentioned above, it is meant as a deterrance. And Singapore is famous for her death penalty for drug trafficking. There seemed to be no reason why a drug trafficker won't have knowledge of the sentence that is attached to the crime. So equiped with that knowledge, he thought he could have made it out with more money than the same batch of drugs can fetch. Unfortunately for him, he was caught. The risks he had undertook came true, he was sentenced to death. Sad, yes. But he had implied consented. (hahahah contracts...)

i'm not some cruel bitch who want to see people dead. In fact, the first time i sat in high court to listen to a murder trial, i felt bad thinking that the max sentence for that man is death penalty, regardless of what i said before trial.
However, i believe the penalty is justified for drugs trafficking than murder (except of cos a serial killer or that sort). Murder may be because of a split second of rage, but not all rage cases can come under CHNAM (culpable homicide not amounting to murder). Drug traffickers are actually earning money by selling poison..


Once again, everyone entitled to their views. I'm just writing my stand...

Just had a chat with my mom and sister, then i realised that i have been really lazy for the past year, compared to my days in YJ.
Sian... I think of the things i want to do in my life, and see that i have to work very hard to get them.. tt's when i start to give myself excuses to slack. E.g. too many smart people in law school, no way i can get a good grade.

Think of working hard just ... sounds tired... hhahahahaha yes, i'm plain lazy. My philosophy in life is "You gotta work hard to be lazy." Perfectly logical when you think about it..

Good bye Maple Story... Even if I don't get to go China for exchange, it is still for my own good to do relatively better this sem..
HAI...

It is when you try ur very best, and u get screwed up...
Perhaps tt's what i'm trying to pre-empt... as usual...

Sian.

Muah Ji in action..
Good bye to Muah Ji Me.

Wenrong

hey guys, sorry man, haven been updating my blog since god-knows-when...
Don't really have anything controversial, or interesting, or intellectual to put on my blog... But den again, i think nothing much here's any of the above, Hiakz
Anyhow, much of my life is taken up by Maple story, studying and Paul plus trying to get some social life. Blogging isn't really a priority right now..
Plus all the hype about bloggers being charged with the Sedition Act... Talking about the internet is a free space, to support free speech.
Look, like i've said one year ago, and i still stand by what i say now. You know very well you are writing on a public domain, you know there will be people looking whether or not u secure ur blog with a password. So if you face the consequences when you try to play with the rules.
Freedom of speech will only come if people start taking responsibilities of what they say.
Many people wont agree, my Law frens definitely. And i don't intend to argue with them. Everyone is entitled to their views. If they think that Singaporeans can afford to have more freedom in whatever they do when they cannot even take the responsibility to preserve the very fabric that Singapore is made up of, den so be it.

what xia.... suddenly i'm so popular on msn, everyone started msging me... 2 of them asking for muggers, one to ask me if i'm goin to the LFC retreat tml, one asking me about my fren whom he is interested in and... one asking if i'm free for gathering on sunday...

Law Sch's student exchange program just started taking in application. Initially i din wanna apply. First, my grades are really bad since year 1. I need my year 3 to pull them up in case i fall into the 2-2 category (which BCG won't wanna employ). Second, it will cost quite a bit, even if i'm goin to China. Sigh..
When i looked at the application form today and think about who to ask as referee, i realised i haven accomplished much in Law school. I wonder how many tutors really have a good impression or perhaps even an impression of me being in their class. I know i definitely have improved in some ways since Law Sch started. But i've also become more critical of myself, less confident in sch and i guess it is unhealthy?

I just received my prop law assignment grades yesterday - B-. I was told many people din do well. But then again, i've put in a lot of effort into this assignment, then. Then my fren who surf the net during tutorials got a better grade than me. Isn't it frustrating when however hard you work, you simply cannot get pass a certain grade?

I need to work harder.

i'm addicted to maple story.
for those of you who have no idea what that is, it is an multiple-player RPG game which you play online.
For some reason i cannot d/l the new game client with the new additions to the game. It is disgusting how they take advantage of our addiction. They simply don't do a good job linking the downloads! And my stupid sch connection which usually can download things pretty quickly, chooses to screw up today. I'm left here, waiting for the game client to be done d/ling after 81 hours.
Damn i hate this.
Perhaps i shld consider quiting playing the game altogether. Considering my exams are round the corner
HAHAHA, yes my exams seem to be ancillary to the difficulties in d/lding, you haven't read me wrongly.

81 hours...

I've just sent an email to the pro-tem team for YJ alumni, one with a pretty frustrated tone (according to my fren). However, i couldn't help it. On one hand i cannot expect everyone to put this as anywhere near a priority, on the other, i can't do this alone. I tot that since we have all pledged our commitment, we shld at least see it through. To establish a functioning ex-co and that's it. But here i am, having problem organising meetings with full attendance of the pro-tem, and getting response from them for event details or suggestions. As much as i try to make things easy for them by emailing them to inform and get feedback, their indifference makes it difficult for progress. How can i expect the greater mass of the members to respond, when the core group cannot get its act together? I really wonder if i should go on or to just f*ck it.

My own friends from YJ are not supportive of the alumni either. I've met up with a couple of friends for movie a few days back, the little time i was with them, i spent it trying to convince them to come back for the tea. I'm beginning to feel like i'm selling the alumni like MLM, trying to make them buy by harassing them. The closest friends i had, or so i thought, i had problem calling them to support me. Personally, i don't want them to think that i'm just looking for them when i have some agenda. I guess i'll have to attribute this to my absence from the group throughout my first year. No excuse. Most of them just took it as i've left the group because of my boyfriend and only looking for them when i break up. I can't blame them for feeling that way thou because it appears so. But i guess when i try to get them together, there isn't much to talk to them about except listen to their army stories. I don't blame them because their lives are just about army right now. However, it is difficult to organise a gathering when most of us are busy with our own lives.

I sometimes question my passion for the alumni.
I spent my most hardworking days in Yj, to be frank, the only thing i learnt is academic things (and largely not from the teachers). But i've learnt about life, really grew up in YJ. I've learnt that sometimes when life takes a nasty turn, it may be for the better. A place where i hated the system and learnt to live with it. A place where i got into trouble with the system but managed to survive it. A place where i've proved my worth to myself. I hate the school, used to.
That is why i want to change it.

Damn

Stupid NUS Law server down when i wake up at 4 am to do my assignment...
Life isn't very kind eh?

So sick of being the mediator at home, why do i have to know everything when they don't like to tell each other? Maybe i shldn't be such a busybody at home, just keep to myself, don't ask them about their lives, rush off for work as fast as i can, come home real tired...
I'm not blaming them for doing what they are suppose to do.. but why has they become so absorbed by their own lives, that when they think they're being considerate, they're actually causing much more misunderstanding? They are all very generous, friendly and nice people individually. Why do they have to impose their idea of being considerate on others, such that it becomes more of a burden to each other?
She tries to bring her dad to doctor's appointment all the time because she doesn't want the rest of them to take off from their work. Being a tuition teacher, she doesn't want to burden the rest, hence she changes her schedule as and when to suit the appointments. Also, she is like the mother in the household, she cooks and clean and does all the household chores. Although she doesn't ask for anything back from her siblings, her efforts are almost always seen as "she took it up herself, she will redo it if we help anyway". A person who like to do things her way, her siblings know better than to help which she continues to pack herself with more work. The only problem is that, there is only so much that a person can do, and with all that stress she packed herself with, how does one expect her to smile all the time? Not to mention that she is a serious person by nature.
He has got a 9 to 5 job, as the eldest son in the family, he tries his best to be aware of what is going on. He tried catering to everyone's needs. He is stressed out himself, he is tired of accomodating everyone else. With most of his sisters married, he has to be the balancing force between his sick dad, his tempremental elder sister and his quiet younger brother. To add to this, he has a dreamy girlfriend who believe in living her life to the max while she is young. His sister cannot appreciate his gf as well as him, he doesn't feel the need to address that. As the 'mother' of the household, she cannot understand how can a lady, whom come to her bf house to play computer games and playstation, who always asks his bf to go restaurants and genting be ready to settle down, when she herself doesn't earn much.
His girlfriend thinks that his sister has something against her always, he thinks that one day things will sort themselves out. That everytime, when his sister has a 'black' face, it is because of her.
I say this is a perfect recipe for disaster.

To him:

You've told me before that once u put her into the position, she'll be forced to grow up. So when is she being put into the position? when you guys get married? or is it good enough now that things are more or less settled? I'm not trying to be nosy here, i noe very well that this is non of my business. But i don't want to sit here and watch the disaster unfold itself if i can help it. If today it is some other family showing this, i'll watch it like a drama series. I cannot let this happen to you guys. So just try to hear me out here.
I know it is difficult to come home and face her, you've also told me before. When met with difficulties, the easiest way is to run away from it. There is no way you can run from it, unless you want the problems between ur sister and you to pile up. I guess being the younger one, we have to always take the first step to make the communication. If you think that "she has made herself clear, she is so stubborn she wont change", den i can safely tell u that you are only waiting for disaster to happen.
Her "anal-ness" stems from the fact that she loves u too much and has been taking such good care of you that she don't know if your gf can do the same. She has an image of you in her head, one who shld be taken good care off, that you like to laze around the house, etc. She cannot imagine u, after u come back from work at about 8 plus, to be doing the housework. It is pressurizing to be loved like that, but can u blame her?
The pressure is there because there isn't any communication, there isn't any understanding. Since you have chosen yr gf, and she has chosen you, shldn't you guys try to get your sister's understanding? After all, she is the one who has taken care of you for so long, whether you asked her to do so or not. Frankly, if i can help you tell her that how you guys can work out, i'll be glad to help. But there is only so much i can do. I know it is frustrating to handle both of them, now it is already so evident, what do you think will happen in the future? You also told me before, you make the decisions, you face the consequences. This is one consequence that you have to face. Either you work hard at salvaging the relationship between them, or you lose this sister of yours eventually.

Stayin out wont save you. Your hopes that things will take of themselves will never happen. If all of you cannot let down ur walls, the pretence that things are always fine and beautiful, that you guys are independant individuals - i guess there isn't much me as an outsider can do, not to mention i'm merely a niece...

HEe Hee HEEEeee 

TWIST! 

super engrossed...  

My little cousin!!! Totally love him hahaha 

ahhahahaha all burning together!!!!!!!!! The idea behind all of my creation is for the candles to burn successively.. This was very successful! :D 

Star light, star bright.... 

Creation number 3!! my favourite. The STAR... 

Vertical star on fire!!!! hahahaha !! damn exciting 

This is creation number 2 - Vertical star. SOrry ah, the names not very creative 

The bridge in action.. or rather on fire.. 

And Now for this season most 'in' candles. I call this 'the bridge' 

Da mian and I at ka soh.. However you spell that hahahaha 

Coffee club Raffles place - serves really good breakfast!!!!!!!! MMmmmm i'm hungry again... 

I went to the ZOO!! Just to eat ben & Jerry's... 

Hahah suppose to do my property law assignment now.
Went joggin, played game and eat breakfast.. Finally settled down and i feel sleepy
hahaha
this is life man.. this is a pig's life :D
super slack..
Totally not nervous about my company law paper nex week
I AM SO DEAD!!!!
LOL

I need to type out my tutorials.

joggin helps
alot

HEEEEEee
i wanna learn dancing, anyone has lobang?

-Putting things behind me, as i step into a new chapter in my life.
Let this holiday be a time where i start to realise the important things in my life.
Let me remember my priorities, and the principles that gives a framework to my choices in life.
Let me walk on the path that i ought to, instead of treading dangerously into the unknown.
Let my choices reflect that of a thinking individual, that of a conscious one and that of a sensible one.
Let me be able to then, bear the responsibilities of my choices.-

I had a messed up weekend. Trying to clean up my act right now. I nearly lost a friend back there.. I hope i had done all i can to try to put things right again. I doubt things will be the same again, I'm apologetic for the error in judgments, but the harm is done.
I wanted to justify my position, my actions. But i guess at the end of the day, we all have our own positions to take care of. At the end of the day, what is important is that I admit that i made a bad call, but at the point of time, given my position, knowledge and conditions of the situation, i would have made the same decisions then and there. At this juncture, i just want to make sure that i understand the impact and address it, instead of saying "I had to do what i did". which of cos cannot help. I'm glad i had a chance to be frank and talk things out. I think if it happened to me, i wont be as cool. It was enough to send me hating the person.
Well, i pretty much screw things up the way i din want it to be. What irony.. Every single thing that was not to be done, was.

It was simply a crazy week for me. I'm glad it is over. Still some loose ends for me to tie up but i think those are fine.

For those who have been reading my blog and were concerned for me, i'm fine. ;)

To those whom i've caused some trauma towards, i'm sincerely sorry. I dun think there's another better way of saying this.

Hopefully i've gotten something out of this. I mean as of every past experiences, i shld have learnt something but i always choose to disregard them.
Clearly i have some things to take care of now, they are obviously not in the category of 'looking for trouble for myself'. Stay off the liquor, it is starting to cloud my mind.
Think coffee will be my best fren for sometime now, can't seem to stay awake for more than two hours without it. Unhealthy yes, but staying awake seems to be more important.

"Brave it out these 8 years, you'll find ur life is more or less set by then." I've gotta do things that i ought to do...
"Whatever it is, just be honest with me." Very simple rule, very basic in a friendship, i haven been able to keep to it.
Decorating your words, beautifying things, making things look alright when they're not only shows how much you trust ur fren.

I can say,
i dunnoe if i can do them anymore.

I'm beginning to scare myself.
hahaha

Just did my preparation for tutorial.. still refuse to do my prop law take home assignment, maybe later :)

Sometimes i find myself working so hard at things that are not worth the time, and really slacking with things that need my attention. hahaha opportunity cost. Some times some friends are worth investing the time one, some are not. I don't know if i'm making the distinction right. I don't wanna end up just by myself again...

Well, on a second thought, it isn't so bad being alone i guess.
:D

I'm hungry.. I need food. I think i need to exercise too.
hahahaha

HGIS

I'm enjoying posting on my blog :D
I did something that i tot i never will. LoL Weird.
It is pass midnight, mid autumn is over.
I am supposed to prepare for my trial and advo tutorial tml. Have yet to write a single word, neither have i wrote anything for my property law tutorial.
I think i'm bringing paul down with me, i shldn't.
I have yet to revise my sponsorship plans for the law firms tml.

Procrastinating.

I enjoy doing my yj alumni stuff...
Been sleeping later for the past few days, i hope i'll be able to wake up for the canvassing tml.

Random thoughts.

Had fun playing with the candles just now. Which makes me wonder if i am the one who is 12 or my younger sister. Because i was fighting with her over the candles.

I think it's tough to sit down and work, getting tougher and tougher to concentrate. Always worrying about things that aren't within my control. Don't do things that are within my control. Always go out of control, refuse to listen. Hahaah I think i properly define screwed up.

I need to cut my nails, i need to print out the proposals, i need to write my evidence in chief, i need to ... do my property law paper. i need to sit down and reorganise myself. Stop goin out till so late.
I nid to get two referrals for my volunteer program.
i need an organised life in order to be a mentor for the kids.

Yes, i nid to reorganise my life.
I wonder if i can do that tml morning, because i just want to sleep tonight.
Tonight is just like any other nights :D, i sleep, wake up tml, another day will pass me by. The slowly the week will be gone and then months.
Den i question my existence in the world, i question why am i still living and breathing, when i'm actually not doing anything that adds value. Either to the society or to my own life.

Happiness, it is not defined by my mom, neither by you, neither by any supreme being. It is defined by me, what i want out of life. Happiness = satisfaction? I don't know, i think satisfaction is a kind of happiness, it brings happiness, but not entirely. Happiness covers much more..

How do i define my life?
Have been trying to ans this question since the day C left.
I wonder have i grown up ever since he left? I think i have been regressing. Less sensible, less independent.
Hahaha

I think i shld stop doin things to hurt myself. When mr mind says don't do it, mr hand shall listen, instead of listening to the devil called mr heart. :)

Oh yeah,
liverpool v. man utd - draw 0-0
But it was a good match. Hahahah i enjoyed it, fast paced with lots of tackling! That's the way they shld play it every time!! K i don't watch soccer very much thou. hahah

i want to go to bed.

!!THGIN DOOG

!EM OT SMAERD TEEWS

...HGIS

To you:
I know it is not easy being you. I always thought you can work ur way through it as difficult as it gets. Drinking urself silly, building up a wall around you, doing the things u do, you are jus digging into it deeper and deeper. You given up on urself because u are afraid of being disappointed again and again. But when you give up on urself, you are disappointing ur frens ard you. Yeap, i'm in no position to say this, because i'm not in ur shoes, i don't know the kind of pain you go through. But i'm very sure you have enough frens, including me, who will walk you through this. If you don't wanna stand up and walk through it, then maybe i've place my bet wrongly. Take good care. I doubt i'll ever talk to you in this manner, that is provided i see you again.

"I think if you say you don't have anything for me, then it is easier for me" "Ok!.i'll say i don't have anything for you'.. any easier?"
I guess that marked the end of the episode. After a while, it just boils down to do you feel anything for me or not. That's just me, the way i work i guess. If you have any feelings for me, I don't wanna leave without a battle, even if i'll get hurt at the end of the day. Rather stupid, but still doing it. But if you have no feelings for me, tell it to me outright. No point trying to phrase it in such a way that "it is not ur fault, neither is it mine. We're just at the wrong place at the wrong time." I don't wanna to guess on my side, telling myself, it is okie, once this phrase is over for him, perhaps we'll have a chance, or that i'm willing to work it out with him.
Then i start to wonder, what kind of choice did he give me in the first place? At first i tot we lay our cards on the table, he tells me about his difficulties, i'll choose whether or not i will go through it with him. But now it seems like he told me about his difficulties, expecting i'll be sensible and leave him alone. I don't know what kind of choice is this.
Yeap, made a fool of myself, but at least i got it nice and clear. I don't see the point of salvaging my 'face', and live my life guessing everyone's thoughts. I think that's too much pain. You tell me you have difficulties, i ask u if you have any feelings for me. You guys told me that at the end of the day, there is no easier way of rejecting a person. Den why do that to me?
If i want to continue kidding myself, i can always tell myself that 'well, he din want to drag me down with him, therefore knowing what kind of choice i'll make by saying he doesn't have anything for me, he said it'
Then i must be really dumb.

Actually, i wanted to settle this face to face, instead of through the fone and sms. But he has been avoiding me since friday. I think if i had a good talk about it, it'll be settled nicely and our frenship wont be jeopadised. He said we'll meet today to talk. I doubt that'll happen aft our smses yesterday. and i don't like to leave things this way. But i guess it is not up to me, if he wants to run away like that, what can i say?
I'm pretty apologetic for causing him so much trauma at the point of time when he least needs it.
But i'm not impressed by the way he handled it.

From now till 6 am in the morning -
i shld try catching up with my work, as much as i dun feel like doing it.

Well, as if he saw my entry, called me just now 2 in the morning.
Beat around the bush, talk about some crap, then into The topic.
"Tell me dear, when did you start having a crush on me?"
A lot of the things he said, i am fairly aware. The biggest problem about this is that, knowing all the problems that a possible relationship with him will face very well, I happened to just started feeling something for him.

"if i've met you on a different timeline..." "But if you had seen me in a different timeline, u'd probably not feel the way u do now."
I know he doesn't want someone to go down with him, that this is a relationship probably heading towards disaster. And i'm pretty sure i don't want the kind of relationship he is looking for right now. I'm taking his word for it. there's no point i tell myself that, he is merely saying it to deter me, if i really want it he'll be nice to me. To me he is pretty frank, too frank in fact.
So by telling me how bad it is to go into a relationship with him, he then added that "At the end of the day, you are the one making that choice. But i hope u make a good choice and be happy"
I fail to see how whatever he said left me with a choice. To me, all he was saying was "hey dear, i'm indirectly rejecting you." I don't know, perhaps i'm too cynical...

When they tell me, they want me to be happy, does it mean the rational happy? Like what everyone deems normal = happy? Like i shld find someone promising to fall in love with, who loves me and get married at the end of the road and have a herd of kids? I don't know if i define that as happy. It sounds almost scary to me now HAHAHA. ;P Well, i'd say that if i wanted someone promising, i wouldn't have left my ex.. As for a fulfilling relationship, that's pretty much what he is trying to give me now... So is that an obvious choice?

What i'm trying to say is that, most of the time, my feelings lead me down the wrong road. Not to say that he is very wrong but wrong road as in probably end up disastrous.. Mind says one thing, heart says the other. If i had been rational enough, many things wont have happened. And probably wouldn't have gotten to know them. I can choose to learn from my experiences and walk away from this. I can continue to follow my small little heart and see where it leads me to. I know i'll never go out with someone whom i don't have feelings for, so does that mean i've have to wait till my heart and mind agrees? My gift is that i can see flaw in everyone that my heart fancies, so does that mean that in order to be happy, i'll stay single from now?

Perhaps i'm trying to rationalise my choice, not to say they are very strong arguments, i just think how i feel is very important. Think that's (major) part of being a girl.

The fact that he didn't bring up his fren shows that he doesn't want to make use of someone else as a shield. That's one thing that i failed to do. I like to find excuse so that i can run away from the problem, so that i don't have to face it directly. I think it is time i fight my own battles. It is little things like that that i enjoy hanging around them so much. At the end of the day, they don't judge.

I've met someone with very accomplished lives, great aim in life, full of drive. He is smart, undeniably, he is capable. But he gave up a lot just to stay there, sometimes his integrity. I used to think it was alright, in order to climb up, there are somethings you have to sacrifice, not to say i'll do it thou. But at the end of the day, will i be able to face myself if i do that? He is one person without many frens. The way he handled our relationship is very telling of his personality. He is very afraid of direct conflict, more than anything. He always try to find a way to manage it such that he has a way of 'come-back'. Pretty selfish way of doing things, but i don't blame him. I guess with his background, he has to look after himself more than anything.
They've taught me a lot about life. Before this, i'm simply an idiot when it comes to handling people. Never actually progressed after secondary school. They taught me how to handle rejection. Even when they're mean sometimes when we simply sit there and do 'people-seeing', i know they're actually very sweet guys. So nice that most of the time, they are the ones getting hurt. Behind those crude jokes, i see two sincere, tired, strong souls. If someone else had to go thru what they did, that person might have given up on himself long ago..
"what ever you do, be happy"
Hahahah if i want to be happy now, i'd quit law sch. :D but i think i've gotta look at happy in a broader sense. I always think that if i enjoy myself now and neglect my studies, i'd probably not be able to enjoy as they are when i'm their age. I was told i think too much. Happy, I don't know what will make me happy. But i know what will make me unhappy... many many.

If there's one reason why i shld not go into a relationship with him, it is the thought of hurting him at the end of it. Losing my frens, losing a good fren in him, feeling hurt about it - i guess it doesn't measure up to this.. I don't think i want to put him thru another round of heartbreak. That's probably my main concern.

I don't know if i make sense. I just feel like writing something.. pen them down to take them off my mind. (rather, type them down)

"I want to see you grow up, strong. But i also know that if you're strong girl, u'd probably not see me this way"

Guys, u simply think too lowly of urself and me.

Blind - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive - I watched helpless as you turned around to leave - and still I have the pain I have to carry - a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - I would fall asleep - only in hopes of dreaming - that everything would be like it was before - but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting - they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - after all this why - would you ever wanna leave it - maybe you could not believe it - that my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you will ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - and I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go

Your Birthdate: May 29
Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature. You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world. You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities. The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension. This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer. You do, however, work very well with people.

i just cut my hair, did a treatment that is supposed to hydrate my hair. I guess it is pretty much the same.
Yes, cost me a bomb, moreover i bout this bottle of treatment thing.

I dun have time, yet i'm not using it wisely. I dont have money, yet i'm spending like crasy. I have alot of things to read, yet i'm not doing anything remotely like reading.
I'm even playing truant..

I find myself slacking further and further.. I dunno if i can catch up. And i don't seem to be putting in the effort to try. All the expectations i just cant be bother. Just living in my own world.
Haiz, why do i always find myself falling for someone who i can turn to in bad times. Then, i'll find that when the next bad time comes, i cannot turn to that person because he is my problem.
WTF..
Damn pissed off with myself right now.

Just feel like slapping him, budden hahah it is really no fault of his.
Well, like he told me before, if that guy isn't goin to provide u with anything u can work on, den u'll have to move on by urself.
He sounded like he'll know what to do if he was caught in the same situation, but apparently not.
I told him i had a crush on him, i tot he shld at the very least tell me he is not interested? i'm not even asking for a reason. He simply appologised for not noticing it. it may sound pretty dumb to most of you out there - the fact that he did not do anythign more is pretty evident that he is not interested. But i guess this is the way i work, just tell me you're not interested and yes, i'll be able to move on man. i tot he'll know how to handle it pretty well.. Well, i guess i was wrong.
Sigh, so much for liking matured man.

YEap, so effectively i've lost my two good frens i guess. in the sens i think i nid to take some time off them. I can't go out with one without the other.. Sigh. sometimes i think they wont feel the lost, i mean i've gone out with them too much lately, nothing much to tell him. Their conversation is .. too explicit to be written here. hahaha and most of the time i just sit there and enjoy myself. Going out with them is super fun, no pressure, dun haf to pretend. hahaha
But i guess sometimes if u make urself too available, people simply take u for granted. No point making too much effort, it is the same in relationship, the same in frenship. In the end, the more effort u put in, the more expectations, the more disappointment you'll feel.

Well, i don't know.
I know i don't like to be ignored
hahaha i really hate it. Call me spoilt, call me attention seeking.
I've got major issues with my msges being ignored.

From now gotta be more 'man'. Take the man approach cant go wrong. LOL. I mean the only way to ensure u don't feel too disappointed.

Yes with that said.
To hell with those to snub me!!!
You know who u are!
hahahaha

Evil laughter...

Regards
WR

Man... i got snubbed again.
I wonder what am i doing.
hAHahha

Studying, msging, listening to songs...
pretty aimless man.

I need a nice break from all of this. I think i nid to sort things out...

Where's the beach?


Damn it

It is one of those days when i want to sit back and see the world pass me by...
Laugh when someone does something dumb, smile when someone does something sweet..

Out of this.

I need some discipline.

1)Reasons why i'm msging him:
I'm just lonely, bored, in need of attention.
2)Reasons why i shldn't msg him:
It is one way, impossible, stupid, irritating, and any other words that has similar meaning.

1)Reasons why i shld avoid him:
i dunwan him to be so nice to me, i nid him to get over me so that he can conc on his work.
2)Reasons why i'm not avoiding him:
I dunwan things to turn ugly, i dunno how to say no, i'm jus soft.

My life is messed up:
1) Sponsorship not coming in.
2) din see jia hui last week end
3) haven read for lecture
4) haven fin my tutorial
5) I'm missing someone that i shldn't be missing
6) I cant stop myself from doing things i shldn't be doing.

Maybe i shld be alone for a while. Alone, by myself.

I nid to do something about my life.

-W.e.R. k.-

Pretty whinny now.
Spent my whole saturday outside.. din do much.. but i know there's so many things to complete.
my property 10day assignment starts next week, i dont have my notes ready.
Spoke to my ex yesterday, saw a fren who was sort of interested in me and listen to my crush oogle at his target. Tell me why am i feeling so drained now?

By the above, i've effectively cut myself off from my good frens and my bf. Then i remembered my nice little blog that i haven been updating. And perhaps today my blog can be my good fren and listen to me whine, as it always has been.

I really wanna laze today away... but i cant.

rah rah rah...

Mayb i shld write it down here....

Wake Me Up When September Ends
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.[x3]

In the library now, i've jus read an email by my ex.
Mixed feelings.
Thinking back about what happened between us, we had our good times we had our bad ones as well...
I can't help but think that whatever he is complaining about now is what he had done to me once not very long ago. As always, my stories, i tried too hard, i got sick of trying, i want to move on.
I nid to grow up and learn to be independant, hence i've gotta be alone. When i don't wanna dismiss the possibility of us again, i don't wanna give false hope to him now.

I step back, i see things that i never would have if all i thought about was being with him. I see so many things that we have to overcome and i don't see his support. I see a relationship that needs so much work, i don't see his effort.
Relationship is hard work, it is a commitment. And commitment is when u make that decision over and over again.
You and i don't need and cannot afford that right now. What i was ready to give up, i'm not sure about it right now. I'm not sure it is worth it right now.
When you say u're willing to give up ur As to be with me, i think about the time i ran after you outside the com lab, begging you to talk to me. You told me you were stressed out and relationship should be the last thing on ur mind. When the stress kicks in, our relationship cannot handle it. The commitment is lost.. I think about the time when we have criminal law paper, ur losing of temper at my house. I'm sorry i haven mention these to you before, i din think it would have made a difference.
I have to keep a distant from you, in order for you to step back, and re-evaluate our relationship. See the problems that i see, when you have an ans to them, perhaps we could get back together. It is outside of religion and outside of backgrounds. it is about character, it is about ideas, it is about expectations, it is about how we handle ourselves and situation.
Simple communication hasn't worked for us. That's why i've decided to break up. I hope we can meet people, see and experience things that will broaden our perspectives. To be able to accept each and other.

I will despise myself, if i cont to let u hold my hands now. Because i'll be toying with you. Because i respect you, i cannot bring myself to.
If you have to hate me for it now, i can only say, i've been through that, it will be harder if i gave it.

Wenrong

Been a while since my last entry.
Was working hard, keeping up with the readings... den came down with a headache, or a few days of headache.. Then the cough..
I have been coughing for almost a week now, only getting worse. haha mayb i have TB or something. Headache has been haunting me as well..

hee,
but i'm fine. I mean i wont die just yet. it is better than having fever and feeling lethargic on the bed, or the ache that you exp when u have a cold.. i'm just glad it is not that bad :D
wat's more, mummy has been mixing "fa guo lang jiu" Dom with warm water for me.. Got "jiu" before bed. hahaha like some alcoholic..

Well as for my studies, trying to catch up. Things are getting more and more technical and difficult to remember.
I've been trying to decide btwn hand writing my notes or type them out.. Think i'll go with handwritten.
Hope i don't spend too much time re-writing my notes and tutorials..

LFC sponsorship is still not settled yet. I dont have 3.8 k to fork out. I just hope UOB is nice enough to fork out more than that :D
It is 3 weeks away.. please bless me

Doing all sorts of things at the wrong time.
i nid some discipline.

-tell me frankly how u feel-

WR

Mid-august,
school started,
busy,
but don't know what i'm busy with.

Read,
trying to understand what i'm reading.

Work,
hoping i can get the people to work with me.

things just don't go the way u want them to..

why?

wr

To waste a man's existence in worrying about the future, in grieving over the past, in idleness or in heedlessness, is to show his lack of fitness for the noble place that he holds as the best of earthly creatures. He will thus create bad karma which will religate him to a place befitting his unworthiness. Bear this in mind and do good while life lasts. By wasting ur time, your harm not only urself but also others, for ur time is as much others' as it is yours.

The secret of happy, successful living is to do what needs to be done now, and not worry about the past or the future. We cannot reshape the past, nor can we anticipate everything in the future. There is but one moment of time over which we have some conscious control and that is the present.
Many people jus worry about the future. They have to learn to adjust themselves to the circumstances. Whatever castles they may build in the air, whatever dreams they may have, they must always remember that they are living in this world of constant friction and change.

"There are no stars which we could trust,
There is no guiding light,
And we know that we must
BE GOOD, BE JUST, BE RIGHT."

SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL - lifehouse
if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my wayI tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from thissick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeahsick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel

Was sick since saturday night, haven't been sleeping at night ever since because i slept too much in the day... I tried to sleep just now, but my muscle seems to be aching, like they need stretching. Then i rem the other day my sister mentioning something about dengue fever. Being the kia see kind, i woke up to check what are the symptoms online.. I think one of the most significant one is that the fever will cont rite? Good thing that my fever subsided long ago ;P
Jus to be safe, i shall check if i get rashes in 2 days time...
Don't think i can fall asleep now.

Funny how i thought of him when i felt something was wrong. I even thought something might be bothering him. Might sound bizarre to some of you out there, i remember when we were dating i used to have such experiences.
Everything spiralled out of my control, became an obsession. Love you, hate you, love you, hate you. Everything became a cycle. And at the end of it, i only hate myself more and more, bringing myself deeper and deeper into the mess.
It is a habit. "you" have became a part of me. No matter how the surroundings change, i feel haunted by 'you'. No matter how far you are, 'you' are close.
It is scary.
I no longer wanna see u again. I bear no hope that we can be together again. I pray each day that i get the closure that i so badly need. I pray that someone can salvage me from this mess. Because i tried to pick myself up. But i failed so badly.
I've asked u to help me out, to give me the closure that i nid. But u ignored me.
How could u be so selfish? how could u be such a coward? Just because u cannot face urself, u refuse to release me from this hell. Don't tell me i'm a strong girl, that you know i'll brave this storm, even the strongest person has his weakness..
Remember when i asked if we'll ever patch, you told me it is very difficult, things will never be the same again. You were right, because u made it difficult. U made it different by making it difficult.
The more i analyse this, the less i think i shld see in you. But instead, i see lesser of myself, because i still think of u like i used to.

The day u msg me, i fell sick, i lost sleep.
Tell me when will this end?

woke up bright and early to check my mail to see if i have any work to do... No work :D
Went surfing the kids' blogs, those that are normal enough..
Everytime i read their blogs, i get a different feeling...
I think i see some of them really lost, really stressed out, they feel so much about friends that perhaps i will never understand..
i start to wonder, i know that trip has changed their lives, but has it become better? We have started a curriculum, but seems like we did not manage to complete it. I feel responsible, almost guilty.
For those who feel stressed out due to exams:
Start ur revision now, bit by bit. 5 pages of econs per day and u'll finish a chapter in at most 2 weeks. Obviously u go by sub-headings instead of pages. A month before ur econs ppr, u ought to have finished everything, start writing ur essays. All kinds of essays that the teacher can think of, from other school's prelim paper. Prepare and shorten it to its essence. Keep writing.
Start with baby steps and gain momentum, there is no use fretting now. You are left with 4 months, as much as u complain about the school, bout the teachers, it ain't going to bring u anywhere. I've been there, done that.
If u don't pick urself up, no one can help u.

For those who are lost:
I wont be of much help, hahaha. Because i don't know exactly what is happening and unlikely to find out. All i can say is, sometimes the greatest lesson we learn in life, is to let go.
I'd very much wanna be there to listen, but sometimes all we can do is listen.

Well,
seriously, there is really nothing different about u guys and those in other JCs, except they have learnt how to focus earlier than u guys. I cannot emphasize more on the importance of A's. Mayb it is just senseless nagging to u guys, and you guys do have a choice.
Remember what Mr Goh said "your life now is made up of choices u've made in the past. and Mr Ng - "Make them such that, You know everytime u recall the incidents, You know You'll make the same choices again."

Came down with flu today, bad one. been lying in bed, immobilized half of the day.. Also partly because i was reading Harry Potter. Yes, i went to queue up to get the new book - the half-blood prince. Finished it while i was stupefied to my bed. :p
K, for those who haven read it, it isn't as good as i expected it to be. Or perhaps it was jus the medicine and too much sleeping...
Maybe i shld watch tv instead of blogging, cos i cant spoil the fun for all of u by telling the story. Neither has anything interesting happen to me, after lying in bed the whole day.

Oh, did i mention someone congrats me for being some chairperson, which is totally untrue. I was awakened by the msg and nearly reply 'who is this' to that unregistered number. Asking me to make the organization fun to attract people. and telling me not to seek vp's advice all the time... wat a joke. As if he has any interest in the organization. Or maybe he just want me to screw up the vp. I asked him who told him that and it was untrue, he merely replied "from XXX". Well, then i said there were difficulties because we are still pretty much dependent on the school. Anyhow i appreciated his advice.
If he don't have anything better to say, don't msg me. And act as if he was forced to msg me. It is the worst when he started a topic and when i replied, his replies are sorta short and reluctant. What the hell, i can very well do without that kind of msg. I hope my sleepless night wasn't because of it, because it happened many times before. DARN.

Been reading John Grisham's The Testament as well, Mr O'Riley, a successful lawyer who has been in and out of alcohol addiction. Thou i'm not addicted to alcohol, certainly can understand what he is going throu. That kind of obsession and lies that you tell urself. A little is all i'm goin to take/do, it wont do no harm. In de end, it usually ends up in greater damage than you told urself...

Names have been changed to protect the identities of individuals. HAHA
So much for "a guy who doesn't text you, call you or ask u out is totally not interested in you". Well, at least we learn that even if they did text you, they're still not interested. hahaha

Sick.

I hate to be sick...

Cheers

WR

My brilliant masterpiece! haha i made my aunt do this. 

my uncle's graduation!! Masters!!! 

i woke up two mornings ago to see the headlines of NKF's suit against SPH. I thought to myself 'you must be kidding me man'. After reading the article and checking the date, ensuring myself it wasn't April, I laughed. HAhahah I couldn't believe NKF would have taken such a dumb step. Not only did they sue somebody for defamation, knowing damn well they have a gold plated tap in one of their washroom, they sued the newspaper! And not any paper, they were going against the major (and probably only one) newspaper publisher in Singapore. If this was a publicity stunt (albeit negative), NKF has definitely gotten it.

Anyway, the next day's (yesterday) report on the trial only reaffirmed my belief that NKF was going down and making a fool of itself on the way. The inaccurate assertion of how long the reserve could last them and the number of patients were so clearly fraudulent, intentional. Mr Durai actually maintain there was no intent to decieve, because they honestly believed that they should raise as much money to help the patient. FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP USING THE PATIENTS AS AN EXCUSE!!!!!!! Out of the 62 million that they have raised, only 37 million went to the patients (as of their homepage). by this percentage, with more money that they raised, the amount being 'lost' will increase proportionately as well. Because our dear executive director recieves his bonus according to his performance, and most probably, he is not the only one.

He has made more than a few attempts to justify what he did, what he recieved because of his work for the organisation. 10 to 12months bonus, 8 cars to choose from with drivers included, maintenance fees and road tax for his Mercs, flying first class. Executive privileges that he claimed he is entitled to.
Who granted these privileges? Was he the only one in charged? Who are the board of directors and why are they there? What are they doing when all these happens?

Well, at least there are some really important people on his side, like Mrs Goh Chok Tong (i'd really love to use her maiden name, but i can't find it). She said, and i quote "For a person who runs a million-dollar charitable organisation, $600,000 is peanuts as it has a few hundred millions in reserves." With all due respect to Mr Goh (yes i mean Mr.), i was simply appalled by what she said. How can you justify Mr Durai's yearly income by comparing it with the reserves in the organisation, he is running a CHARITABLE organisation, not some MNCs with high turnover rate. These are the money that people scrimp and save, who donated despite the economic downturn, despite retrenchment. These money were donated with the belief that most of it will be put into good use, with compassion, with love. I cannot believe how irresponsible of her to say something like that. Statistics have also shown that in Singapore, the people who donate are mostly middle class and below. Middle class usually earn at most 3 to 4000 a month, a yearly income of 36 to 48 000. Even with a bonus of 5 months, we are only looking at 42 to 68000. So if 600,000 is peanuts, wat den is the people earning? Ikan Bilis? Or Hei Bi (hokkien for dried prawns)?

I am not advocating that the organisation should look tattered and run down, that the executive director should only take the minimum wages with a 8 year old car instead. I believe that the organisation has to look presentable because the place recieves important people. There is no need to strip to bare neccesities. But a $1000 toilet bowl and a $990 tap are too much, definitely. I also believe that a simple image can actually win u more donations, taking away the the prizes.

Of course, we cannot forget what NKF has done for the patients and what it was set up to do. However, if the organisation cannot admit that it has decieved the public (no reason can justify the deception) and promise transparency. It will definitely lose the majority of donations. Well, it can definitely depend on people donating for the condominium, cars and what not. But i'm sure it will not be enough to cover their expenses to buy the cars etc.

As my contract tutor once said
"It is a choice; either you choose to donate to an organisation which has transparency or you donate to one which doesn't but can actually help people."

Good job SPH

Today is a Sunday. And it did not started out right. I jumped out of bed cos i was suppose to have tuition at 10 and i overslept. After i washed up, there still wasn't any sign of my student (he comes over instead), so i called his house. His maid told me he was out thou. After having my breakfast, i text his brother to check if he knew where my student was, apparently the brother has disappeared as well. My desperate housewives is not loading as fast as it should, that is probably why i am here ranting. If that is not enough, i came home (i have my breakfast at my grandad's house, next door) to find no allowance for today!!!!
haha i guess my parents forgot. I really dun want to think that that is their way of punishing me for running around these few days. ;p anyhow i can't blame them for wanting to punish me, i guess i was really a little overboard these few weeks. Perhaps i'm trying to make up for lost times.. During the school term, it was either school work or boyfren. Not that i am complaining, i tend to enjoy someone being there for me, rather than seeing so many different faces throughout a week. Most probably it is just a habit. The thing about me is i tend to stick to my old habits. The more comfortable way of doing things, which almost always turn out to be bad ones ;p That is something i have got to change within a week. Hahahha

Doing some marketing for the Law Fraternity Concert, as well as organising the Alumni's tea for YJC alumni. Looks like a lot of work. But it isn't. I'm just glad all these are happening during holidays instead of the term. I promise myself not to take up anymore things when school reopens. I nid my grades badly... After the talk that my mom gave me..
Well, it was actually started by me.. i was talking to her, and then i asked her after knowing me for all my life, literally, how does she see me?
There is a chinese saying which goes, the person who knows the daughter most, is the mother. My mom gave a very accurate description of my character and how i was different from my sisters. Which eventually led to my studies, inevitably. I believe she waited for quite some time to talk to me, and i had given her a perfect chance..
When i say i have no motivation, perhaps that is just what i wanted to think. I have a lot of responsibilities to shoulder in times to come. My parents, my aunt, they'll all be depending on me i guess. And i, after receiving so much from that, want the best for them. Not to mention they have slogged so hard for us, not having enough rest, working 18 hours a day..
I guess after some time, i became so self-centre, all i think about is the pain i have, all that i lack, how bored i am... I forgot about my parents working round the clock, giving me the luxury to have a roof over my head, but whine at home, saying i'm bored.. I became so selfish, saying i have no motivation..which sounds as if they meant nothing to me.. i must have broken my mum's heart when i said that.

Hardwork cannot bring u to perfection,
however, it can bring you as close to that as possible.
because u are in control.

My student is so going to get it from me.

WR

well, this is going to be one of those random ranting entries.... but then again, what's new?

i've gotta reach school at 730 IN THE MORNING tomorrow. For those of you who thinks school has started for me, NoPE. I'm going back for FOC (freshmen Orientation Camp)... It's one of those effects of one pathetic mistake at one particular moment in time, which will continue to haunt me until i hand over. Actually i sort of made up my mind to make this a lasting experience for myself, but i guess God seems to disagree on that decision. During the dry run when all the in-charges are to be present to understand the games, i had to accompany my grandfather to the hospital for his medical report. If that is not enough, the doctors had to mess up the report by telling us it was cancer in the morning but TB in the afternoon. Therefore, i had to go back again on wednesday to make sure it was TB and not cancer. which effectively left me as a floater in the camp.
Anyway, i'll choose my ah gong over the camp anytime, anywhere. Family is definitely more important than any other things. :p I guess i'm just not destine to be involved in the camp. HAhHAh Moreover i don't like to do things when i'm forced to take part in it. Even though there isn't a black and white rule that MC members had to take part in FOC, they were hard selling the positions to us.. J even called me up to "ask" if i wanted any position when there wasn't much left. Haiz, guess i'm just not good at rejecting people. Took it up without any devotion, hence no ideas, therefore no contributions.
I guess i have to apologise for my more or less indifference towards the activities. All i feel when i'm there is to fulfil an obligation. There's no real sense of belonging towards both the committees. It is really sad, because i have been working with the MC for almost a year. Perhaps i never did try to mingle with them from the start. Anyway, the difference between us is something i experience with almost everyone in Law school, simply out of sync with them. Hence i guess it isn't the committee, it is just me. :p i'm de weirdo.

There are so many things happening around me.
Family's financial worries, my own relationship problems, my extended family also facing problems, my granddad isn't well, needs to go to the hospital now and then, my fren's problem..
they are mostly non of my business..
i simply cant help it but be bothered by them.

I think i've seen, heard and experience too much things during this holidays... To the extent i'm overwhelmed by them, always confused.. I'm getting lost in this world..
There's no longer right and wrong.
I no longer know what to do, to choose, to say..
Everything is happening so fast.
Why is it so difficult to communicate properly?

If only i can tell u what i want,
if only you can tell me what you really want;
if we all can be frank with each other, there'll be less problems in the world...

But do u really know what u want?

I nid a job for the next month.

Today i finally realised why some people think law sch pple are snobbish... It really has nothing to do with law students.
I was at the dining table with my aunt and uncle in law for breakfast. As i was flipping through the papers, my aunt actually asked me why was i wearing the faculty t-shirt on a Sunday? The question really puzzled me since I wear NUS t-shirts almost everyday at home during the holidays. First, i have so many of them. Second, they're free. Third, they're rather comfortable. and lastly, i simply grab them from the poles.
The fact is that, when i wear the shirt, i don't give too much thought to it. But the wearing of the shirt actually means something to people around me. Imagine this, when i'm choosing a t-shirt to wear at home, and i purposefully choose a tee other than law faculty tee, doesn't this shows that i actually think i'm more superior. that's why i wouldn't want them to feel inferior.
I don't see them having a problem when i wear YJC t-shirts. Neither do i see them having a problem when my sister wears her SP t-shirt. Does it mean i have nothing to be proud of being a YJCian?

Half the time when people complain about others being snobbish or proud, they themselves are suffering from sort of inferior complexity. Seriously, i don't think there's anything to be proud or snobbish about studying Law. However, little things that you do will be under scrutiny of those around you. Normal things like wearing a t-shirt can actually be interpreted to be an arrogant act. To you, it is just another t-shirt.

--

My granddad is going to be admitted into the hospital tonight. They found a small tumour in his lungs last week, it'll be tested tml to see if its cancerous. Since they found the tumour until today, i've been told on two occasions that "If it happens to your father, then you know."
I totally agree with that. If it was my dad, i wouldn't have the slightest idea of how to go about doing it. Not to mention there's no one in my family that has medishield or insurance to pay for the fees. I'd definitely be at a loss. things like "what is meant to be" will be bs at this point. Bottomline, i'll freak out.
But when they say things like "if it happens to your father.." Why haven't they considered that i live next door to this grandfather of mine? That I'm the one who sees him day in day out, talk to him? That i'm the one who ran back home holding his hands the first thing i reached home from thailand? that i'm the one who sees this grand dad of mine, so freaked out by the possibility of more operations, that he has to sneak out to the corridor in the middle of the night to drink some chinese medicine. Which, for your information, can choke you with a few drops but he has to drink a spoonful?
My aunt was running ard, making a big fuss of asking him to change, walking ard looking for documents, asking my little sister to change, checking the mobile that she'll pass to my grand-dad... Simply making things look abit too serious and too much for a frail old man.. He was just sitting there, not knowing what to expect, thinking he has something as bad if not worse that what he had, trying to calm himself down. He was telling me that he was going to the hospital for a holiday, trying to make things sound a little lighter... There they are, walking ard creating a big fuss, instead of reassuring him. I stepped up and said that maybe they shld consider how he feels now and downplay it abit. Instead, i got chided for being apathetic. That he wasn't my dad, so i din know how they feel now. My aunt even said that what i said made me sound like i was watching a show, in chinese, they call it watching the fire from the other side of the shore.

Mayb they're right, mayb i'm just unfeeling.

at lido ;P

Caretaker no.2 - Fong! hahaha really cute girl 

this pretty thai lady was my care taker at the conference! Really sweet and nice... Waen is her name.. 

Feeding time! (at macs in yishun) 

my daddy! hahaha i just love him manz...  

hahaha
actually the walk only took about an hour? then i jogged back! i was surprised i actually jogged all the way back to my house! I think it is jus a one off thing..

Anyway, gonna work something out here:

a guy said you his loved ones are worried for him, therefore he feels pressured, leading to him asking for a break up. He then said that you are a wonderful girl bla bla bla.. Later he said he needed breathing space and a period of being alone, explaining why he hasn't reply your sms; or he said he did not receive a single sms throughout - even though he said he'll still be there for you. After you sent an email telling him you'll make things easier by not contacting him, he replied you by telling you his dad was worried about him (dunno why), and his results. After which you replied, he disappeared into thin air?

Tell me what to make of it?
a jerk trying to make the fall easier to bear?
or
a guy trapped in a dilemna between his loved ones and his feelings?

all the people out there listen up man,
if you really wanna break someone's heart, don't try to make it sound good.
Because there isn't really a nice way to break some body's heart.

Don't blame it on your family, your work, your frens...
when in actual fact,
if you love someone, you will be willing to take up that responsibility to convince ur family and frens, negotiate your relationship with your work.
but if you stopped loving someone, even the weather is a good enough reason to break up.
dont try to make it sound good cos you don't wanna feel guilty.
You'll only make the person you once love feel worse.
If that's of no concern to you,
i rest my case.

disappointed in love.
given up hope in men.

wr

The sky looks threatening.
Right now i have this crazy idea to walk from my house to sembawang park, which will take approximately... 2 hours?
Contemplating....

I should just do it eh?
life's too short.

Off i go to get drenched! :)

I love myself.

WR

好想耍流氓哦
好想耍无赖。
走了，
曲终人也散了。
人都走了。
剩下我，
大家都放得下。
要走得潇洒
就不要留恋。

经历了这么多，
还是学不会放下。

I'm jus curious, its the first time someone's loved ones are worried for him for dating me.. It just brings to mind those typical story lines when a vulnerable girl is dating a thug, or a triad leader. haha I don't know what to think.

i've never asked him not to go to church, i've never told him not to follow God's way, i've never stop him from doing his missionary works. In fact, i've told him i'd like to know wat is God's way of dealing with problems. Now that i'm tired of searching a way of my own, i'm really tired. The more that i tried, the deeper i fall. I don't know what is it that i'm seeking. I know what i ought to do, but more often than not, i follow my heart instead of my head.
i guess he is going through a lot of pain right now, judging from his email, having to choose between his faith and me. I guess the choice is obvious. His faith encompasses his family, his frens, his life. Maybe i should help him to make his choice an easier one. I've tried hard enough to maintain this r/s.. I guess i've given enough assurance, if he/they cannot give me time, i guess my existence in his life will only bring him more pain..

well, i guess all my love stories are rather exciting, always a drama element to them. A couple seperated by religion/family, hahahahhaha i thought such things only happen in the 50s or 60s. What a joke, i'm laughing so hard. hahahhahaha
Mayb by the end of my life, i would have experienced all kinds of special story lines that i see on tv. That isn't a bad idea at all. mayb i can even enter the Guinness world record.. "Experiencing most number of movie plots in reality" Hahahahah, then i can write a book, the royalties will go to my kids, if i have any

你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏
人怔怔看情感慨
不能给你未来
我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪掉下来，
伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最多的疼爱
是手放开
不要一张双人床
中间隔着一片海
感情的污点
就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最多的疼爱
是手放开
不想用言语拉扯
所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台
有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌
写着等待

if i was the one in pain, i can hold on. I am willing to wait. I am willing to put the relationship to test. It may sound stupid, because perhaps in the end, i'll feel even worst for holding on.. However, if he still loves me and there is a possibility that we can make it through, no matter how slim, i'm willing to give it a shot. I won't give up even before we try, i dont wanna squash his hopes.
However, i'm not the one in pain, i'm not the one with difficult decisions to make, i'm de one to be given up. I'm de one to be leave behind because of big reasons, because of themselves. I'm not the one to choose. A relationships hinges on his/their decisions. Its no longer about us. I'm out of the picture. I feel like an animal up for sacrifice...
how can they be so selfish? They never asked me what i want?
They move on easy.
they leave me behind.
One's got a career to think of, one's got his religion, his loved ones, his space to breathe.
its all about them..

Is that all it is about?
Is that what love is about?
Me? myself and I?

they asked me what do i want out of the relationship with paul.
i don't know.
someone once told me, for everything you do, you must have a motive behind it.
I don't know.

I'm jus following my feelings, my emotions, my intuition. In retrospect, you can definitely put a hundred and one motives, reasons to it. At the time of doing something, most of the time i'm jus working on first instincts. Even though most of the time, what i do turned out to be 'wrong'.

Don't say you'd protect me,
when in the end, you'll be the one that hurt me the most.
Because in the end, you'll cause my tears.
Because, there will always be an end.
Don't say you'd love me forever,
when in the end, we'll still part.

Its not your fault, its mine.
will i really feel better by your saying of that?

Wenrong

I'm so bored.
I just received my results - B for contract, C+ for LAWR, Crim and Legal theory.
Bad, but expected.
Contract was unexpected thou, i tot i would get a D for it. After the paper, i was totally devestated and i was crying on my way back. I had a C+ for the first paper, so this paper i had actually got an A- or at least a B+ in order to bring it to a B... Rather shocking considering the fact that i was panicking while doing the paper. My mind was in a state of blank and i couldn't understand what the qn was asking.. I guess this further strengthern my belief that Law as a subject is always unpredictable, like the judge. Darn it.
I've gotta work harder than this man.. i cant get C for all my Law years.. i might just end up as the first third class in ten years..

My mum's reaction was pretty neat. She actually told me all the C+s are Bs to her and a B is an A to her.. My mom is the coolest in the world. Her formula actually includes her seeing me working during the examination period. haha If only all the lecturers grade like her..

I'm so bored at home, i just realised since i came back, i've been going out ever since. I just cant sit still and do work.. I guess i'd have problem concentrating when school reopens.. Trust me to be worrying about that, which is two months away.

I'm so disoriented.
I nid to settle down.
argh

20.
big confusion.
darn

I'm back :)
bought lotsa stuff, spent lotsa money, made lotsa frens, learnt lotsa stuff...

I went at the age of 19, came back at the age of 20..
I wish I can say that I've grown up, that i can tell pple i'm already a young lady at the age of 20.
I don't know if its true.
but i learnt yesterday that perhaps i've matured a little from the time i left singapore..

I have so many things to say, i really don't know where to start..
so many things have changed since i left and its barely two weeks.
Apart from my age, my relationship, my understanding of myself, of niang niang. realisation..

We broke up yesterday. I guess one can consider that a mutual understanding. I guess i really dun wish to dwell on it here... Breaking up after i touched down in singapore isn't one of the things that i wanna share with my frens right now..

I realised i'm not as strong as i tot myself to be, not as independent. Although there is a chinese saying that goes like if you depend on ur family when your at home, in a strange land, you can only depend on your frens. The Thais had no complains about helping out as well. I realised that without their help, i could very well just have stayed in my hostel for the 3 days, instead of bringing home so many things for my family. I'm grateful for their hospitality. They've definitely went out of their way to take care of me. If any of them were to drop by singapore, I'd definitely make it a point to make them feel at home in singapore. This is my promise to them. Because frens like this, i'll never find anywhere.. Thou there is distant, i guess this distant will be the very element that will keep the frenship alive. Their beliefs in frenship, their faith in friends, their effort, made me realised that, there can be true frens actually.. they have wiped out my cynical belief that once i come back, everything returns to normal, they'll forget about me and i will to them.. perhaps its still to early to say.. but i guess i have faith in them..

I've also realised that i'm not so good at making conversation anymore. Even though i still get comments from my singaporean frens saying i mixed well with them, many a times i find myself stuck in a conversation. Awkward pauses became rather common. I tried dismissing them with reasons like communication difficulties and i was not in sync with the person i was talking to.. But i guess i'm more lively than that, i used to have a lot of crap to say to strangers..

Before the trip, i was worried about travelling with niang niang. There are many things which she cannot get used to, plus she's a little hot-tempered. I was worried if i could handle that, together with the stress of finding our way ard... I was totally wrong about her.. which shows that i've yet to know this fren, whom i've known for 5 years, very well. I'd always rem that on the first day, after we nearly got cheated by a taxi driver, i was in a state of uncertainty. Both of us were tired, i went for a shower. When i was done, i saw her reading the maps, thinking of a good way to get into our secluded hostel the next time we take a cab. There was no complains, no whining, no anger. She was stronger, more adaptable than me. Also, when my thai frens brought me ard, we usually have more things to say to each other. Niang niang will be left alone.. In singapore she wont feel too good about this, hence i was worried if she might get angry. however, my worries proved to be redundant. She was alright with being left alone, listening to our conversation. She even commented that the thais were really very nice people.

I guess one could say that a person will act differently when he/she goes abroad, or faced with difficult situation. I wont say its different, i'd say its an innate personality, the true self showing. That characteristic seldom shows itself when one is in his/her comfort zone. Knowing one's true self actually tells one how far you can go, how strong you are. For me, i know i'd always be relying on pple, relying on my skills relating to pple instead of myself, which is unreliable. For niang niang, she can pretty much go a long way if she wants to, because she relies on herself instead. i'm so proud of you.. You go, girl!

i realised the importance of my family. the value of my family. and the blessings i possess all along through all the tests i've been put through..
my daddy asked my sister EVERYDAY about me. my grandma asked my dad when i was coming back.. i ran to my granddad the first thing i got home, holding his hand makes me wanna cry.. i hugged my elder sister for the first time in many years because i brke up.. my younger sister saved up her allowance to buy me a handfone chain for my birthday.. my second sister came home early just to see me.. My mum cooked really nice dishes yday night to welcome me home... I even had a cake to celebrate my birthday.. :,) oh yeah, and daddy went all the way to the airport to fetch me when he was already near home...

paul was right, there're so many things that are impt to a person's life instead of a relationship..

"Learn to be alone, before you learn to live with someone else in your life.." -fr a good fren

its high time i learn how to.

will be outta spore for 2 weeks.

:)

Thank you sabasketeers for the lovely present. esp meiling who spent her precious time folding the cranes..
and jie and lil bro who walked around ysh central with me, running some errands.
I really appreciate it. :)
the money was well spent. Its lovely to see you guys again after so long, you guys jus bring back some of the best memories.
I really dunno what is more impt that telling u guys to study hard, so forgive me for naggin u guys time and again. There's nothing more impt than studies right now..
take good care, you guys are blessed, stay crappy and lively.


Everyone out there still readin this crap, take care.
thank you for sticking ard...
later guys..

Cheers
wr

是否每个笑脸背后都有个不开心的故事？
而越开心的脸孔后隐藏着越不开型的过去？

世界如果简单一点
人若是简单一点。。。
开心就是开心
伤心就是伤心。。。
爱就爱
不爱就不爱。。。
=========================================================
男孩和女孩认识一年多后，才开始发现彼此的存在。
也不知道是什么时候开始，男孩常常约女孩出去。
有时逛街，有时聊天。就算只是坐着面对面没说话，也感觉很自在。
两颗心慢慢的靠近，不知不觉地。
不晓得是默契，还是巧合，或者是害怕对方的反应，都把自己的心意，很好的隐藏起来。

一天，男孩反常得提早送女孩回家。
女孩不解，以为自己说错了什么，还是做了什么让他怀疑自己对他有感情，不知所措。
电话中的女孩，心不在焉。
但女孩终于鼓起勇气，向表白时，男孩对她说：
“其实，我喜欢你”
在女孩还来不及高兴时，他接着说
“但是我不能接受我们在一起会带来的一样眼光。这一步，我想我很难跨出。”
“我并不想逼你做你不想做的事。我只想说，我也喜欢你。就这么简单。”
“那，我们就顺其自然吧？”


“我们能不能收回昨天说的话？一切似乎那么不自然。。。”
“对我而言，收不收回，都一样自然。如果你真的不习惯，说收回会令你好过一点，那么我们就收回昨天的话吧。”
“。。。”
“我真的可以！”
“不如。。。我们试试看交往好吗？”
就这样，男孩和女孩，不管世俗的眼光，走在了一起。

对女孩而言，那可能是她生命中最美的四个月。
天天见面，好似永远都不会感到腻烦。
小小的世界，就属于两个人。小小的地方，似乎永远都不会厌倦。

但是，
如果世界真得那么简单就好了。
两人因为别人的眼光，吵了几次。

那一天，
他发了一则简讯给她，叫她上网差电邮。
两人最不希望发生的事，终究还是发生了。
这一段恋情，还是逃不过世俗的枷锁。
就在即将被揭发时，男孩选着要放弃。

女孩在分手后，没有怪过男孩。那，终究是必然的。
在分手后，女孩却应为一只放不下，而做出一些反常的举动。
本来还有来往的两人，也因为女孩不停的纠缠，而把距离拉得越来越远。
最后，男孩索性，都不理女孩了。。


如果男孩不经意的看到，
女孩想对男孩说
“对不起。
我已经努力的忘记了。假如我不那么执著，今天，或许我们还可能是朋友。在还没忘记前，我想我最好别再传你。。加油！”
=============================================================

以上故事，
纯属虚构，
如有雷同，
纯属不幸。

Lady : Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
Man : I can't tell the reason.. but I really like you..
Lady : You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?
Man : I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.
Lady : Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!
Man : Ok..ok!!! Erm...because you are beautiful,because your voice is sweet,because you are caring,because you are loving,because you are thoughtful,because of your smile,because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man's answer. Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and became comma.
The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:
Darling,Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No!Therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your care and concern that I like you.. Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your smile, because of your every movements that I love you..Now can you smile? Now can you move?No, therefore I cannot love you...
If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.Does love need a reason?
NO!
Therefore, I still love you...And love doesn't need a reason"

Copied from jie's blog. Nice entry. Faith, sincerity - rare commodity in this 'broken down world'. I've found them. Found them in some good friends.
Well, i cant really say i'm going thru difficult times now. Because i'm only 'asking for it'. I was the one going around looking for trouble, it just turned out that i wasn't able to handle them as well as i thought i could.

I'm sick again. Really good timing. Right between the rejectiong and the thailand trip. I have another day to recover. before feeling like shit when i go thailand.

Some weird person jus frenster msg me to lend her biz law books. I've only bought bash ticket from her once. Now i might have to meet her tml evening, go all the way back to clementi to law library to borrow books from law lib. Sometimes i wonder why am i willing to go to such extent for passersby, whom i know i will never talk to again. *raise eyebrows*. Anyway, before your imagination runs wild, its a she.

Been surfing sabasketeers' blogs, those that i could find. there's even one started by them, dedicated to all sabasketeers. Its sweet. They remind me of the days when friendship was the most impt thing in the world, and all else are things i can worry about later, like studies, future, family. The part of my life when i always thought time will be there waiting for me (not literally). Love, belonging, identity was what i seek. The search wasn't too successful, but time has come to move on to something else. The 'future path' that has some how taken shape, trying my best to stay on track. My family that has always been with me. I've learn to let go of certain things, and the more you do it, the better you are at it.
I guess i learn that although frens are impt, there are bound to be people who walk in and out of ur life. They are people whom u learn a great deal from, but you know both of you will move on to other things. Your paths have crossed for once and then, you move on. Perhaps a little heartless, but i'll simply walk away.
But that doesn't mean i do it to everyone that comes into my life. There are this group of special people, who'd stop for you when you fall. Similarly, you'll stop for them whenever they're in trouble. Anything at all, even exams, work can wait. There's mutual understanding that whatever, whenever, that you guys will try to be there for each other.
Ever played the game of Angel and Mortal in secondary schooL? i haven. A mortal will have an angel writing to him/her. The angel, in turn, is a mortal with another angel taking care of him/her.
I have a group of special angels assigned to me.
I haven really been a good angel to anyone, working hard...
Usually, i'd run to people when i'm down and out. Seldom are there people running to me when they're down. I guess its failure on my part. *bitter smile*

Mayb my source of misery is being too caught up with myself..

Cheers

"that's cheating yourself. It is like you don't wanna be late, so you purposely tune ur watch to an earlier time. But you already know the trick already."

the best piece of advice i've received for the weeks.

sighz.
things that people do to deceive themselves. Knowing very well the truth but still go into things blind.
Does that make people happier?
to walk into something knowing at the end of it, you'll feel miserable. But you just dun care for the sake of the two hours of happiness?

din they say live for the moment?
well, perhaps not in this context. When your happiness is build upon someone else's misery..

argh. i donnoe wat i wanna say anymore.

SUckz

wr